sandra harrison kay literary & mixed media artist



Friday, July 31, 2015

"Happy 10 Year Blogging Anniversary!" to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Top Ten Reasons "i love my blog!"

1. its a living document.

in the search bar of this blog, if you enter, shady characters, this will provide an example of what i mean:  that is, i wrote my memories of being in a bank when it was robbed, and then because the story lives in the blogosphere, the best friend i mention, was able to write her memories in comments, and then! quite a time later, the ex-boyfriend i mention was able to add his memories.. Shady Characters is one of the greatest treasures in my blog; the way it captures how human memory does and does not work. and i love that my friends share straight from their heart; raw. it is not edited, polished for publication; it is very real.

2.  external memory storage.

there is so much ive blogged that i would never remember on my own.. but when you add a search bar to all the writing, this allows me, -if i can at least remember one key word,  -immediate access to experiences/memories in my life.

3. best vehicle for processing trauma. 

i was not successful processing my traumas in a traditional setting:  counselors office.  but have healed a great deal by writing about it: in my search bar, enter: he has a name.  -writing this helped me further process being the #2 victim of the lakeside serial rapist.

4. one-stop-shop for my creativity.

within my blog i have creative nonfiction short stories, poetry, humor pieces, political/social commentary, photographs from my "The Heart Seen" collection, and my "Ricky Picky" photo collection, comic strips, mag time frames, mixed media art, family recipes..  essentially, this one platform is my home for everything i think, write, create that i am inspired to share.

5. its fun!!

i have written professionally for newspapers and magazines, and have taught classes and workshops..but the more professional work i was doing, the less i wanted to write. when i switched, thank you to the blogosphere, from professional for money, to writing for pure pleasure.. well, as you can see, i have not stopped since..

6. personal evolution.

writing helps me to better see my own strengths and weaknesses and make adjustments, corrections along the way  -not to my grammar, punctuation, or spelling; but to my very character as a human being.

7. no editor!

and God bless editors, yes.. i used to be one, but.. not having an editor and being able to write freely; intuitively and spontaneously vs. according to some very outdated grammar/punctuation rules and regulations. this put the pleasure back in the process. i like to say, "read me for content not appearance"

8. imaginary conversations with important people.

-there are so many people i will never have the opportunity to meet and talk with in person and maybe if i did, i would be too nervous to get the questions out anyway, but i use my blog to document the conversations i would have; if i could..

9. do-overs:

in real life... we don't always get do-overs, but i also use my blog to create the do-overs as i would do them; if i could do them.

10. im creating what i wish my relatives had given me:

-my grandma harrison wrote 3 pages in a journal..  which i read with deep great interest and when i turned to page 4..  "that is it?!?!".  i was devastated really. there is so much i wish i knew about my family..  i wish all my aunts, uncles and grandparents, cousins, parents, siblings...  quite frankly i wish everyone kept a journal. i'd be reading them write now.

so, i am admittingly over-compensating for all my family members who do a lot of talking...   but where do the conversations go?

last thing i want to point out is, that it is only because of the blogosphere that ive done so much writing.  these same stories would not exist if i was still long hand journaling in 3 ring binders..

" thank you!" to the geniuses who created this platform.

i was born for such a time as this! 

and consider this anniversary a completely legitimate reason to have some cake for breakfast... 

Thursday, July 30, 2015

fun things to think about for (me!) sandra, tvgp

im pretty fresh off watching NOVA's what makes us human? program. -great show. very well done. im quite fond of the host who i know from watching CBS Sunday Morning..  

its all very intriguing and entertaining.. and the primary focus of this particular show, in regards to what separates humans from animals was...

language & laughter.  

and, i mean really.. they nailed it didn't they.. because when was the last time you heard an elephant tell a good joke?

anyway.. distinctions between animals and humans.. that's what my mind was contemplating as i drifted off to sleep last night...

"contemplating!".  -hey.. animals don't contemplate do they?  i wonder..

" wonder!".  -do animals wonder where their next meal is coming from?   -wonder what will happen if they sleep all day vs. go out in the wild? -wonder what direction they should take? decision they should make? 

-do wild animals ever get wild ideas?  and then discuss the pros and cons..   do they have regrets?   are they ever self-conscious about their appearance?  

are there any animals who use forest fires to have a big BBQ?  and cook their prey instead of having to eat it raw all the time..

I mean, how unsanitary..      "sanitation!".   hmm,  what does separate us humans from other animals species?

" transportation!".   -do birds fly because they can get there faster? and do they ever stop anywhere along the way just because its beautiful?  do they ever change their minds?

are there any animals with faith or belief systems? who are "curious!" about the origin of their existence? whether or not they have any famous relatives?  and speaking of relatives.. our closest relatives; the apes..  how come some populations have, in theory, evolved into humans while other populations remain apes? if we "time travel!" into the future.. in what year have all the monkeys and apes finally learned to stand up, shave and wipe their ass? 

do animals have any concept of our time in history? calendars? -remember birthdays?  -get sentimental...   stare up at the stars and "wish!" they could "explore!" outer space...  

are there any animals who have been "inspired!" to draw or take pictures.. or the equivalent.. to try and re-capture a scene in nature..

are there any animals who point at something  "on purpose!" so other animals will look in that direction  -and then run.. 

do animals have secrets?  hopes and dreams?  do animals pray?   meditate? 

i haven't "studied!" animals in any "great depth!" but..    are there any animals who trade? negotiate? barter?

-like, are there any animals who use there skill sets/instincts "gifts! & talents!" as a form of "currency!"   -and "place value!" on this to trade for that?

can animals "believe!" things they do not know..

are there any animals "conscious of their consciousness?  ..of their conscience?...

are there any animals that are also.. " trend setters!".

like,  (yawn) ... i wonder..  does one animal look at another animal.. (stretch..turn off lights.. return to bed) and "think!".. 

i like your mangled hairstyle... how can I get my mane to look like that? that where the term copy-cat came from...?

democracy.. free speech.. freedom of religion...scientific method..  chocolate... coffee..  ZZZzzzzz.....

What scientists know about human evolution, by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Girl Scout Troop from London visiting (ricks picks!)

customers come in solo, sometimes in pairs, whole families will come in, and sometimes 3 to 4 friends together; but pretty unusual to have this large of a group to come in all together to shop.. so I had to ask..   and then delighted in their accents and stories.  -you can meet them here:    "Pleasure to meet you!  Blessings!".

sandy land comics by (me!) sandra kay & (nancy eddinger!)

..another treasure/reward as i continue to declutter my room and life..  sandy land comics.  inspired by time devoted to mag time frames and my experiences in the arts & crafts industry.   I did the writing; Nancy Eddinger did the illustrations.  We have 16 one panel and multiple panel strips we submitted to publishers in 199?    -and in reviewing them today I still find them funny, relatable.. and can't imagine why these aren't in print write now...  

Monday, July 27, 2015

Sunday, July 26, 2015

1 Corinthians 10:13 translated by (me!) sandra, tvgp

every morning i click on two apps:  1. to find out the word of the day; most of which I will never actually use in my conversations or writings, -its just fun.  And 2. The bible app for my passage of the day.    -& when I shared it with my sister this morning, we were both like..   ?...     what does that mean in plain English please.   So I'm going to attempt a bullet point translation as I understand it.    

First!  as it appeared:

1 Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.



*  there are no temptations that are not common to everyone.  I.e.,  greed, revenge, lust,  etc.    /I believe the list is short and finite.

* God will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to overcome.  -and I believe we become stronger each time we recognize a temptation for what it is..  and fight the good fight..    

* there is an exit strategy.   and I believe exiting IS the strategy in many cases.  that is why we are taught to -flee!- away from temptation

vs.  hang out near or with or around and just hope we don't succumb.

-having failed on many occasions before I learned to succeed; I hath a deep appreciation for thy passage.. 

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) in my raisin bread...

..yes, yes.. now i remember...!

my beautiful aunt June & amazing uncle bill...  

google:  bill and June Vaughn pottery.    -stunning!  

Thanks for the visit!  Love you!

they look suspicious... ~ly like (my family!)

my mom, her sister. .  who passed along to me & my sister, how to also be best friends..     -and then..    its been so long I'm not sure who those other two characters are?... 

favorite neighbors in downtown pleasanton (main st. sunglasses!)

the reasons i love my job list is very long..  but certainly you will find on it, somewhere near the top: location and neighbors.   -same things that contribute to whether or not i love where i live..

and when it comes to neighbors..    ricks picks is extra lucky.

and..  having just recently posted about our stores new butterfly stamp...

see that?     2 stamps!   10 smiles!

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Lost & Found Spell -excerpt from Six Months on the Fence by (me!) sandra, tvgp

page 3:   ...On the inside cover of all my journals is my phone number, email address, and a little note to entertain, inform and warn the person who finds my journal should, God Forbid, I ever lose one.

Lost & Found Spell.

if found, return to me    ~without reading past this page
then luck and love will be yours for life no matter what your age

but should you read beyond this page    -I've cast an evil spell:

impotence for gentlemen -  and breath that all can smell.

women - you will never mate - your back will always ache

and the only orgasms you'll ever have are the ones you'll have to fake. 


-that was written by (me!) some ten years ago now, and fun to come across during my decluttering/excavation process..

half of what is keeping me going is wondering what else i might come across..

in Jesus name,  -amen.

I spy my lucky number! (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

it has been my non~guilty pleasure for some time now: the vine cinema & ale house in livermore

a cold handcrafted beer, salty popcorn, kick off my shoes, and stretch out on one of their super comfy couches..

get lost inside someone else's story on the big screen for a while.


and a true pleasure to introduce to others.. local friends/family who have never been; friends/family visiting from out of town..

people whose only movie theater experience involves cramped rows of seats squished write next to each other.. 

to suddenly have some elbow r o o m..   a couch, sofa, with not just a narrow arm rest with a cupholder.. but a table! for your drinks..

which can include wine or beer or soda, water..

and where you can have restaurant food delivered..

it almost doesn't matter which movie is playing the experience is so good..

but it was a good movie too.   Mr Holm's.    /which I can only seem to say and hear in a way that plays off of the popular classic song: Mrs Jones.   "  ... me and Mr holmes, Mr Holmes, Mr Holmes..

we've got a thing...     going on...   Da, dut, da dut, da... "

anyway:  if they had to do it over again.. my mom, my aunt and friends..   they would have lunch first, somewhere in downtown Livermore, and then just have drinks/popcorn in the theatre.

-because although the food itself was good..   and the seats comfortable, and the tables convenient.

-they found it hard to eat in the dark.    

/and it is,  but may I personally highly recommend zephyrs blue~cheese bacon burger.  -which was delicious and sustained me from this afternoon movie all the way until breakfast the next day.

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-only from a specific distance, -but a very pleasant surprise. Rick called needing picture of bamboo style wind chimes.  I grabbed a couple from this display, and added to that display.. tried to put the 6 we have of that style in one area so I was only taking 1 picture.. And.. well, -check it out:  

Two more reasons i love my job. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

the annual 'where's waldo' event hosted by our downtown main street neighbor: towne center books.

ricks picks, with its huge variety of a little bit of everything is a perfect store for .....   

"can you give us a hint?"

-because it can be a little overwhelming also, for the little ones.

-that's when we offer to play hot & cold, and treat waldo like an easter egg.. cold and you are nowhere near; warm you are getting closer; hot! -all you have to do is look from where you are

"I found him!!"

and then they run to the counter all excited to get their stamp on their passport.

there is something extra special about every single person who plays this game..

but these two caused a little extra melting of my heart.  -not quite the height of our counter, so it was partly in the way they had to reach up..

-those sweet faces; sweet voices..

and then.. I gave them each two butterfly stamps in the ricks picks square.  And then asked if they also wanted a stamp on their hands.

-they both did.

and smiled so big.  and said "thank you!" without their nanny even having to prompt them..

and then the little girl...

Well, she couldn't seem to figure out how she could admire the butterfly stamp on her hand and hold the where's waldo passport paper at the same time.  So she handed the paper to her nanny.

"Can you hold this.. I can't. I have a stamp on my hand!".   -and she held up her hand.. Smiling at the butterfly all the way out of the store and on to their next adventure...

-so precious..


and my confession here is this:  " me too!".   -honey, I am nearly 50 years old and have never lost my joy for the simple pleasures of a stamp, or a sticker..

I love stamping these passports and stamping the kids hands..

I wanna stamp everyone who comes through the door..

and close here with a big "thank you!" To Anne..  Because at first we were each just initialing the boxes with a pen..


but she brought the butterfly stamp and ink pad.

and if you could see the smiles..    -for such a very inexpensive, simple thing..

-talk about return on investment!    -and so I have recommended we keep a stamp at all times; forever!  Even after the event ends..

because even for the kids who aren't participating in the game..  when you offer to stamp their hand..

Immediately transforms their experience at the cash register and they leave with a smile..

how much was this stamp and ink pad?

I think, when you evaluate from a purely business stand point.

time, cost, investment, vs. return...

we are way outshining some place like...   Safeway.. Where the kids can have a free cookie..

plus, -this is not a sugary snack that some parents want to avoid..

it doesn't harm your teeth, or ruin your dinner..

yes..  from a strictly business standpoint

1 tiny stamp. 1 standard ink pad.  =  over a hundred stamped passports and hands

and who ever gets the stamp, smiles.
the parent smiles.
The person giving the stamp smiles.
anyone standing in line, witnessing the smiling children, also smile..

that's like, 5 smiles for every 1 stamp..

~very good business in deed.

Friday, July 24, 2015

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

...and you know what i love about this one dont you.. 

how its so close to going down the drain; but didn't.

Monday, July 20, 2015

"Oh... if i had an instagram app...". photo by (me!) writeousmom

Sunday, July 19, 2015

an excerpt from Six months on the fence, by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-the wild part .. is .. i just re-ran across this writing of mine from ten years ago.. on the same day my daughter was at Disneyland with friends celebrating Disneyland's 60th anniversary:


About the same time I open my Michael Gelb book I hear Taryn let out a great big sigh, "Mommy," she says, as she pulls the Walt Disney biography close to her chest in a dramatic sweep, "I know where it all got started."

"You know where what got started?" I ask her.

"Disneyland," she says with the authority of a college professor, "It all started when Walt was on the farm and put his sister's hat on one of the pigs.  The pigs name was Porky. That's how it all got started. I just know it! A pig wearing a hat! He was dressing up the animals on the farm when he was only 6 years old. That's what made his imagination take off."

