sandra harrison kay literary & mixed media artist



Wednesday, November 13, 2019

"Thank You!" Gary Sinise from (me!) sandra, tvgp

and i'll be watching a war movie..

simultaneously i'm trying not to say the same thing  -again; out loud

primarily because I've already said it so many times

there is no reason  -really-  to repeat it; everyone around me already knows

but damn it, if it doesn't slip out anyway

like, every time, I end up saying the exact same thing:

"how wonderful it must be to get paid just to pretend"


when I consider the very real service men and women

the very real danger

the very real pain and suffering

the very real loss..

and how much they get paid


and then I consider actors...


and how much they get paid to just pretend that they are facing danger

pretend they are in pain

pretend they have PTSD


and how I then envision them collecting their paychecks, 

treating their friends/family to dinner and drinks

perfectly healthy, safe, and good

celebrating at awards shows just how good they are at pretending..


well, sometimes it blocks my ability to watch the movie properly


and I think to myself   -unless these producers/directors/actors of war movies

well, unless they are giving a percentage of the income earned back to the 

very real veterans


that's like a form of rape.


same, when you have movies about rape victims

-someone getting paid just to pretend...



same with movies about domestic abuse


I could go on, but the point has already been made:

anyone who profits from sharing the stories of real people who suffer


unless you are giving a % back to real life sufferers..

unless you are giving back..


that is just disgusting.


and so, I am always very grateful, very happy, very pleased

when I see what saw on CBS Sunday Morning with Gary Sinise

and with

Michael Conner Humphrey's

"Thank You!"

In Jesus name,   ~amen.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Freedom isn't Free "Thank you!" Veterans. from (sexy! & tops!)

Thursday, November 07, 2019

November Bliss by (sexy! & tops!)

The Heart Seen... by (me!) Sandra, tvgp7

Sunday, November 03, 2019

Friday, November 01, 2019

Tricks & Treats

Saturday, October 26, 2019

Cougars. Ducks. WIN/WIN! photo by (me!) writeousmom

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

awesome packed weekend for (sexy! & tops!)


if time allowed, i'd detail..  but highly restricted I want to note these two things about our highly blessed weekend

  ONE   -God communicated to (me!)

in the middle of a longer conversation...  which included talks about money, wealth, finances..  when I was starting to sink a little..    like..  saving, investing..   not my strong suit to date..  and there are a million legitimate reasons for me to feel bad..  

let me just say I have not exercised maturity and wisdom in this area

but, it was communicated to me  -the way God communicates    placed it on my heart   are the words many ministers use to describe

in the middle of this conversation

you have used your time very wisely

and that immediately changed my internal experience from sinking...  to swimming strong.

Praise God and "Thank You!" Jesus


TWO:    -personally, a very VERY gratifying experience

while we were at the San Jose State Homecoming Game  "Thank You!" Tony..     I engaged in a conversation with Haley Lopez..   and she mentioned being a NFL Cheerleader for the 49ers..

now..   break here a moment to remember how gratifying it is.. to Google search..  like, when you can't quite remember the actors name from that one movie...  but if you can remember some part.. you can google search, and suddenly "YES!"    -and you can see a picture of the actor, the name of the movie, and bio.. etc.

it is a very specific gratification..      when you get online help remembering

well, as I was talking to haley, it surfaced in my mind, and I said to her with a smile,

I said, "I remember meeting a 49er cheerleader when I was pouring wine at tenuta.."

and I wondered if maybe they knew each other..

on my own  -with just my own memory as a tool..  there is NO WAY I could have remembered

    -when/the exact date    -the name of this cheerleader I poured wine for..

and it is also not anything I could use Google search for..


I had sexy hand me his phone..  went to my blog.. this very blog here

the one that has not just served as a platform for exercising my craft; but has evolved into a magnificent external memory storage

and in the search bar of my own blog, I typed "cheerleader"

and!    BOOM

and so I showed the picture to haley, and I said with an even bigger smile, I said

"here she is!"

and haley said, "how do you know Gabby?    My sister was in her wedding..."

and there is that google search gratification..  let's give it a 10..

on the scale of internal gratification experiences

this  -this was a 49!

I love my blog

and in my prayers, I almost always include, "Thank you!" for my verve, my blog, my camera


more later, amen.

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Update . on (me!) Sandra, tvgp. AKA.~tops

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

on my write shoulder: free will by (me!) sandra, tvgp

my argument would be   -free will has never been greater; not in my lifetime

if, I look at a few areas of life, and how they seemed long ago,  for what reasons, compared to now:

let's start with everyone's favorite topic:  sex

long ago: less overt casual sexual relationships
in part because:  it was not accepted socially/culturally
now:  recreational sex is accepted

  so and therefore:  if today you choose monogamy, or abstinence you are exercising free will in a more clear way; not to avoid social judgement/stigmas/taboos..

at least for me..  anytime a personal decision is made, where the influencing factor is to avoid harsh social judgement  -that is not really exercising free will..

but if you can or cant

do or don't

will or wont

and yes or no decisions are equally accepted by society/culture at large

now, it becomes very a individual free will decision..

    /it is of note, and interest to me, that cultural influence, actually, has not gone from "recreational sex is taboo to it is okay... but rather, the taboo seems to be, if you are not participating, something must be wrong with you   -so it is still not really balanced; okay if you do/okay if you don't

but we tend to go from one extreme to the other, and over decades land somewhere in the middle,

but anyway..


twelve different exceptions to what ive just written popped in my head..


so, yes.. there are exceptions; but do you understand my larger point when it comes to things like, recreational sex; drinking under age; unwed pregnancies; divorces; debt; the way we dress..  what we watch on tv

I can find a fan club and support whether I do or don't for many different choices I get to make..

and much of it is experienced by me now as


truly personal choices.

yes..  I know it would be okay for me to do this or that..   it would be okay, perfectly acceptable

but I am choosing not to.

and that's okay ..

if several months or years down the line I change my mind;   that's okay too!

if I change it back again;   that's acceptable too

                 -good times when it comes to free will for a wider spectrum of decisions we each will need to make throughout our lives

hallelujah & amen!


"You Scared?" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

we have so many jobs, responsibilities and things to figure out as human beings..


what fears we have that need to be overcome

what fears are justifiable and healthy indicators we need to change direction

what fears are entirely irrational; phobias vs fears

the origin of given fears and phobias

which fears are innate; which are ignited from life experience

and of the most fascinating things:  how it is that we know we are experiencing fear in the first place; and how do we experience, identify, label the intensity; the degree.. 

-fear factors


and on that topic, I stopped in my tracks when I saw this "scare" tape on the shelf at Alden Lane

and write away, 

in my imagination, I sent this bird to an Audubon psychiatrist

where he sat perched on a swing

inside a very small, dark, aviary

"when do you remember first experiencing this fear?"

"do you realize this is a phobia..  it is entirely irrational in its nature"

/that being the point exactly thinks the bird; it is.. nature

"the tape cannot harm you.. bite you... sting you.. poison you.. kill you..

its just reflective tape..

look..   i'll show you"

at which time the bird flew erratically in many different directions

until busting out of the cage.


and on the back of this package, it does tell consumers, to seasonally remove the tape, and replace it

this is so the birds wont get used to it; wont get desensitized

so the tape wont slowly lose its effect and ability to scare the birds away


and that's another important thing humans need to figure out

which fears we should and should not become desensitized to; and for what reasons.


I could go on..

but I have different blog topic tapping me non-stop on my write shoulder:

Friday, October 11, 2019

Orange & Black Bliss by (sexy! & tops!)

Wednesday, October 09, 2019

CH = ~ savory snacks... by (squidmann!)

I saw it when we ate at UMAI, which advertises 'savory hotdogs'

then, way awesome...getting to see grizzly bears at WSU..  

and when I was reading..     big smile

..  and way my memory works..

or doesn't quite work; depending on expectation and actual design

well, I somehow just smile every time I see the words   ~savory snacks

and I don't remember the details of his blog post at all, just that something funny...

and so I sent him an email and requested an encore posting


yes!   it was from one of his Bits & Pieces posts..    which is when he would dedicate 5 or 6 paragraphs to entirely different topics, and included in this one:


I was at the movies today, waiting for my pretzel nuggets to be prepared. I already had my Coke and the cashier called over to me and actually said this sentence: “Sir, are you waiting for a savory snack?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “Excuse me?” I said, because I wanted to hear it again.

“Are you waiting for a savory snack?” He said it again.

“A savory snack?” I asked in mock disbelief. Who talks like that?

“Yes. A snack that is not sweet.”

Well, I came home and checked the dictionary, and “savory” means exactly what you think it does: having a pleasant taste or smell. It doesn’t mean “not sweet.” But even if it did, or even if that’s what they call non-candy food in the movie theater biz, that pompous little creep still sounded like an asshole.

 (Note: Since I wrote this I have discovered that one of the definitions of savory is indeed “not sweet. And so I may have to reevaluate who the asshole actually is.)


"Thank you! Squidmann"       pretty funny stuff; audible laughter instantly and again...

Sunday, October 06, 2019

Newest addition to my personally inscribed autographed book collection (maya!)

Password Protection for Auto & Biographers as considered by (me!) sandra, tvgp


of the top things that bring me dread and misery:  having to create new user id's & passwords.    -my favorite example is here:

but, even since then, the amount of user id's and passwords I've had to constantly come up with...  staggeringly ridiculous

and we can no longer use the same one, because the criteria keeps changing [requirement for # of characters + a number + special character, etc.]

so then they added on:  security questions

security questions, in theory..


security questions in theory, are supposed to include questions/answers ONLY the person creating the account will know

it is obvious to me, thus far

that all security question programmers creating these security questions...


they work for the enemy.

there has not been ONE!

not ONE question asked on these online forms, that cannot be researched and found in under 10 minutes for anyone who has even a 10 page biography written by or about them


what fun I had recently when my son needed some of the answers to these TOP SECRET QUESTIONS:

my favorite poet?


I've written a play that was performed on stage!   KISSIN' THE CHOCOLATE BLUES  -there are articles in newspapers...   it can't be more public   -how on God's good green earth did this become a SECURITY QUESTION?

if someone/anyone has a FAVORITE POET...  that is definitely not something people keep secret..

or, wait a minute..

maybe this explains the unpopularity of poems,  poets and poetry circles...   has it in fact, all gone underground?   hush/hush...         we are supposed to keep our favorite poet....

secret?    -between just us...  God, and the online security question world?

but, I had great fun sharing this with my son, because he had written about it himself:


don't tell anyone though, ok..


my elementary school?!?


I had no idea I promise you, 

on every casual conversation throughout my entire life

on every first date, 

with every new co-worker, 

really?!?  is a person's elementary school

which is most, 

within the geographic location of where they spent their life age 5.. through 12...





you are about to gain access to my personal bank account

and all, 

I don't know, 

$25 I might currently have in it

/until I go to MICHAELS

oh!   FAVORITE CRAFT STORE..   darn it! I just accidentally revealed another potentially top secret question/answer..


I will reveal here

but only and exclusively to my blog readers:

/which really are top secret, by the way..


here you go:

my elementary school:

where I was secretly




so, the list of question/answers of these websites where I already have a unique user name & password


it's really only the wealthy autobiographers/or anyone with a biography written about them that really need to worry

and good thing Ray Orrock is already in heaven

I know everything about him from his newspaper columns

and good thing


I guess young people don't read much in detail anymore

or talk in detail

or why else would they come up with such pathetic security questions to begin with?


/I have three tattoos

but I have no $


what you have to gain from (me!)

is just the pleasure of knowing.


extra credit:    create user id, password and security questions only Jesus would create and know the answers to

hallelujah & amen

A prison reform promise from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I promise!  "I PROMISE!"    I am placing my write hand on the bible and making this promise:

I will not blog again about prison reform  -ever!  after this last, last, last point I need to re-make:

thus far, prison reform, has meant

more privileges' for inmates

reform seems to always = more and more privileges' for the armed robbers, drug dealers, murderers, rapists, child molesters, violent gangsters and thugs behind bars

but never, more responsibilities or more accountability.

reform has meant,  -less consequences, less accountability, less responsibility

and more and more privileges.


what we actually need to REFORM, is the definition, practice and execution of REFORM itself!

in Jesus name,   amen.

The Heart Seen... new cherished contributions from (squidmann!)

Okay, give me extra credit for this catch. It was during an animated part of Adam Ruins Everything (great show!). A kid shot a spitball at the chalkboard. It’s shaped like a heart!

Caught this one on a Outback Steakhouse TV commercial. It looks like a split chicken breast. I leave it up to you, the Queen of Hearts, to decide if the shape was intentional or not! 


"thank you!"  I love these!   -and, I was initially going to tease you about watching too much tv, but

 you have such a great variety of both indoor/outdoor contributions

and you win for unique contributions too, you & spike:

cat pee, vomit, spit balls, torn shirts, scars, acne, hair...

love is just omnipresent with you two


and, different story, different page, but squidmann...

three times recently I've encountered the term, "savory snacks"

and I don't remember the exact blog post of yours in detail, I only know 
something makes me giggle..

requesting here an encore posting of whatever blog of yours that is making me remember

"cheers! & amen"


Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Powerful Internal Experiences for (me!) sandra, tvgp

i will return soon to write about Washington and share more pictures;  writing now so this recent experience doesn't escape.    I was originally going to share it exclusively with my psychologist daughter, but..  will surprise no one i'll write here first; then share..

bullet points only

1983ish  -as is already well documented I was ambushed by evil forces. kidnapped at gunpoint/raped.

I will not spend 20 pages telling you how often people   -not meaning to..  not meaning to, but..
how often I was told had I only done this, or that..  why didn't I?

like,  -I had to feel even worse because I didn't handle being ambushed at gunpoint  -the correct way.

   -for instance

why didn't I scream?  

well, I can't be sure..    I only know that what I did, was  -freeze in shock and total silence; follow orders given by angry man with gun at my temple


so, in addition to the trauma, ptsd, etc.    it played on my heart and mind..      why didn't I scream?

and,    -fast forward...

and i'd give anything if I could on my own remember   -when?    months later.... years...   a whole decade?  I don't remember the when, I remember the what:

I had a dream, which I can still recall in detail, but bullet point here:    essentially, my brother, my sister and myself   -we were slowly seduced by this cult...   these red robed wearing eastern religion looking people..   and it involved an eventual chase..    and we were trying to escape..   and at some point

I wake myself up screaming very loud.

and, my personal interpretation at the time..      like,   wow!  that was the scream that didn't come out when it was supposed to..

a very belated scream.


I never interpreted the dream beyond being very weary of cults, and anyone wearing red robes..   shaved heads..    those kind of things.      -with caution...     red robes =  caution.



fast forward again...  decades!

to, just the other night of 2019.

and i'm watching expedition unknown, I think it was..      and see some monks...  and those red robes.. etc.,

and, I've seen them on tv, in books, etc. over the years with a kind of indifference I suppose,


like..    an epiphany of a very new and spiritual kind,   -in my imagination, I see the monks from my dream long, long, long ago..  the very ones that caused me to scream

but this time we look at each other with great respect and esteem

and no words are exchanged, but a telepathic understanding is exchanged

and I get to learn that, well..

we knew you needed to release that scream,  so we helped you...

-they never meant any harm at all; they only helped.


wild.  to me...    a wild, powerful internal experience; so brief, with such a long history, but I am changed forever in unexplainable ways, and in unquantifiable amounts.


In Jesus name,   and with gratitude to the monks..     amen.

Monday, September 23, 2019

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Monday, September 16, 2019

Isaiah 40:30. Weekend remembered by (me!)

and there was a bbq to honor first responders at the sub-acute pediatrics hospital home in saratoga  -and I was extra proud to arrive on the arm of my retired deputy...     where i was surrounded by earth angels (nurses/doctors, teachers, healthcare providers in general at all levels) and "thank you!" jennifer, james, becky..     enjoyed a tour of the facility.. beautiful home.  the uplifting murals throughout  -yellow submarine, ocean, marine life, forests, beautiful trees, nature..

gorgeous, very real, landscape of the bbq area itself; the healing view from the large windows in each hospital room

and to learn  -the severe nature of the health challenges these infants, toddlers, young children face

how,   -the reason for my strikethroughs above, 

how, some (not all) of these babies/children are abandoned by family/friends

and the hospital becomes their home
healthcare providers become the only family they will know

and I will not be the same, having held an almost two year old

affectionately referred to as budda baby because, well

I said with a smile, "don't you lose one ounce! I love a chunky baby!"

and the weight of this baby on my lap, in my arms; the best!

and I kissed his forehead, and gazed into his dark beautiful radiant expressive eyes

and I said to Jesus..

"I pray a miracle for this baby   -I don't even know how to pray for less than a miracle"

and a list of miracles I've been praying for traveled through my mind..   all involve physical healthcare challenges of people I know and love


and, the weekend included a wonderful visit and dinner with my dad and his wife, me and my sexy and his son, and my daughter and her sister-like best friend..

fills me up, this family/friend time..    always lifts and strengthens..


and it included an early morning hike to eagle rock at alum rock..   with spectacular views!  and, I had to reconquer.. because I had done it easily, climbed eagle rock, on one hike..  then, couldn't do it  at all on another hike.. 

but back up and on, with some extra challenge climbing back off..  but "did it!"  and was so happy to share this experience with my daughter and her bff

and then morning hike followed by

pizza and beer and...


dear offensive coordinator of the Vikings, 

please explain:   

when you average 7.5 yards per run

successfully! throughout the entire game


when you could have easily run 7 yards in 3 or 4 plays


your passing plays had already demonstrated unsuccessful throughout the game

why did you go with the 

demonstrated unsuccessful


" RUN DON'T PASS!"   "you could have got a touchdown!"

no one, 

no one at the whole park town pizza


commentators on tv..

or even total strangers just passin' by...

like, no one understood that decision.


we would like to give you the opportunity to explain:

space provided write here:

regarding your 2nd quarter collapse

dear Raiders, 

sometimes, when I don't understand something intuitively, 

or, like with football, i'm relatively new and have a lot to learn..


I did change out of my Vikings shirt and into my Raiders shirt for the game

and I did enjoy some of my sexy's bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers

and he enjoyed some chocolate chip cookies I 'breaked'n baked' with my own two hands


it's a win for us no matter what, but..

we would like a win/win

that's our prayer for the season

and, then

ever since I learned it is possible

for Vikings and Raiders to play against each other in a superbowl

i'm praying for that too

that would be AWESOME!

and I know about the 1971.. or '77...


I believe Vikings are due for both:



superbowl victory!

my sexy has his entire very purple superbowl party already envisioned with great detail in his imagination

"and the whole house will be covered in purple paper...

and we'll serve grape fanta and welches grape soda..

purple lights everywhere!....."


so pick yourselves back up football players

it is already prophesized in the bible who will win:

even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fail

but they that wait upon the LORD shall RENEW THEIR STRENGTH; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will "RUN!"

/"RUN!  NOT PASS..  not pass when passing has not worked the whole game!

Vikings..! don't you read the bible ?"

where was I?

they will RUN and NOT GROW WEARY, 

they will walk and not be faint..


for an especially wonderful weekend, "thank you! Jesus"


and hallelujah and amen.

The Heart(s) Seen by (squidmann! & spike!)

"Thank You!"   -these are great..  and, extra fond of those big floppy heart shapes; high charm!


Per email:

This was from the salad bar at Round Table Pizza.
 It looks like it's etched in but it's actually part of the materials design!

Wet spot on a path in Half Moon Bay!

Friday, September 13, 2019

The Heart Seen. by (me!) ~tops

In the pancakes I made for my sexy this very morning 

"Thank you Jesus!" ~amen

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Savanna Jazz, San Carlos (Le Perez!)

"Victory Raiders!" -no surprise to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Monday, September 09, 2019

"Smile!" photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, no one asked me to take this picture

it happened because i like taking pictures; staging pictures

and when i am cashering  -solo, which happens sometimes
i cannot leave the kiosk


if i want to take a picture, i can only work with plants/accessories that are very nearby

and, so, 

"oh! my goodness.. look how gorgeous these potted plants; deep greens and purples..  what a celebration of fall"

"oh..  look at these cute little scarecrows..  wouldn't you look cute in a picture.."

and a customer came through, a new customer

which means i'll be handing them a September newsletter

and as I handed the newsletter, it caught my eye..  the size of the alden lane map.

and then when I gave a 25% coupon from the newsletter, and clipped it out for a different customer, on the back I saw the size of the fall festival announcement

~and wouldn't those scarecrows look so cute in those gorgeous plants holding these signs!

and i fussed with lining up the potted plants at a certain height on an alden lane cart

and fussed with scarecrows, where they each should stand

and tapped the signs to their chests

and turn the cart to an angle which provided a beautiful background

"k, now...   smile for me!"


and i can sometimes hear my now grown children ...

past the age of agreeing to pose for me over and over

well, they are like, "thank you!" to plants and things..   because now she leaves us alone

/in a playful, lighthearted way..