I'm so pleased to see her excited and learning. "I never knew that," I say with mommy pride and interest, "That's a great story!"

"Wait til I tell Jack about that," she says, "How the brother stole his sisters hat, put it on a pig and that's how Walt Disney got his start."

"Congratulations!" to (A.C. Brea!) on their victory today!

...and all i'm sayin' is..  your victory just happen to take place on the same day i could finally attend..  so, i like to think there might be a correlation.     -and i saw some great moves out there!  pleasure to watch some live soccer and have family to root for!   i count it among my 2015 blessings that your team traveled write here to pleasanton to compete...   !   love you!  xoxo

The Heart Seen.. featured on (CBS Sunday Morning!)

The Heart Seen... (on pluto!)

emailed to (me!) by (squidmann!)

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Write about meaning. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

permanent:  my tattoo. -its meaning to (me!) is permanent, although i continue to play..   'it means conquer the world with kindness'

and I used to say, 'it means.. conquer the world one man at a time ...   with kindness'

but.. the whole, 'one man at a time' thing seem to stir up ideas counter to my intentions so I dropped that part out..

~of great interest to me.. are people, who upon learning my story, become almost apologetic about their own tattoos:

"yeah.. I got this..  I don't know.. because I liked it I guess.. But it doesn't have any meaning"

I actually don't think tattoos need to have any meaning beyond the fact you liked it and wanted one..

-my analogy would be home decor.  -maybe you have an heirloom piece that once belonged to a beloved relative, and even though it doesn't match a thing in your home; isn't something you would ever purchase from a store today..  you keep it, because it has this special meaning.

and on the very same shelf..  you have a piece..  because you like it.   -that's the beginning and end of its meaning; it is not utilitarian.. it is not heirloom, it has no special meaning, associations..  -you just liked it, bought it.. put it on your shelf to enhance your environment and enjoy..

you need no other reason.

-and I was struck by meaning again, when during a recent /and very ongoing

decluttering session..  

I happened across several pictures.   some of which contain tons of meaning; some no meaning beyond finding a thing appealing enough to take a picture

and some where the meaning has changed.  -and some where the meaning has been entirely lost:

once upon a time, this picture.. of him & I..   in love..   it meant the world to me..

and then I learned that at the very moment our cute couple picture was taken..  where we look ..  at least in this picture.. We look in love with each other..

turns out that wasn't true.    -the meaning got vacuumed write out of the picture and so...  "To the trash can with you!"

and I realized again..  How the truth..  

The meaning of the word truth:  is permanent.   And there is something very beautiful about that... 

things and words and people whose meaning remain to us permanent and true..

and i love that about my own tattoo..   its meaning is permanent.  I play with connotation/denotation.. but

what it meant to me when I got it almost 10 years ago..

what it means to me now..

what it will mean to me 20 years from now..

so I toast this morning to "permanent ink!"

and shall write a poem soon..   Called,   'ain't no pencil tattoos'

In Jesus name,  amen.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

mural in progress by (!)

The Heart Seen in broken bird by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I know the sound.. of something that just broke.  A casualty of merchandising.. so I went one aisle over and asked Anne.. 'You OK?'.  -and then I looked down.. "Check out that heart!  -do not clean it up until I get a picture...".  And she was like.. 'I could never do that even if I tried..'.     ~notice that? how you can't even see the heart until
its broken.  

"Winners!". -scavenger hunt, downtown pleasanton...

"Congratulations!!". -from everyone at Ricks Picks...

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Omnipresent, as described and understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the boys, my son and nephew, are youth leaders this year at vacation bible school.  -of this, i am enormously proud.   -they have accumulated some fun stories to share; and if these stories, these memories, are to be shared with a larger audience i will leave it for them to do..

i just want to take on one thing:  they mentioned a child who asked, "is God bigger than a giant?"

and then I responded, "tell her God is omnipresent"

and the way the boys looked at me I knew that they did not yet know what this meant:   'omni~present'

in brief:   at all places; at all time; without beginning; without end.

So, at all places, at all time, infinitely.

-difficult concept to grasp for humans who think in terms of beginnings, middles & ends, and locations.

the best analogy I've been able to come up with, /dear hostadter,

is LOVE.   I've mentioned in prior blogs, but let me revisit:

where is love?  can you point to it on a map?

did love exist before you were born?
will it exist after you physically die?

when did LOVE come into existence exactly?

if this family over here has 12 children they love very, very, very x12 much...

does that mean there is going to be a shortage for the next family?

how much love is there to go around?  how and when will it run out?  Where is it stored?

where do we find it?   How do we get more? Or less? 

How big is it?  Who can measure?  What tool would you use to measure love?  A scale? A measuring tape?

to the question:  is God bigger than a giant?

I'd have to say..   God.. IS an omnipresent LOVE giant

God is love.


Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Path please. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

excuse me,
- pardon me sir,

but can you please help me find the way to
your heart?

tell me where i might start

-from here:

do i go left? or do i go write? 

is it camouflaged; & hiding in plain sight?    is it?

or am i just so tired and parched -the whole thing is just a mirage

and i need a good hallucination in order to find & lodge

- or,   ... is it   ~real

this loving place that b r ea ks and heals

and br  e aks  and heals

and      bra K e s    and heals.

-from here:

do i need a car? or can i walk?
do i need a key? or is the gate unlocked?

is it really big and easy to find?
is there even room for me?
or is there a big, long, long, line?
and from the back you cannot see.

i was told
sharing secrets
would guide me near

and then, but

unsecreting secrets is a thing to fear

-and FEAR!  i've been told by spectators
makes the distance ever greater

quite frankly, i'm tired. i'm lost. and confused.
feels like all my reserve tanks are empty from use

from here:

-should i turn back in defeat?

or is there      ~anyone~   who has already been there
that i can meet?

is there a short/cut; a fire trail; a bridge; a pass?
or is this territory uncharted? -no one has passed?

oh! what i wouldnt give to be, - first! only! and last!

how? do i get to your heart from



am i anywhere near?

is there something im supposed to do? or to say?

-how many obstacles stand in my way?

i want to get to your heart as fast as i can...

i want to know, and to own;
or at least.. -to just touch it.

ive been told it's rare and fragile as an orchid flower
and ive got such a strong urge to pluck it

path please. a poem in progress.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

9:92pm tuesday night, july 10th, 2015.. i feel a poem comin' on. (me!) sandra, tvgp

and i will post it when its done..  it is to be called: path please.

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Monday, July 06, 2015

Embarrassing moment 7962 for (me!) sandra, tvgp

i'm not embarrassed about my dancing; per se. i do try to contain myself inside the store if there are any people shopping..

i will sometimes dance a little bit if a great song comes on Pandora and the store is empty..  but im very tame. very tame.

i really do save it for, as my mom might describe, 'the appropriate time & place'

-and all us locals know.. that = Barones, music under the stars..

and I never feel embarrassed there..  you're supposed to get a little crazy when the band plays your favorite song..

besides, there's like 100's of people doing there own thing on the dance floor so you just kind of blend in..

my embarrassing moment is embarrassing exactly because there was no group of crazy people to blend in with..

it was just me.   -and if it was really, really just me.. that wouldn't be embarrassing either..

but it is exactly because there was 1 other person ...  besides me..   and not inside the store, just kind of passing by..

and my favorite dance song came on in the store.

and the store was empty!  -it was empty.. 

and I was just putting a couple things out front on the sidewalk.. 

dancing in, dancing out..

and have i not already mentioned uptown funk is the hottest dance song of this year!

and.. it brings out some new moves in me sometimes..  like I don't even know what I'm about to do..  all the sudden my hips will just start going one way, and my feet start side-steppin, and my hands will suddenly shoot up in the air.. 

its all to the beat, I promise you..  it makes perfect sense if you hear the song and watch me dancing at the same time..

but the thing is..

"..oh. hi. Um. .you can't hear the song out here. [stepping just outside the front door/freeze] . see.  but I promise.. Inside the store [stepping partially back in/2 dance moves.] uptown funk is playing write now.. [step out/freeze]  you can only hear it from inside..  but its playing..  [Stepping in/2 more dance moves. Step back out; freeze].  See its just that we don't have music piped out front the way they do at raleys grocery store..
.. but come to think of it.. I've never heard dance music over there..

-I did try to explain...

No, we have not been photo-shopped in..

-that really is (me!) & (my sister!) BBQ'n.   -so there.. 
"Thank you!" here to our dad who gifted my sister with her very own BBQ for her recent birthday. "Thank you! to Ricks Picks!.. for a great deal.. " Thank you!" to Chris Lampson for helping educate us about the chain-thing designed to ..?...  'Oh! it holds matches..'.  And for helping us discover the ignition was not broken.. "You just pull it out.. remove the plastic.. there's a battery.."

"Yes, of course..  we would have figured that out ourselves...


and "Thank you!" to our brave mom and her husband.. and the kids for not laughing.. remaining calm.. and insisting these were the best hot dogs ever..

i mean,  -not just anyone can heat up a hot dog..   -write.

next: hamburgers.  and if the house is still standing after that.. Kabobs.. if no alarms go off that night..  we will BBQ some tri-tip..

-there is no stopping us now.. 

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) On my (Mom~mal!)

now, -i never noticed this while she was here on earth, -no one did to my knowledge.. but when i was going through pictures recently it jumped out in the biggest way.  -the heart, write on her cheek.   and it is a pleasure to discover the heart seen in the very moment.. like on a sandwich, or in a spill, etc.   -but equally wonderful to discover hearts that have been write in front of your face, -for how long? just waiting for you to notice...   

is it possible you are surrounded by love, everyday, every where you go and you just haven't noticed?  -yes it is.

love you grandma!   xoxo

Sunday, July 05, 2015

"Happy Birthday America!" photo by (me!) ~mamarazzi..

..another treasure from the archives...

Saturday, July 04, 2015

"Does Great Britain have a 4th of July?" asked (mr crist!)

i loved him; love him still..   also, somewhere up there in heaven..

Mr jerry crist..  My 4th grade.. and then 5th grade...  and would have been 6th grade teacher..  only they said in order to prepare me better for Jr high.. I should not have the same teacher 3 years in a row..

/even though I thrived under his teaching, and struggled under the other..

-this does not factor in apparently.. but ..  Let me not get lost there..

& instead enjoy the memory. 4th grade I think it was..

and he taught us all about why we celebrated the 4th of July.. Which to us had nothing to do with wars or history or america..  And everything to do with  "no school!". And " fireworks!"

anyway.. after he taught the lesson he said,

"And so,  -does great britian have a 4th of July?"

and everyone one of us who was paying any attention..

3 out of 30.. or so,

We go, "nooooo!"

And then he said,  "yes they do!"

and we sat there all..  ?!?

"Who can tell me why?"


and then he said,   "well does Great Britain have a 3rd of July?  and a 5th of July?"

and I love him for many, many reasons..  but that was one.

"heres to you Mr crist!  I still remember... "

dear patrick henry.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

if you were here on earth, and if mckays pub were open..  im quite sure we'd be toasting with a cold one..  

"to liberty!"

-the only pattern more consistent in humanity than slavery to liberty is death to life.. 

/and we 'cheers!' to that..

and i don't quite have it all articulated out.. and my vocabulary needs some work.. but..

the human spirit is buoyant isn't it.. 

in its natural state.. 

just like buoy in the ocean..

if you take something large and heavy enough..  you can in fact force the buoy below the surface and keep it under water.


all relative to size..  and weight..  Etc.

but the buoy does not lose its buoyancy under pressure; it remains buoyant  -it is not at all the same as an inflated balloon being popped..

the buoy..  the very second the weight is removed..

Write back to the top!


Im going to retype your famous speech here.  1. -because I have the day off and I can..  2. Because i think its awesome!!

The war inevitable, march 1775

they tell us, sir, that we are weak -- unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger?

will it be the next week, or the next year?

will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? 

Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction?

Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

Sir, we are not weak, if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power.

Three millions of People, armed in the holy cause of liberty,

and in such a country as that which we possess

Are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us.

Besides Sir, we shall not fight our battles alone.  There is a just God who presides over the destinies of Nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us

The battle, Sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant,

the active,

the brave.

Besides Sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest.

There is no retreat but in submission and slavery!

Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston!

The war is inevitable; and let it come! I repeat Sir, let it come!

It is in vain, Sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace! Peace!  --- but there is no peace.

The war is actually begun!  The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms!

Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that Gentlemen wish? What would they have?

Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!

I know not what course others may take; but as for (me!),

give (me!) Liberty or give me death!


K.   Wow Patrick!!   that really is one for the history books!

Friday, July 03, 2015

The Heart(s) Seen.. everywhere all the sudden! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-now, the thing is, i have seen this torn wallpaper almost everyday for how long? long time.. and i have never noticed a heart shape..  and now all of the sudden.. I spotted one.. then two, then three, four..    they've all been here all along..   but i am just now today -aware- of their presence.. 

In Butte, Montana.. it is "The 3rd of July!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

like, i know its the 3rd of July here too.. but the reason I put it in quotes.. is because for reasons that are still a great mystery to (me!)..  in Butte, Montana.. they celebrate "The 3rd of July!"

-not "The 4th of July!" like us more normal and conformed Americans..

also.. here in my neck of the small city woods..  we have what is commonly referred to as "safe & sane" fireworks...  and actually, they do not even sell fireworks in pleasanton, California..

you have to drive to our neighbor city, dublin if you want to purchase your very own fireworks..

the rest of us 'safe n' sane' types, like (me!).. we leave that kind of thing to the professionals..

our NORMALish branch of the family, here in the bay area, -we will sit on a blanket at a local school, bring snacks,  -this allows us a view of the spectacular fireworks show the professionals put on at the nearby Alameda county fair..

my brothers branch of the family..  'Un~safe & In~sane'

if you want to know what the 3rd of July is like in butte, Montana..

-I can't tell you.

not because I haven't been there.. I was there..

its just that .. I was like,

"My God..  are there absolutely NO LAWS whatsoever about fireworks here?"

i mean, the entire community is in on this..   like it ain't no thing..

kids of all ages..  with fireworks of all danger levels...

lighting up the entire big night sky..

-beautiful yes..  yes..   and fun.. yes.. Yes..  

I could see everyone else was having the time of there its-gonna-be-a-short-lived-lives..

but "oh my God.. that kid is near a car.. with a gas tank!"

"that one just..  

-I could hardly watch I was so nervous..

then when I saw that 3 year old smiling all big with his very own bulldogs, i think they're called..

i aged 6 years and surrendered to the indoors and just sat there praying..

and good thing I did because.. when it was all said and done..

-nothing but giant smiles & good memories from everyone who participated in the unsafe/insane fireworks block party...

so.. " Happy 3rd of July!" to you crazy people..

You go ahead and have fun.. 

/... i hold these truths to be self-evident.. that all men are created equal.. and endowed by our creator with certain unexplainable writes..

life, liberty, and the freedom to set off your very own fireworks..

or not.   -you can just watch trained professionals.. 

-whatever independence & happiness means to you.

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-and this is one of those occasions where ive had repeated exposure to this area of the wall near the window..  but just now, this very morning; -noticed.  -and now i can't believe i didn't see that earlier..   and then once you do notice; you can't not notice..

Thursday, July 02, 2015

no, i KNOW its (ray orrock!)

im not guessing.. i know.  -let me explain..

even very highly spiritual people doubt their own gifts; very common.

-the reason..  /place rest of this in kevin harts voice and rhythm:

"-the reason, ..i'm 'bout to tell you..   the reason you see, is because..

you can't prove it.. can't prove it in a court of law..

" you hear voices?..".    -how come we can't hear no voices?

imitate the voice you hear.. come on. we gotta hear this..

(Bad imitation verbalized):    "did you know the court can appoint you a psychiatrist..   -I think we need to appoint this girl a Sci-fi-entist..    -whatchoo talkin 'bout voices..?

like the one that tells me i can't have no birthday cake..  ?  -that's not a voice.. that's my brain sister..  sees everything I ate all day..  the double serving of bacon at breakfast..  the double cheeseburger for lunch..   yeah.. I hear voices too! come to think of it..  " better not eat that birthday cake..

can you all hear that..  -sounds just like that voice SHE just made, don't it.. "Better not eat that birthday cake.."

-yeah,.. Shit..   Maybe that's comin' from my stomach though..

-anyone here ever have their stomach talk to them?  All... gru-owl-gru-...  /stomach sound effects..

maybe you're not crazy after all..  Maybe you just think you hearin' voices in your (points to head..)

but its really (points to stomach)..  your tummy talkin'

-yeah..  everybody got a talkin' tummy..."


point being..  we have no way to prove; no way to provide audible evidence; no way to record; no way to duplicate; no way to reproduce or manufacture or re~create these experiences.

-they just kind of happen if you are 1. Open, and 2. Paying attention..

so, sure.. it is my experience i heard from ray orrock. but i can just as easily come up with a secular counter and carry on..

EXCEPT!   -and sing here:  ".. can I have a witness...."

BECAUSE! -just this very moment my hand wrote

THE LAST LINE.. THE CLOSING THOUGHTS... of a humor story that is to be called, Humble Pie..

and!  "I DO NOT WRITE THAT WAY!".  -my process, with only very few and rare exceptions

is to WRITE a FIRST LINE, a FIRST sentence; and then everything flows out after that...

RAY ORROCKS process is to come up with an ending.. and then fill in the top...

so.. when I just now wrote the ENDING..   that's not (me!); that IS (ray orrock!)

its as if he picked up on my ... doubt..  

and sent confirmation. I feel entirely validated by this experience..

and look forward to writing Humble Pie my next day off..

I do already know the premise and will share that here;make the process transparent..

ENDS with  ".. the only exception being chocolate; if chocolate did not already exist, -something tells me

I would

on pure instinct alone..

figure out how to [variable here used in first part of story; repeat this pattern]

I.e.,   figure out how to fly a jet.  /because earlier in story I must explain part of the reason I stay so humble is because I don't know how to build a jet, or piolet a jet; or how a jet can even fly in the first place..

and this will be followed by 3 or 5 things I have no idea how to do, and would never figure out on my own..

and all things I mention going forward in the story are a set up for going backwards..

where going backwards is going to have me accomplishing the un~ accomplishable when it comes to discovering chocolate..

and somewhere in the body of the story I must confess and then question..

if chocolate bars were not already invented.. let's say they didn't exist in the market or any stores...   /etc.


so.. once again, before I close.. let me recap:

I thought I heard rays voice.. shortly after desiring a picture, I landed across one, .. I revisited my profile of him.. there were some telepathic communications of which even I can find secular reasons for..

but then just now..  To suddenly have the impulse to write a last line for a story..

which is his process; not mine.

-I can't ignore; secularize; or brush that off..

that's ....    ray.

"thank you friend!".    -see you someday...

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Independent Bible Study for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Luke 19:26

".. that describes the banking industry now doesn't it..."

Monday, June 29, 2015

The Heart(s) Seen.. and i can explain.. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

Mom: "my goodness.. what is this mess on the floor?  -what on earth is this?"

(me!):  "oh..  that..   did i forget to clean that up?"

Mom:  "yes. But honey what is this..?"

(me!):  "oh.. -that's oven cleaner."

Mom: "are you serious? what is oven cleaner doing all over the floor.. its for the oven..  "

(me!):  "i had to use it as spider killer spray...   "

Mom: "You are not serious...."

My sister: "oh.. I'm pretty sure she's serious.."

(me!):  "only it didn't kill 'em..  so I had to drown 'em..  "

Mom: "i can't believe..

my sister: " I can."

(me!): "and then I couldn't seem to drown him either..  So I dropped matt's book on top.."

Matt: "that's the first time my geography book has been of any use.."

(me!):  "I didn't realize I forgot to clean it up.."

Mom:  [cleaning area with paper towel..]

My sister (?)..  "look..  there's a shape of a heart.."

(me!): "I don't have my camera.. "

Mom: "well, I can take it for you..   that is a heart isn't it..  I can't believe..."

sister: "I can."

"It will be said!". by (someone!)

-would you agree that comedians can get away with saying way more than any politician ever could.

thank God.    -and briefly imagine a world without comedians..

I have a theory I will name.. write now, called ..

Oh, I don't know..  the theory of everything that can be said; will be said..

quite different from what should be said..  I know..

but, now that I have a theory..   What's next?

On my mind.. On my mind.. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

i have had absolutely no success getting Eric kandler on the phone.. and then I saw this interview, where my charlie rose was talking to Brian grazer.. and so I was like.. I wonder if I could get brain grazer on the phone and HE could get Eric kandler on the phone..  but no luck making contact with Brian grazer either..

thank God for blogs, huh..


I'm as interested in human memory storage as any lay-person neuro~fascinated type is..

and you've seen how they poke around in the brain.. And touch with a tool.. 'This is the area where language resides..' Etc.

and.. I am just so curious.. 

there was a memory.  I had a memory.  But didn't RE-member until I saw a picture.   the picture works like a super strong magnet where the memory is steel./or vice versa, .   it pulls/attracts the memory front and center of consciousness quicker than you can blink..

so my curiosity is: geographically speaking: where was the memory stored? dormant in my brain...  and then, when I see a picture.. And the memory is front and center..  where is it?    -and what path did it travel? And..  can we name the speed?   -at the speed of thought..


This ones for the A.I team at M.I.T:

It is quite fascinating, isn't it, just how much our human brains are like computers..

now, I'd like for each of you to take the calculator I've just handed you and press in


that's it.  and now I know, you being M.I.T. students and all, that  that is like way too easy; very simple addition..

but my question is not  -what does that equal..

my question is:  is the calculator  -waiting-  for you to enter more information? longing to provide the answer..

waiting anxiously..  waiting patiently... 

-now,  -with the pre-requisite of reading the memory storage curiosity above and having your calculators in front of you:

once you press =

the answer appears as quickly as a memory appears when you see an associated picture.. 

seeing a picture is like pressing = on a calculator after entering a simple addition equation..  

In a calculator..  geographically speaking.. 

Where is the 25?  Before you punch in


-where is it after?

-what path did it travel?


all we can be sure of..  Is ALL of the Information is pre-stored.. Preprogrammed.. to operate the way it does..

the brain, with event + picture = memory
the calculator, with 11+14 = 25...

-write..      I'm going to patiently ~await your feedback..

IJN,  ~amen!

Heart Seen.. in a different way.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp..

i mentioned earlier, ours is a dog~ friendly store..  and we all enjoy their sweet faces.. but i did notice megan was looking at people's dogs with a bit more longing than the rest of us..

and responding to them with greater affection..

and then she was looking on the computer at pictures of dogs, and various breeds and dispositions..

and then in~between work and studies, she was researching animal shelters..

so you dont have to be a rocket or a scientist to see this kind of very beautiful thing coming..

~allow me please to introduce the newest member of their family:


and they are as proud as any new parents you've ever seen..

and we are thoroughly enjoying their pictures & stories...

"Congratulations!"    Megan & Vincent.

-excited to see Jessie in Pleasanton's upcoming pooch parade..

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-in my shelled walnuts...

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-in my fruit salad...  

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-on the crust of my favorite slice of new york pizza..vegetarian..

Exactly my kind of movie! (me!) sandra, tvgp

...and exactly my kind of theater to watch it in!.... 

The Alameda County Fair 2015.. (anne!) & (me!)

* i went as a child with my brother and sister; mom..

* i went as a teenager with friends..

* i went as a young single on a date.. 

* i went married..  i went divorced..   

* i went married, bringing my two children to the little kids rides..

* and then bringing my growing kids to the big kids rides..

* and then just dropping my teen kids off; and picking them up..

* and now they drive themselves..

and for every *  i have some treasured memories and pictures..

the last couple times I've been to the fair has been with Anne.. and we don't do rides.. we just walk around and visit the exhibit halls..

agriculture, art, hobbies..    -we share a love of art, photography, etc. so makes it more fun..

and this year we stayed to hear the beach boys concert and split a funnel cake..

I had just seen love & mercy at the vine, so it of course increased my interest and appreciation..

and im very hopeful..  God will allow me to continue:

and one day..

* bring my grandchildren to the little kids side..

-for this i sure do pray...   ~amen.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Forms of Communication, photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"... annnnd Voila!" introducing (!)

i knew he was an artist of some sort immediately.  it was in the way he looked at our products in the store.  -I've already mentioned i have an ability to read micro~expressions..  and in the store as i observe and serve customers, it is apparent pretty quickly whether:

1. they are just browsing for pleasures sake..
2. they are on the hunt for a gift to give someone
        2a.)  write now, -as in, leaving the store and headed for the party..    2b.) soon..  within the next week or so,  2c.) for Christmas.. 
3. not quite sure, but "i'll know it when i see it"
4. they know what they want before they walk in the store
-very specific
5. they have no clue.. 

there's more, but you get the idea.  its part in behavior; but its ALL in the eyes..

I knew trenton was an artist write away, because he looked at product..  well, he looked ~beyond the product, if you will..

it is its very own facial expression and look.. and it reveals that the person is not looking at what the object is

...but is rather looking at what the object can become...

so, i don't remember our first encounter specifically, but i do remember that after i got to talking to him a bit i got to enjoy the personal satisfaction of learning 'i was write!'

now, we do get a variety of customers in who can look at a wooden blue bird house, for example.. and they can use their imagination to see it painted green or red..

-customers who can see beyond color, and sometimes see beyond size..  -customers who can see  vertical beyond horizontal; who can use their imagination to see a given home decor product off the shelf and in their home, or yard, etc.

but what you can tell about Trenton, is that he sees even way beyond any of that..

Trenton can see wood when he's looking directly at metal; and he can see metal when looking at wood; or marble when he's looking at ceramic..  he can see layers when looking at bases; or see the foundation under several layers.. he can see texture when looking directly at smooth.. and vice versa for everything..  he can see swirls when looking at straight lines, he can see added height, depth.. he can see 'if i do this, and that, and put it next to this, under that..'

and so i really picked his brain, as the saying goes, when he was artistically projecting his imagination on a wooden table in our store..

it was very basic. very straight lined. Rectangle top, four straight legs. basic light brown wood..     /generic wood to me, but my guess would be he could identify it by name..

and so, he generously switched from a quiet personal examination of the table to sharing his thoughts out loud..

"..  well, what I could do is.. 

-and what I learned is that by the time he finished with it you might not even be able to tell that this gorgeous, expensive looking marble mantel was once upon a time.. a basic wood table at ricks picks.

and eventually he shared his portfolio with me..  and talked in more detail about his visions, and craft..

-he is no amateur..   looks like to me, that he too has put in his 10,000 hours..

and not just transforming basic furniture into stunning..

but masterful flower arrangements..

spectacular murals in homes and restaurants and businesses..

-walls into art...

His range is as wide as his craft is impressive.   ~beautiful!

and i mostly see people this way:

as presents from God..  unwrap to find the gift inside..

and then we are to use and enjoy and share the gifts we have been given..

so if you can sing; SING!
if you can dance; DANCE!
if you can build; BUILD!
if you can teach; TEACH!
if you can serve; SERVE!

etc.  and i always imagine God smiling as we each discover what gift is inside us..   -that's one level of joy..

but then.. as we put in our 10,000 hours; trying, experimenting, failing, succeeding, practicing, improving..  

that's another level of joy..

..and..   THE RESULTS!

...take a look here:


to say its magical, -what he can do, and what he does...

leads only to the perfect segway to this additional bit of information..

Its not magical; HE IS.   as in, literally..

Trenton Gregory IS also..  A magician!    and I'm a little nervous here sharing this..  Probably for the same reason it took two years for him to share that with me..

everyone wanting tricks-on-demand.

but he did  -generously- come into the store one day..  and pulled out a deck of cards..   and i picked one; wrote on it.. 

he ripped it up. put it in his mouth and chewed..

and then eventually...  with some secret saliva glue

handed me back a whole card.

like.. the same card i picked and wrote on and watched him tear and eat..

its been like, a good 6 months since then I think, and I'm still,

even as I write this.. 

like,  -?!?

-what? how..did? was that just..?

and I think you will end up asking the same questions when you see a piece of furniture he's magically transformed..

"..k.  wait a minute here.. Was that just..? How did you?

K. Do it again..  my friend has got to see this!"

-because that is what magic is and does..  the very power it holds

And art..

art IS magic.  And magic.. magic IS art...     "Voila!"