"Victory Vikings!" -no surprise to (me!) sandra, tvgp

I was already solidly a warriors fan before I met my sexy, 

but, football, not so much

I am a new recruit when it comes to being a Vikings fan; and only as a direct result of my sexy being a long time Vikings fan

and he explained to me early on..  well, being a Viking fan was going to be very different from being a Warriors fan

like,  -rule #1:   don't get your hopes up

and #2:  mainly wish for other teams to lose, for Vikings to move forward

and things along those lines


remember how the Warriors became World Champions, like.. only recently

/when my sister and I started watching...


yesterday was the first Viking game of the current football season

and so, 

I wore my spirit wear to work

and I touched the petals of 4 different purple flowers while I was there..


you're welcome


How & Where We Met: Barones, Music Under The Stars (sexy! & tops!)

and true story!  my mom even happen to capture it on her phone video   -the saints were at it again..

because I have a great track record when it comes to dancing with a drink in one hand and never spilling..   /1 or 2 mess ups only

and the last time I dropped a drink  -I was dancing with my sexy

and quicker than you can blink, it came to me

"I have two hands free now!"

and I put one on each side of Robert's face, pulled him close to me and gave him a great big kiss


it happened again when we were there celebrating my sister's birthday

-my drink got hit by someone's dancing elbow I think; don't know for sure..



quicker than you can blink

and everyday I thank Jesus that I get to kiss my sexy 

for breakfast..

for dinner...

for dessert

and anytime I want to

and I want to

a lot.

hallelujah & amen!

photos for alden lane nursery by (me!) sandra, tvgp

who can spot the 'swiss cheese' plant?


and my heart leaps with joy anytime someone asks me to take a picture.   but, here's the thing:  I have only at the time of this most recent photo shoot, my phone camera.  and it does not include any fancy features, like the one that focuses on a item, and blurs the background..   /maybe my next phone..  the best camera

but, because I do not have special lighting, special features to work with

well, actually, I don't mind..  I regard it immediately as a creative challenge.   and I will hold a plant and walk it around here and there, and there and 'hey! how 'bout write here!'

where the natural light is already complimentary, and I will fuss with background and environment, sometimes clearing things away, or adding and staging..

until, 'click'    -and then will look to see what the camera lens sees..

and then make more adjustments..  crop...   fix/fuss..   'click'

until..       some internal criteria of the mysterious aesthetic value kind, is met.     inside, my heart/mind will agree:    that's it!

and I was especially delighted with how..   'look how that shows off your curves!'    /see the curvy leaf plant

well, I tried capturing those curves in a number of settings..  then spotted an orange tub   -then played with how far the plant sat inside, and from what distance I should hold the camera..

and had my goldilocks experience:   too close; too far; just write...

and then fell in love with how the orange complemented the green..    and used it again to capture the lacey feature of the swiss cheese leaves...    yes.

and, the only way I can refocus on other work there is to do..  cashiering, receiving, cleaning, watering, pricing..   merchandising... whatever

well, I have to go literally put my phone camera    -away.

far away.

and the only way I will stop taking pictures once ive gotten started...

by request. or suggestion.   or non-verbal 'that's enough/back to work child' cues

because if no one restricted me..    i'd be taking more pictures write now.

and speaking of work    -time to get ready

iJnA   ~amen

Thursday, September 05, 2019

"Happy Birthday Keeshie!" with love, from all of us

Tuesday, September 03, 2019

Doin' Time as understood by (me!) ~tops

and so i had to go over it one last time with my sexy

"just want to be sure," I said with a smile, "that I've got this write:

* you don't have to pay rent, or any bills of any kind

* you get free air conditioning

* free water for your showers

* someone else does your laundry  -and you pay no fee

* you have access to gym equipment you didn't buy, or earn..

* someone else does the shopping, paying and meal preparation..
        and provides you THREE FREE MEALS A DAY..   and cleans up after you

* you have access to FREE PHYSICAL/MENTAL HEALTHCARE upon request  -you do not have to pay for medical insurance.. or pay for any of the health services you receive, not even a co-pay

* you have FREE recreation time   -pizza and popcorn nights, where movies are played on a 48" flatscreen tv    -and you don't have to pay a cent for the pizza, the popcorn or the movie,  or do anything special to earn it as a privilege...

   -so, just to be sure...    you dont pay for anything, food, rent, healthcare, tv, air conditioning, water/shower...

do I have this write?   this is what it is like for people in jail? prison?   -this is what it is like, ~doin' time?"

and my sexy once again reminded me how,  -back in the day, criminals at least had to make their beds to earn recreation time, but no such criteria has to be met anymore.   -something about it being 'inhumane'   -that inmates should be required to do anything..

and my sexy reminded me again, how..  once upon a time, the inmates were at least required to show respect to the officers,

but how now..   they can spit at, hit, cuss at, yell, scream, taunt, chronically provoke and even physically assault officers; but they lose none of the amenities mentioned above   -  they don't have to make their beds, they don't have to show any respect, they don't have to pay for anything; earn anything...  

and officers are held responsible for the behaviors of the inmates  -they have nothing to leverage; and the 'unnecessary force' policies/procedures  -while they may have been initially written with good intention; have created a gigantic disincentive for law enforcement officers to respond to anything...

   -when I add all this up..

and so, I asked my sexy..    "like, what is the very least crime you can do to get yourself inside jail..  because, when I look at this growing homeless population here in san jose...

the idea of getting three free meals a day, a shower, and some pizza/popcorn...     clean clothes... shelter..  

and I am quite serious about the trade up there... "  

but the other thing..

I mean   -if you are serving three or five or twenty years in jail..   and for three or five or twenty plus years you haven't had to hold a job, pay for anything, make a bed..   do your own laundry, shopping, cleaning..

if essentially you haven't had to do a thing that is in fact required in the outside world; if you haven't had any self accountability/responsibilities

and your time is up..

and you are suddenly set   -free.

under the current system   -you have been literally set up to fail in the outside world.

and that is exactly what is happening over and over again..

but as homelessness, and jail reform are not my personal calling   -I will just pray "thank you!" for every dangerous criminal that is removed from our streets, "thank you!" to every law enforcement officer doing their job in highly restrictive and hostile conditions..      "thank you!" to my sexy for his 26+ years of noble service.... and move on..

in Jesus name,   ~amen.

Friday, August 30, 2019

The Heart Seen. Two New Charming Contributions!

Am I Write? (me!) sandra, tvgp

and so, in a very over simplified, sweeping assessment, I would say this:

at some point in time, and i'm going to average it as beginning in the 1990's

a number of unworthy authority figures were revealed for what they were:  unworthy/corrupt.

 -our response, it appears, was to remove large amounts of authority from ALL AUTHORITY figures, whether they were worthy of it  -or not.

and give authority/autonomy to (students) young and immature minds with no real life experience and no training.  or give authority to (criminal/inmates) drug dealers, addicts, thieves, murderers, rapists

it is an over-reaction in my opinion; over-correction; and the results have proven disastrous.

what we should have done instead, was remove the unworthy/corrupt authority figures.  look closer at the criteria for becoming an authority figure  (teacher/deputy); learn and understand how to identify unworthy/corrupt authority figures quickly and fire them - while simultaneously training and recruiting worthy authority figures who demonstrate integrity, trustworthiness, etc.


Wednesday, August 28, 2019

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PATTERN IN ALL OF HUMANITY as seen again by (me!) sandra, tvgp

remember how I told you before..  and again..

we come to earth with instructions:

what we love to do
instructs us on what we are here to do.

what suffering we endure
instructs us on who we are here to help.

I can't keep track of how many times I've seen people following instructions,

but here is ANOTHER GREAT EXAMPLE:  kyle rudolph

Let's unforget his dream by (me!) sandra, tvgp

goes something like,  "I have a dream..."   and included in a much longer speech we hear "that people will be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character"

feel like i'm searching for... and need to repeat..

content of their character

content of their character

content of their character..

    -hardly gets mentioned anymore; or even considered..

but it needs it own club and parade!

we certainly have  -gay pride parade..     and that's all fine and good, but..   that has nothing to do with 'content of character'   -and it exclusively about sexual orientation..

and there are clubs for African americans…


  -all fine and good, but again..   based on geography, not 'content of character'

we have democratic conventions..   republican conventions...    but I haven't yet seen a 'content of character' convention...     /which would have both...

worth checking around..

for clubs, parades, holidays, 'of the month's'   -flags..  conventions...  retreats...

  -can someone start it up please..

'content of character' parades...

we need a club,

our own, 'month'

a special day...

some spirit wear..   badges...

get creative

but, the thing you will see about the 'content of character' clubs..

they will be the most diverse of age, nation, faith, skin color, hairstyle, gender, orientation, political affiliation, income, education.. wardrobe.. status..

because when it comes to 'content of character' itself..

all of the above listed are just asides..

in Jesus name...   amen.

bottom of the pot.. last pour by (sandra, tvgp)

last pour on this topic:   but let us suppose, that the lakeside serial rapist was caught by police  -and keep in mind his first victim committed suicide   -/but as this was directly after being ambushed and raped I consider it murder actually

but anyway..  9 or more victims later, and the last one being actually murdered..

let us suppose he was captured/sentenced to prison

let's review  -each in our own mind:   sentenced to prison for how long?    and after being in prison, with   /move to current time, I am not aware of conditions in the early 1980's

but, with 48" flat screen tv's, pizza/popcorn night, recreation, laundry, physical/mental healthcare on demand,  classes,

and! if an inmate is on 'suicide watch' this means a deputy checks on inmate/criminal

-every 15 minutes-

oh,   -I have to stop and say a few prayers write about now..

when the highest statistic on suicides

-highest statistics regarding suicides are not inmates; but we are experiencing a 40 year high when it comes to females 15 - 19 years old


let's say an inmate

let's keep using our imagination, and say, the lakeside serial rapist was caught and serving time today, 

so could at any point ask for, and immediately receive mental/physical healthcare;

and said something that resulted in suicide watch; and therefore was being checked on by a deputy 
-every 15 minutes-

and, let's use our imagination, and say..

the lakeside rapist successfully committed suicide in between the 15 minute checks

let's say the deputy comes back and finds inmate dead.

-guess who gets held responsible?  and must go through a series of investigative interviews.. internal affairs..   etc, etc, 


not 100% of time, but majority, and across the board

whenever an innate dies in jail/prison whether by suicide or illness; fight will other inmate; old age..

common practice for family members to sue;

and common for family members to receive money; settle out of court..

[sounds to me like any death of inmate kind of automatically results in suit/and financial benefits for family members]

/so, via imagination, 
lakeside rapist dies while serving time
money goes to family members

so, let us consider for a moment or three..   
the victims

anything for first victim  -who did commit suicide?  her family...
any financial gain, anywhere for anyone?

the other 9 or more -victims
the families of the woman who was kidnapped, raped, killed?


can anyone else see, 

how, perhaps..

deputies/law enforcement  -who are currently working 
'mandatory overtime' on a regular basis

and have had much of their autonomy/authority removed

and are held responsible for the behaviors of criminal/inmates serving sentences for any number of crimes..

and who are watching law abiding citizens in civilian life struggle to pay for, receive mental/physical healthcare

struggle to find work, get work and go to work, but then struggle some more..

but simultaneously watch inmates receive so many privileges and on demand..
and be held responsible if the inmate acts up (?!) or acts out

and where the mass media/news has successfully created such
a hostile culture, both outside and inside jails for law enforcement at all levels

does anyone else see a recipe and formula for


anyone else see why maybe no one even wants to be in law enforcement anymore

why recruitment is so difficult?  retention dwindling..


if only all these teenage girls 15 - 19 could have someone checking in on them 
every 15 minutes


I did digress..

how long should the lakeside rapist be in prison?

most importantly:

under what conditions

does the lakeside rapist

a highly dangerous and violent murderous predator

return to society

no longer dangerous, no longer violent, and respecting/valuing human life
and contributing something of value to society?

because we obviously do not know
the most important thing
while we figure out the whys/hows/whatfors

is to get
and keep
dangerous/violent predators OFF THE STREETS.

AND SAME, with the non-violent, but conspirators to kidnaps/rapes/beatings/violence

let us move toward
returning authority/autonomy to the deputies
asking less of them (removing mandatory overtime)

and asking much more of the inmates
before they can enjoy mandatory mental/physical healthcare
pizza/popcorn, recreation, big flat screen tv's, laundry

I am not the first to recognize
that being an inmate is easier than being a law abiding elderly person
who worked/contributed for years...

in Jesus name, amen

Monday, August 26, 2019

Combined Knowledge/Experience (sexy! & tops!) in prayer...

and as our conversations continued..   my sexy, with 27 years as a deputy..  he discussed how over the decades  -and especially within the past several years..  how empowered criminals have become in the jails..

we discussed ryan's release..    how he murdered his mother; beat her literally to death

and I recalled in my own life experiences

that when I was kidnapped/raped at just 6 years old  -this predator had been released from jail.

when I was kidnapped/raped at 16..   -this predator's picture was already in the mugshot books because he had served time in jail   -and been released

when I was the #2 victim of the lakeside serial rapist   -as this predator remained at large, we cannot be as certain, but, the profile of this predator indicated that he too had served time in jail   -and been released

move backwards in time; move forward in time, where criminals are provided even more luxuries, rights, privileges, and shorter sentences; heavy doses of compassion, sympathy

none of it makes it safer for innocent law abiding citizens/families

none of it results in an 'evolved' 'reformed' criminal turned contributing, safe and trustworthy citizen

  -dangerous, violent criminals can be and should be removed from threatening society

you forfeit your right to be a part of society  -which is a privilege; not an entitlement under any circumstance

I believe jail, and then a place you can graduate to  -but which is still not with the general public at large

my sexy  -based on his life experiences/career; he believes jail can and should be the beginning and the end; 'rehab' and 'reform' aren't even the publics responsibility and in some cases not even realistic

but we both believe in keeping innocent people safe from harm/abuses/violence/terrorism/death  -threats of any and every kind   -and we both believe in keeping dangerous/violent criminals off the streets

and so in prayer..  and in our conversations..   based on the current cultural trends in favor of criminals and against law enforcement   -we pray together and ask God

or rather let God know via prayer, that should we be called to speak on behalf..   based on our combined life experiences and knowledge; we make our selves available for this service

but only if called..       it is a spiritual communication.

Christians who have been walking in love for many years learn through practice/experience  -not everything we want to do is in alignment with God's purposes; vice versa; and time and discernment and prayer  -guidance from the holy spirit allows us to act or wait or change course; but our goal is to live within God's will; not our own.

in Jesus name,   -amen.


have I already discussed?   -worth repeating.    how my sexy explained to me that criminals are categorized using numbers and the numbers indicate how violent/level of threat to deputies

I would have guessed it was based on their crime; the one(s) that landed them in jail to begin with

I would have guessed wrong

so for example   -a very low level of threat would be given to a female criminal who did not violently act out against deputies; this non-violent female criminal however,  -might be in jail (as mentioned in prior post) for allowing her boyfriend to rape the child she was babysitting

so, even though she was not directly the predator and non-violent herself; that level of criminal behavior, in my opinion should result in permanent removal from society.

in Jesus name I pray,   amen.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Gifts of the Holy Spirit as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"pause and rewind that sexy!  I want to write them down.."    /we were watching knightfall..   violent, yes.. very violent, but also very well cast/told..

anyway, I have the fruits of the spirit memorized,

what I heard on the show though were the 7 gifts of the holy spirit:   and if correct, they are







and my personal favorite:


Then and Nows by (me!) sandra, tvgp

then:  when I was attending Cal State Hayward, breakfast might well have been, a hostess cupcake, a cigarette and a diet pepsi.

now:  for breakfast I have an apple, a handful of raw mixed nuts, coffee.    we watch Joyce Meyer, Bishop T.D. Jakes for breakfast also..   and

what a long time it takes to grow up.


My 2020 Ambition: Geography! (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh my goodness!  we are both in love with a show on discovery channel called expedition unknown with host josh gates..

and as ive said many times, I don't know where my mind was exactly when they taught geography in elementary, middle, high school or college, but..  I have many blank areas

so, if you say, California..   for example, I can immediately, in my imagination, pull up a picture of the outline of California and an outline of the U.S.

but for so many other places..   a blank.  like, no picture in my mind pops up..    


I am slowly, consciously..    I have to go back like a Kindergartner I think, and re-plant pictures in my mind   -i'm not sure if they were ever there; there and then lost?

but i'm going to put them in..   and I realize this is going to take a long while, but what fun! too..

a map in my mind I can pull up and see at will with my imagination screen  -of the world...


and anyone remember my ambition as a 15 year old...    gypsy; travel the world; waitress my way around the world and experience all the different cultures..

well, josh gates has done it for me   "thank you!"    -and, because its 2019..  the tools!  the camera views, technology, drones, editing, tv..

we can see it now like we've never been able to see it before!   -awesome.

Everyone is an Editor; everyone! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

everyone is ALREADY AN EDITOR   -every day; all the time.  but I don't think most people realize that..

we think of editors as professionals..  an occupation..

but every single person..   every person who wakes up, participates in a given day, goes back to sleep..   school or no school, work or no work..

everyone lives a given day, week, month, year..

and gazillions of things take place..   and without schooling, or effort, or conscious intention, we select highlights..  or lowlights..

we unconsciously pull and select from a much larger data base of things that happened, people we saw, things we said/heard   -no one records it all in its entirety  -we select and edit

create a tiny (relatively speaking) memory bank from a much larger library of life's occurrences

everyone already edits; every day; all the time..

I've known it for some long time, and only over time began to be aware.. and consciously decide..

and override default settings.


what part of (me!) has become aware and taken control in this area?      iJnA

Life Journey of Words by (me!) sandra, tvgp

what word was it?  I can't remember.. but it sparked a conversation between sexy & I...

I said with a smile..   "they have like a full life journey, some words do..     they go through the same things humans do..

struggles to be born and given life

struggles to be heard correctly

struggles to be used correctly

false accusations..



occasional fleeting success!

and the word that most personifies this life journey; that is, the first one to come to my mind, is the word feminism

it does not mean man-hater, but ive certainly heard it used that way..

it does mean, lesbian, but I've heard that definition projected on it..

it was non existent

and then in vogue

and then was kidnapped..  


reappeared but used slightly differently..   reluctantly..

one word; but what a journey!

connotation; denotation; colloquial..   cultural..   political..    spiritual..   emotional...  intellectual..   a put-down, a compliment..     a goal, an ambition..       an enemy..

my goodness.

and truth be told, I have no idea where the word currently stands in 2019

whether it is standing at all?   or kickin' back somewhere on a beach with a cold beer in its hand

or holding two fingers up from the ocean, yelling for a life-jacket in hopes of being rescued  -again!

I know it's not dead; feminism

but how alive?    -not sure.

in Jesus' name   /which is quite a word journey too       hallelujah &  amen.

Environmental Studies of the Spiritual Kind by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  -where our minds are in fact, environments.    the environment of our minds; hosts

 -the environment and host invite guests

and based on the environment itself, and based on the reputation of the host..

who quite naturally wants to come?

who is invited?

who is not invited?

is it not  -by invitation only?

  -so if your mind is filled with hate/anger; that is one specific environment, and/or room..

if your mind is filled with love and peace..  that is a specific environment, and/or room..

if your environment is worry/anxiety...

each environment/host attract specific guests

and those guests are longing to stay, or leave..


and so it is a practice of mine; a spiritual practice, to be mindful of my mental environment; and self, as host

I welcome, open invitation to fruits of the spirit; the holy spirit; honored to have you, stay forever..

and I do have occasional cause to ask certain uninvited; unwelcome guests to leave..   sometimes thrown out; told never to return


can think they know a fact that is not true
believe something false which makes it individually true
unknowingly claim what is false as true
consciously skew facts to prove a known lie true
question whether something is partially true
debate whether there is such thing as truth
   -only 1 species, all this can do:

starts with whY and ends with O U.


speaking of environmental studies of the spiritual kind:    I occasionally return to the young girl on cbs sunday morning who committed suicide

I find myself thinking of her, each time I hear a certain song on KLOVE radio..  and in the lyrics, as is common for Christians to say,

it is sung, "greater is the one inside me than he who is in the world"

and for Christians, this directly references the Holy Spirit inside us,  -as being a stronger influence than 'the world'    -which is materialistic, self-seeking, mean, ill willed, jealous, hateful, spiteful, very judgmental on superficial matters,  etc.

but I think of the young girl who committed suicide because the exact same lyrics apply to her situation also

it is true, is it not   -that greater was the one inside her, than the ones that were in her outside world.

but the one inside her..      negative/evil/destructive

on the outside...   smiles, academic success, friends/family who loved/adored/respected admired her..

so I just realize over and over..

for every human being   -we do have two selves; two worlds:   inside, private/outside, public to the world

and we each believe the 'inside' private world is our truth..   whether the inside is of love; or evil..

we lean to our inner selves as our 'true' selves, and outer, public as 'image'

but Christians make a different distinction   -we lean on God's word as truth, love as truth  (not inner vs. outer world, as much as love vs. hate; evil vs. peaceful)

and evil as a lie

so, whether love is only on our inside, but we are not being loved by the outside world/circumstances; we still believe we are loved

if we have no love on the inside; self love; but the outside world is showering love on us, (based on status/fame/etc.)  -we learn to cultivate 'true' love..  as from God  -no regarder of persons/status

all evil/negative/self destructive thoughts are immediately categorized as coming from an enemy.. and therefore not marinated in or taken for truth..


each person, Chrisitian or non, should be personally aware of their inner/private and outer/public worlds

should evaluate for truth   -which is influencing your day to day life, attitude, decisions, direction..

what is truth?   vs.   image    vs. lie


over and over, it seems to me, the big distinction between Christians and non.. is that Christians view love, loving thoughts/attitudes as coming from an outside source; and evil coming from an outside source:  God/love, and/or the enemy/Devil..

secularists, I believe, view negative and/or positive thoughts as not coming from an outside source, but rather, just organically from the individual human

either way, however, every human has both positive and negative thoughts; and every human has both an internal, private, and external public world.

ideally   -I believe when a human is fully evolved, they have inner/outer worlds, private/public lives and thoughts all in harmony with each other, and under the influence of love as truth.