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

"KEEP YOUR CAR DOORS LOCKED!" repeats (me!) ~writeousmom

I asked my daughter.. I'm like, -haven't I told you this too many times already..  ?   and she said no.. So:

here we go again. Very important! Follow along.

what I'm about to address is the ongoing controversy over whether how a female dresses and behaves factors in if she becomes a rape victim.


now.. let me start by repeating that there is NO circumstance whatsoever; NONE.. zero anything that justifies or excuses rape. It is one of humanities most hideous crimes and it should be treated accordingly by our laws.

now... that said..  and hopefully understood.. pay close attention to the following.  It is a true story that took place in my life, in my early 20's and in which I learned a valuable lesson I will never forget and am compelled to pass on.   The short version:

A thief broke into my car and was caught in the act.

the policeman asked me whether my car was locked or not.

I told him I didnt remember whether I locked it or not.

he gestured me to the side of the room where he could whisper

He said, "if the car was locked, this is a felony. If the car was unlocked.. just a misdemeanor."

and then he gestured me back to the room where we were prior and posed the question again..

"So..  was your car locked? Or unlocked when the thief broke in..?"


my initial reaction to all of this was.. WTF!  no one should be allowed to steal things from your car even if you left the windows down and car doors wide open!  stealing is stealing! 

and quite frankly I still think that way.. I think if you steal from a car the penalty should be the same whether the car was locked, or unlocked. stealing is stealing.

but that IS NOT how our laws work.  The ways our laws are currently written.. if you steal a stereo, or laptop, or whatever, from an unlocked car.. the penalty is less than if you steal it from a car that was locked; and had to be broken into...

I will not admit how long I spent in contemplation over this knowledge once I learned it..

but I will tell you, that where I landed is that..  the ways the laws are written..  WE ARE EXPECTED to take some PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for protecting ourselves and our property.

what the law says is..  'Don't make it easy..'



-you know what I mean..   -write.

In Jesus Name,  amen.

...(me!) too... changed life.. living proof... TYJ! ~amen

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Heart(s) Seen.. by (me!) in our almonds...

RAPE on COLLEGE CAMPUSES 'the talk' by (me!) writeousmom..

I can't even believe I need to have this talk..  again.

but here we go..

rape on college campuses. it happens. be careful. be cautious. be aware.

but do not be paranoid. 

here are some ways to avoid being a victim:

1. don't go to college.  don't go to college parties.
2. travel only in numbers. have a bff protection system/strategy.
3. cover/protect your beverages at parties/social gatherings.  leave parties/social gatherings early. 
4. NEVER leave alone with someone to a different location; for any reason; period.  don't let your friends leave.. arrive and leave together.
4. stay conscious. and conscientious.
5. keep your doors locked

and use common sense..

in the event you, or someone you know is raped


if I have taught you nothing else, please confirm that I have at least taught you that rapists thrive on silence and not getting caught..

now, you already know all of this..

the reason I can't believe I have to have this talk over and over..

is because, when it comes to college campus rapes.. it is -not always, but a large percentage of the time..


that means.. that someone who graduated from elementary school.. and then graduated from middle school, and then graduated from high school..

-that means that someone who received multiple diplomas, and passed SAT's and ACT's..  and who filled out college applications..

and may have even received awards, scholarships, etc for academics and athleticism..

that same person who shines on paper.. and in interviews..


why and how we graduate and hand diplomas to people who are capable of rape... 

I have no words; only deep disappointment and anger and frustration...

and I really, really, really think we need to entirely question and revamp our education system..

to develop and reward character.. not exclusively short term memory and facts and figures competence..


the other problem, contributing factor worth re-mention.. is..

and its its worst at some of the most prestigious campuses.. this is because the value system is like..

reputation = more students = more money..

and if a bad reputation for the campuses spreads.. applications lower.. less money..

and quite frankly they care more about money than students, so..

factor that sad truth in..

and watch rapists throw their party...

the saying is true for rapists..  "Silence is golden."

but if we have any desire for the crime to stop..



In Jesus Name..   Amen.

Let it be known: " I LOVE JOYCE MEYER!" -(me!) sandra, tvgp

often, if someone pays with a credit card at the store, they simultaneously flash their I.D.

"Oh!" I said with a big smile, "St. Louis! -that's where my Joyce Meyer is from..."

-their lack of matched enthusiasm, and facial expressions revealed that perhaps they did not share my love...

"we don't understand why anyone would give their money...  How she takes money from people who don't even have money.."

-not verbatim; but the sentiment is correct.

And they told me how they live so close that they could go walk over and knock on her door.

I said, "well do me a favor, and go knock on her door and tell her she has had a huge and positive impact on my life!"

and I must have mentioned three times, "I am a student for life!"


and they don't realize this.. But in fact!  they are direct beneficiaries of the positive impact Joyce Meyer has had on my life


Because prior to watching Joyce Meyer 5 days a week for who knows how many years..

When I learned they didn't love her.. If I didnt feel she was receiving the proper amount of respect due..

they might have discovered a few items missing from their bag..  And maybe a few falling out because of that accidental rip..

and maybe..  well, one tire on their car might be suspiciously lower than the others..

but! -no more!  I did not overcharge them, or tear a tiny hole in their bag, or puncture one of their tires...

"See!".    It works! -all this Christian mombo~jombo...

Anyway..  I can't credit her enough, Joyce Meyer, for helping me achieve exactly what she promises in the very name of her TV ministry show:  ENJOYING EVERYDAY LIFE.

-plenty of evidence for this on my blog here.. 

and if you consider my past..  

Well, I'm not even going to detail out.. Or mention.  I'm going to just bullet point.   -and now, when I say  -just bullet point.  I mean that in its most literal sense.  I'm not going to even provide text/description. Just a bullet point for every trauma, former addiction, neuroses, etc.    -emphasis on FORMER.  It looks like this:



and most people tell me, that when you meet me today.. all happy, healthy, kind  -despite current circumstances..

that you can't tell that I've been through all that.

-beauty for ashes.

and I have so many people to thank..  Many, many people..

But in the top 5 of all those people:

Joyce Meyer.

-and poor people do send her their last dime.  and the ministry itself brings in big amounts of money..  True.

but someone needs to provide some bullet points like this:

*  (#) of conferences per year.
* (#) of dream centers opened, helping (#) of people
* (#) of countries traveled to, (#) of people helped..
* (#) books written, (#) people helped..

etc.    -and if ever there was a ministry and person worthy of donations...

How many people have you helped?

when you spend your money or donate your money..  It is on what? For who?


I've experienced a lot of trauma..  one time I went to a counselor here in pleasanton on peters avenue.

when I tried to talk, all the traumas created a traffic jam in my brain and no words would come out

"If you can't talk.. Leave.  There are plenty of people with insurance who can take that seat.."

-not verbatim; sentiment.

and so I left..  And never went back...

when it comes to finding actual, practical, real life help..  Tangible results manifesting in my day to day life:

Joyce Meyer.

So, "thank you Jesus!" And "amen!". 
* thank you to (jim ott!) AKA (ren man!)

dear ren man..  there appears to be no end to the awesome things you do.. or to the people you inspire and bless..   there is no way currently to quantitatively measure the positive, and in some cases, quite literally lifesaving impact of this website you have created..

but this:

is quite an addition to your amazing life legacy.    -of course I went straight to Francisco's story; ate it for breakfast...   left my comments..

"Congratulations & gratitude...   love & blessings... !"


/and then I'm like..  Honestly.. What might be next for ren man?  -no end to what's up his sleeve...

Monday, June 22, 2015

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) -this very moment..

..on my peanut butter toast...  i positively love it when this happens..  always a sweet surprise; always feels like a valentine from heaven..

The Heart Seen! by (squidmann & spike!)

-i had to smile at these two recent contributions.. we share the same nutritional values: fried chicken & m&m cookie..  love 'em both... 

The Heart Seen! by (squidmann & spike!)

"...if you're sexy then flaunt it...". (catherine teeter!)

-she never did tell me what song she'd be dancing to..  but over coffee dates I would hear how classes were going..  asked her to get me better seats this year. "I want to see everything!  All the faces!"

last year.. I was up in the balcony..  extraordinary still for sure..

and it still lingers in me this year, how much I loved POMPEI from last year..  the choreography! music! costumes! lighting/stage!

and I learned from a customer who is a mom of one of the dancers.. Pompei was choreographed by someone named dino.. Alias. /phonetic, not sure how to spell.. 

and it went on to receive top awards in various competitions..

anyway..  another spectacular recital this year.. everything I've come to love and appreciate..  high level of talent/art/craft; wonderful variety; great music; costumes; props..

every age and skill level..   -and the order in which the numbers were performed..   -just write.  perfect blend of young & precious, to beautiful/elegant, to explosive, to classic to modern, etc.

-you were wonderful Natalie!  /daughter to my mom friend Catherine..

it is variety itself that I delight in the most...

and then!  -did I not just get done telling you in a prior post that the number one dance song of this year is uptown funk..

-how the only people at Barones that were not dancing when pride & joy played the first few notes -were either stuck in the bathroom or had no legs...   -how the song itself seems like it was custom-written for Mr Motown's moves..

well, that is the song my mom-friend, Catherine, and her dance team performed to..

and it was wonderful! I was wiggling in my seat..

all the moms up there: you did a great job! Sexy, radiant, alive...

cool number.

and every recital i end up getting teary eyed..  have learned to bring Kleenex and not wear mascara..

this year.. -a thousand years, choreographed by Kristina wiselogel.  -it was the musical version, no lyrics..  and the song itself is so beautiful..  and then the costumes were a perfect match.. and the dance moves.. the choreography... equal to the beauty of the song..

I could go on and on..

time and budget did not allow me to see all 4 shows this year, /although I would if I could...  I only saw the one Saturday morning, and that is thank you to Megan for covering my work shift..

But I heard.. in the evening performance, I would have loved 'blood stream'.  /I think its called..   By the same choreographer of Pompei.  
-maybe I'll have to order the DVD..

"Congratulations! Catherine! Natalie!   -Jazz n Taps!"

-another great experience for your audience!  "Encore!"

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Saturday, June 20, 2015

speaking of casting a spell! meet (tia!)

tia is short for Tijuana.  she is from mexico..   and the entire neighborhood has fallen in love at first sight.  -arguing over who gets to puppy-sit when the owners go anywhere..    and creating excuses for the owners to go somewhere...  

rumor has it that our neighbor john.. he literally waits for their garage door to open.. then he casually (runs) over,  "going somewhere? need me to watch tia for you?"

I understand entirely because when john was puppy sitting one day he called me over, "come look at this.."

"I'm running late for work,..."

"No.. take a just minute, -come see.."

and so I crossed the street and my eyes landed on what has to be the cutest puppy on planet earth..

and then she let me pet her, and leaned into me..  and looked at me all super sweet...    and I could literally feel my insides going weak under her super powers of charm, cuteness, charisma..

I took several pictures.. and under her spell.. I not only forgot I was running late for work; I forgot I even have a job...

and then something woke me up.. and I realized I had to get to work..

And when I started back across the street to my car..

she started whining for me... the sweetest little melodic squeeky whimper you ever did hear...  

God I wish I was retired.  I'd be hanging out with tia write now...

When are you your very happiest? by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-for my daughter, its when she is at a sporting event with friends..  -having just experienced the warrior series and victory, I can clearly understand and appreciate that answer..

-for my son.. probably when he's playing baseball.. video games.. bike riding.. with friends.

-friends being a key ingredient of course.

-for me.. its anytime I'm in the same room with my kids and family..

and a very, very, very close 2nd place is:

and here [   write here.  ].  if I had my creative druthers..  There would just be a link to a 30 second video

of everyone dancing out doors on a perfect climate night at Barones with pride & joy performing this years hottest dance song: uptown funk.

-the only people who don't dance to this song are either stuck in the bathroom or have no legs..

there is part of me always conscious of the fact, everyone there is dealing with one major life stress or another.. some people juggling multiple stresses in their daily lives..

but for these few hours: 6-10pm.  everyone has cast their cares..

huge crowd of happy dancing slightly drunk people; smiles in every direction...  live music under the stars...

it casts a spell.

while I was dancing with Mr Motown, I had a flash forward vision of myself at what must have been around 90 years old.. 

"I could do this my whole life!". I told him    -and he said " me too!"

Thursday, June 18, 2015

introducing (jamie! & rico! dabby! casey! bunny!)

one of the great pleasures of working in a dog~friendly store is getting to meet people..  who love dogs.

like, Jamie here... she is featured in San Francisco magazine this month, among, Oakland's Bravest.  -she is an Oakland firefighter 21 years..   Noble service, and then look here..  you see her heart is not only brave but very big:

from different shelters she has adopted not one,

Not two,

not three,

But FOUR dachshunds.   -and not 4 cute dachshund puppies.. But 4 seniors, each with their own unique traumatic histories which landed them in shelters.  -allow me to introduce, by wing color..

Dabby. Silver wings. 15 years old.
and Casey. Flames. 10 years old.
Bunny. Pink. 18! Years old..  and our local, custom~cookie, celebrated rescued dog:

Rico.   Whose tongue is permanently dangling out to the side.. and whose charm is only increased by a very slow limp, limp, waddle, spontaneous scurry to try and catch up, then limp, hop, limp waddle..

their brave & big hearted owner.. she stopped by yesterday and brought us some 'Rico cookies'

apparently the owner/baker at prim rose bakery, down the street and around the corner from us..   was inspired by Rico's story and iconic appearance to create "the Rico"

file this under:  I live in a very cool town.  with very cool people! and way cute dogs...

Public "Thank You!" To (Rick Hirshberg!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-have you ever borrowed someone's child so you could look and seem legit when you went to see a Disney movie?

I am a little suspicious here, that for our recent ricks picks staff party..  that when it comes to venue..  -the entire night was based around our awesome owner/buyer/boss' secret burning desire to hit the go kart racing tracks in Livermore.  I'm projecting here, yes.. but I imagine him hearing about it..   and then..

casually dropping the idea on his wife and grown daughter.  -no luck there.   -would it be safe to mention to his golfing buddies?  

I mean, like how does a grown man who does not have a young child who might say, have a birthday party, or be invited to a birthday party.. 

and who would not go alone...

how does such a man get himself, legitimately, to the umigo race tracks?

his attempt last year failed.  who wants to drive even more, after driving to and from work?

And so he surrendered, and we went bowling instead.

but.. that kind of desire:

go karts! racing! skidding! speeding!    -that kind of desire does not just subside; it increases..

and so he put the idea out there again..  and I think we all telepathically agreed we should give it a go...   /kart.

and I've mentioned before what a small miracle to get everyone together on the same night for anything..  so just say "Thank you!" Jesus and Rick and everyone, that, save 1 person.. 

everyone made it.

and it was worth whatever price he paid just to see the expression and excitement on ricks face..

..and we all received, as part of the package, helmets.  but there was only one person among us who..

" brought your own racing gloves?.."

Yes..  this is write about when I knew for sure, that all of us employees, and this whole team building, and thank you for your hard work, staff get together thing was really just a very cleverly designed event which would land Rick on the race track..


and we can't thank him enough because for the other 4 out of 6 of us.. this ended up to be quite a bit of unexpected fun..

2 gave it go for one race and opted out of race 2 or 3.

1 enjoyed one race.. and two..  but was 'already over it' by race three.

1 "PR'd"..   /as they say in track n' field..

and a fun competition for the rest of us..   

the rest of us, by the way..   Women drivers.  Rick is the only male.

/and the only one who brought race gloves..  

Anyway..  I glimpsed a fast passing view of the friendly competition taking place between rick and Patricia..   and got lapped by Megan..

But I just kept reminding myself to run my own race..   My goal was to,

1. Do it.
2. Improve my time each race.
3. Stay alive to tell this story.

I succeeded across the board! I think my time.. which I did not document, but think it went from something like, 44, to 39 to 37.-ish.

I was repeating the same mantra to myself as I have repeated to my children:

" SAFETY first. THRILL SEEKING second."

when I would get lapped..  definitely my impulse was to speed up and pass them up..  Like, 'oh yeah..  watch this!'

and then I would gun it a little...  and then I would skid almost out of control around a tight corner..  and I would say to myself.. Like, don't let them bait you into a 4 car crash or a trip up and over the tire wall...

the desire was there..  to win!  -just not the skill level.

but I loved it!  I've mentioned before how my little Saturn hybrid.. You can floor that thing and it still only goes like, 12 mph faster..

and even though the go karts top speed is ,45mph..   relatively speaking.. the size kart, to size and shape of the race track..

makes it feel like you are driving much faster..

very. VERY! FUN!


we followed that up with a pizza party outdoors in Livermore at that pizza parlor place that has a random X in its name near the bankhead theatre..

-which gave me a legitimate excuse for bringing up the fact that "my theatre debut was write there.. at the bankhead.. when I performed in the vagina monologues... and we sold out every night and helped raise $30,000 for the tri valley haven.."

-very proud of that!

and then.. Tatiana asked if I remembered my lines...

and so I politely changed the subject..

I mean on stage where people have bought tickets and paid to see.. Where people have some idea about what's coming their way..


but.. at an employee staff pizza party.. with my boss to my write..

I'm not about to bust into my 'clitoris has 800,000 nerve fibers routine..'

But I will personally treasure it -forever!


Filed under: awesome nights and wonderful adventures.

"Thank You!"    I've never had a job ive loved more; never had people I've loved working more for or with...     You're the best!


"... all im sayin' here is, -i made this sign around 10am and the game aired at 6pm. it is therefore, retrospectively speaking, a prophesy; not a wish or hope..".   

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Exactly! as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I heard it from mike myers.. but he is quoting an acting coach who was quoting ...  Who? don't know original source.. but in its most beautiful, poetic, simplistically accurate form..  -this is true for athletes; artists;  -life in general

we graduate from

Unconsciously Incompetent to
Consciously Incompetent to
Consciously Competent to
Unconsciously Competent.

-very fascinating process common to everyone.  And the eloquence with which this is described + the insight it provides regarding the human condition/experience.  -it is equivalent to E = Mc2..   /or whatever that formula is..

"VICTORY WARRIORS!" /thanks to (me!) & (my sister!)

-now you know its because we had on our matching t-shirts and gave our complete undivided and highly enthusiastic attention to the game.  and what a game!!   i think, as a writer and as a poet.. as a lover of words, and sounds, and syllables, and with a sensitivity and appreciation for how two words can be paired together in such a way.. well, like wine and food..  or like lightscrapes titles and photographs; how the pairing elevates the status of each individual entity..    -when it comes to joining two words together and placing them side by side..   does anything sound more beautiful, i ask you, than:



and it makes me laugh to remember that not too long ago  /charlie rose vs. kay ryan..    if i landed at a sports bar for a bite to eat during a game, i would listen to the clapping, yelling, "yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" Or "no! No! NOooo!" with complete indifference and never even bother to glance up at the TV screen.  Just eat and think to myself, 'who are these crazy people?'

And now i am one of the crazy people.. and my sister too. and that was just 6 of the most intense, spectacular, exciting games of basketball anyone could hope to see..  "Awesome job Warriors! Thank you!"


we can't take ALL the credit though for their win..  every single one of our family members were watching.. mom, her husband, my dad and family, my brother and his family, my neighbors, my friends, and almost every customer i talk too..  "You following the warriors?".   " yes! and I'm sleeping in my T-shirt..".     -very, very, fun this being a crazy sports fan of a team that ultimately earned the World Champion title.   Rumor has it, that has happened for the Warriors since, like 1975..     I feel so bad we didn't jump in sooner to change their fate and destiny..  but better late than never; write.


in my self portrait poem I mention that i am..  well, as a matter of fact the very first line in my self portrait poem references a football and then basketball player.

i am rudy.  pistol pete.

-even though ive never played sports!  but it is because i saw the movies: Rudy.   -where the coach wished he could put rudy's heart inside his talented players...   and pistol pete, the birth of a legend..

if you were my family, friend, or wanted to be my boyfriend in the late 90's i think it was..  pistol pete was mandatory viewing

i loved it for its innocence; represents a simpler, less violent time..

-that is, the fight scene doesn't involve gangs and guns and blood..
-the marriage of pete's parents doesn't involve betrayal, or dysfunction.. they actually like each other, and they love their son; nurture his gifts and talents..

and the passion of pete's dad; as a coach.. so in to it; so enthusiastic, -with such an intellectual way of seeing the game..and never tiring of basketball as a topic.  one of my many favorite scenes is when he is sitting around the kitchen table with fellow coaches and the other coaches have fallen asleep, but there is press still thinking and talking about the game...

and the young pistol pete.. born to play the game and with the necessary passion.. and putting in his 10,000 hours...

and one of my favorite scenes with him is watching him bounce the basketball around the house while wearing a blindfold..

and then, i thought about this movie a lot during this entire NBA championship with the warriors.. 

-because there is a scene in pistol Pete, birth of a legend, where the young pete is on the court playing his game... and at one point he passes the basketball with great instinct and coy to...

-no one was there to RECEIVE his amazing stealth pass.

his dad, as coach and former player sees the skill level and instinct..    the other coach just sees a pass that went nowhere..

but when watching the warriors..  all those amazing, spontaneously choreographed, tricky, look-this-way-but-pass-that-way moves they had on the court..

the instincts were well matched..  beautiful!  fancy pass.. and someone with the instincts to RECEIVE.. 

at its highest level, thats all that's operating for each player; instinct alone.  -no one can think at the pace of the game because it moves too fast..   its his instinct responding to his Instinct responding to his instinct and SCORE!  a thrill to watch..

and so, no, I am not rudy in the sense that I am a football player.  and I am not a basketball super star..   but in my self portrait poem,

i am rudy. pistol pete.

-because i have heart, drive, determination
-passion! and i too, put in my 10,000 hours..  

as a matter of fact, I just typed this entire blog blind folded.   -writing is my sport, you see...


i am rudy. pistol pete.
but mostly fisher king
i am maya, pi & braddock
a giant redwood tree.
i am million dollar baby
but parry through and through
i am mother goose and gilbert
a me of many you's.
stella luna, owen meany
every child in silence screaming
i am every poet ever born
awake, but always dreaming.
i'm eleanor
i'm roosevelt
i'm jefferson on tuesday
rogers in a gypsy skirt
love everyone that moves me.
i'm seabiscuit
the shop girl
charlie rose
and sunday morning
i'm every artist ever born
creating without warning.
i'm every woman ever born
i'm blessed. i'm loved. i'm cursed.
but i am mostly fisher king;
here to quench your thirst.


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Gradually we must wean ourselves from PRINT text books.. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

I just learned from my sister the cost to RENT a USED text book for one of her classes = $140.

may I repeat: $140.  one book.  Rent not own...  Used not new.

no matter how wild my imagination; I know, and you know too.. There is no justifying this price. 

but where my brain bounces on this one, is to remember when it was explained to me.. In elementary school I think it was.. How many people were employeed by the tabacco Industry, how many families were dependent on the salaries thereof; how many families paid rent, fed children, etc.  -whether it was from working fields, factories, packaging, distribution..  on and on.  Very massive.  And so we can skip the argument of when the knowledge surfaced: the direct link between cigarettes, addictions, cancer, death...

and just skip to the dilemma: now that we know.. what can be done?  obviously we cannot stop this overnight..  And how do we find new jobs for this massive amount of people...

it help me appreciate how complicated..

and it seems exactly the same, or close.. when it comes to text books..  maybe they don't cause cancer..  But!  -there is no justifying the high prices -that seems to me based only on dependency, industry and greed.

now that we can offer e-books, digitally..  save paper; edit and make corrections/addendums etc. quickly, easily, and at very low cost.. Save on distribution..  the plusses go on and on and on..

but the bigger problem is weaning people/families from their dependence on the print material industry.  its very complicated.

but one day.. printed text books will be extinct; as they should be.

and as we determine pricing for e-books to educate...  my prayer is for reasonable and fair..

i feel a paradigm shift in process regarding how we educate and how much it cost to be educated; a paradigm shift both necessary and overdue.

Speaking of great quotes.. as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-watched yet another fascinating interview /surprise, surprise..

program: revolutionaries.
interview~er: john hollar
interview~ee: ed catmull
book referenced: creativity, inc.

quote i loved during interview:  

"i do believe that creativity is about problem solving. its far more than expression

and that management itself should not be thought of as a controlling activity but a creative activity.."


-to which i can only say two words:   "amen! & amen!"

Monday, June 15, 2015

Fact Check Please! (Readers digest editor!)

I don't know how these quotable quotes get submitted and approved.   And I dont know this.. Joan Walsh anglund..

But I'm pretty sure this quote originally belongs to my Dr Maya Angelou:

and went more like, "The caged bird doesn't sing because it has the answer, it sings because it has a song."


and this triggered an unfortunate memory of my meeting Elizabeth gilbert..  when I met her, I mentioned one of my favorite quotes in her book,  

she said something like, "I didn't originate that quote, but you know how writers are.. if you use it three times it becomes yours."

And that doesn't alter my opinion of eat, pray, love as a masterpiece memoir.. or alter how much I loved Elizabeth's talk..  But it was a huge surprise and disappointment.. 

and so like, -why didn't you credit the source?

I suppose it becomes almost impossible to maintain the connection between original author and great quotes and lines..  

But that doesn't stop me from wishing we could; and thinking we should.

Sandra Kay's FREE Consulting for Computer Programmers in the Retail Industry by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Welcome you handsome programmer/coder types.. I am very happy to see you..

let us start by listening to a song:  I believe this is sherry lewis singing button factory.   /and everyone giggles as the lyrics reveal how the boss adds more and more and more and more on for the employee to do..

and now let us next watch a few scenes from my favorite comedy of all time: the jerk, staring Steve martin...   /everyone laughs..

-see how exciting when the eyeglasses solve a problem...  the money, the fame, the fortune..

-see how the eyeglasses which solved a problem, created yet a new problem..

-funny huh..

-let us next visit some doctors offices, urgent care centers, surgery units and physical therapy wards..

we do not have glasses that caused anyone to go cross-eyed, but what we do have is.. 

Carpal tunnel syndrome..


and this grandma here who is unable to play with her new grandchild because her wrist is in so much pain...  Look! She can't even untwist the lid off the bottle to feed the baby..


you can help.  you. And you alone.. you can save the world from carpal tunnel and tendinitis.

I'll give the answer first.  you don't even have to guess how to solve. I have the solution for you.  Your job is just to make it a reality.


now, i love my boss, i love my job, i love my coworkers, and i love my customers

none of that is an issue here.  but what is an issue is the button factory nature of what has happened at the cash register:

1. an antiquated system which can sometimes require up to 72! keystrokes to process 1 Frickin' product.  what causes this insane and unjustifiable highly repetitive typing for just one product is this:

* every single time you ring something up you must enter your employee number.  -that's 5 keystrokes over, over, over, every customer, every time.  Your number + enter to confirm.  God forbid you make an innocent typo error.. add 5 strokes to correct and re-enter..

then you must manually enter the SKU.. that can be anywhere from 5 to 7 numbers...  Again, GOD forbid innocent typos..

then manually enter the price, including decimals..

and! If the item is on sale..  that's a good 20 more keystrokes to get to the field that allows you to override the original price..  

now..  Several more keystrokes are used to identify how the customer is paying..  Cash or credit..   and then you need verify and confirm..

And! If the customer is paying with a credit card which is 80% of the population..On a Separate machine all together..  You must swipe card, enter amount AGAIN.. Verify/confirm AGAIN.. 

and so we were at about 70 keystrokes for one item but have added 5 star system..

Now.. I am a fan and advocate of 5 star.. I do not offer the card when people sign up because if one more retailer offers me a card to carry I'm liable to...   to...   to do something very unchristian alike which I would need lots of grace and forgiveness for after the fact..

"Enough with the frickin' ! Cards !"

k.  But with 5 star, you can just give your telephone number..

So I am like a champion 5 star ambassador which means I sign up almost 100% of my customers..  that's several more key strokes on a different program within the same machine..  telephone number, name, etc..

we have exceeded  -far exceeded the justifiable amount of keystrokes per product, per customer.. 

and keep in mind here..  I see many many customers per day, and most customers purchase several items not one.

And! We still have the cash paying customer which requires highly repetitive motion of placing in money and giving change.  my write hand is currently refusing by way of very sharp pain to dig/scoop for quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies..  I've had to switch hands..

So.. We have the cash register program (72 key strokes), the separate credit card machine, (several more keystrokes) and the 5 star.. (Several many more keystrokes)

multiplied out by many customers buying many products.


We are phasing out one system, and adopting another..  But still left with 3 different programs to deal with: 1. Primary cash register.  2. Credit card machine. 3. 5 star.