God is love.

in Jesus name, amen.

August Pour by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  I do wish I could write at the very moment I am inspired with an idea, thought, etc.  but time/circumstance rarely allow.  so, I jot down big picture ideas minus details..  let  them percolate; eventually I can pour 


and last I saw of my sister almost two years ago..  recovering from surgery; still not even driving yet when I left..   fast forward and she is groovin' on the dance floor with a big smile, surrounded by family and friends  "thank you!" Jesus  -and a million people in the background who contributed in small and large ways to a happy milestone celebration

"how can you even celebrate?"     -asked a few times, when recent tragedy was factored in..

the upshot is this, and worth re-mentioning:  we had (have) a shared spiritual mindset:  not to let evil claim even more territory

because if you do not proactively set a boundary..   claim away it will.

Joy is our Strength. Peace is our Power. Jesus is our Savior.  Holy Spirit is our Guide.


speaking of upshots and evil   -I will say only this:   we know ryan had a history of violence.  he had been in jail for  (6 months?) and then released

pull anyone off the streets and ask the question:

if a violent criminal beats someone nearly to death
-spends 6 months in jail and then is released back into society

is that released criminal now a better human being and no threat to society?

pull anyone off the streets..

it does not need to be a well educated, highly trained person..

although both the well educated and the average person know:

a dangerous violent person does not spend 6 months in jail and then leave a less dangerous or less violent person.


it only escalates.

this formula is proven out too many times to count.

we all already KNOW IT

and yet..  year after year

decade after decade..

violence. jail time. release. greater violence

in this case

as is true with countless others

the violence went from beating nearly to death..

6 months/release

beat to death; not nearly..    but to death.

everyone is devastated; no one is surprised.


I wont pretend to have answers as to the why's.   I am not inspired to activism trying to convince mass amounts of people violent criminals should be permanently removed from society

louder, more influential people have already..

and with no results.

the cycle repeats.    and the cycle will continue to repeat.

the hows/whys people become dangerous, violent, murderous is its own novel length topic

but, while we continue to study, research, understand the hows/whys

the most important thing in my opinion and experience


and what the answers are, as to how long...under what circumstances

I only believe this,

that a violent criminal

a dangerous violent criminal should be kept away from society

and no dangerous violent criminal should go directly from jail back to society

there needs to be a place you 'graduate' to

and you stay there..   -for your life, or until you have proven..

rights to function in society should be permanently removed from dangerous violent criminals

that would be the parade I would march in.

I could go on and on here..   force myself to stop and move on...    /but it should start with bullies in school.. you should be removed and put in an entirely separate facility until you master respect for other human beings.


in this way..   nearly beating his mother to death..   6 months in jail...  released, and ultimately beating his mother to death; murder

in this way..   that he was ever released..

it is my opinion/observation that ryan was set up to fail; and Cynthia was set up to die.

everyone saw that coming.    current laws/cultural will and practices do nothing to stop it


what grand sympathies have accumulated over the past decades toward criminals in general  -but if we were to assess the results..

sympathy/compassion toward criminals -though the intention has been noble

has not yielded the result it may have intended  -less crimes?   safer place for innocent people?   criminals being reformed into good, law abiding citizens?

perhaps we have over-corrected and need to swing back...

I can promise you this, and also pull anyone off the streets for this knowledge/understanding:

if a dangerous violent criminal goes to jail

removing chains, adding big flat screen tvs, popcorn, movies, laundry, healthcare, recreation, and classes

none of this results in a reformed human being when it comes to the mind, heart, soul

you are only giving flat screen tvs, popcorn, movie nights, recreation time and classes to dangerous violent criminals, while the law abiding law enforcement officers are held responsible for any and all bad behaviors the criminals act out

we need to return to consequences. personal accountability.

authority figures that actually have authority and subordinates learning respect.

I have already mentioned conversations with teachers in elementary schools  -how it parallels..  what we see in the classrooms; what we see in the jails..

we have taken away authority from teachers and given it to the students..

we are witnessing the results and the results are not good..  we have once again, over-corrected, and need to swing back..

we need respected authority figures everywhere  -in our schools, in our places of work, on the sports fields, in churches, in jails; everywhere..

we need respected authority figures who actually have authority

and, I believe what happened is that we had a small % of unworthy authority figures popping up here and there, and we over-corrected;

but clearly we can see..     removing authority figures is a disaster

the answer was not to give authority to criminals and children, instead of law enforcement and teachers and parents

but rather to start addressing the criteria for being in a position of authority to begin with.

ive gone on more than I wanted to already..

but bounce here with me before I move on


and criminals released from jail/prisons:

I am a good citizen, with a college degree and a decent resume, no addictions, healthy.. etc.

and with everything I have on my side

I still found job hunting..  interviews..

trying to rent rooms for shelter..

I found the process daunting.

when a criminal has served their time and is released..

to join society and find a job; a place to live..

the odds are so stacked against, it seems they are set up to fail

but even with the abundant addition of classes, resources, programs on their side to get better results..

so  -keeping dangerous violent criminals OFF THE STREETS is my number one issue; 

crucial; vital   -off the streets while we continue to ponder the whys/hows

-oh, we have the numbers and news reports on when police shoot or are shot/killed

but you know what numbers we do not have:

we do not know how many houses were not robbed last night;
how many innocent people were not beaten/stabbed/kidnapped/raped;
how many people made it safely from home to work and back;
how many drugs were not sold/taken;

because of the criminals currently in jail and off the streets

-many people believe we should not even concern ourselves with 'reforming' criminals

prison is the consequence; forever; period.

its worth discussing

but I do still have a heart for..   

which is why I think violent criminals should serve time in jail/prison; yes..

and where the criminal is the subordinate; the prison guards, deputies, law enforcement are the authority figures with authority

after sentence is served    -school/education, still removed from society..

everyone by now has the understanding that 

-where you take a violent person and that person, under any stress is no longer violent

-an addicted person, and under any stress does not turn back to addiction..

a person with no respect for human life, -gains value for all human life..

a hateful, spiteful person with love and respect..

the very changing of minds, thoughts, heart, soul

this is not now

never has been

never will be

accomplished through giving even more compassion and privileges and rights to the criminal; while simultaneously removing autonomy/authority from leaders

all you have done is further empower/embolden the criminal; ego, selfishness, power, violence, escalate; worsen

mind, thinking, soul, spirit, heart changes..  attitude adjustments...

for a human to actually evolve

personal accountability; answering to a higher authority.  

/enough for now..         in Jesus name amen.


Wednesday, August 14, 2019

..for Alden Lane.. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Monday, August 12, 2019

The Grandma Clause. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Let's call it article #213 in relevant legal documents.

Reference: i.e.,  /make it sound academic/scholarly/legal and all that, ok.

-because it should be, a legalized pardon.


 my mom, AKA grandma sharon,
She can sometimes be looking directly at my daughter, and say like, "jack.. I mean, sarah.. I mean sandra...  

And sometimes not even make it around to the correct name without smiling and saying, 'we'll, you know who I mean'

And this, it turns out, is VERY COMMON for parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, etc.

I've done it with my own children.. called my daughter by my son's name and vice versa..   and sometimes my niece/nephew/ siblings name will get mentioned until I finally get it write; or give up and say the famous, 'you know who I mean

No one EVER gets mad or even slightly offended; we all just smile and sometimes giggle..      sometimes, even new names are playfully created by the accidental use of the first sound of one name and last sound of someone else...

My point is this.. when I learned recently that Berkeley has banned the use of he/she pronouns..

I said with a smile...    "I'm going to use the grandma clause!"

Because I kind of know in advance, that I'm gonna be getting it wrong, more often than -Write.

In, LOVE has no gender.. Jesus does name. Amen!

Sunday, August 11, 2019

FISH BLISS by (sexy! & tops!) -done.

The heart seen. By(me!) Sandra, tvgp

Saturday, August 10, 2019

FISH BLISS in progress by (sexy! & tops!)

The song I hear in my head, and feel in my heart while working/playing on this project is 'you know how I feel. Joe bonamasa version. Amen

Spiritual Immune Systems by (me!) sandra, tvgp

we know, and I will explain in layperson terms  -we know about the flesh's immune system   -and let's say we have a person with a very weak (flesh) immune system

the example might be, that person, when standing miles away from a person with a minor cold; will still catch the flu.   that is, it takes very little exposure to a minor issue, and it turns into a major physical health challenge for the person with a very weak (flesh) immune system.

and then, the reverse will be true of a person with a very strong (flesh) immune system  -write.

you can take a person with a very strong (flesh) immune system, and stick them in a crowded elevator with nothing but sick people who have contagious diseases of one type or another, and that person will never even catch a cold.    


and now I want to write about our spiritual immune systems:

if you have a weak spiritual immune system, then with one mention/exposure to an unGodly act, the person with a weak spiritual immune system, will respond with enormous grief, fear,  -come undone; and still be thinking about/talking about that unGodly event even if you fast forward weeks, months, years...

and the opposite is true of someone with a strong spiritual immune system..   in that case, you can expose them to any number of high crisis traumatic situations/events, and they remain stable, unshaken, moving through and forward in a balanced way

there is a spectrum for both; physical (flesh) immune systems, and mental/emotional (spiritual) immune systems

for the physical we have blood tests, saliva tests, xrays, MRI's, etc.

but for the spiritual, we have only  -nternal experience/observation/verbal/written reports;

and exactly because I am blown away in a positive way about the evolution/progress of my own spiritual immune system,

and exactly because there is no physical/medical test that will show you what I've internally experienced

you can only know if I share this with you

-I am inspired to do just that:    a brief report on my spiritual immune system

in order to appreciate my progress, you must know that at one time in my life (late teen's/throughout my 20's)  I battled severe PTSD    -the level of which does in fact claim lives; but did not claim mine.

although...   the number of times it came close is noteworthy

I will not reiterate details here because they are already well documented.

     -what year was the sandy hill shooting of the elementary school children?

it allows me to, looking back, see,   -that while my spiritual immune system had healed/strengthened enormously from it's weakest most vulnerable stage; it was not at full health/strength

exposure to that horrific mass murder of young children did   -to some degree; undo me...

and when I watched President Obama speak..   when I watched anyone speak about the killings;

I had NO IDEA how ANYONE could speak without falling apart


like, HOW?!?!?      how can you get even a sentence out without sobbing?

and only because I am currently experiencing/living out that ability    -to face a traumatic murder, and speak without sobbing

only because I am currently, very directly,  experiencing "peace beyond human understanding"

only now, do I understand how it's done.

and I am not operating from shock

I am not apathetic

I am not  -repressing/suppressing/post-poning

I am not in denial; I am very well aware; very awake

It is my self-evaluation assessment and report  -that over many years, prayers, slowly...  slowly..

my very broken/damaged spiritual immune system has not just healed; but has been strengthened to beyond where it would have been, had I not battled PTSD

it is the contrast of utterly broken/beyond-healed that helps me appreciate what I am currently experiencing

only people with this shared experience can say "amen & amen!"

who else knows of what I speak?

you too are shouting, "Thank You Jesus!"


and my sexy..   he also has a very strong spiritual immune system   -this is my observation/experiencing sharing life with him

only the individual knows the deepest truths about what is going on  ~inside~ them

only individuals and God...

and while I recognize there may be truths no blood, spit or xray test can reveal

that we only have observation/experience


we are moving through the recent tragedy  -and we are very much on the same spiritual page; hand in hand,

like, almost  -exactly the same spiritual page

and what I mean by that, is that, Robert does not need to spend extra energy/time helping me walk through it because I am falling apart in any way

and I am not needing to apply extra time/energy just trying to get him out of bed and walking through the basics of the day..

but I recognize the potential for that..    /I have witnessed depression/grief to point of despondency

I have myself had, and have witnessed over many years   -people with weak spiritual immune systems..

it can be a lot of extra work...   hard, long, extra work..

and I have myself now; and have witnessed, and am currently witnessing, people with very strong spiritual immune systems

  -for me, there is not an explanation outside of God; love; prayer

prayers ARE BEING ANSWERED  -our strength is demonstration

and I will return to post the top several Bible Passages I am leaning on, and directly experiencing

    -for now, my flawed memory:    there is a passage about peace beyond human understanding; there are passages about 'don't worry about the type of death man can bring..' and divine justice;  there are passages about not letting the weight of the world's troubles weigh us down;  there are passages about not fretting over injustices;  there are passages about God comforting those who mourn; there are passages about  -one day at a time; not worrying about tomorrow..     -there are passages about renewing our minds DAILY; and passages about being 'new creatures'  /which I very much am..

   -passages about evil-doers..

and, yes.. we have many passages about enemies..  and followers of Jesus know to forgive.., etc.

but I will share this too    -I am hungry to learn more about,   -how Jesus was born at the time of king herod..   and how did Jesus respond to herod?   -more about how disciples were guided to respond to herod

because i'm pretty certain, the Bible Passages regarding  'respecting authority, because all authority is determined by God...'    and, 'if your enemy is hungry; feed him..'     and 'kiss the other cheek'


well, I will have to re-read with great intention for learning/understanding   -but prior to re-reading, and prior to learning/understanding,

my current understanding, is that there are enemies; and there are evil-doers/wicked, and those are not synonyms.

but, in our current situation,  -we cast our care; trust God for justice

it is too big for us; we cast our care; we trust Jesus..  

we walk in love;

we move forward with gratitude for all the people helping, serving, praying, caring

and Robert and I are very much on the same page  -both with an understanding, and commitment, that this evil done to his sister    -we will not let that evil  -spread.   -we WILL NOT let the evil act/intention claim even more territory in our hearts/minds/souls via anger, unforgiveness, inconsolable attitudes, etc.

we know the TRUTH; and we are moving through the pain; FREE..

  -all for now,

hallelujah & amen.


Friday, August 02, 2019

LOVE Conquers evil. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Thursday, August 01, 2019

cosmos square. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

 was just a square of dirt
sometimes a square of weeds

and woulda stayed a dirt, weed square;  ~til' I read 'bout these:

poor soil  - preferred condition
sprinkle seeds on top

wild orange in all directions
tall blooms that just wont stop!

very little water needed
in this square that we de~weeded

which is now a happy thriving
bright orange and all alive~ing

square of smiles, that last a while..

and prove the sun's still shining.


from one angle, and one only angle only, which happens to be the view
from outside the kitchen window when i'm pouring morning coffee:

the heart seen in my wonderful surprise roses.   TYJ! amen

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Friday, July 19, 2019

The Heart Seen.. new contributions treasured by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"thank you!"  squidmann & spike!

 "thank you!"  carole


~ sexy & tops

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

So tell (me!), What's Growing On With You?

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Friday, July 05, 2019

this is rated WTF by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, not very Christian of me.. rating this WTF  I will need some extra help on this one taming my tongue..  I will switch then to,

well, so often after my sexy and I have talked over morning coffee, covering pop culture, politics, faith, I will say to him with a smile,

"are we the only two people moving forward in a backwards world?"    -So, I will instead title this,

rated VB for yrev sdrawkcab,

again..  no fact checking.  my sharing here is based on one hundred conversations that have taken place among 50 different people, in as many as 30 different locations.

I will start by reminding  -I KNOW, YOU KNOW, & EVERYBODY KNOWS  -the current jail/prison system is a FAILURE.  it does not work.

   -where work ='s taking a person who has a violent/criminal behaviors/actions, and through incarceration, somehow a better human being, less violent/less criminal is supposed to emerge after his/her sentence is served.


now, where the jail/prison system DOES WORK   -for at least a given amount of time, a rapist/murderer/child molester/robber can be off the streets and prevented from claiming new victims/destroying more innocent lives for the time they are off the streets.


that acknowledged,

I have been privileged with some information I feel obligated/responsible to share with the public at large

this involves    -if I want to give the benefit of the doubt,   this involves some good intentions


if I do not give the benefit of the doubt...   this is very dark and ugly coming from the top/down; potentially evil; obviously corrupt

it involves the following

a new building completed for inmates.

but let me again switch out the word inmate for criminals.

a new building for criminals.   and said criminals are being transferred from old building to new building.

this involved a 'celebration'

and involved an opportunity for 'a new start'

and so the criminals  -felons

were allowed to go from old building to new building uncuffed/unchained; an order from the top, honored by the deputies on staff at the time, despite the criminals assigned classification # which would mandate cuffs.

but not only were the criminals uncuffed

an officer/deputy tossed rose petals on the pathway for the criminals en route to the new building

and the criminals were treated to designer donuts and starbucks coffee

and then made paper doves, with criminals handwriting their names on them, which were then gifted to staff officers/deputies as a symbol/gesture of  -what?  goodwill and new beginnings?  it is my understanding several officers declined receiving the paper doves.

and there was a ceremony where criminals/deputies/officers all took roses and were to create a bouquet together, each putting in an individual rose..

and if you haven't had to leave the room to vomit yet, there is still more..

 the type of criminals who were housed in the old building at one time or another include

a woman who allowed her boyfriend to rape the child she was babysitting.  and a woman who murdered a child.



while I think we can all agree the current system does (at least temporarily) protect innocent people from the violent ones by keeping them off the streets

and we can all agree the current system does not convert; it does not take in a violent criminal and post sentence, send out a law-abiding, noble, evolved citizen

I hope and pray to God, no one believes that a rapist, or an accessory to a rapist, murderer or armed robber  - a felon of any kind,  deserves to walk on rose petals freely, and chit chat with deputies over designer donuts and starbucks coffee.


the victims  -which include the victim, and their families, and their friends; in many cases entire communities; but primarily directly victims   -let me speak specifically of rape victims

rape victims are serving life sentences outside of jail.  the crime is too hideous for accurate description; painful, lingering fatal blows to the soul/spirit/mind..  PTSD which claims the lives of even well trained soldiers who graduated boot camp and were prepared to some degree for combat..

well many rape victims have had no such preparation or training; just ambushed by evil forces


it is not sitting well with me; rose petals, designer donuts, starbucks

it does not sit well with me; criminals socializing with deputies; which empowers the criminal and undermines the authority of the deputies

it does not sit well with me at all;

rape victims battling what I personally know is the battle of a lifetime, while the predators walk on rose petals and sip on starbucks and make paper doves

      /pardon me one more time...      BLUACKALS;DHFKAOS;IF ASND;LKFSHF

I must wipe the puke from my mouth,

while the system we currently have is not write

this new building celebration was blatantly and frighteningly and my hope would be, also -legally- wrong


when I add on, this.. to the other 50+ conversations from here and over there

it is very clear

in an incremental but systematic way   -criminals are again and again being granted privileges, freedoms, luxuries   -lack of any consequence for what was once consequential behaviors..

while incrementally, systematically and simultaneously  -officers/deputies, authority figures are having their authority/autonomy removed and undermined

I want to be wrong in my intuition/assumption/educated guess

I want to be wrong,

but I am highly suspicious that something very dark is knowingly going on.  it is conscious.  and I am curious where and with who, it began


for answers  I pray in Jesus name,   ~amen.

out of the box (my autographed & favorite books!)