Your job is to create ONE system, which minimizes to the extreme! the amount of keystrokes required to purchase a product

And! make it cost effective for the retail owner.

Card & Coupon FaTIGue..   FED UP CONSUMERS.

I like what Safeway and Walgreen's are doing..  no coupon. No stupid card.  The CUSTOMER.. not the customer service person.. Enters their own telephone number..   /that relieves the cash register person of a lot of keystrokes!

pay with credit card.. that relieves having to scoop change..

while we are there.  -cash should be a thing of the past already.. Its yucky, dirty, and a pain to count..  Pennies, nickels, dimes..   -feels stupid.   ATMS, CREDIT CARDS, PAYPAL, BITCOINS..  anything please but cash and coins..  Plus! This Eliminates any cause in small retail shops for petty thieves to steal...eliminates cash register robberies..


Have you ever felt your insides -shut down.  that is what happened to me at CVS recently..  I was a fan for a while of their program.. As a customer I entered my own phone number for discount ts, etc.

the other day I went in, and the salesperson at the register handed me a trifold brochure with a NEW card to sign up for..


-another frickin' card?!?   someone END THIS..  !  every single store you walk in, every store you visit, every register... 

Here is what I am willing to do:  I enter my telephone number.  -that's it.  I don't want a card. I am not filling out one more Frickin form. I am not creating one more Frickin password.. I am not filling out a survey.. 

I want to be left the Frick alone..  I want to buy whatever it is I needed, and pay, and have you say, "thank you" and not attack me at the register with forms, brochures, programs or cards...


And that concludes my free consulting for programmers/coders in the retail industry.

You may be excused now to go save cash register personnel from carpal tunnel and tendinitis..  -and having to deal with; yucky, dirty,cash n coins..

and save yourselves from attack of the cards...

"Victory Warriors!!". by (me! & keeshie!)

i remind:  do not be fooled. when the warriors win it has only a small part to do with things as trivial as hard work, practice, dedication, coaching, strategizing, the opening line up and all that athletic real world stuff..

in the supernatural world; its all about the fans.

and that was a pretty close call last night, huh..   my sister and i had to juggle our schedules a little here and a little there.. and we were running behind..  like a good 20 to 30 minutes..

by the time we put on our matching, hand-customized warrior t-shirts and made our way to the big screens at the hopyard..

well, when we sat down the warriors were "2 points behind?!?!"

so we apologized to everyone for being a little late,   -and we were immediately forgiven

because everyone knew now that we showed up and added our two spirits to the fan base...

the warriors were sure to win..  "And they did!!"

-what a game, what a game...  

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Class of... $2015! lei accessory creation (my mom!) AKA: Grandma Sharon

-see where some of my creativity comes from.. 

The MOST proud mom.. (Me!) ~writeousmom

there have been many occasions when i might mention how much i hate cleaning around the house.. and inevitably someone will say like, "oh, everyone hates cleaning."

but what i know..   is that if there was a way to hook up some device which measures the internal levels of hates-house-cleaning inside a human being..

i would win.  i know everyone hates it. -but i hate it more than you and you and you and you.

i hate it -the most.

in this same way..  i know every single parent at the graduation ceremony last night was very proud of their graduating senior. 

-but if we did have a way to hook up a device that measured the internal intensity level and show on a graph just exactly who was the most proud parent out of the entire population of parents who attended

it would be (me!).

"Congratulations My Love!".    -and God's blessings with you on your next adventure....

In Jesus Name,   ~amen.

Friday, June 12, 2015

like i said "VICTORY WARRIORS!" -thursday.

..and nor should anyone take responsibility for setbacks and then not take proper credit for victories...  -write.

what happen here was:  i was originally scheduled to be on the dance floor, drink in hand, applauding the live band..  but a last minute change landed me instead

-in a recliner and in front of a TV where I could give my full and almost undivided attention to helping the "WARRIORS! WIN"

very clearly i told them: "take the lead. double the lead. And WIN!"

and i chanted "44" ...and before you know it, they had 44 on the score board.. and then i wanted that doubled, so i chanted, "88!" -and before you know it, they had 88 on the board.

-and the extra ...  /oh, what's the math here? 103-88....

that was all a bonus.    Way to go WARRIORS!


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

K. VICTORY for the WARRIORS thursday then.. says (me!) sandra, tvgp

i cannot take credit for their BIG WINS without also accepting responsibility for their minor setbacks. i owe everyone an apology again.. what happen this time is.. i was with my family celebrating my daughters 18th bday.  -and! it was at a local pizza parlor where there were big screen TV's televising the game..

/what a coincidence that was..

anyway.. every time I found myself watching the game, the opposition would score you see..

and every time I stared at my daughter.. and said silent thank you prayers for what a beautiful human being..  and looked around at my family with gratitude.. -that's when the Warriors would score..

so the spiritual lesson today team is: when you pay attention to the write people, "YOU WIN!"

I can therefore  /their four...   /they're for

guarantee Thursdays nights victory because I will be on the dance floor paying attention to the live band. 

"Go Warriors!   Tie it up!".     ~amen.

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Alarm set for midnight ... by (me!) ~writeousmom

in our family birthdays give rise to a friendly competition..  -who ever is the first to call or text or say "happy birthday" to the family member having the birthday, -claims the imaginary first place ribbon.   "i won!"

Monday, June 08, 2015

My favorite day at Centerpointe -ever! (Me!) sandra, tvgp

1. there was only one service which resulted in more people; great energy. 2. powerful wonderful testimony by demitri. 3. spectacular video presentation by high schoolers. 4. club 56 recognition 5. wonderful messages presented by pastor mike and craig (Onion~time).  6. communion.  7. gorgeous day..   8. friends & family in attendance..   -glad I didnt miss this one...  TYJ! -amen.

"My Point Exactly..". Isaiah 53 as read by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i was alone when I was rereading Isaiah.. and read silently first:

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him. -nothing in his appearance that we should desire him"


Boy I sure I wish I had that passage memorized and up my sleeve when that documentary called the Bible debuted on TV.. and there was all that talk about "a hot Jesus"

-the colloquial meaning of hot = sexy, gorgeous, physically deemed socially attractive./vice & versa.

I was immediately resentful.   I kept imagining the Hollywood director saying things like,  "Jesus is hot.. But hey.. holy mother Mary..  shorten the skirt, lengthen your lashes.. Little more make-up,  -we need some sex appeal.."

but I felt when I vocalized my thoughts and imaginations that they were met with zero understanding.   One person said, "I've always been sure Jesus was hot..  I've always imagined him that way.."

and I kept insisting Jesus was KIND.  "KIND! HE IS KIND PEOPLE; NOT HOT..   I WANT MY KIND JESUS BACK!"

and I just couldnt even watch the documentary; it was just too Hollywood; pop culture for (me!).

so I'm thinking..  well I just can't help but imagine myself in the casting room..

and every time some gorgeous guy walks through the door I hold up the Bible and re-read the passage:

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him... Nothing in his appearance that we should desire him..

-next! ".  and I point toward the door marked exit.


Public "Thank You!" to the WARRIORS from (all of us!)

in won word:   AMAZING!   -very minor setback; yesterdays loss.   The Victory is yours Tuesday.   -here's how it goes down:

You are first to score. You take the lead  -by a healthy margin!

ahead by a minimum of 12 points at the end of the 2nd.


after half time.. you maintain that lead.  In the 4th, you double it


with love, faith, gratitude, amazement with your gifts and remarkable talent

in honor of your healthy awesome competitiveness and in grand awe of your spectacular performance under enormous pressure

/and if I may borrow from Mr osteen:

i believe it! and declare it!   -write here! -write now!


Sunday, June 07, 2015

The Heart Seen... by (my squidmann!)

i especially appreciate the contrast here; the single, soft, light colored and delicate petal resting on top of the wide spread, hard, peppery colored concrete.   -makes me smile.

Saturday, June 06, 2015

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

... yes. ~sometimes its messy...

The Heart Seen... by (me!) sandra, tvgp my peanut butter toast...

Friday, June 05, 2015

Team Phenomenal! (The WARRIORS!)

please.. we could hardly stand it..  my poor sister had to excuse herself from the room.. unable to manage the anxiety of those last, famous, fabulous, mind-blowing, 5 minutes..

i can't even believe I get to watch basketball played at this level..

still in recovery.

so listen boys..   we need a larger win margin and earlier in the game.   my God..

"Encore! Encore!  Win again! In First Four!"

In Jesus..  did you see that?! shot?! name,    -amen!

Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

"think happy thoughts peter". as believed by (me!) sandra, tvgp

dear Jesus, please forgive my sarcasm..


my brief post today /restricted by wrist pain

is in response to the male creature interviewed by my charlie rose, as part of the brain series... with my favorite neuroscientist.. Eric kandel

topic was parenting and postpartum depression.  postpartum depression as experienced by the DAD; male creature.  -fascinating interview as always..

you really should watch it yourself..  my sarcasm sneaks in only as they reveal the astonishing scientific finding that children who are not neglected as babies fair better in the world than children who were neglected..

But let me cut to the chase.. dad with postpartum; which helps rule out pregnancy hormones as a culprit..

Dad who bravely confesses he felt rejected by the baby, distance from his wife, exhaustion, anger..  and ultimately starts having thoughts about hurting his wife and the baby which is about when he starts bravely seeking help..

Now, my point is this: the entire interview and conversation is seen exclusively through the secular lens..

and wouldn't it just be the most fascinating thing ever, if we could watch the whole thing again, only add Joyce Meyer to the panel and discussion..

-where was the battlefield?   -the mind.    

-the enemy seeks to kill and destroy..   -some of the enemies greatest attack weapons: rejection.   inadequacy.   fear.   

-I believe somewhere in the bible it talks about "holding every thought captive."


I wonder if Christian dads battling the same situations might employ biblical teachings to navigate their own way out..

but feel very happy/proud this dad on charlie rose did speak up; and speak out..   -because I have come to solidly believe another one of the enemies greatest weapons is -shame.   And anything kept in the dark cannot be healed..   it must be brought into the light.

But there is another passage coming to mind.. about not giving gold to swines..

-that is, I acknowledge that when it comes to sharing taboo/culturally embarrassing or shameful things..

there are two potential audiences.  One, will see your bravery.. And offer love and help and healing.  -the other will judge, ridicule, exploit..

so -choose your audience wisely.

In Jesus name,  -amen.

Friday, May 29, 2015

And it goes like this... for (me!) sandra, tvgp

-my daughters graduation party..  "I only cried once!". proud of myself..  and deeply grateful to her dad and his girlfriend for hosting  the event at their gorgeous boat house; deeply grateful for the amazing climate.. and, especially because it was a long drive..  and not local for my friends and family..  that everyone went out of their way to come share in this milestone celebration despite the drive..   " thank you!".  -I dont know how my daughter could be anything but happy, grateful.. for this combination "congratulations!" & "good luck/blessings for college!"    -she has an abundance of thank you cards to write...  and it is always a privilege to write and or receive thank you cards... 

-there is a song that plays on KLOVE.. the lyrics I let play on repeat in my heart/mind say.."..You're going to do great things... I already know.. God's got his hand on you.".   I think it; sing it; pray it; write it; know it; believe it...

yes I do.

but that doesn't stop me from saying "Jesus.. who came up with this stupid idea that we are supposed to send our kids away to college..  How did we get sold this crappy bill of goods?  No one ever asked me..  Its just this.. What.. Habit... Someone else designed the whole stupid program..  I think its stupid.. I don't believe it is really necessary..   She can be Independent write here,  she can learn just as much...

and in a text to my daughter:  -would you believe me if I told you it has absolutely nothing to do with your choice of colleges.  -I swear it! Its just that I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to move near your college..  because...  because I love trees. 


There is a saying about when " all the planets align".  -a short cut for saying everything that could go write; did go write.. Lots of green lights in a row that allow something to take place..

but what is the opposite?  I'll tell you.. I had been marking my calendar and counting down the days to Barones opening night of music under the stars the way a child marks the calendar and counts down to Christmas.. 

then my sister .. best friend... dance partner... partner in crime.. -she got the flu.   then a couple friends, including Mr Motown, -said they couldn't make it..  and the weather started to turn...

all this time I was so excited

Our favorite band, pride & joy, was performing opening night!  -it doesn't get better..

but no planets were aligning and in fact Barones themselves canceled the event.    I only sulked very momentarily.. Because just as when you should not ignore all the planets aligning; and a series of back to back green lights

nor should you Ignore the misalignment, red light, red light, red light signals..

In the words of Shakespeare:   "T'was not meant to be."


so.. Last night then was the official opening night and a spectacular opening night it was!  

climate: perfect.
band: cheeseballs;  -fantastic!   /and looks like the darling blond singer is with child in womb..   dancing no doubt...
attendance: wonderful! my sister well enough to rally and even danced a couple; Mr Motown/Craig saved some seats and dances for us.. couple friends of my sisters.. and a half dozen familiar faces of people we don't know by name, but know from several years of mutual dance nights..   and! the whole gorgeous patio area.. packed again!  happy dancing people in every direction.. they spill off the dance floor to in between chairs and tables..

now,  last year I believe the hottest, like, most popular dance song of the season was blurred lines..

and the very second I heard the uptown funk song on the radio I announced to my kids, niece, nephew..  'This! this the next hottest dance song..  at Barones..  Everyone will hit the dance floor for this one..'

its got that funky Motown danceable beat..   and seems like it was practically custom written for Mr Motown's dance moves; a perfect pairing if there ever was one..    An extra treat to share the dance floor with him for that one..

and he took my sister on the floor for her favorite, favorite...  Its getting hot in here...

and I will never tire of looking around the patio as the band plays and watching who lights up for what song.. but you can always tell when someone's favorite dance song plays.. 

The additional animation...  -when people are their most alive..

So..  The 2015 music under the stars season has officially begun..  and we had quite a lot of fun getting warmed up...

"Cheers!".    and a big thank you Jesus!

Plus..  I am more excited write now than the paparazzi at the Oscars..   tomorrow is my daughters senior ball!  

Mama~razzi heaven!   And grandma~razzi!   -we are a fierce photographing team...   and she is gracious about humoring us...

" thank you!" love....   ~amen.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Im willing now to meet this tolstoy fellow (me!) sandra, tvgp

generically speaking: all of the people labeled 'great writers' of today, have studied and know, to some extent, the people who were labeled 'great writers' of yesterday.

So for those of you who can..  -name the top 10 greatest writers of all time.

k.  I probably do not know, and have never read them, but could recognise their names as names I've heard before floating around out there in media enough that it crossed my cerebral path.

I'm going to go google that write now..10 greatest writers of all time.   Or rather, after I post this, so as not to be interrupted while making my point.

my point is that Leo Tolstoy is on the list; most likely.

and I remember..  I think, his Anna Karenina, was an Oprah book club selection, and everyone was raving about how wonderful it was..

but I did brief research, and the entire story is based around infidelity.  My thoughts on the matter are already well documented here so I will not bother to repeat..

But in essence I had absolutely no interest and remain dumbfounded as to how the whole world is not bored to death with Infidelity as a plot line.  It does not get less original than that I promise you. Same story over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over ad nauseum.  -just change character names and scenery.

and it is why for (me!) The book titled Jewel, by (must relook up author) is a true masterpiece..    A true accomplishment!   and.. Was also an Oprah book club selection if I remember correctly..

Now.. Based on Anna Karenina alone I had zero interest in learning even 5 minutes more worth about this Tolstoy fellow..

-shame on me.

because just the other day I was listening to NPR .. National public radio on my 10 minute break and you don't even need one guess to know who they were talking about

-out of what must have been an entire half hour or hour talk.. My 10 minute break landed me write at the part where they discussed Tolstoy's later life conversion to Christianity..  and how he later  -denounced? Regretted?     -well, let's just say that post conversion he would not have invested his gifting and talent in writing the likes of Anna Karenina...

and then  they talked about his books post conversion..

and you don't even need one guess to know what books I'll be checking out next visit to the library...

dear Leo Tolstoy... I look forward now to meeting you.

in Jesus name, amen.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

MINDFULNESS as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-on hold:  stories about my daughter graduating from highschool; preparing for college; the parties, celebrations, etc.

-but I will springboard a little because of the number of people I talked to at the recent party who now practice some form of mindfulness; meditation; yoga..  and the result and testimonies are remarkable and remarkably consistent.  In a nutshell:

"It works!!"

every good thing you can think of: reduces stress overall while simultaneously strengthening your ability to cope with stress as it appears; yields greater peace, joy, confidence, esteem..

in a nutshell again:   -all the fruits of the spirit; peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control..

well..  Mindfulness is the..  Primary ingredient, tool, daily practice.. the key for helping any and all of those manifest.

How much testimony do you require?

listen to any spiritual leader from any faith system..
listen to Eckhart tolle.. The Pope.. Ghandi..
-a thousand self help books..

I have my own personal experience which is so positive I don't require additional evidence.. but to validate

-read Dan Harris' 10% happier book..

"It works!".   Mindfulness & meditation  "it works!"

I am convinced this is humanities path to evolving..  you know how many times I've stated my concern: technology out-evolving humans; humans remaining stuck..

one of the greatest roadblocks is.  -religion.  that is.. we cannot incorporate prayer in schools, or espouse any specific faith system over another.   this results in one of two things: either not one religion can be discussed at all for fear of offending another; or all religions can be discussed with the goal of not favoring one over another..

that ends up being counterproductive no matter which way it lands..

The beauty of mindfulness and mediation is that..

it is entirely religion/faith neutral.   -entirely independent of!

but when it comes to helping people grow, evolve, and achieve greater peace, health, confidence, esteem..  improving relationships to self and others..

mindfulness/meditation not only consistently gets results; it gets results without encountering all the controversy, and dead ends and  roadblocks that prayer or any given faith system faces..

it is so noncontroversial and so remarkably consistent in yielding better quality lives

that if I could only add just this one practice, this one class, to our public and private school curriculum..

it would no longer be: reading, writing, arithmetic

it would be:


it would be first and foremost and would no doubt improve the ability for each child to master the others..

now, I do not know the instructor teaching this class through the pleasanton community and activities summer program..

but I am very happy to see it being offered.. and wish it for the whole wide world.   -the younger we learn it; the better!

In Jesus name,   -amen!

Thursday, May 21, 2015

I Corinthians 13:13

this: -is where i live; literally. it is my spiritual address if you will: my spirit lives at 1 Corinthians 13:13.   lives there.

how do I know..   the same way in a recent post I described what happened when I received the writing prompts book..   -what that helped me fully realize is that..  I do not need writing prompts; but for how long this has been true, I do not know..

in that same way.. It was when I was having conversations with multiple others.. and faced with a given situation.. each person shared their response..  And as I listened to each of them..

I fully realized.. that is not what is in my mind, heart or spirit at all! My initial and -permanent residence is to react with faith, hope and love.   -nothing else is there... Nothing else gets in.   -I am amazed myself.. how real, how clear, how unwavering..

and I can remember when this was not the case.  I can remember in non specific ways.. 

being unable at all...and then only on special occasions.. Only under certain circumstances..  and gradually over time.. Without my being entirely conscious of the process..

I have arrived.

and it feels wonderful.

to live here:  at 1 Corinthians 13:13.   With faith, and hope and love.   -in response to ALL things, good or bad, hard or easy, traumatic or blissful..

-and to KNOW it..  


how fascinating to be able to interpret our internal goings-on!

I reask..   in circumstances relevant to the question:

Are you doing such n such out of obligation or because you want to?

when we provide an honest answer to that question..  -like, what is going on inside of us that allows us to judge/determine and know what our feelings are.?. Or determine when/how they subtly change..

I.e., I started out feeling obligated but now I want to..  Or vice versa..

-we know what we know. We interpret feelings all the time; unconsciously; but expertly

and I know.. That once upon I time I did not live in such a permanent way at 1 Corinthians 13:13..

I was not sure it even existed on the spiritual map.  

Then I learned it existed..

I visited it once or twice..   and then returned..

and on what date exactly I do not know, but

apparently I moved in.   I live there.  All the time.

and it is beautiful.   And guess what else..

there is room for everyone!   how awesome is that!

In Jesus name..  amen!

Brudders & Sistours. as seen by (me!) -writeousmom..

i have always been curious, in regard to the family video mentioned in prior post..  like, -how on earth, at 2 1/2.. did TaRyN come up with this "to all my brudders and sistours".    for one, she didn't have any brudders or sistors..   Only one 'brudder' who would not arrive into the world for another four days..  and for two..   that address, 'brudders & sistours' was not in my vocabulary at all, nor in her fathers.. no one in our immediate family,   -and this is long before I was watching so much church TV..

I've always been curious where she picked that up.   -it is so sweet to me..   how inclusive.

" to my brudders.. and my sistours..   and my whole fam~ily..  and my mom.. and my dad.. and my grandpa.. and my grandma.. and to my rob.. and to my Keesh.. 


there is one more highlight in that video.. melts me! to the core.  My sister has TaRyN on her hip..   Like me, my sister is also pregnant at the time, only she is couple months behind me..

but my daughter touches her aunties tummy.. she at first is talking through a pacifier " -its just a baby now..  

but when he gets bigger..."  Removes pacifier and her arm shoots up as she readies to share the big revelation..."he can play with me!".  -and then they talk some more about visiting wal mart when the baby arrives..  -very, very sweet.. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Value of a family video.. to (me!) sandra, tvgp

more valuable than...  anything! I mean take my home, clothes, food.. 

-leave me on a park bench..   but if I could just have access to family photos and videos and the drawings and writings my children have done over the years..

I just rewatched one of my all time, all time! favorites..  and what series of events led me to finding and rewatching..  as it was not on my agenda at all to do so..  I promise you, it was the saints again.. I know it.

I know it because back to back hard news was starting to..

and so, next thing you know I'm watching this family video from 1999 and smiling so big.. And then laughing so hard..

hard, deep laughter.. where tears fall..  

if ever there was some family video worthy of sharing with the whole wide world!  I do not write now know how to go about getting this on YouTube or my blog..  But the very second I do..

you can't miss it..  you have to see it...   the highlights for me, and you are welcome to fast forward.. But the highlights..

1. it should be called 'the worlds longest Christmas card'.  -my daughter is 2 1/2 years old.. It is Christmas morning.. I am 4 days shy of giving birth to her younger brother.. house is filled with family sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents, visiting, etc.

and at some point TaRyN takes center stage and starts reading a Christmas card.  only, as I mentioned, she is 2 1/2 years old.  -she can't, like, actually read.. but you sure would never know it..

-until you notice maybe that the card is sometimes write side up, and sometimes upside down...

-and you can glance and see that there are probably 10 words at most inside the card itself..

but she is standing there with the card in hand, reading like nobody's business..

"and to my mom, and my dad, and to my grandpa and to my grandma and to my rob and to my Keesh..

and to all my brodders and sistors.. 

and to your helf..   (health).

and to my whole fam~i~ly.    -this all gets a good laugh and so repeat, repeat, repeat..

when she starts losing her audience she gets very animated..

waving her hand to each group of family, left, write and center:

" listen! listen! Listen!  Ev~eDY~body... "

and then she reads some more...

and some more..

and a little more after that.   as she starts losing her audience again.. she decides to add some attention-grabbing flair..

"and to all my brodders and sistors.. and to your helf..  and to my pajamas.. And to my bottom hurts.."

-anything for a laugh.. 


and!  better still!   her trumpet performance with her dad!  Oh.. Praise God!  this is the part that just sends me into one every time..

it is because..  Because..

I can barely type this I get to laughing..

  -from very early on TaRyN imitated the patterns of speech and conversation way before she incorporated the actual words..

she mimicked sounds and patterns..  

if you wonder what I mean, this brief little magical Christmas musical will explain everything..

her dad has a flute..   He plays a couple random notes.. then he, in the voice and tone of a band leader, says something like..

"wind section done..  now the brass section.. Hit it.. Your turn!"

and then TaRyN makes at least one noise come out of her plastic kid trumpet..  and..   then.. sense she has no idea what her dad actually said, but got the pitch and pattern, she utterly takes on all the body language and animation of a famous conductor and goes, like.. 

"Batada..   Ratbudad... Blahbeba...  batada!   YOUR TURN!"

and then her dad makes a couple noises come out of his..  flute or kazoo or whatever it is..

and she takes it away from there..  does the whole thing again..

"Batada, rpadata, matadyaba!   MY TURN!"

and then follows all her animated conducter-speak and waving of hands and giant incomprehensible introduction to her bass section with..

a short little,  barely audible whisper of a noise from her plastic trumpet.

they go back n forth a couple times.. And I am laughing so hard I can barely record it..

but when it comes to true treasures...  

I'd trade the Mona Lisa and any equivalent   -there is no material thing.. No value that can be placed.. nothing as precious.. 

as my family videos.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Last Word regarding economics of low income.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am 1. exhausted of the topic. And 2. Need to move on..  but I cannot move forward.. it would be a huge disservice if I did not share this before I close writing on this topic. So here:

ObamaCare:  -first let me thank Jesus.. for my health over the past decade living below the poverty level.. having no medical, dental, vision coverage for eight or nine years..

and I remind everyone here the reason I did not have coverage is because I COULD NOT AFFORD COVERAGE.  -not that I didn't want or need it.  K.

the only reason I have auto Insurance is because it is mandatory by law.  So,  making health insurance mandatory by law does get results.  I am now covered.

However!  And please pay attention here: I.. Who could not afford it to begin with.. Was financially penalised for not getting it on time.

-taking even more money from someone who has very little begin with..

-next.. I was behind on a payment.. So the result of that was extra penalties from the insurance and the bank..

Taking even more money away from someone who has very little..

So, the result of this mandatory health coverage has cost me..  A LOT.   and where is that money going.. To who? Really?   and times how many people are the mandatory penalty fees, insurance and bank fees being taken..      -why we keep taking more and more from those who don't have to begin with..  And giving more and more to those who have plenty is beyond my comprehension.

I would like to suggest here: The issue IS NOT healthcare.. The issue is COST of LIVING vs. WAGES..

that is where the gap  -grand canyon gap exists.

and I know there are some intelligent people out there who can address this issue..   -write.

and it just kills me.. That we pack our downtowns and cities with stores and restaurants which offer a minimum wage  -give or take a few bucks..   And then..

refuse to offer low income housing in the same area?!?

which means people who can't afford the basics.. are required to commute further.. Which costs more in gas, wear n tear on automobiles, etc. 

if ever there was a fixable problem... 

who among you hears the call?

In Jesus name, amen..

Monday, May 18, 2015

Winner! as described by (my sister!) to (me!) sandra, tvgp

description of a backyard:  "it was like Martha stewart ... well no, it was like Martha Stewarts cousins backyard might be..  Like Martha came over and helped a little but she still had her own style."

/God I love that... Has such an Irresistible blog~ability factor to it..

Dear Super Soulers.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Super soul Sundays with Oprah on OWN. I remain a fan.. You know my greatest concern for humanity is that we are investing so much in advancing our technology while humans are getting left far behind.

Helping humans evolve.. That is our greatest need.  And anyone who is helping in this crucial area.. "THANK YOU!"

pleased to see the panel of three 30 something's..  I am provided hope..

But! the answers to living a spiritual life are seeming a little too redundant and trite to me.. I do not question their authenticity in answer.. And all speak a certain truth:

yes live with gratitude.
Yes live in the moment.
Yes be able to meditate, evaluate, control your own thoughts, etc.
Yes your strength and happiness are INSIDE jobs and cannot be achieved externally..

I could go on. Its all true..  They've got it!  

But the true test to me, for me personally of a spiritual leader is not whether or not they live with gratitude..

the true test is in their response to personal and others ~suffering.

Dear Oprah.. I am about to share my very real world, real life experiences/observations on any given week..

The question for spiritual leaders is this: how do you process suffering:

-a perfectly healthy elementary school age child just collapsed in an unexpected death.

-a child diagnosed with cancer

-a man just abandoned his family..

-a friends sibling committed suicide..

-a ten year old baby died..

-a 47 year old died of a heart attack..

-a child down the street was molested..

-a mother/daughter were just killed by a drunk driver..

-a teen was hospitalized for attempting suicide..

-a cyber bully just released humiliating videos of someone they wanted to humiliate..

-rapes, murders, wars, violence, crime, genocides, poverty, natural disasters.. Greed, corruption..

true spiritual leaders will be able to speak on and address life issues on this level.  I keep my eyes and ears and heart open..

In Jesus name, amen..