"Congratuations!" to (The Kings!) on World of Dance

so well deserved!   -awesome every time


and, wonderful to be an audience/fan of this show...  to see people from all around the world..  sharing a stage    -there is already an acceptance/respect among the entire population of dancers; race, religion, orientation, education, affiliations  -all none issues.   dancers competing; that's it

and in other corners of other cities...   just protests, arguments, violence, ugliness, offense, manipulations, antagonizing, media-attention/publicity stunts

I think people don't realize they can choose.

how much power each individual has to CHOOSE how they spend their time and energy

    -pleased with your choice?


this is rated P for Politics by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this is rated P for Politics   -and I do believe we should warn people the same way we have learned to warn audiences about language and nudity;  -/and for the exact same reasons.


so, for those of you still tuned in:


as usual, I have done no actual research, and speak solely from an average, laypersons point of view.

one day,

when, I don't remember or care, but one day, I started to notice these stamps on certain products I purchased at the local grocery store

and then I saw them on retail products  -jewelry and home décor

and the stamps were some kind of certification and icon for 'fair trade'

and my layperson understanding gathered from a sentence here from this person, and a sentence there from that person, and some vague internal intuitions mixed with common cents

I gathered that the 'fair trade' graphic indicated the following:  some group/organization has the task of checking on various businesses/manufacturers, etc. and making sure they are not entirely exploiting people in the making/selling of a given product;  -that some standard has been met regarding employee wages/conditions which seems 'fair' and not exploitive/abusive.  and when the standard is met, the product packaging receives the 'fair trade' stamp of approval, and consumers can purchase given product confident their purchase is not further contributing to corruption, exploitation and greed.

 -something like that.


and so, as I have mentioned a number of too many times, I do not have the time, energy, drive required to be an activist,

"but if I did!"

here is one of the many things I would most certainly do:

I would create a task force, very much like the one written about above.   and their task would be to visit U.S. businesses of almost every kind, and check on/report on three things:

1.   highest paid person in business (CEO, for example)
2.  lowest paid  (clerks, for example)
3.   % of pay discrepancy between the two

and there would be a standard...     and if that standard was met, the business would get a stamp..

and I haven't quite worked out what the icon/text would read, but many different design ideas come to mind,


then consumers could purchase/support businesses with confidence they are not contributing to further corruption/abuses and greed.

because,  I will make up numbers, because I have no time to fact check, but..  I have seen many interviews and know that of what I speak is true, so i'm just providing imaginary numbers, but they speak a truth:

in the 1970's/1980's  CEO's earned 27% more than the lowest paid employee on the same team of the same business, contributing to the same overall goals

and in the 90's forward that discrepancy grew from 27% to like, 93%

and you

and I

and anyone reading this

all KNOW

   -it just ain't write.

but, honey..  if you even whisper an injustice...    republicans, conservatives, capitalists..   they so immediately cry "socialism!"    "communism!"

and you

and I

and anyone reading this

all KNOW

   closing a greed gap between the highest and lowest paid employees is NOT socialism or communism

it is just an awareness of greed, and the curtailing of it

and the results of closing/shrinking the gap result ONLY in more people  -who are working/contributing to the greater good being fairly compensated

and CEO's being less way over compensated

it is in my layperson, working woman, pedestrian,  grateful, humble US citizen opinion,

the write thing to do.

and, because greed is a negative spirit; thriving in anti-transparency zones

I rather think we need two stamps..

1 stamp would indicate a 'fair %' is distributed to everyone in a given company   -not equal!  do not panic...    the CEO should in fact make more than the clerk

and the other stamp would indicate   GREED

where an excess of, say...    I don't know really,


I making up numbers,

but, if you were to buy a


or shoes

or refrigerator

or even a hamburger/French fries through a drive thru

and there was a stamp that read,   97%

which indicated that the CEO receives 97% more than the lowest paid employees EARN..

at least you could KNOW whether you were contributing to more greed, or more people earning a living wage..

    -that is my idea

    -I approve this message

in Jesus holy spirit name   ~amen.


may I close with discussing 'spirits' of generosity or greed

they ARE NOT associated/correlated in any way whatsoever with FINANCES/MONEY

that seems counter-intuitive at first..   greed/generosity, giving money, exploiting for money

seems like it IS about money

it is not.

YOU HAVE people who have next to nothing, but who are willing to give with a generous heart.
you have people who have next to nothing, and they hold on tight unable to give a penny..

YOU HAVE people who have amazing amounts of wealth, but who can't part with a penny
and people who are financially blessed and who generous bless many others.


and so, if having a lot of money, or a little money is not the factor in being generous or greedy

-what is?


Thursday, July 04, 2019

Write to be free friends/family/flags

Hearing the Voice of God (me!) sandra, tvgp

; I do.

and very interesting to read a variety of passages in the bible that speak to this; and the common demominator in all the passages about hearing, and one day 'seeing' God..

the common denominator; pre-requisite, if you will:

having a PURE HEART.


how can this be proven in a court of law?  scientifically?


but I will make claim to having one; a pure heart.   -and it feels great to have worked toward and to acknowledge this

especially because in every other area of life...    well, my ignorance in the area of geography/history is high..    my inability to speak any other language...    my ability to paint or do pull-ups..

I still have not quite figured out how to 'live within my means'    -improved in budgeting yes; but far from pure in never using a credit card...

there is a great deal I don't know...    and, i'm not pure in eating habits or exercise..

I could go on and on, but my point is   -there is no evil or ill intention or bitterness or unforgiveness inside my heart.     -any dna test for that?


-exactly because my heart did not grow weary, bitter, spiteful or vengeful over the past 5 decades

I am enjoying due season!   and, I tell my sexy often..     -because it is so unfamiliar to me..

to have so many great experiences in a row..

I say to him with a big smile, "there is no cap on how many great days we can have in a row!   we are in due-season!  Thank You Jesus!  Amen!"


there is poem forming inside me.. but I do not yet have the time..

I know the outline/idea:   it will communicate how being a deputy for 27 years did not get the best of Robert...

and how the violence/trauma I endured did not get the best of me...

and so, this allows Robert and I to give the best of ourselves to each other..

Let's Talk Dance and Identity by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I've written about dance plenty before, so cut to the chase:   if you would like to see where dance has evolved; where it is today in 2019, then you should watch 384

that is; season 3, episode 8, the duels 4 of World of Dance.   and prepare to be WOW'd


regarding identity:  from my perspective, everyone that graces that stage is a dancer first; above anything else

that is to say, when I watch I see a

DANCER that is male or female, of a certain age (child, jr. adult, etc.), and from a specific country (Africa, Korea, US, Mexico..  etc), and very last  -perhaps heterosexual or homosexual; but this is unknown, only projected, and not relevant..  which is also true about their education, economic status, political/religious affiliations.

and from my perspective this is true about many things   -a SWIMMER first...     -an ACTOR/PERFORMER first...   -an ARTIST first..       a WRITER first...     a MOM or DAD first..
a PREACHER first...      a BASKETBALL player first..

and that is the common denominator; and it appears to be quite global..  DANCERS from every race, religion, culture; different styles, music yes; but dancers in every culture; and in every generation..

current media practices, and ancestry sites, and dna report industries put so much emphasis on where you are from, what you are made up of, but not what you were made with love to be...

do we still not have testing for gifts/talents/instincts like writing?

no doubt our histories/cultures/past is important; no doubt.   but, my eyes see what people ARE first..  in terms of gifting/talents/interests/abilities..   and everything else comes after...

so, i'm repeating, but it is worth repeating

I am a writer and a mom..  (mom already indicates gender)  and WRITER speaks only of my God-given instinct  -not my gender; sexual orientation, political affiliation, education, eating habits, religion

; I am a writer who is also female, who is also heterosexual who is also Christian

interesting to use our imaginations to group people from all around the world; how many times you could group, sub group, shift

will all the writers go here:    designated place  (what an array of ages, colors, gender....)

dancers here

singers here

singers and dancers

singer/song writers

but, my main point would be: just to note that there are dancers in every culture across the globe, and across recorded human time, and all the other things don't even matter  

if you look at the news today  (or yesterday, and including tomorrow)...   fights, hate, division, arguments, ugliness

if you watch world of dance   -we have people from all around the world, with different orientations, beliefs, diets, incomes, etc.,

and they are all just on the stage, competing at very high levels, doing their thing

and, if you, like me, want to live by that great quote:   be the change you wish to see in the world

I would like to see a lot more people participating in and being an audience to world of dance and the voice..

and a lot less people participating in and being an audience to ugly, divisive, violent and hate-fueled news.

lets us focus on, give our limited, highly valuable time/attention/energy to what is going write in the world.


I do believe there is a bible passage that speaks to this:

Philippians 4:8.

amen & amen.


let us note, what is and is not seen on 'world' of dance..

I have not seen the hula/Hawaiian dancing... no irish dancing...  no full out ballet...

but I see the influences of all these and more   -just like we have primary colors, and then endless mix/match and a growing spectrum

we have primary dances   -then ratio mixes~hybrids~fusions..

this is true of many things.

The Email that keeps me inspired by (Robin Modlin!) to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Tue, Feb 11, 2014 at 9:39 PM

Sandra, came home needing to write to you to tell you again, that show was phenomenal, phenomenally, phenomenal fabulous. It ripped open our hearts. I am one of the book group who surrounded you in the lobby. How could that gorgeous piece of art be the last it ever is heard or seen? That can not be. You must do more and video tape it and send it to Dr. Angelou as your love letter. It was elegant, honest and so powerful. Please make it happen again and again. It would be wonderful at The Bankhead. It would also be wonderful at the theater in Murphys. We are your wonderful, so wonderful...........thank you, thank you.

Robin Modlin, MA
SoulCollage® Facilitator
concrete sculpture, mosaics, participatory arts

and she stood, I thought..   -maybe..  ???   write next to me.  a customer.  while I was cashiering at alden lane.  5 years later.

 I saw the name..

I looked back at the customer..

I looked again at the name; and back at the customer..   already a certain amount of emotion building in me..

"hey..  you're the one who wrote the email that keeps me inspired!    ….  do you,  -is it you?  do you have a website?"

and she said, "a lot of people have websites..."   with no matching expression that suggested she might know me too.   only a look of indifference.

"yes.. I think it is you..   don't you..  did you belong to a book club?"

and she said, "a lot of people belong to bookclubs"

"well, maybe it's not you, but..  did you ever see a play at the firehouse art center?"

and she did not remember the occasion.

   -this is when I realize there are two different operating systems going on within me.

         the first layer is the just let-it-go, give-up, move-on operating system, which does in fact win in many instances, but then there is this second layer; more stubborn and certain, even when the first layer is exclusively uncertain and ready to surrender

the second layer appears more knowledgeable and trustworthy and correct

-these are the only words I have to describe that inner knowing we all experience that pushes itself into the forefront

and so, 

"yes..  you are an artist..  you maybe have a child with special needs?   i'm trying to remember what I've read about you..   and you are connected somehow to murphy's..."

and it is write about then, that her expression changed, that she smiled, and said something like, "you do know who I am"

and then I re-mentioned about writing a play for Dr Maya Angelou..   and when I said Dr Maya Angelou's name.. this registered stronger in her memory than just mentioning the venue 'firehouse art center'

"you allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable, didn't you"  she said to me

and I just about cracked into a fountain of tears, but re-gained composure.

ive tried to reach robin, numerous times unsuccessfully   -but because many of the kind words of support for Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, came directly from beloved friends and family..  while I appreciated their feedback and support, it is factored in that it is coming from people who know and love me, and not one of them is going to say something critical, when my topic/performance is so...

and so, this email..   from a person/group in the audience that I did not know; who did not know me   -it meant even more, if you will..   

my play is not for everyone.  I know that in advance.  it is only for a select audience; not a mass audience..

BUT for the longest time, I've wondered..    what impact on that select audience?

and the impact I could only dream of and hope for when I wrote it, is represented in this email sent from robin.   so, what a blessing to tell her directly, in person  -how much her email meant

"it made it feel like it was all worth it," I said with a smile.  "thank you!"

                     /because people...       a lot of work went into the writing and performance!



gets better!   because robin had just, the night before shopping at alden lane, put together on her phone, a mini-movie video of the 

   -gorgeous!  colorful, sparkling and highly inspiring

mosaic installation she just completed at guess where?!?

murphys park!

"that's my favorite art form!"  I told her several times

so, only because I had recently been there, for the first time ever, for the celebration of life for my uncle bill Vaughn, 

I know the exact wall in murphy's park where this amazing art is now lifting hearts and spirits for anyone who lays their eyes upon it.

  -there should be a lot more of this kind of thing in the world

by the time the artist get done here in this world..

no empty canvases..  no boring stretches of nothing to look at walls, doors, or anything..

design! color! sparkle! beauty!

and she told me over 100 people contributed to the project.     way to go!

creative collaboration! team work!   -awesome.


and so,  last I thought of Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, a theater person from Ohlone College said a bunch about producing it..  about me actually getting paid!  and I got quite hopeful and excited,   - I had forwarded robin's email as a testimony..    but nothing came of that except ignored emails and it faded in the distance


in that second layer of me I described earlier  -the more stubborn and certain and knowledgeable layer

I have an inner knowing, that the write person is going to read the script; the write person will see its full potential

and it will be performed for the write audience; for the write reasons, at the write time, in the write venue    -and be filmed by a true master level professional

all according to God's will and no-one elses.        

hallelujah and amen!

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Alameda Bliss. Designed and named by (me!) sandra, tvgp

...while I wait for all the pictures to come in from this very recent, highly blessed milestone experience; my daughter's graduation from UO, 

   I will write and capture in this blog, AKA: my external memory storage; this fabulous creative idea and experience:  ALAMEDA BLISS
I will start by sharing how I named it:   the first design on our front yard, out of God only knows how many to follow.  I did not name the design based on any materials that I used; did not name it based on anything it looks like, any color, did not name it based on any poem, or quote, or sentence or lyric or person I've admired..

I named it very specifically based on what I experienced internally, every single time we opened the garage and set out to start, and add on to it.    my sexy always getting out the music box, helping lift the heavy bags of  sand, mulch, bark to pour into the bowls/dishes I would carry around the front yard as I designed section by small section, handful by handful; him sitting in his chair with soft yellow cushions; encouraging me and keeping me company.  (me!), figuring out as I went, with no master plan at all, what I liked to see here, vs. there...

neighbors would smile and joke watching him sit while i carried the sand and was hand-designing
"i like the division of labor i see here"       

the next design will be more collaborative for sure, but anyway..
I named it, because while I was grabbing a handful of sand here, and handful of mulch for over there, I was repeatedly seeing a vision in my imagination; from my actual real memory files, flashes from when my mom and her husband rick took my children to Alameda Beach.   Over and over I saw this..   my children were very young.  Taryn, 6 maybe, which would make Jack around 4 years old.   And my mom is with an umbrella chair, and my children  -her grandchildren, are at the shore of alameda beach, with nothing more than maybe a pail and shovel; but maybe not even that.   Maybe it is just the sand, shore, ocean, soft waves, a cloud covered sun,  birds, and debris, and passersby, and little unidentifiable crawling creatures in the sand...   the company of each other.   and, they are there for HOURS.    NEVER BORED; ever!   just playing, walking around, discovering   -protected; free.. with love and snacks nearby

they were at those magical ages, and in a magical time.  it was before cell phones.  it is before they have to worry one second about what they are wearing and how it will look in a picture.   it is before indoor video games, and digital distractions of any kind.  it is what it wasn't, as much as what it was

   -it was not Disneyland or great America; not an amusement park; not a birthday party
   -it was not an obligation; it was not motivated by social media status in any way
   -it wasn't because it would generate 'followers'   or look good on a resume. it was untouched by Instagram and not inspired for or by facebook

-it was the purest form of truly happy experiences.  it was all they needed:  grandma, grandpa, a safe beautiful place to explore, some snacks..  water   /and sun screen...   

and this brought HOURS! of joy... 

my external experience   -having Robert's front yard as an empty canvas..   

 this is our front yard, he will remind me..  ours     our home...   not my home; our home..


I was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life every single time I added on to this temporary design in  -our- front yard.   no master plan.   just a little bit here, a little bit there, filling up the yard section by section.    along the way, we agreed our front yard is OUR empty canvas.   this first time being a complete experiment  -I did 99% of the designing.   but we will rake it up here shortly, and start with a new empty canvas, and split and share the pleasure.   come up with an idea together:  "fireworks for the 4th of july!"   and then draw it out, then design it together

because WOW! to the joy of being outside in the morning, listening to the birds sing, visiting with neighbor passersby, enjoying a hot cup of coffee, listening to music, and playing/creating in the front yard.   pure BLISS!   no agenda, no worries; all pleasure, just fun

and it is a win/win situation, because Robert does not want a lawn; he hates the time/energy of keeping one up.   I have only applauded him, because I know how many people have a lawn and resent it...  "a lawn has never been mandatory" I remind him, "a lot of people don't realize that.."  i said with a smile, and, borrowing from what Jacquie Williams Courtright often says, "YOU HAVE OPTIONS!"

and we have decided   2.  our front yard is a big empty canvas,  that 1.  like a chalk board, can be used, erased (raked) and used again, for 3. whatever we want!

and go back several steps and days and weeks, because what started this whole thing was a pure happy no~accident.    there was the prelude of Robert not wanting a lawn; yes..   and the prelude of the two of us de-weeding the front yard of hundreds of weeds post the rains and his surgery  -which took several weeks.   the diversity of weeds so astounding I took lots of pictures..

and, worth mentioning how Robert skipped pulling out the beautiful daisies from their random spot in the yard, and so, we both work around this bouquet of obvious happiness..    and, we work around, incorporate and celebrate, and even added to the poppy population which already thrives here..

 so, in what looking backwards appears to have happened pretty quickly; over an amount of time we paid no attention to whatsoever, the front yard evolved from a forest of unsightly weeds, into a colorful, happy, creative design like nothing else you or i have seen in any neighborhood yard to date

but I almost forgot to explain what I intended to explain a couple paragraphs ago:  the happy it was no-accident.     it happened over mother's day weekend, when I co-made the 'love u mom' display at alden lane nursery.   -when I was cleaning it up, you see...    I lifted one of the pots of sand to move inside the garden store, and there was a hole in it, so the sand started pouring out all over the place

the light sand fell over the darker dirt that houses the 400 year old entrance valley oak tree..

immediately I realized "the potential!"   -how I could draw, with sand,  on Robert's front yard of dirt...

what else might there be?   and so I searched through all the soil/bark/sand offerings at alden lane, and noticed the greatest contrast color wise would be: light sand; micro bark, which is red; and then black mulch.   and I LOVED the result!  love it so much!  loved every minute creating it..    love adding to it..   and will love raking it away too, so we can start again because it is SO MUCH FUN!

it is the creative process that yields the greatest joy; the result is just...    a tiny bit sad like when you finish reading a great book, or reach the end of an engaging movie..

and, so, i think of how many people have a permanent landscape they will maintain, but the landscape itself does not really change.  it is going to be changing it up that keeps us motivated, creative, having fun, enjoying the outdoors and each other.    i can't thank God or Robert enough for empty canvases.      hallelujah & amen!


Friday, June 14, 2019

To Our GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS from your authentic fans

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

wonderful visit to (holdener park!) "thank you!" (jack!) ~writeousmom

Sunday, May 26, 2019

quick! -shoot CH's for (me!) sandra, tvgp

    silver          and        bullets

post its love (sexy! & tops!)

Saturday, May 25, 2019

High Heals a poem for my daughter (taryn!) & friends.. by (me!) writeousmom

written with love, for Kristina, Emily, Jaycelin, Mikayla, Taryn, 
Allegra, Taylen, Lola, Sam, Pieper, Kirbi

High Heals

We all have hearts
that where high heals

We all are friends who care

We have come~passion in our blood
we dress in truth and dare

Our lips stick from shared secrets
we make~up stories, great
wear loyal T shirts & tie our tongues
hide confident~she'll weights

Our wall~its  filled with pictures
post can & dids galore
sexy, sassy, stew~D~us
bathing suits for shore

Our ears~ring when you pray our names
Your em~brace~lets fit like loves
Mass~care`~a flashes in your eyes
chin up and rise above

We C write through all A's and B's 
know how the bell curves best:

God, true friends & family
our award~robe of success.

~Sandra Harrison Kay,   Writeous, & proud mom

Monday, May 20, 2019

WHY WE WATCH! (the warriors!) -authentic fans

wouldn't you know..  a 6:30pm work meeting.

but I wore my spirit wear,

and my sexy had his warrior shirt on at home.

7:45pm ish..   i'm on the 680 listening to 95.7

"the game"

and we were like, temporarily 14 behind    /note: I never use the losing by vocabulary

exceptional radio play by play coverage; exciting as all get out..

and by the time I was near my exit

we were tied!

-got to watch the last 8 or so minutes with my sexy

which, as you all know by now, is, in part..

why they won.

~you're welcome.

anyway..   can you stand it?!?   did you see that?!?

curry with one of those, look ahead, but pass over and backwards to Draymond

Draymond from over here to over there in a blink and passes to Thompson

Thompson dances and passes it back to Draymond

before any opponent knows where the ball even went..

it goes to Bogut

and "in for a basket!!"

-just awesome!   awesome athletic choreography..  collaboration, talent, skill, experience, determination

element of surprise...

we love you warriors!  "thank you!" for an amazing season

and let's just file this under

prelude to world championship   -again!

hallelujah & amen

spirit, flesh & funny bone (me!) sandra, tvgp

CH:  my mom is referencing this post.


Sunday, May 19, 2019

The Heart Seen... fresh contributions adored by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"thank you!"  squidmann         awesome x4!

Friday, May 17, 2019

ROI of Creative Energy by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the vision..   in my imagination only, was of my parents; my mom and dad, as they are in real life write now:  75 years old, current time.   And they were standing next to each other, (although in real life they are both remarried and have spouses of 31+ years)

but they were standing next to each other, and they looked at cyndee.   -and cyndee, in real life, and write now, currently  -she is the GM of Alden Lane Nursery

and so, they looked at cyndee, and they both smiled, and they said, almost in unison,

"now you know what it was like to raise Sandra"     -And Cyndee, having just reluctantly ok'd a creative idea of mine; in real life..

she just nodded in agreement.   and no other words needed to be, or were, exchanged.

and then the vision faded, and I knew I had to blog about it


with love, and dedicated to my parents, Sharon and Dan


the rest of what im writing is not just in my imagination.  it just happened, for real.   let me see if I can bullet point the experience:

I was working in receiving/accessory department at alden lane, and Heather, one of the buyers, had purchased this whole spectacular variety of colorful, glass mushroom yard décor, in a wide variety of sizes.

   -way charming.  all of them, in any size...    and because I had to price each one individually, I ended up spending extra time appreciating the colors, sizes and styles..     these sure would be fun to play with!  to create with!    but I just got the pricing job done, and that was that.


once a month, we have an all staff meeting that often begins at 7:30am.    On said occasions, we are scheduled for longer lunches, so that on that day, we do not exceed 8 hours on the books, because we still work til closing.

with my 2 hour lunch on the last all staff meeting day, I realized that if I left to take myself out to lunch, or shop...   I would only end up adding to a debt.   And so I was trying to come up with ways to pass 2 hours without spending any money...

and, these pictures are the result of how I spent my time



and to transport the mushrooms, find a place where they could stand up, take pictures, remove and clean and put them back..

took exactly; almost to the minute! my two hour lunch.


Mother's Day  -one of Alden Lane's biggest days of the year, was comin' write up.. and the vision hit me,  Love You Mom spelled out for all our guests! with those super cute mushrooms!

but, having learned over the years, and having no autonomy to take immediate action, I created a note for Cyndee, the GM   -who, by the way, is already doing the job of 12 people,

I spelled it out, the way GM's need to hear it...  like, these are the materials I would need... some sod, which would make an awesome background.. and then something to hold the sod..but that the mushrooms could poke through and stand upwrite…   so, a metal trellis...   and then lots of mushrooms!   and it would take... 1 to 2 hours..

and then..   mentioned how I totally understood if this wouldn't work this year, because the notice is short, it takes me off the floor, on and on, etc.  -I did give her an out; in writing..

and we would pass each her in the nursery, and she would say things like..  "i'm giving that some thought.."       and, then...    "I'm still thinking about it...    "       "not sure we can...   "

and I had hope... then lost hope...  then had hope...  then lost hope..

and eventually, she asked me some extra questions about my vision..   and I over-enthusiastically explained how I had already worked everything out..  "like, let me show you the trellis..  how it has all those open squares so the mushrooms can poke through the sod..."

and then she shared about how much all those glass mushrooms cost...    and how the sod was really awkward and heavy.. and how, the metal trellis might not even hold the weight of the sod, it might bend, and then we would not be able to sell it damaged..

and all she could picture in her mind was the trellis falling and all the mushrooms breaking...

and I over-enthusiastically explained how..  yes..   but, I wouldn't use every single mushroom.. and how I would be very, very careful...

and she talked about how the mushrooms  -once inserted through the sod, would be dirty and we wouldn't be able to sell them..

and I over-enthusiastically promised to clean each one after I was done...

and she was wondering how long that might take, and if I could really get them clean enough..

and she asked me if I realized how heavy the sod was..

and I had to admit...     no.

I mean, I had ordered sod...  I had sent customers to the sod area to look at it; to purchase it..   I had over three years, sent countless carry-out co-employees to pick it up and bring it to customers trucks and cars..

I had walked over it; near it; around it...   admired it...

but, I had never myself ever actually laid it down or picked it up.

and so, cyndee, in a slow and reluctant surrender to my vision...  well, i'm quite sure, she thought once I tried to lift the sod myself, on my own..

these 2 x 5' rolls...     i'm just guessing, but I think she was pretty sure that would discourage me.

"oh my!   -these are heavy!    I had no idea!"

and she smiled, like...    let's not do this then, and we can move on...

but, I had already made it past the first several obstacles...   getting her to read the note/vision; getting her to acknowledge in passing conversations even a fleeting chance...    getting her to see the metal trellis I had picked out..  the cute mushrooms..   and "the awesome sod background!"

"is there any other way to present the mushrooms?"  she asked me..

and I was like..    "sod is the most awesome..    anything else would be like... why bother..."

and so, she didn't exactly say an official okay you can do this.. but rather, I went and got a blue cart, and we just kind of started lifting that super heavy sod and getting it ready to move near the entrance oak.   and I did have to call for extra help


we make our way to the entrance oak, and I lean the metal trellis against the mighty oak..  and cyndee and I start to

-with all our strength and might-

lift the sod rolls from the cart to over the trellis.  

this was ….      this was...        -almost...   can't quite...      oh my God...    let me try one more time..

and I must of dropped the rolls 5 times...

and then they slid write off the trellis..  and had to be re-lifted and arranged multiple times..

and Tristan came to help.. and we almost had it   -but it needed to be shifted a few inches … and so, when we went to shift it

everything we had just accomplished slipped write back down to the ground and we had to start all over again.   -by this time cyndee had been called to solve 12 other much more important issues, and I was left to either surrender..

which was not an option, like  -at all; whatsoever

or, keep trying, keep trying..

and cyndee did try to tell me..    several times, in several ways..    how heavy the sod was; how the metal trellis would buckle

and everything she said was true.

the sod was obnoxiously heavy and awkward, and I had to readjust the trellis several times so it could borrow strength from the entrance oak and not buckle, plus hold the weight of the sod rolls, and hold the weight of the upcoming mushrooms

I prayed to the saints..

by the time cyndee came back by, Tristan and I had successfully negotiated the trellis and sod..

and, yes...  yes

it wasn't leaning perfectly..   and it was lower than in my vision..

"how are people going to take a picture next to that?!  its so low"   cyndee said,

and I said with a smile, I said, "well, …  I guess they're not going to take a picture with it... but!  they can take a picture  -of it."

and so, she was very gracious to go with me to collect the mushrooms...

I will skip the amount of time and trips, and cut to the part where she helped me out quite a bit with the spelling of words because    -well, we needed to speed things up

my goal would have been to write LOVE YOU MOM, using a variety of every size and color mushroom in a thick, fancy, beautiful font of my own design..

and I would have,

on my own, gone consciously, creatively..   until I liked each letter, then move on..

she suggested  -based on how many mushrooms, and how much time..

well, first thing she did was edit my vision to..    Love U Mom

and she started spelling MOM, while I worked on, LOVE...  because with two of us, we could get the goal accomplished much faster..


just like cyndee was write about the sod being heavy, and the trellis buckling...

turns out I was write about how beautiful the sod would look as the background

and how cute those mushrooms are for spelling things


and, all of that was for    -what?

it was for mother's day.   and because I was so inspired by those pretty glass mushrooms.

and it was for...      a couple days only.

and, just like I promised, on the Monday following Mother's Day, I took the display down..  cleaned each and every mushroom and put them away.   cleaned the trellis of all the sod debris..    and had the sod placed in the green waste bin.


was it worth it?


that's a very fair question...    if you add up the time spent..   energy...   human resources...  product...


the answer really depends on what you value most



and, I here thank cyndee for green-lighting my creative vision..

and smile and laugh here too, because..    I keep seeing my parents looking at cyndee

"see.   now you know what it's been like raising Sandra"


Robert knows now too...     and God bless him, because..   in our recent trip to hellyer.. I just want to say..

at first we were going to write hellyer with the those tiny, tiny daisy flowers, but it was too windy.  there was no where we could anchor them..

then I grabbed some white, fluffy stuff..  anchored it in some plants near the water, and was like, "baby.. look!  this will work!   the wind doesn't bother it..."

   -but getting more of the white fluffy stuff became a bit of a chore...     we had already put away our bikes, and it was after the bike ride, after the picnic..   energy was lower..

so I convinced him to just walk a little further...    and we saw a whole line of the cotton like white fluffy stuff,

and it looked from appearance like you could just run your hand and arm along the side of the road and come up with plenty of cotton...

but, it is very deceiving!   it had to be slowly, painfully, selectively accumulated, and then filtered/weeded out from other plant debris..

and I saw him loosing enthusiasm...


"we have to do it baby!   see that sign that says cottonwood...   this is the essence material of this park..  its the one we are supposed to use!"

and he hung in there with me..     and we made it happen.

and there is something very    -very-     sexy about watching him collaborate with me.

a turn on of the biggest kind.

and so I thanked him appropriately when we got   home  


In Jesus made me this way's name...    amen!

Saturday, May 04, 2019

San Juan Batista, Jardines & 18th Barrell (sexy! & tops!)

return to the scene of great times!

a little magical perfume.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

tops:  "wanna see my magic trick?"

sexy:  "sure.. show me your magic trick"

tops:   "k.. watch closely...   I am about to remove every single piece of Kleenex..   from every single pocket in my jeans and every single pocket in my shirts..

watch them disappear before your very eyes..."       /and I throw all the Kleenex balls in the garbage.


put the jeans/shirts in the washer...  then the dryer...


 wait 45 minutes or so...   pull them out


tops:   "look baby!   I made some of the Kleenex magically reappear!"



on a quick walk through the local mall

salesperson:   "miss...   do you wear fragrance"

(me!):   "....   honey...   my very life is to help spread and make evident the fragrance of  the knowledge of God everywhere...      but that's not what you mean is it..."

and I left with three tiny packet samples of pretty perfumes.


in Jesus mysterious, magical, miraculous name...      amen.

Friday, May 03, 2019

Hellyer County Park (sexy! & tops!)

Thursday, May 02, 2019


New Beginnings. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp

PTP Grand Finale Retirement Picnic (vasona park!) los gatos, california

the very definition of blessed...    beautiful day! awesome people! (and pets) plenty of delicious food/drink..  pumpin' music..  fun and games and prizes..        good memories galore..   "Thank You Jesus!"   -amen

Friday, April 19, 2019

Who Are You? Who, Who.. Who, Who... sings (me!) sandra, tvgp

if I had the means... I would post a selfie video dancing and singing to The Who's famous song..  Who are you..


yes, I've written on the topic of identity so will try not to repeat..    just having so much fun, listening to my dad..   highly active on an ancestry website..  learning all kinds of things about our family history, and also..   he sent some spit in the mail...  and we are learning a number of startling new things via those reports too..

like..   I've been able to lightheartedly joke for years now..   "of course i'm mostly irish.. I love beer and write poetry.."

but, according to the reports my dad has received...  72% Scottish

and I have no lighthearted joke up my tartan sleeve about being Scottish...     what is the stereotype for Scottish people?  do they have something synonymous with the four leaf clover?   Scottish blessings like 'may the wind be at your back'     -cute little sayings?    a signature beverage...

mostly, I am very excited about the tartan!  just like its fun to wear Warriors Spirit Wear, and all the spirit wear for the schools/colleges my children attend...     the very second I have a tartan pattern to claim...  /no fact checking necessary

i'll get the skirt, the scarf, the kilt, the flag, the potholders, the matching towels...

mainly I was excited to share this information with my co-worker, and former Good Neighbors Holiday Boutique vendor, and very Scottish friend Ruth...   "you are like my next of kin!"    -who would have guessed...

And now my brother is in on it...    he's getting his own set of dna reports... and, we are learning more  /questionably factual   information...     and apparently, on my mom's side...   French?

like…  remember I told you, I already knew that...    because I love to kiss with my tongue..

anyway...    "are you going to do it?"    my sister asked me recently... and I have zero interest personally.  

i'm still waiting for when science figures out how to take some pee, blood or spit and determine what % of the population can swim, sketch, build, throw, catch, sing, write, paint, ski, run, etc.

and, how we can determine whether someone is  -really-   atheist, Christian, or agnostic...  muslim, Buddhist, jewish, etc.

and, what % manifests the fruit of the spirit, like love, peace, patience..

i'm much more interested in who people are   -write now-  in this very moment...   how do you treat other people?   how long does it take for you to forgive a wrong?   how easy for someone to steal your peace?  … character...  ethics... integrity...    dreams, goals, …    

what makes you who you are  -today.  write now.   I see people from all around the world seem to be much more shaped in personality, character and disposition based on current cultural influences, current political and social climates..       and less directly influential, but of great personal interest:   where your ancestors were from...  what % indian you might be...

and as ive written before...   everyone is under the influence of somethings/someones..

and I found my quality of life the very best, under the influence of Jesus..


the CH here is to my census poem...   i'm more fascinated with gifts, talents, instincts..     how can we see a map or graph or that pie chart, % data?    aren't there people who can sing in every culture? nation?   every blood type...    and people who can not...

the favorite thing I have learned about my paternal grandpa...   grandpa Harrison, who was orphaned at a very young age, and served in the navy for 25+ years..     my favorite thing I learned was not the result of a blood test...   it was what I saw written about his character and work ethic...  

made me a very proud granddaughter indeed.

and, as I have mentioned before also..    and can only laugh..  on my mom's side.. she has said, "honey, there is only hillbillies, drunks and robbers.."      and I don't know that the dna test would shed any light on the who, when and why's where that is concerned...    

current culture/environment/influences...

and I restate my..i want to close this post by restating that I fully, completely,  -believe..   I was born with an instinct to write; and even more specifically; non-fiction..    and I believe there is not YET a test that can show..   but one day there will be.    -one day, we will get to see more of what is already inside us when we are born...

and inside every human...   seeds for love, peace, patience, joy, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control...

and, turn to different section...   already mentioned, I skim past dozens of CH'S on any given day..  but for the most part, I am highly aware of what my thoughts are..    why I have the thoughts I do, when to disregard certain thoughts, and proactively select new ones..

but every once in a while, I will have a thought..  and be at such a loss for why or where a given thought came from..

my most recent example...

how it popped in my mind?  what triggered...    

but, I was thinking about the donner party...   the stories of cannibalism...   and what brought that to mind I can't be sure,

but, it was followed by a series of pictures of starving people all around the world... you've seen them too...   on commericals, documentaries, church shows...      bringing food to starving people..

and they will talk about how very, very, little they have to eat, if even one meal a day...   and very high mortality rates...

and, yet...

never mention of cannibalism?


and then I carried on with the rest of my day....

in Jesus loves the little children..   ALL the children of the world's  name..  amen!

Sunday, April 14, 2019

speaking of pot and luck.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

for  -ever-  the words potluck ='d dread for (me!)

but, !

after my sexy showed me how to make bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers..

and pop those in the oven @350 or 400 for 45 minutes or so..

write away I told him  "THIS!" is what i'm bringing to the next potluck

and I can't wait!


after I tasted two of these.. ..

okay, three..

and by the forth one, I was like, 

"really baby, I can't wait.   I mean, i'm not even going to wait until the next pot luck, 
i'm bringing them tomorrow"

which was yesterday..

and they were a hit.


and I am so grateful, "thank you sexy!"

Saturday, April 13, 2019

wildflowers romantic picnic for (sexy! & tops!) almaden quicksilver county park

Tuesday, April 09, 2019

..this is what i know about the praying mantis.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

a customer at alden lane placed two items on the counter to purchase in front of me

one cute little carton of ladybugs
and one cute little carton of praying mantis

customer:  "what do you know about praying mantis?"

and I said with a smile, 

I said, 

"I know, that the female!  ..the female praying mantis wants to be
the first, the last and the only!  that's what I know..

and so, in order to insure..     after she mates..  she decapitates the male; eats his head write off -

I think it's the coolest thing ever..  in bug world"

and, the customer looked partly confused and partly amused, 

customer:   "what I mean is..  I know you release the ladybugs on roses, but what plants do you release the praying mantis on?"

(me!):  "oh.  I have no idea... for the answer to that question you'll have to step write over there to the info desk inside the garden store..        and, let me know what you find out.."


In Jesus -all creatures were created-  name..    amen.

Swallwell for President... i saw this coming.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

but I certainly did not see him running this soon... in my imagination, it would have been more in the 2030's


I remember cutting out newspaper clippings and sharing them with my daughter..     he is a local, from Dublin, ca, a neighbor to the city of Pleasanton..


I read more about him...     glimpses here and there...


wrote to him once..


and I don't take a newspaper, or follow the news,

and it is just  -amazing-  how even if you don't read a daily newspaper or watch the news..

how still!   so much information slips through the cracks and forces it upon you anyway..

I have successfully built a pretty strong filter..

but yes,  I would see a picture of swallwell here, read a paragraph or two over there..


part of it, was just the amount of media coverage itself...

I thought to myself...   he is being groomed for the presidency one day..

he is being positioned...

looks like the trajectory of ….

and sure enough, I heard the official announcement via the Stephen Colbert show this very morning.


now, everything I read, I liked...

but you know what is sad...     i'll never get to see him on the Charlie rose show.

the Charlie Rose show represents my only exposure to Elizabeth Warren also..

and I like a lot of what she had to say too.


perhaps they could run as a team...


but, at 53, myself..   with how many presidents/campaigns in my life experience now?  i'm not going to count..

I can just say, with great certainty..

I already know the talking points...    

nothing new will be said; but it will be said by a new person, in a new way..

and even with the greatest, noblest of intentions..    /if such a thing exists..

the size of the job

to fix America's mostly F's & D's report card...

it is much greater than any one leader, no matter how great..

it is going to take much longer than 4 or 8 years...


I have no interest in the song and dance show coming up..

but pray, with my whole heart..

...I mean, Jesus...  if we could even just navigate  -toward-   the write direction...

because the amount of time and energy to actually be moving in it...


for ...  yes, could we at least...   wouldn't it be wonderful if!....    someone please...   if the rudder moves even one inch!   you know the analogies and clichés...

change the course of America!    -because I don't like the direction we are headed, or the rapid pace we are heading there...


in Jesus' is the way, the truth, the life's name...   amen.

I am educating myself on the topic.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

The people of the State of California do enact as follows:


 This act shall be known and may be cited as the Gender Recognition Act.

SEC. 2.

 The Legislature finds and declares all of the following:
(a) It is the policy of the State of California that every person deserves full legal recognition and equal treatment under the law and to ensure that intersex, transgender, and nonbinary people have state-issued identification documents that provide full legal recognition of their accurate gender identity.
(b) Gender identification is fundamentally personal, and the state should endeavor to provide options on state-issued identification documents that recognize a person’s accurate gender identification. It is the intent of the Legislature in enacting this legislation to provide three equally recognized gender options on state-issued identification documents—female, male, and nonbinary—and an efficient and fair process for people to amend their gender designation on state-issued identification documents so that state-issued identification documents legally recognize a person’s accurate gender identification.
(c) “Intersex” is an umbrella term used to describe natural bodily variations, which can include external genitalia, internal sex organs, chromosomes, or hormonal differences that transcend typical ideas of male and female. Upper estimates of the number of intersex people are approximately 1.7 percent of the general population. In the United States, some children born with intersex traits have been subjected to involuntary and medically unnecessary surgical procedures in infancy in an attempt to erase aspects of their natural bodies, causing significant physical and psychological harm. Human rights authorities have condemned this practice as a form of torture and recognize that legal and ethical frameworks require intersex people themselves to make decisions concerning their own bodies. Thus, those human rights authorities recommended that physicians assign a provisional gender designation with the knowledge that the child may later identify differently. An option of a nonbinary gender designation on state-issued identification documents would allow intersex people, like transgender and nonbinary people, to be able to use state-issued identification documents that accurately recognize their gender identification as female, male, or nonbinary.
(d) The binary gender designations of female and male fail to adequately represent the diversity of human experience. Nonbinary is an umbrella term for people with gender identities that fall somewhere outside of the traditional conceptions of strictly either female or male. People with nonbinary gender identities may or may not identify as transgender, may or may not have been born with intersex traits, may or may not use gender-neutral pronouns, and may or may not use more specific terms to describe their genders, such as agender, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two Spirit, bigender, pangender, gender nonconforming, or gender variant. Nonbinary gender identities have been recognized by cultures throughout history and around the world, as well as by legal systems in the United States and other countries, medical authorities, and researchers. Studies show that nonbinary people face frequent discrimination, harassment, and violence in areas of life including education, employment, health care, and law enforcement.
(e) Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe people whose gender identity or gender expression do not match the gender they were assigned at birth. Some transgender people have medically transitioned, undergoing gender affirming surgeries and hormonal treatments, while other transgender people do not choose any form of medical transition. There is no uniform set of procedures that are sought by transgender people that pursue medical transition. Transgender people may identify as female, male, or nonbinary, may or may not have been born with intersex traits, may or may not use gender-neutral pronouns, and may or may not use more specific terms to describe their genders, such as agender, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two Spirit, bigender, pangender, gender nonconforming, or gender variant. Studies show that transgender people disproportionately face discrimination, harassment, and violence in areas of life including housing, education, employment, health care, and law enforcement.

SEC. 3.

 Section 1277 of the Code of Civil Procedure is amended to read:
 (a) (1) If a proceeding for a change of name is commenced by the filing of a petition, except as provided in subdivisions (b), (c), and (e), the court shall thereupon make an order reciting the filing of the petition, the name of the person by whom it is filed, and the name proposed. The order shall direct all persons interested in the matter to appear before the court at a time and place specified, which shall be not less than 6 weeks nor more than 12 weeks from the time of making the order, unless the court orders a different time, to show cause why the application for change of name should not be granted. The order shall direct all persons interested in the matter to make known any objection that they may have to the granting of the petition for change of name by filing a written objection, which includes the reasons for the objection, with the court at least two court days before the matter is scheduled to be heard and by appearing in court at the hearing to show cause why the petition for change of name should not be granted. The order shall state that, if no written objection is timely filed, the court may grant the petition without a hearing. If the petition seeks to conform the petitioner’s name to the petitioner’s gender identity and no objection is timely filed, the court shall grant the petition without a hearing.
(2) A copy of the order to show cause shall be published pursuant to Section 6064 of the Government Code in a newspaper of general circulation to be designated in the order published in the county. If a newspaper of general circulation is not published in the county, a copy of the order to show cause shall be posted by the clerk of the court in three of the most public places in the county in which the court is located, for a like period. Proof shall be made to the satisfaction of the court of this publication or posting at the time of the hearing of the application.
(3) Four weekly publications shall be sufficient publication of the order to show cause. If the order is published in a daily newspaper, publication once a week for four successive weeks shall be sufficient.
(4) If a petition has been filed for a minor by a parent and the other parent, if living, does not join in consenting thereto, the petitioner shall cause, not less than 30 days before the hearing, to be served notice of the time and place of the hearing or a copy of the order to show cause on the other parent pursuant to Section 413.10, 414.10, 415.10, or 415.40. If notice of the hearing cannot reasonably be accomplished pursuant to Section 415.10 or 415.40, the court may order that notice be given in a manner that the court determines is reasonably calculated to give actual notice to the nonconsenting parent. In that case, if the court determines that notice by publication is reasonably calculated to give actual notice to the nonconsenting parent, the court may determine that publication of the order to show cause pursuant to this subdivision is sufficient notice to the nonconsenting parent.
(5) If the petition for a change of name is sought in order to conform the petitioner’s name to the petitioner’s gender identity, the action for a change of name is exempt from the requirement for publication of the order to show cause under this subdivision.
(b) (1) If the petition for a change of name alleges a reason or circumstance described in paragraph (2), and the petitioner has established that the petitioner is an active participant in the address confidentiality program created pursuant to Chapter 3.1 (commencing with Section 6205) of Division 7 of Title 1 of the Government Code, and that the name the petitioner is seeking to acquire is on file with the Secretary of State, the action for a change of name is exempt from the requirement for publication of the order to show cause under subdivision (a), and the petition and the order of the court shall, in lieu of reciting the proposed name, indicate that the proposed name is confidential and is on file with the Secretary of State pursuant to the provisions of the address confidentiality program.
(2) The procedure described in paragraph (1) applies to petitions alleging any of the following reasons or circumstances:
(A) To avoid domestic violence, as defined in Section 6211 of the Family Code.
(B) To avoid stalking, as defined in Section 646.9 of the Penal Code.
(C) The petitioner is, or is filing on behalf of, a victim of sexual assault, as defined in Section 1036.2 of the Evidence Code.
(3) For any petition under this subdivision, the current legal name of the petitioner shall be kept confidential by the court and shall not be published or posted in the court’s calendars, indexes, or register of actions, as required by Article 7 (commencing with Section 69840) of Chapter 5 of Title 8 of the Government Code, or by any means or in any public forum, including a hardcopy or an electronic copy, or any other type of public media or display.
(4) Notwithstanding paragraph (3), the court may, at the request of the petitioner, issue an order reciting the name of the petitioner at the time of the filing of the petition and the new legal name of the petitioner as a result of the court’s granting of the petition.
(5) A petitioner may request that the court file the petition and any other papers associated with the proceeding under seal. The court may consider the request at the same time as the petition for name change, and may grant the request in any case in which the court finds that all of the following factors apply:
(A) There exists an overriding interest that overcomes the right of public access to the record.
(B) The overriding interest supports sealing the record.
(C) A substantial probability exists that the overriding interest will be prejudiced if the record is not sealed.
(D) The proposed order to seal the records is narrowly tailored.
(E) No less restrictive means exist to achieve the overriding interest.
(c) A proceeding for a change of name for a witness participating in the state Witness Relocation and Assistance Program established by Title 7.5 (commencing with Section 14020) of Part 4 of the Penal Code who has been approved for the change of name by the program is exempt from the requirement for publication of the order to show cause under subdivision (a).
(d) If an application for change of name is brought as part of an action under the Uniform Parentage Act (Part 3 (commencing with Section 7600) of Division 12 of the Family Code), whether as part of a petition or cross-complaint or as a separate order to show cause in a pending action thereunder, service of the application shall be made upon all other parties to the action in a like manner as prescribed for the service of a summons, as set forth in Article 3 (commencing with Section 415.10) of Chapter 4 of Title 5 of Part 2. Upon the setting of a hearing on the issue, notice of the hearing shall be given to all parties in the action in a like manner and within the time limits prescribed generally for the type of hearing (whether trial or order to show cause) at which the issue of the change of name is to be decided.
(e) If a guardian files a petition to change the name of the guardian’s minor ward pursuant to Section 1276:
(1) The guardian shall provide notice of the hearing to any living parent of the minor by personal service at least 30 days before the hearing.
(2) If either or both parents are deceased or cannot be located, the guardian shall cause, not less than 30 days before the hearing, to be served a notice of the time and place of the hearing or a copy of the order to show cause on the child’s grandparents, if living, pursuant to Section 413.10, 414.10, 415.10, or 415.40.
(f) This section shall become operative on July 1, 2014, shall become inoperative on September 1, 2018, and shall be repealed on January 1, 2019.

to the website for more...

Friday, April 05, 2019

Which Industry Creates the Most Jobs? asked/answered by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I had my little scrap of paper and a pen,

"there are no write or wrong answers... im just asking... it's not work related, i'm just doing a thing for a future blog post.. k

    just say the first thing that comes to your mind...

what industry creates the most jobs?"

and, these are a few of the answers I received:


health care

food industry








all good, solid answers..


and, if there was an industry that combined a few or a couple on the list...

that would equal even more jobs,   -write..


but I know the industry that ALL of those industries on the list ALL NEED..


so, if there is ONE INDUSTRY they all need!   that's a lot of jobs!  write...

guess what it is yet?




every single one of the industries on the list, that creates jobs, needs security of one sort or another, some low key, some high level..

locks, keys, alarms, security guards, cameras, passcodes...

you cannot name one job-creating company, business, or industry which does not require some level of security.



it is CRIMINALS who are responsible for creating the most jobs on the entire planet.

I used to think it was construction/building...

and then,

when my sexy and I were watching breaking bad..

it dawned on me, in an even greater way..

the amount of movies, books, tv shows, theater, songs..    tours, documentaries..

based on, or inspired by a LIFE OF CRIME...

so, not only, in the real every day world, are criminals responsible for creating the most jobs,

but, in the entertainment industry!!

I just let my mind wander sometimes...  

when they are making a movie about a criminal or crimes...   how many jobs that creates?  and then, the studios themselves need a certain level of security..

its mind-blowing...

if anyone can ever really put a number, and quantify the number of jobs criminals create...   military, police forces..

and what would happen if we had no more criminals...  it would be the greatest unemployment crisis in the history of ever

pales in comparison to losing farming to manufacturing to technology

they've so consistently contributed, no matter what the major era is...

how many people put butter on the table, raise children, retire from careers thank you to criminals..

/just giving credit where credit is due..

In Jesus uses all things for good, name...     amen.

Glimpse of America's Report Card as shared by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Fresh Beginnings photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

on the topic of gender non-conformity by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I will not tip toe.


but I have no idea where to begin?   -but WHEN did this begin?

-there is something very different going on...   

different under currents, 

and they are suspicious


my exposure was at the   -awesome!   all stars were out..   44 assists!   phenomenal, wonderful, Warrior Game at Oracle..   my birthday present from my sexy..

and during one of the intermissions..  on the big screen..
what appeared to me

based on 53 years plus of life experience here on earth..

as a beautiful young girl, 

who was, working with young children, in some capacity  -teacher? mentor? coach?

as she introduced herself, 

she included in her introduction, to the population at large, 

"I am gender non-conforming".


I could tell..

or at least my immediate read and interpretation/projection of her tone..

 this is something very different from not wanting to identify or get stuck in culturally practiced gender ROLES...

but rather, 

not wanting to identify with the GENDER itself.

huge distinction!


writers/scribes will understand:

I received this analogy and wrote it down

I jumping around, yes, I realize..
but there is quite a bit to..

and, so, 


it is a spiritual practice:

seek first to understand; then be understood.



dear gender non-conformists, 

if you are evolved enough to put that spiritual principle into practice, 

I have an exercise of the imagination for you
that will help you understand..

before you insist on being suddenly, utterly being understood

imagine this please:


when you wake up, and go to school or work, or anywhere

pretend in your imagination

that every time you
see a red light

that means "go!"

every time you see a green light

that means "stop."

and your entire society has been sent a letter explaining the new definition for each color

and now

 live according to this new information.


it is very analogous for me personally, 

for my entire 53+ year life

these have been,  -and still are, 

visual icons

one = human born with penis
the other =  human born with vagina

/and nothing to do with sexual attraction/orientation...  personal character/personality, education, or anything else

visual icons which mean male or female


for the entirety of my 53+ year life

red = stop
green = go


when everyone is agreement, with mutual understanding

this helps us avoid a lot of accidents 


it's not a NATURAL LAW
that red ='s stop

it is a human-implemented definition/understanding..

in truth, 

if anyone wanted to change it, 

so that GREEN now means STOP

and RED now means GO..

just so long as everyone is in on it..




really who cares which color means which instruction...   write.

we've done much of this for convenience..  to help; not to hurt


if you did want to implement the change

just for the sake of it..

how long would it take for people to adapt to the change?

my goodness..

I have to change my password every 2 or 3 months..


after I do, 

I still put my old/former password in several times before I remember...

and then, 3 times in a row, i'll use my new password successfully, 

then backtrack, and accidentally put the old one in again..


when a new year begins..

I mean, 

I can't think of any person, who wrote 2019 every single time beginning Jan 1st...

most people -out of habit-  write 2018, for a few weeks, until..

and that habit only last one year!

for icons/definitions/ways of being that have been practiced for decades and centuries and millenniums...

so, first understand, all of you who suddenly don't want to be referred to as a he or a she..

first understand, all of you who don't want to conform to long agreed upon/practiced ways of addressing people:

it is equivalent to waking up and starting now:

red means go.


there is an under-current of what is going on, that isn't sitting write in my soul...

some of this is quite recycled..

new vocabulary; dressed as if it's new..

but it is not new


what age was I?   prior to having children of my own..  and, 

uproar! about how unnecessary and restrictive and oppressive it was

pink for girls and blue for boys!

outrageous and oppressive..

and, I did, visit with my mind, all the arguments why or why not..


when I did have children of my own, 

and I gave birth, to a GIRL, and to a BOY;
that is to say, 

my daughter had a vagina, and my son had a penis..

and in their toddler/pre-school years they enjoyed pink and blue

I let them.

I let her favorite color be pink..  when she said her favorite color was pink
and she, very much on her own, expanded her color pallet as she grew...

and my son,  -with blue.

it is a who cares thing to me..  but people love to create upset/drama
over very inconsequential things.

my son, 

the second born,  and younger, 

exactly because he had an older sister, had very direct exposure to 'girl' things..

some things he enjoyed, others held no interest..

and vice versa

my daughter had very direct exposure to 'boy things'

and some things interested her also; and many did not..

I just let them be who they were...

and watched/observed...   loved, nurtured, cared, shared...


I would caution new parents to do the same

let your children, not the media, not whats trending, not these people so easily offended and upset over nothingness, not the academics, or experts, or scientists..

let your children show you who they are; and honor that.

-it seems to me, we are in some strange cultural climate
that doesn't want to allow a girl to be a girl, or boy to be a boy


and while we may have a much wider spectrum in humanity at large

within that spectrum

there are still boys

and there are still girls.

don't forget.


and, the other big upset during my youth..

the use Mr and Mrs...

outrageous!   discriminatory!

it's nobody's business if you are married or not..   that is your personal business only

and we have the addition of Ms.


I don't have enough energy for the long list... 

but much of what appears to be going on write now..

just recycled


sexual revolution...  sexual freedoms..

just recycled


I am interested in how people introduce themselves these days..

what they put as the most important, 

because, when we introduce ourselves, we only use a few words, sentences..

what do you lead with?

if I wanted to join in on what people are saying is the most important part of my introduction today, 

I might say, 

My name is Sandra.. I am a white,  female-conforming, heterosexual..


when did that become the lead?

I've always regarded who I am, not as what color, or sexual orientation, or gender

but rather, 

a proud mom, an artist, a writer...

I would vote for people to reconsider how they introduce themselves..

not because it's wrong..   what color and sexual orientation.. etc. ,

but rather, 

because it's not that important really.

if the young beautiful human on the big screen
would have introduced herself as a teacher, coach, mentor
and said what name to call her


why all this proactively leading with...

when if you just say your name, 


perhaps, I will experiment with that..

"Hi. My name is Sandra, 

I am a white, female-conforming, heterosexual...

 and what are you?"


I have no issue with color, sexual orientation..   whatever...

and i'm schooled on gender ROLES

and thank the people who helped us identify the roles placed on..

and we have in fact, expanded those gender ROLES impressively!

men are helping raise their children, 
women are working and financially contributing to the household

it's much more of a team-work environment..

the jobs available to women today!  vs..  in my youth

outrageously impressive!


and, so it just seems strange..

all this hard work, 

blood, sweat and tears, and marches and rallies, 

and court hearings, 


to help women

and now, 

but their teaching women not to identify as women ..


that's where im currently at in my acclimation

I totally understand not conforming to gender ROLES

and have no understanding of not wanting to conform to gender itself.

I currently think its a mis-communication, vocabulary issue

and my analogy here is roses..

like, I see every working day, 

100's of roses..

and the spectrum of color, 
spectrum of fragrance, or lack thereof, 
spectrum of varieties, 
hybrids, floribunda, 
climbers, carpet, patio tree, 
pedal counts and shapes can be entirely different..

there are many, many different types, flavors, if you will..  

and if, 

one of the roses could speak, and said, 

I am rose non-conforming, 

I would be like, 

do whatever you want, conform, don't conform, 
like it, don't like it, behave, don't behave, agree or argue..   
'feel' like an asparagus, hang out with the bamboo..
change your name if you want to

but, the bottom line my friend, is that you are a rose.

it is just a convenient name, given to a living entity that identifies certain characteristics in common.  nothing more; nothing less

and the habit of humans who do name/ label things
seems to be, 

in a very loose, non academic, way...   

it seems to be, 

we start out, with one big name that captures a large population


and then, 

we find distinguishing characteristics

men, women, boys, girls, adults, children, seniors, 

optimists, pessimists, 

introverts, extroverts, 


we find subgroups, 

and based on that new knowledge, we create new names

it's all for convenience

so we have heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, try-sexuals..

i'm sure there is a longer list..

and we have females, males, transgenders, 

and -gender non-forming-   ?

i'm going to go look up what that says...

bare with me..

red means go.


based on my very brief, and admittedly belated reading/research..

it really is the exact same thing

it is, 

not conforming to gender ROLES.

so, I got all upset/confused about nothing really...  have you ever done that?  jump the gun

it IS a vocabulary thing..

had she said, I am gender-role non-forming...

that makes perfect sense.


but!   we still have this other thing circulating..

the not wanting to be referred to as a he or she..       I remember squidmann blogging about this a long time ago..  it is also recycled...  don't use he or she...

and we are back to 

mostly its been for convenience

when I say, he, it's because the person I am discussing has a penis; that's it.

it does not mean, hetero, or homo-sexual..  "he" to me does not include who they sleep with, or whether or not they are feminine in appearance..   or personally identify as anything else..

and when I say "she"   -its because the person im referencing has a vagina..

penis; vagina

green light; red light..

if you all the sudden wanted to call humans with vaginas men
and humans with penises women..

doesn't really matter

we are all just looking for a common and convenient way to communicate


another thing that is not at all new

and is totally recycled

is the fact, 

that there also seems to be, always, originating where?

but someone(s) who thrive on manipulating it, so that it is even harder to communicate.

talking on egg shells..

In, Jesus walks in love,'s name... amen.


I think here of the passage that teaches us, 

-it teaches us about not conforming.

but it teaches us about not conforming to this world, these times..

Romans 12

2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Speaking of spectacular! (me!) sandra, tvgp

the owner Jacquie describes them as -waking up

"they each wake up at a different time..."


and having been there almost three years now..    I count it a huge blessing, just getting to witness these Vally Oaks throughout the year; the seasons..

one day you look, and not one leaf...

over which night?  not sure, but glance again..


and!  she has filmed, but not yet edited, part two  (hi! vanessa)

and I just learned part one is up and viewable:

ALDEN LANE NURSERY -the beginning

amen & amen

Terms of Entertainment as explained/ appreciated by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i must whisper it occasionally to myself      terms of entertainment      in order to continue to enjoy and allow myself to become immersed in any variety of movies, books, shows

it is a play on words from a previous life experience, which im pretty certain I have written about before    -pause to check


can't find.    it is a play on 'terms of endearment'  which is when the reality, and question,  hit most pronounced

what is entertainment; exactly?

-because I was working at Lyon's restaurant at the time:  1983   as a hostess, and there was a movie theater nearby.   as a result, people waiting for a seat could often be heard discussing the movies they were about to see, or had just seen

and one of the biggest blockbusters of the time:   terms of endearment.    almost all of the conversations I did not have to work at eavesdropping on,  were singing the praises of this movie

but then there was this one couple; man and wife, mid 50's maybe

and, their tone..     it was their tone, I remember their tone, expression, volume

and what they said went something like this   "how can anyone call that entertainment   -we lost our daughter to cancer.  I would never pay to watch that"


that woke me up.


and, can you imagine   -one group of people at a restaurant table gabbing up a storm about how wonderful...     "I would see it again..."     "I have to tell so n' so to go see this!"

and the couple who lost their daughter to cancer sitting at the table write next to..


but it is a deeply, deeply, rooted cultural practice; so deep, you can't even imagine the absence of it

     -would be the absence of entertainment itself, I suppose

one person's very real pain; another person's form of entertainment

one family never wanting to revisit a pain, ever!    -another family paying to see, in their free time, for fun


after that couple woke me up, I just paid more attention to what I personally could call entertainment; and what fell in the   -how can you call that entertainment?!  category

    trust me here..    that actress just got PAID TO PRETEND SHE WAS RAPED?!?!?


I could go on and on here with examples, but will cut to my most current whisper moment.

    -breaking bad.

Robert and I watched every episode of every season recently  -snuggling up, him post surgery/healing..   and save only a couple predictable/unoriginal threads, I found it one of the most original stories, cast of characters, arch/evolutions I've seen in a good long time

    -if you've lost someone you love to meth addiction; this is not for you.

I have to block out, how infuriating it must be    -this series being so wildly successful..   and knowing what I know about how devastating/destructive/hideous the real problem is in the real world

I have to block out, how individuals and families   -the enormous loss, struggle, pain; the intensity of, and longevity of,  their loss, struggle, pain..  which is REAL

when, the people acting and just pretending...  they are going home with big fat pay checks.

getting paid big bucks to just pretend, what is so real and painful for countless others..

    -you can see where I would need to whisper

terms of entertainment

something about doing that allows me to re-engage and just get lightly lost and enjoy the story for what it is

a story.

a very well written, highly engaging, original, creative, surprising...

amazingly paced...

spectacular!      it was spectacular! and we loved every episode; sexy and I


and I think we are living in great times when it comes to entertainment; movie-making

the format I grew up with, 1 - 2 1/2 hour movies, or 1 hour, 1/2 hr tv shows; occasionally TV series..  

but now,

to have that much time to develop a story, each character/their relationships to each other, each plot..  each thread..

great gift to writers  -and for the audience!

 to be able to watch  -taped,  entire series, without interruption..

   binge watch; is the current colloquial

and binge watch we did..  

and I would never sit in a movie theater for that length,

but snuggled up next to my sexy..   with popcorn, pj's..  in the comfort of our own bed..

    hours and hours, episode after "in 18 seconds.." new episode,   passed in what felt like minutes

and he was simultaneously healing the whole time..

so, "Thank You!" to everyone behind, around, near and in the scenes of breaking bad...  outstanding!


terms of entertainment.   "thank you Jesus!"    amen


I can safely mention here, minus an identifying name   -how recently I had a friend say to me

   -real life, mind you,

"I have a confession..    I've been lying to you..     I've been in rehab..    addicted to meth"


and, I knew they wouldn't do it...   the writers wouldn't do it..

but I did say to Robert..  my sexy

"the only way they could un-glorify this meth story, is if the son, walter jr.  somehow became addicted..

if they showed a slow progression  -and walter jr became an addict..   and they didn't rush his story along from drug to death, but really showed the pain the parents, and the family suffer..."


I think one of the lines in the show goes like this:    "it's a poison we give to people who don't care"

and obviously, I'll have to

terms of entertainment,   terms of entertainment,   terms of entertainment

    -because anyone who knowingly, consciously, gives or sells an addictive substance to anyone..


the Bible  -scripture does distinguish between people who stumble..

and people who CAUSE others to stumble..


and now I shall cast my cares and carry on   -hallelujah & amen

Monday, March 25, 2019

PROUD NEW MOM... (me!) sandra, tvgp

 there are both advantages and disadvantages to being someone's first

  -some magical combination of excitement, despite, or directly related to, lack of experience.

but, it reminds me of being a first time mommy   -how much I check on them...   hover..

delight at the smallest sign of growth, responsiveness; worry..    

getting enough water, sun, shade, rest...?

    -all this magnificent potential

and here is something I learned, as a mom of two, not one child..

the second time around,

you realize a certain amount of the growth, responsiveness, maturity

it takes place all on its own..    despite your mistakes and despite your every correct decision.

its very humbling..     when the realization hits

that in some instances; you cant take blame or credit..

we are at all times in collaboration with nature itself.

and the goal..     just want to make sure at all times..     I am doing my part to the best of my ability.


which is why I looked...     smiled, talked to them, and decided..

no extra water needed this morning we have more rain comin'


I won them at a staff meeting at alden lane  -raffle.    would have never purchased them on my own, for reasons that would take too long to name write now


let's call it a pleasantly unplanned parenthood


the rose did not have an identifying label or tag, so we won't know what it is until it blooms..

I have named** her..

I have named** him...

I have named my first rose,   wonderful surprise.

my pear tree, a 3 in 1, is still waiting for a name...  

but I do like naming things, it connects me in a way, non-named things do not enjoy


can't help..   once you learn about hybridizing..    to let your imagination wonder..

and when I recently caught the beautiful shimmer of an African violet in the garden store at alden lane..   a sparkle you can only see in certain light, from a correct angle, otherwise it seems non-existent..

but when my eyes landed on that sparkle..   oh!

so, my favorite rose is a josephs coat; and my favorite fragrance; neil diamond rose..

so, we have color, fragrance..  

but what if you could add a sparkle/shimmer to the pedal of a rose!!!

my God that would be awesome

hallelujah & amen


**    in keeping with the times/and to remind myself to write about this new term:    gender non-conforming.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

The Heart Seen... recent contributions beloved by (me!) sandra, tvgp


per email:  Help me! I can't stop seeing Hearts!

Yes, I’m now bringing my camera to the grocery store!

"Thank You Squidmann!" dream is coming true...

***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***


Friday, March 15, 2019

The Heart Seen... recent contributions from (squidmann! & spike!)

per email:

Sixteen years in this house and I never noticed this little gem in our backyard fence!

031    meanwhile, walking along Greyhound Rock Beach..


"Thank You!" so much...    love 'em..    and yes...  wonderful when we suddenly notice something that's been write there all the time..               xoxo  ~s.c.

Thursday, March 07, 2019

Favorite Epiphany.. experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I remember it being a very exciting moment..

I think it was when I was living on St Augustine Street

when I realized for the first time..   

that when people say, or use the expression, 'kernel of truth'

that what it DOES NOT MEAN..  is 'a small/tiny amount of truth'

it has nothing to do with the size of the kernel


like, the microwave popcorn kernel..



and we've seen this a million times, yes..

in our own lives, raising children, 

or during interrogations

or court cases..  in real life and/or tv dramas

you can ask a certain question once, casually and the answer you receive is a lie..

but ask the same question, with a threatening tone

ask, under high pressure/stakes circumstances..


the truth pops out.

-fascinating how humans are designed, isn't it

truth is like a microwave popcorn kernel

-falls under a spiritual law category, because it applies to all of humanity
with no regard for year of birth/or place; or time;  race, finances, education, religion, etc.

but it doesn't apply to 'truths' across the board.. the microwave popcorn kernel

it seems to apply to 'truths' which for one, or any number of reasons
has a perceived negative consequence for the host

if we were to draw a picture..

inside/truth with negative consequence
outside layer(s)/lies; cover-ups

means more to hear  'the truth is inside there somewhere...'


in, Jesus is the truth, the way, the life's  name,   ~amen.

Sunday, March 03, 2019

BONIDE -notes for future post.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

CBS SUNDAY MORNING 2 of 100000000 CH's for (me!) sandra, tvp

I spy...

this space reserved (sexy! & tops!)

behind the seens    -birthday/valentines/surgery/davinci/small world stories in the waiting room/2 degrees of separation from carol/sexy's very inspired meals/nurse tops/applying what he's taught me..friendship visits..  purple books..   and, but WRITE NOW


my commuting experience has been entirely, and sublimely transformed.     shorter? no.   less traffic/accidents?  no.     new car?  no.    hired professional driver?  no.

but what happen is this:    a couple, or few weeks ago, there was an accident  (sign of cross/prayer) that resulted in my being on the freeway for 2 1/2 hours...

and during that, what felt like, 12 hours, I cannot count how many times, I hit the radio buttons because I didn't like a song, or didn't like lyrics, or didn't want to hear another commercial..

yuck/click..     yuck/click...        yuck/click...

and so, this made me very determined to figure out how to create my own playlist..  and also made me very willing to pay a subscription fee that would 1) eliminate commercials  2) only/exclusively play songs I personally seclected/approved    (and no longer, 'like' genres or more by same/similar artists, because very often, I do not like the lyrics/messages in songs which are similar to..

their current algorithms seems to ignore LYRICS/MESSAGES..   in favor of genre/artist..

anyway..   and sexy's recent surgery (thank you! to everyone from receptionist, to insurance, to nurses, to doctors, to davince innovators/designers, etc. IJN)    -this allowed me a chunk of time to dedicate to being very focused, and following through on creating a playlist..


"Thank You! Jesus..   & Musicians!  and Pandora!"    -because, sexy and I fumbled through my phone, and figured out,

more accidentally, than purposefully,

how to get my playlist to come on, through my phone, to my jeep speakers..  and

THAT! is what has transformed my commute into something...    

something so wonderful!!   I just dance and sing all the way to work...

and I had to laugh my first day back on the freeway,

"oh my goodness, I LOVE THIS SONG!"      /sing, dance; dance, sing...

and then,

"oh I LOVE THIS SONG TOO!   that's two songs, back to back...   awesome!"   sing/dance; dance/sing..

and then "A THIRD GREAT SONG IN A ROW?!?!"   -when does this ever happen?

/oh yeah..    of course they're great!  I picked em!

              "...  think I finally found my hallelujah...   good to be alive, write about now..."

it's by andy grammer     -one of 75 on my current play, sing, dance list


Magic Of Macy's -dawned on (me!) sandra, tvgp

… how the M in magic, and the O in of..  and the M in macy's   -spells MOM.     -I knew it all along..

my whole family has so much luck with this store...     too many CH's to link..   all good.

In Jesus, loves to $ave's, name..    amen.

finding the write audience... (me!) sandra, tvgp

you know how I love to tease my dad..   he's been tellin' the same jokes for how long?  and so when we brought grandchildren into the world for him,  -awesome!     he didn't have to change his material because he got a new audience.


finding the write audience is a trick..   part science, part art..  part the C's

and there are some (politicians, let's say)  -willing to change their message to suit the audience..

and some (comedians, let's say),  -who keep their material/message.. but have to change venues

I could go on, but you get it 

the common denominator being   -it's just magical when you get to keep your message/material and naturally have the write audience

for (poet's, let say)    -we are already starting out with a small % of the population.   there is a real reason for the shelf space devoted to poetry in any given book store, retail establishment   -digital or real world.    -for the amount of class space, hiring, for poetry instructors

mass and appeal don't tend to apply to poetry and poets.

but!  of the small % that do enjoy, love, listen, write, sing, read,  -feel poetry; answer the instinctive call


and, knowing this..

well, I never try to 'hold court' at any dinner or other social get togethers by reciting poetry..  my own, or anyone else's

I am as selective about sharing (reciting or listening to) poetry, as a nun is about telling sexual secrets


oh!  was I excited many, several years ago, when I met a man who literally, actually worked for the census bureau 


that CH's to my more recent experience, as an attendee at a bonide presentation..

I think my ant poem, should be on their packaging, the way quotes are on starbucks cups..

   we have a match!


and i'm not sure here whether my bonide post should be its own..  or continue here?

Daffodils & Dinosaurs & Dance Floors as remembered by (me!) sandra, tvgp

yesterday; I had a personal goal..   to re-find the man I met one or two years ago at the daffodil show at alden lane.    -reason being..   I was moved by his story..   but when I turned to help other customers and turned back to hear the rest of his story  -he was gone.   most I could remember was this:

its what I shared when I entered the daffodil show yesterday

(me!):   "hi..   do you, or does anyone here, - know a man in this society..  and he used to live in Oakland, and he was reading the newspaper one day.. and he didn't have anything else to do.. and he read about a daffodil show within walking distance from where he lived..   and even though he didn't know anything about daffodils..  he went..  and it changed his life.."

and before I could finish sharing everything I remembered, the very man I was talking to said,

"that sounds like me."    

and he did reiterate how it was that he came to see and learn about daffodils..  and how,  fast forward 30+ years..   here he is..   a hybridizer..

and he is invited here..  via comments.. to share his story in his own words..   /as is anyone from the society..


  -there is just something I love about bob's life story..    what an abrupt, unexpected, unplanned change in his life path occurred as a result of looking for  -something, anything to do..

and the 'what the heck' attitude...  responding to something within walking distance, that otherwise and prior held no real interest at all..

and what a passion/hobby/avocation it ignited...

how can that not inspire?      ... falls very much into the 'you never know' category...

and gets more interesting to me still, because..

starts out with a 'you never know'

but..    that mysterious way that we do know

we immediately do know, when we come across an object, person, place or experience, that attracts our time, energy and attention; that separates itself from the pass-up-able; ignorable; let-go-able..



and separate but the same..    my encounter asking the very man if he knew the man I was looking for..

and having it turn out to be him..

that CH'd write here:

dinosaur in Pleasanton


in Jesus,  I pray daffodil and dinosaur and falling in mutual true, loyal love on the dance floor experiences for everyone..

 name.   ~amen.

Add on at will started by (me!) sandra, tvgp

tHere are no keys; because there is no need for locks.  there are no passwords; because there is no information to hide or protEct.  there are no consumer reports; because there is no concern about fraudulent claims. there are no betrayals; becAuse eVeryone is trustworthy. there are no insecurities; because there is no human judgement or mass media manipulations. there are no bullies; because there is no need to dominate or intimidate.  there is no stealing; because there are no shortages.  thEre are no lies; because all is truth; there is no reasoN to ask "are you for real?"     -there is no cheating on any tests ever..   because

Thursday, February 21, 2019

...More High Praise for Chasing Spring... (ernest wertheim!)

photo by (alicia!) double rainbow view from alden lane nursery

..for the love of creative farmers...

LOVE THIS!   "thank you!"  squidmann

Sunday, February 17, 2019

MANIFESTATIONS from vision board created by (me!) sandra, tvgp

 one of nine visions on my vision board from many years ago:

REMAINS UNANSWERED for (me!) sandra, tvgp

I have googled..  I have read...   and none of the very scholarly or journalistic articles I have come across seem to actually ANSWER the questions..   they tell who has researched it..  who has narrowed it down..   who has carried on the research..  based on prior research

but no answers; no actual answers/clear explanations..   and in one case, they interviewed deaf people to learn their experiences..  and that's all interesting for sure, but..

we are NOT using our ears /sense of hearing when we "listen" to our thoughts..   so, being deaf, …   ?   doesn't really factor in..

so, questions remain:

1.  how do we hear our thoughts?

2.  how is the volume set?  as, at least with me, and most people I interview... we cannot whisper or yell and manipulate or alter the volume of our thoughts the way we can and do with our human voices/talking, singing, yelling, whispering, murmuring, etc.

3.  origin of the thoughts we are conscious of on any given day?

4.   when we 'hold our thoughts captive'  and evaluate them for truth or trash...   what part of our mind allows us to observe/analyze our own thoughts/inner voice?

5.   how does the toggle switch work, which might explain why we switch, randomly, suddenly, sometimes from thinking silently, to thinking out loud?   what activates that switch?

6.  when we realize we are thinking a certain thought, over and over... on some kind of default system.. and acknowledge, nip it in the bud, and proactively change what it is we are thinking about..     how do we do that?  which muscle? or synapse?


Ano Nuevo & The Elephant Seals for (sexy! tops! john! & maria!)

our docent was THE BEST!  navy veteran  "thank you!"   /and it was explained to me by john, that his position in the navy was one of the most dangerous..    but, what a passionate/knowledgeable/engaging docent!  and the tour is 2 1/2 hours.. and for much of it, we were standing in pouring rain

and dave, our docent..  he was ENTIRELY IMPERVIOUS to the elements... spoke as if we were all standing/walking in sunshine on a perfect day..

and what a treat it was!  turns out, better to see the elephant seals in the rain, than a sunshiny day, because it is in the rain that they are their most active

and we did get to witness them battling, mating, hanging out..  males, females and pups..

utterly fascinating to watch nature this close up..   mesmerizing.

but none of us were quite prepared for the amount of rain..    so, -the total opposite of skinny dipping would be to jump in a pool with all of your clothes on; and that is the condition we ended our tour in...   soaking, soaking, dripping wet.   and in that condition we walked/jogged the mile + back to johns truck..   felt a little like what I imagine boot camp training might include; add weights and more obstacles..    and then a drive on 17 in the pouring rain...

so..    I keep giving myself imaginary brave badges..    and, keep moving past fears/obstacles; and keep being rewarded..

and I have my sexy to thank over and over again...    and my new friends, maria/john, which have become friends as a direct result of loving robert..   "thank you!"   awesome time again   -hallelujah and amen

The Heart Seen... by (amanda!)

this entire family  -so blessed!  "thank you!" for these recent contributions..   just gorgeous!  grateful and proud to add them to the heart seen collection!  xoxo

SILENCE HEARD ON THE VOICE by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-because it would feel neglectful, if I didn't write this before moving forward:

it is the kind of thing - a type of loud silence -  i'm sure only fellow rape survivors can hear

and I hear it very loudly on the voice.  the television show currently popular  -which I LOVE!  where contestants compete to win $$ and title of "the voice"   -worlds best singing voice of a given year

and, we,

the audience,

we don't only listen and watch the actual competitive performances  -but we also get to watch little mini bio's of the singers..   brief histories of when they first started singing..   a little about where they come from, geographically speaking, and a little about their families..   and quite often, we learn, in these mini bio's..  of any major traumas they have, or are currently facing

examples being: poverty; cancers; bullies; domestic abuse; drugs;  early, unplanned pregnancies; rejection; betrayals, abandonment; unemployment; natural disasters, like fires, floods..    etc.   and in many cases, we learn either the contestant themselves, or a family member or treasured friend..     someone has had to conquer a major battle.      -but, if we know, 1 out 4   (or whatever the current stat is..)  but if we know, 1 out of every 4,

or 1 out of every 6..  

girls or boys are survivors of  sexual assault/abuse; rape..

and we do the simple math:    how many contestants on the voice, over how many years/seasons..

and yet..   perhaps I haven't watched every. single. episode.

but I have watched many..    and, despite what I know statistically

not once have I heard that sexual abuse/assault; rape was the trauma a contestant, or their family member/friend, had to endure/survive/battle

the voice/the bio's on the voice, is only one example, of what continues to be a cultural trend

that loud silence...

that screams

what is, and what is not okay to talk about.

and, it is not a conscious effort, I understand, for entire cultures/populations to conspire with predators, and further fuel the unjustified shame factor on innocent victims

but, conscious or not; that IS THE RESULT

to be silent is to conspire with, support, and aid predators.   and they would like to thank you.

I would like to wake you up.

also, I admire/thank/appreciate Joyce Meyer's here..   when I re-realize she is in her early 70's, and how if going back...

to consider the climate, cultural climate, when she spoke of the incest she survived..  to an international, religious and secular television and live audience..

my God!  that took some levels of bravery few women/men ever exercise.   Wow!!

"Thank You Joyce and Thank You Jesus!"..  Amen & amen.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

It is Valentines... Let us speak and walk in LOVE by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I first learned about love

   excerpt from my archives:

and would you like me to speak again,  -some more about LOVE

how it is omnipresent..  infinite.  never runs out...  ever!
how it is not a limited resource we have to fight over...

how the mom in that country can love her child so deeply, so completely, so utterly

but that huge amount of love experienced/shared by that mom does not mean the mom on the other side of the world, now has less..

how it expands and grows..

how it is we even know  -we love someone; the internal experience, understood, known, interpreted


and, how God IS Love..          ~inside us.

and all around us...           everywhere.   unlimited, infinite resource

that unlike any other resource..    expands with use.    there is not one pile of love, that gets spread thin, you see

or runs out.   or must be rationed.

there is always plenty and plenty more

where love comes from...

for those who don't believe in God..

I would not waste a second arguing, or trying to convince, or persuade

because LOVE is a spiritual LAW that applies to all of humanity; not a specific faith or lack of faith system.    .it is like the sky

do you love anyone?   isn't it fantastic!

that is plenty.

and there is plenty more..

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this is my 'I give up.. best I can do' photo   -because, even in this picture.. my 20th attempt..   you can't quite see the heart shape the same way you can with your eyes

the view is from the information desk at alden lane..

and, again,   only from a specific distance, only from a specific angle..

and if you find both that distance and angle at the same time..   what a beauty!!

    -and when I see other people at alden lane with cameras..  I try to make sure they know, so they can give it a go too..

"happy valentines everybody!"
   love, ~Sandra

p.s.   valentines = the anniversary of my baptism; when I gave my heart officially to Jesus; my savior, my Lord

hallelujah & amen!

Unafraid of the dark (me!) sandra, tvgp

sharing an excerpt from a conversation with my sexy   -it was regarding the "stereotype" of what the sex life is imagined to be like for the victim,  in the aftermath of surviving rape

my analogy will win no awards, but it comes the closest to my personal experience.

you need to hold two different images; one at a time; in your imagination

the first image:   lovers on a picnic in a beautiful park, on a beautiful day  -and the lover hands a bottle of water to his beloved.   -she delights in every sip throughout the picnic

the second image:   /which I really read about in a newspaper decades ago:   a woman chained to a chair, her nose painfully clamped shut, her neck/face forced back, and gallons of water, non-stop, are forced down her throat beyond any humans ability to properly swallow or digest    /in the case I read about..  the victim in fact died this way.


where water is the analogy for sex  -consensual vs. rape

and water is a life necessity isn't it; adds enormously to the quality of life..   clean, pure, drinkable, swimmable, wonderful water..  

but used in a different way...    terrorizing and deadly.   it can water-color the earth gorgeous greens

and give children puddles to play in..

and then there are tsunamis.


in the example above..    had the woman who had gallons of water, non-stop,  forced down her throat, with no way to breath, swallow, digest..   had she lived..

would you expect her to hate water?   to respond with PTSD every time someone handed her a glass of water?  

it is very clear..   nothing to do with water itself, but rather the motive/intention/evil or motive/intention/love of the human being with the water.    it is about the person, not the thing


what I remember most  -that followed me through and in the aftermath of 3 different kidnappings/rapes, is this:

not being terrified or frightened of sex

but being very terrified and frightened that no one knew where I was.. or could know... or would know.

no one being able to find me.   that was the scariest thing of all.

and so, as time moved on, and my healing moved with it

when I did again engage in risky behavior

and by the way, just leaving the house alone to go to the grocery store felt risky..

but, when I did, for example, start flirting again, and went to a potential boyfriends house..

for many, many, years..  I did no such thing without making sure someone knew where, when, who..  
this was before we had cell phones/trackers, etc.

so, I would copy my license, and write down what information I had about who/where I was going, what route I would take, etc.

because  -in my mind/heart/soul, I realized..   something bad can happen to me..

and if it does..

if I don't return..

if you don't hear from me within such n' such time..

you know where to come lookin'


I mostly just wanted to make sure, that if I was killed

someone would find my body.  I can't over emphasize how important that was..  find me..   felt more important than the alive or dead part;   just -find me.


that desire remains in me to this very day.  I always want at least one person to know where I am at all times.  so, thank you, cell phones/gps/trackers..  "thank you!"


and in the aftermath of three different kidnappings and rapes

Praise God

I have a very healthy, wonderful sex life.    /let us "cheers!" here, and clink our water bottles

   -take that! devil

hallelujah and amen

Thursday, February 07, 2019

The -WHOLE- truth and something 'bout the few by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am writing as a layperson, pedestrian, citizen, mom, prior victim, conqueror, survivor; and not as a professional journalist reporter.  there has been no fact checking, and there will be no actual, real numbers researched to provide you.   I know what I know without any or all of that; based on 5 decades plus of life and over a million conversations/observations/experiences, etc.


the inspiration for this post is a recent, ultra brief conversation, that went like this:

(me!):   "are you a Christian?"

him:   "No.  I'm an atheist.."      and that really was the beginning and the end of our conversation.


but what I know about  -him-   is that he is headed into law enforcement, and so I said to myself and Jesus..   let me pray extra for that young man...   and I don't know Jesus, but if I were to guess..  I'd give his atheism about another 5 to 7 years tops...    and I wonder what his come to Jesus moment will look like?


To every noble man and woman in law enforcement of any faith or lack thereof:

 "Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!" 

  We need you more than ever, but write now, in the current climate, it is very hard to keep and recruit qualified, noble, people!

The exploitation of the corrupt few.. over, and over, and over..   has the population at large projecting corruption on the entire force.   You are entering (or currently working in) a very hostile environment.   You are being severely over-worked and incrementally under paid...  slowly the wages are being lowered, or for longer times stagnant..   longer hours, mandatory, not optional; the amount of time/years to be vested in 401k's and the like keeps growing longer...   if I were to summarize the conditions in 5 words:


and now in your thankless, very high stress job, lacking sleep and time to restore with so much mandatory overtime..    under 7 layers of stress,    -should you make a decision, that anyone who is overworked, exhausted, and up against would make..     and that decision is wrong in the blinded public's eyes..    you will pay for that too..    adding even more stress...   even more hostility.

How can we turn this around?    I do not have the answer..   but I sure can identify the problem.


via a million conversations, I have learned..     it is entirely BACKWARDS

SDRAWKCAB!! in the jails/prisons

flip the formula for a moment..   the same way the exploitation of the few corrupt cops has been projected on to the whole...

the exploitation of a few wrongly accused or poorly treated inmates is being projected on to the entire population of inmates..    /I think we should stick to the word "criminal" instead of "inmate" to help remind...    

so that an unbalanced and unjustified amount of compassion, mercy, empathy, etc. is being poured out and onto violent rapists, child molesters, predators of every kind,  drug addicts, gang leaders and members, robbers/thieves.. and a whole line of evil, hideous criminals who have destroyed the lives of our innocent, law abiding, basically good citizens.

now I know, have written prior, and agree still..    if you have a violent, evil, criminal who has destroyed innocent lives..   and who threatens the lives of even one, or many others, by remaining on the streets    -sending such a unevolved human being into our current jail/prison system, certainly does not look to me like it is going to do  -anything-  that will help said EVIL criminal evolve..   rather.. it seems to me it will make matters worse..

but until we figure that out..   keeping predators, rapists, molesters, robbers/thieves, gang leaders, members, terrorists off the streets and away from the innocent, law abiding public seems CRUCIAL TO ME

but the unbalanced and unjustified amount of compassion projected onto the unworthy whole inmate/crininal population IN COMBINATION WITH the unbalanced, unjustified amount of hostility toward the whole law enforcement population is currently equaling this:

violent, evil inmate who is in jail for destroying innocent live(s):

  -just got an upgrade on a larger flat screen tv. /by 2"'s
 -has popcorn/movie nights..   and can be let out of cell for popcorn/movie night even if he/she attacked an officer or another inmate
 -health care/attention at the snap of a finger
-in and out of cell privileges, mandatory, despite any violent behaviors
-popsicles and running through the sprinklers for recreation..   despite attacks on officers or other inmates
-no consequences for ugly, violent, threatening behavior

in my many conversations, I hear it repeatedly, from many different sources..   authority/autonomy has been taken away from the noble law enforcement officers..   and  -given- more and more to the inmates/criminals   and the criminals are feeling very empowered, and our noble officers are working in more and more hostile conditions..

the officers..

many/most good, law abiding, wanting to serve, make a living that will allow them to provide for their families..  wanting to SERVE AND PROTECT their families, communities, schools, neighborhoods by keeping criminals/predators off the streets

they are  -forced-  to work not only their regular 40 hours week, but  -mandatory- overtime..  

so, already up against it..

with no down time..  no time with family/friends, no time for rest.. no time to restore..   and more and more hostile environment/circumstances..   and little to no support from the public or higher ups


is that what you all want?  

an overworked, exhausted, underpaid/undercompensated noble law enforcement officer,

making sure the unevolved violent, predator who just attacked an officer and another inmate

 -do you want to make sure he gets his larger flat screen tv?  and popcorn/movie night..

and free health care...    and laundry service..     and recreational time...    meals...   dessert...

while the overworked, exhausted underpaid/undercompensated noble law enforcement officer has to tell his noble, law abiding spouse and children,

he/she has been -mandatoried- to work another overtime shift, and can't come to the family function; because he/she needs to make sure the criminal gets his/her recreational time..

is that what you want?

-because that is what you currently have.


remember here, I write this as an individual who has survived gang infested neighborhoods; three kidnappings and rapes, a bank robbery..   and many scary neighborhoods/hostile environments.

I am GRATEFUL FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT, POLICE, HIGHWAY PATROL.. every noble first responder of every kind.


In Jesus hear my prayer, name..       amen.

Monday, February 04, 2019

Super Bowl BASH 2019 by (sexy! & tops!)

Friday, February 01, 2019

Yes! I am feelin' very lucky indeed (me!) sandra, tvgp

He did get down on one knee.. my sexy... for (tops!)

k, this is just a sweet moment i'd like to remember..    went on an uphill walk with my sexy this very morning..    we had been, last night, discussing the advantages of walking, exercise, etc.  and the word -lunge came up.  I was like, 'what is a lunge exactly?"  and he verbally described it to me.  and then I said with a smile, "so, when we are walking up hill, if we just make those steps much bigger, you are kind of doing a lunge..   write?"

and when we were walking up the hill, I said with a smile  "show me a lunge sexy"

and he did.

and I said with an even bigger smile..   "baby.. did you just get down on one knee for me?"


and I sure do also want to remember the dream I had about my daughter last night.. I gave her the longer version directly, but here, I will abbreviate:

I got dropped off somewhere and was hoping out of the passenger seat of a huge 18 wheeler..

when I returned into the passenger seat, my daughter was in the driving seat

my God baby.. you cannot drive this thing..   get out of there..

and it started out lighthearted but grew into an actual argument, but while I was telling her she couldn't do it.. she just turned the key and started driving like a pro, in a residential neighborhood

where an 18 wheeler surely does not belong

I was just starting to catch my breath and realize she knew what she was doing  -going straight-

when, suddenly she started to really maneuver and U-turn..

this was too much for me..

and that's when I woke up.   thank God.    and amen.

The Heart Seen... awesome addition/contribution received by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this is just awesome...   "thank you!" squidmann

per email:

Cut off the corner of a twenty-pound bag of bird seed and...voila!

The coolest thing, ever, ever, EVER! to (me!) sandra, tvgp

my very first introduction was via cbs sunday morning show some long time ago..

and I have NEVER forgotten.

only on the occasions I am scheduled to work at the info desk at alden lane do I really have access to a computer and the internet, and in between phone calls, customer service, pricing or other projects, if time and circumstances allow, I will visit their website.  and,

if and when "I" visit their website..

"I" want "everyone!!! to visit their website with (me!)"

"hey.. come look at this... check this out...isn't this the coolest thing ever, ever, EVER!"

and i'm pretty sure if you add all my info counter shifts together with all my co-workers who must pass by the info desk while i'm having my shift..

well, now what I say is...

"hey..  have I already made you look at this book cover website?"     and on many occasions their eyes glaze over, and they go..

well, either they go, "umm...   well...     no..."    /but really they are just being polite and looking for the 3rd or 4th time

or,  before I have even finished asking, they go, "... the book covers...  yes I think you showed that to me last time..       /and the time before that...   under their breath

and poor john, when I made him look

I said with a smile, I said..

"isn't this the coolest thing ever, ever, EVER!"  

and he said, without a smile mind you, he said,

"no..   no..  how can you tell which book is which then?!  i'm more of a purest"  and he indicated to (me!) with actual words, facial expression and tone..   he would never cover his books or any books this way.

so I said,

"john.  -have you not figured it out yet?!"

and he said, "figured what out?"

and I said, "listen.  just look at the website.   ooooh and aahhhh, tell me it's wonderful and walk away.  that's all you have to do, and i'll leave you alone."


so, having burnt out all my co-workers, I started in on innocent customers.   -and!  it just happened to be that my next shift at the info counter, time and circumstances allowed me to look again..

and there I was fielding calls, while staring again at the website..

and a perfectly innocent customer came in, and needed to pick up his cherry tree

so, knowing he could not tell a lie,

I said to him with a smile, I said,

"do you like to read?"

and, only because he said, "yes"    /although, I would have twisted his no, if he gave one, to end up in the same place,

but because he said yes, I said  "check this out!   isn't this the coolest thing ever, ever, EVER!"

and I moved the monitor a little so he could see   and I could tell by his facial expression and tone, etc., that he did think it was pretty cool too!

and then he started to tell me about some people he knew who arranged books by color.


and I mentioned to him, how I wrote a poem once..    "like, who reads books by size or color?"

there was I time I thought that was the most ridiculous thing in the world..

but, this website..  

this is quite different than arranging by size and color, although..  that is in fact what they are doing to some degree..

but what they are doing is so beautiful and creative, and it does honor the books, the authors, the messages, the content in many instances


of course, of course, of course!  I dream again and again,

my 13+ years worth of blogging into book form

across a long, long, long shelf/shelves.. with beautifully designed paper, a gorgeous background

and SQUIDMANN & SHE...   and our 9 years worth of his post/my comments.. into books..

wouldn't that be awesome..


so, we talked about books, and arranging books, and he mentioned to me this artist woman he had read about, and what she did was arrange books so that the titles on the spine, when placed together in a certain order and way..   it would create sentences or poems

but he couldn't remember her name..

and then later that same day, he sent an email to alden lane, with her info..

and "thank you!" kind customer! for being such a good listener..   and for introducing me to nina
another wonderful creative book lover..

"to books! and reading...   and designing...   and arranging their covers!"

cheers!  and amen.

  -forgive technical difficulty..unable to orient picture properly.    the go-around is to just tilt your head significantly ~write:

It's A Jeep Thing for (me!) sandra, tvgp

great job!

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

The Heart Seen... recent highly adored contributions received by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"thank you!"  squidmann
per email:  Made for you fresh by the gopher this morning, complete with a hole in the heart!


"thank you!" Amanda

By-Path Surgery by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the problem of not being able to upload pictures from phone to blog is not yet resolved.  but as I have written about in abundance before  -everything is pathways.  and my go-around temporary solution (which I hope is temporary) is to send my pictures to myself via email..  then download...  then access.


now..   I was wearing the biggest smile when someone was kind enough to ask (me!) yesterday

passerby:   how are you doing?

(me!):   well, I have a very sexy man and great meal to look forward to... in a new place my heart gets to call home..


I will not write again about  -home-    

what I will do instead is tell you how moved I was..     deeply touched..    when, in the not too far past, my mom and her husband rick came here to san jose for dinner     /my temptation would be to say, 'to Robert's house' for dinner..    

anyway..   they came here..    and  "I got to cook for them!"  one of my favorite meals Robert had made for me... which felt great, as they had had dinner waiting for me almost every night I lived there with them...      slow cooked to perfection pot roast and hand-mashed fresh hot potatoes.  I do believe it was a hit..

but, that's not the part that moved me..   this is:

when I walked through the door, my sexy had poster board on several different, currently empty walls/areas.  

I just laughed and smiled so big..   and so did my mom and rick when they arrived.  and we had a lovely dinner and lovely visit..   






to do this:

to that:

and how much time?  how many days?   I didn't count..     but on a couple or a few days before I left for work..   and on a couple or a few nights before I went to bed..   and on one of my days off...

"thank you! Jesus! for the vision and the verve"

"thank you my sexy!" for letting me have my way with your bricks


I love you so


and I have the vision and the verve for the next wall too..

which means I need the tools, supplies, time...

but, does this ever keep me joyful, having these projects


and i'm equally joyful in the kitchen, doing the dishes, cooking, learning, cleaning
enjoying meals with Robert and his son Justin

i'm equally joyful weeding the front/backyards with my sexy..  doing laundry...

everything feels like 'due season' as promised in the Bible

To God the Glory   -and gratitude.    amen.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Technical Difficulties for (me!) sandra, tvgp

unable to upload any pictures from my phone to my blog..   initial troubleshooting efforts unsuccessful.   some great pix when problem is resolved..

in the meantime


Congratulations to (me!).  I passed the mandatory test given at work yesterday regarding preventing/addressing sexual harassment in the workplace.

CH=  many, but I will write of the main one that haunts me.   It haunts me because I had a young beautiful girl turn specifically to me for help..  and I did nothing.

The first thing I want to say is this...   If I were presented with the exact same situation today  -I could and would find the words, and directly address the issue  -but I could not find the words at the time

I am simply more mature and better able today...

but honey, I am so, so sorry I let you down.  In prayer I have forgiven myself; believe I am forgiven


what happen:  -the beautiful young woman could not take a break, or have lunch without finding herself in the company of an older, married, male co-worker.

it is true that he never said anything inappropriate.

it is true that he never made any gesture, or tried to touch her  -he did not make physical contact.

none of his words or actions were inappropriate.   it was more that he just didn't pick up on ANY SOCIAL QUES she provided that she did not desire his company over and over

if she had her lunch over there...  there he was.
if she went instead over there..  there he was..

if she changed the time...   there he was..

being friendly, conversational..

add on, the friendly/conversational married man was a coach of young people

perhaps he felt more qualified to talk to high school students..  like he had a special rapport

add on, at the time, I was relatively new to the corporation, and the friendly/conversational gregarious man was well established and well regarded by executives

I could go on and on about the nuances; everything that factored in..

coming up with a million excuses why I couldn't and didn't find the words..

I lost sleep some nights..   how can I say?  if it doesn't go well.. to who can I turn?

but by the time I thought maybe I had found the courage

the young beautiful woman had quit and left the corporation.

I never had a chance to apologize.

If you ever read this...  you'll know who you are.   very sorry I let you down.  please forgive...


if it happened today..  it all seems so simple and uncomplicated and easy almost

"hey.. can I talk to you a moment...   I know you probably mean well..  just being friendly and conversational.. but, the young beautiful woman you always keep company at lunch

she has expressed privately to me that she'd like to have lunch alone sometimes...  it is her time to text on her phone, or read and relax..   she feels monopolized sometimes..   -if you could honor her space.."

why was that so hard?   I can't explain...  why so hard then; why so much easier now..


I bet the same is true for you..

you couldn't find the words either..  to talk to him directly..    to politely ask to be left alone

but I bet if we fast forward a year, three years..  five years

it becomes easier.

but you turn to me...  and I let you down.   This is not a mistake I would ever let happen again.

In Jesus name..   amen & amen.


file under: skill sets we should teach very early in schools and at home...

Thursday, January 10, 2019

The Sanity Plea -se. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the end of December ='s inventory at work.. 2 to 3 days of it, which, only after genetics, is the leading cause of baldness.  the beginning of January ='s, the packing up and putting away of all Christmas products, décor and displays.  this is very similar to moving.. and involves many, many, cardboard boxes..

anything reminiscent of moving is just..

but add on, that the Christmas items getting packed away must also be inventoried.

it is a marathon of monotony and I think sometimes I might just be losing my mind.


flesh  "you could just keep walking …    to the parking lot...   get in your jeep and go..."

holy spirit  "or you could continue toward the warehouse and get the job done"

and so I went to the warehouse and got more of the job done.

and I was thinking silently to myself     /the word silently is necessary here, because I do sometimes think out loud

, I was thinking..   I was briefly proud of myself for my new level of endurance for the monotonous and how much I had already accomplished toward the greater goal

inventory -check/done!  it is behind me, like satan…

and packing Christmas..    the lions share is done! check!

by end of day tomorrow it will be behind me too

and then,

in that very moment, i saw a flash vision of my W-2 in my minds eye, and heard a whisper in my minds ear

Tax Season.

and I had to laugh

out loud.

which appeared to my co-worker, just passing by, rather odd.  

/there she is again, all by herself, -laughing...

        -think she might be losing her mind


it is in fact, a great team effort..   taking down, dis-assembling, organizing, running inventory tapes, labeling, packing, storing       -and I am blessed to work with dedicated co-workers, all in and on board to get the job done   -write.

thank you Jesus  -amen.

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Speaking of Jesus... (me!) sandra, tvgp

not as frequently as I used to, but more frequently than I would ever wish to

I find myself in the presence

within earshot,

or in direct conversation

with a fast talker.

I do not use the word fast here with the definition of speed/words per minute

but rather colloquially

a fast talker..  a bullshitter…  a manipulator..   a great debater, but skilled for win, not truth.   an influencer, persuader  -but again, for the win; for selfish gain; not for truth

the skilled salesperson  -making the sale/profit without any regard for proper match between consumer and product

the academic with a superiority complex  -not using knowledge to help teach/grow a person, but rather to demonstrate how much more educated they are than another   -using knowledge to belittle someone, and exalt themselves

the jealous and insecure  -with a verbal skill for marginalizing the accomplishments of others..

I could go on

it has to do with motivations/intentions   /which I also awe at...


of the many, many, many qualities I love about Jesus

Jesus was not a fast talker.

Jesus was not a sales personality type.

Jesus was not a scholar with a superiority complex.

Jesus was not belittling anyone to make himself look better in the eyes of others or to boost his own ego or marginalize anyone elses accomplishments

and we are living in a world now where -follow- is a very important word

how many people 'follow' you
who do you 'follow'

popularity is falsely being associated/correlated with actual human value/self worth..

one of the benefits of being in my 50's write now, and not a tween, teen or young adult

is that I already know better

and I could not care less about how many people 'follow' me

and I am very grateful and proud to follow Jesus.


Tuesday, January 08, 2019

Fabulous Fireworks. photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

and so you can see then, if i so easily awe at seeds which yield pretty colorful flowers; how much more in awe i am of human beings

from the union of..  into cells..  and then consciousness, conscience, moving, breathing, running, swimming, decision making, learning, making up and changing their minds, breaking and healing hearts, immune system, gifts/talents, regrets/forgiveness, inventions, intuition, instincts...  learning, ignoring, focus..   determination..  imagination/dreams..

hope. faith. love.

the spectrum of physical/mental/spiritual abilities we can consciously aim to master;
the amount going on in and through and on us, on its own..  the pumping of blood, beating of the heart, blinking of eyes..shedding of skin...

there have been 
and are now
and will be

many discussions about human beings as masterpieces

"you are a masterpiece!"

and its true.

I think it is a good exercise to consider a piece of technology and marvel at all its capabilities, bells and whistles

and then compare it to all that human sentient beings can do and -feel-


-imagining/making/designing/manufacturing/distributing the very technology that can do so many amazing things

and then to note

God is to humans; as humans are to technology


today i'll be thinking about intuition, inspiration and fractals.

In Jesus Name!   amen & amen.

Monday, January 07, 2019

Great Treasure!! to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I always pack it.. and I always delight in coming across it again when I unpack boxes.. I remember I had juju read it out loud when I lived with her and just giggled and laughed..   and this weekend when I came across it, I had my sexy robert read it out loud.. and I just crack up every. single. time.  i am more grateful to have this misspellings, uncorrectly interpretated into almost engl-ish-ness paragraph than some of my most esteemed highly polished and professional literary works.

Wednesday, January 02, 2019

... in a castle in vegas... (sexy! & tops!)


livermore wine country literary harvest 2006 livermore wine country literary harvest 2008 the social cause diet 4th street studio's saturday salon literary harvest mag time frames