The real gift... to (me!) sandra, tvgp

first: a public thank you to Mr Motown.. my long time dance partner friend.. gifted me with some Jesus jewelry and this book..   I love all things Jesus, so thank you..  And! without realizing it.. well, I know that you know I like to write..

and so, the 642 book was based on that knowledge.. But the real gift you gave me was.. The realization that I graduated past needing writing prompts a long time ago.   In august I will have been blogging for TEN YEARS!  -thousands of posts..    And I'm not sure exactly when it happened because earlier in my writing life I did want and need prompts..   but that has not been the case in a very long time..

prompts ...   At the risk of sounding ungrateful for the gift which I am not..  but I do regard them as necessary for beginners..  and a sign of growth and progress is the lack of that need..

it applies in many areas of life I believe..  Including sex.  -yes it comes to mind for me..  when I learn someone needs a prompt.. An outside stimulus of some sort..    -need a porn to get you going?  -novice.   /she says with a smile..

for writing, for sex, mixed media art...I need no prompts..   but for math and cooking..

I need prompts, books, videos, tutor, extra inspiration, help..  I need a very, very high incentive..

Or what I really need is..  An accountant and restaurants..


count down to music under the stars: 4 days...

Is there a mix~ologist in the house.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

something old/something new; something borrowed, -someone's blue..

Old: /as I have mentioned it before. the award, -top honor! for best two songs ever blended and fused goes to...

whoever came up with the ides to mix john mayers , your body is a wonderland with..  I'm never speaking up again, I'll use my hands..

My God! what a perfect mix.. awesome.. Wow!

and now.. if someone with that same talent for mixing would help (me!) out..

I want to hear..  I long to hear.. I know it would be equally awesome if someone would blend/fuse/mix..

Louie Armstrong's, ~wonderful world


James Morrison's, ~wonderful world.

Oh! the lyrics! the music, collaboration of melodies.. the way it can hit home..  grand slam the life experience of both..  Of how it really is; can feel in any given week..  the miracles of life simultaneous with the traumas and tragedies..

something like this:


Armstrong..  "I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me & you, and I think to myself, ~what a wonderful world..

Morrison:  " and I know its a wonderful world,  but I can't feel it write now..  thought that I was doing well but i just wanna cry now.."


back n forth like that for the whole mixed long version...


borrowed:   = with intention/assumption it will be returned.


blue = validation for gray.


..something random; something true:

I watch the voice.. Love! The voice..  I could watch that level of talent and variety, for many, many, hours in a row and still long for more..    every song artist   -although entirely unique.. Wants exactly the same experience

That experience can be seen by watching beth hart sing I'd rather be blind for buddy guy when he received the Kennedy ..something.. Honor..

all of the performers were professional..talented.. Gave great performances..  Etc.    -but there can be no argument that beth hart's performance was above & beyond.

mystical, magical, miraculous, anointed, blessed, larger than life..

This level cannot be achieved every time she hits the stage; the expectation is unrealistic.  It is very special when it happens.

My guess is that every artist performing that night has had their own.. Let's call it a 'beth hart moment'  -on a stage somewhere under their own special circumstances..

And I think it is just as much a miracle and honor to witness as it is to experience.

So it becomes my prayer for every artist.. Singer, dancer, writer, Whatever..

I think it can happen more than once for sure... But if it only happens once

That is awesome!  -hope you get it recorded so it can be relived and shared with generations to come...

In Jesus name, amen

The Heart Seen.. on (noah's bagel!)

~little love for breakfast...  "Thanks mom!"

The Heart Seen... by (squidmann!)

/forgive me; can't avoid the pun: taco 'bout the heart seen..  its in the spill of the sauce..

The Heart Seen... by (lee ann caldwell!)

please.. how precious is this? they welcomed a number of little duckies into their home from the zoo~ology class..   enjoyed an extended stay..  I smile every time I see Lee Ann's face as she talked about having to return them..  "Don't forget your mama loves you...".   ~sweetest bond.    -and she invited me to sit down and hold one for a little stretch.. neat sensation to have it go from flittery and nervous rapid breathing to.. calm and nestled comfortably..  darling little creatures... heart magnets.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

"page 37!?!". says (my sister!)

"This should be FRONT PAGE NEWS!"   /and we both are wondering..  mike..  divorced?  how's he doin'?

Sex Education by (me!) sandra, tvgp. ~writeousmom...

so, my son was doing his homework

um,  -in the car, on the way to school this morning while i drove.

and part of this included a questionnaire with sex-related questions the kids were to ask their parents..

these things leave my mind pretty quickly, so i don't remember all of the questions.. just a few

how old do i think a person should be before having sex?

18.   as i've mentioned before; i do not know how to dream small.

-my thoughts on abortion..  pro-choice.

-best age to have children...  24/25..   /after its legal to drink.. /she says with a smile..    but i kid.   more to do with energy/maturity/optimism..

-can he talk to me about sex?...  i said 'i sure hope so!  any awkward question you are brave enough to ask.. i will honestly answer..'

but my favorite one.. the one that stands out:

what do i wish i knew about sex and relationships back in the day.

i said, "i wish i knew men who put God first in their lives."

both my son and nephew responded with the equivalent of boos and tomatoe tossing..

".. i mean it..  because they would make better sex partners..  anyone who puts God in front of their ego.."

and then i signed the homework just as they were exiting the car for school...


and i remembered a male creature who wore a cross necklace.. who talked a good Christian game.. 

who could look directly in the eyes of someone he swore fidelity and faithfulness to.. and lie    -so competently, and convincingly..

/very impressive acting retrospectively speaking.. 

but could be all the while f'ing more than one person.

-just undoes me..   not the act of infidelity itself; which is  several degrees of horrific all by itself..  but

the lying, sneaking, deceiving..  so casually and at master levels..

with no care.     -it is beyond my comprehension..

i just know, based on SEVERAL life experiences; and countless observations..

when I say 'a man who puts God first..'

I do not mean a man who PRETENDS to put God first; who wears the write jewelry and talks the good talk..

I mean a man who.. in His heart and mind and conscious..

Who -for real, puts God first..

such a man would make an awesome lover..  because it has to do with actually being in love. /which is not self seeking..

and being able to trust..

In Jesus name..  Amen!

The Heart Seen... sent by (roz gamble!)

email read:  hi Sandra,  whenever I see a heart, in any way shape or form and it looks new, I think of your collection. Here's a stunning one I just received from my cousin in North Carolina.  Enjoy. Hope all is well with you. God Bless, Roz Gamble

"Thank you!!".  -means more than you realize..  Xoxo

Sunday, May 10, 2015

a very "Happy Mothers Day!" to (our mom!) slash (grandma!)

Saturday, May 09, 2015

Public "Thank You!" to Saint... ? from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i can never remember which saint it is that helps us find lost things..

so then i have to pray to the saint that helps us remember saints names..

but obviously.. can't remember that saints name either.. So, I just trust they understand and don't take it too, you know, -personal.

and i have proof here, they don't..

if you are a secularist, you won't get this..  if you are a spiritualist, you'll be smiling before i even arrive at  "found!"


lost: the mysteries of pittsburgh, by michael chabon.   -no big deal if it was MY book, but it is a LIBRARY book, due...    well, lets just say its over-due.  

i searched the house, i searched my car, i searched the laundry basket, i searched at my work..  i searched under couches, above the refrigerator, below the sink... 

it felt like i searched every possible place the book could be; and several places it would be impossible for the book to be, but that didn't stop me from looking..

if you are a "have-ist" when it comes to money, -you won't get this...but if you are a have-not-ist..  you are smiling already because

"Oh my God.. how much is the fine for a lost book?!?".   and in my mind i was already figuring out..  K, minus this, shift that, skip one meal, less gas in car... maybe walk...

/and may i confess here.. you will still find me on the dance floor at music under the stars with a drink in my hand.. because i have my financial priorities in order!

anyway..  maybe it was stolen.. i mean, i do remember putting it in the front seat..   where after that?  maybe i left my door unlocked, and window cracked open a little..  

you've all heard of the book thief.. -write.

obviously it was nowhere in the house or at my work..  "They don't evaporate! Books do not evaporate..where is the Frickin thing?!...  "

so that's write about when it occurred to me to do what has successfully helped me find who knows how many lost/misplaced items over the years..    -pray to the saint!

i pause. i close my eyes.  "dear saint... christopher?   michael?

no, ..patrick?   -no, you are the pets and animals saint.. or traveling..

oh my God, please forgive me..  saint of forgotten saint names of the saints who help with lost things

-you know who I need!   in Jesus name, amen"

now..  pay close attention to the creative choreography here.   -secularists have a very boring interpretation of these events..but spiritualists see the dance...

first we have my great affection (euphemism for celebrity crush) for russell crowe.

what does he have to do with my lost library book?  -check it out:

because i have great affection for russell crowe, and i was a tiny bit down in spirits one day last week, i took myself to go see the water diviner. 

it is very fair here to ask how it is that i cannot afford to fill up my gas tank, but can afford to take myself to the movies..

once again, the 'have-ists' will never get it.. the 'have-not-its' totally understand.  when we budget..  it is very creatively.   80% goes to taking care of the absolutely mandatory: keeping the lights on.. the car running   -for the day; that sort of thing..  and then the other 70% percent goes to enjoying life..   because tomorrow is not promised and if we stayed home, -saving, saving, saving,  by the time we accumulated any amount of significance, our whole life will have passed us by...

so, we may not be too smart when it comes to money or numbers..but we are highly intelligent when it comes to enjoying life!

-see that poor mom on welfare getting her nails and hair done...


anyway..  i took myself to the movies.. and oh! you should have seen my face when my russell crowe came riding up to (me!) on a white horse..  please.  and when he took his little outside shower..

please.    -i would have paid double and skipped the popcorn.. is very important you realize that i was not so utterly lost in fantasies of russell crowe that the larger history lesson and significance of the water diviner was lost on me..  i got it!  the sexy australian farmer..the horrific war..the human toll...the lost sons.. the search...   K. I got it.  and the beauty of the scenery, the cultures, the geography..  beautifully narrated.. a rare, slow, unfolding..

little choppy here and there, but they were covering so much; you have to; i understand..

anyway... the entire reason i went to see the water diviner, was not to see russell crowe at all!  actually

the entire reason i saw the water diviner was to help me find the mysteries of pittsburgh!

i promise you the mysteries of pittsburgh has nothing on the mysteries of the saints..

the day after i saw the water diviner i was at work and a beautiful woman was at the counter purchasing some cool things, and as we talked a bit, i inquired about her lovely accent..


so,  ive already explained in several prior posts how our minds work:   hyperlinks in the brain!

write away i was like.. "i just saw the water diviner!".  And she was not familiar and asked me to tell her about it..

I went to tell her about it..  -very fresh in my mind..  and **that thing happened. So, i pulled it up on the computer, and turned the monitor around so she could see the images and read the synopsis herself.   -she smiled quite big.   " yes, I know about this.." And she went on to share about what it was like.. She had visited the very place..

and im certain she will be seeing the water diviner very soon..

Now, what does that have to do with finding my lost library book?

-the saints have me write where they want me..  Because..

the next day after that, when i got a reminder notice about the overdue book..and have surrendered to the fact the book was lost or stolen..

when i was coming up with creative alternatives to paying a fine..

like,  -isn't this author local? maybe ren man knows him.. he knows a bunch of authors.. maybe i can get an autographed replacement! -that would put me back in the good graces of the library now wouldn't it..

and the saints just smiled.  and one must have winked.

Because the next day after that... i was getting all super frustrated with

**that thing that happens!

**that thing that happens, is this:  i read a book, or watch a movie. i get it. fully. i understand, comprehend, totally appreciate, -all of that. the information IS IN ME.  

-it just can't get out!!   it is the most frustrating thing EVER!

the only other time I've ever heard it described is when I saw.. Gibby(?)  -the politician who was shot in the head.. And survived!!

it happens to her too!  -so im completely convinced it is brain trauma related..

but -my go-around, in times of frustration and need, is to just find a way to show whatever it is I'm trying to synopsis on the internet..

'..there; you read it..


and this very morning, that i am typing write now.. i wanted to blog about **that stupid thing that happens!

and i wanted to take a picture that could help explain.  and ive done it before but wanted a new one.

it is a picture of a clear glass with water in it.  /half full of course.

and has a straw.  only the straw has a knot.

'That's what it feels like!"

-the information IS in there; IS in me; AND! IS crystal clear.

I can know it, see it, taste it; internally.  but it won't Frickin cross my lips!!

I'm convinced there is a knot in there...

-so, the saints sent me to the cupboard for a clear glass..

and then to the sink to fill it half full with water...

and then to the drawer for a straw..

No straws?! i looked in every drawer in the kitchen.. no straw, no straw, no straw..

and the same way i started looking in both places that made sense and places that made no sense at all when i was hunting for the library book..

i started looking in places that made no sense to find a straw.

and you can easily say your very own 'low & behold' write here..

because third drawer down in my nieces arts and crafts organizer..

"the mysteries of pittsburgh!"

so, as it turns out, you do not even have to know the correct  name of which saint does what in order for them to choreograph on your behalf.

mercy defined.

so, i am now on page 23 of my

'i once was lost, -but now am found'  recently renewed library book.

"Thank You Saint... Whoever you are!"

In Jesus Name



Friday, May 08, 2015

Quick Question.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-how often are you fully conscious

of the fact that your very life is dependent on the breathing in and breathing out of oxygen..   In Pure laymen terms..  Air.

and then conscious of how air is created.. etc.

the more important question is..   whether you are ever fully conscious of this or not..

whether you are taught, or told, or go your whole life ignorant..

How does this effect you?   is air denied you? 

think of God as the air you breathe..

Better One Day In Your Court... a national prayer from (me!) sandra, tvgp

IT IS national day of prayer..   the first thing I celebrate is the fact that if I did not have work..  

I AM CAPABLE of sitting and peacefully praying for many hours at a time.  That ability to peacefully focus for marathon amounts of time

would have been impossible a decade ago..   Certainly impossible when I suffered from PTSD..

so my very first prayer is "Thank You Jesus!" for my own healing which  then allows me to pray for others..

time restricts me from praying as I am capable.. So my prayer for everyone then is this:

that YOU experience the presence of God in your life.

It is an undeniable, unexplainable, peace and confidence no matter what crisis or circumstance you are facing.  It is to KNOW you are loved; you are not alone..

it is NOT the absence of crisis or challenges or burdens or concerns..

IT IS an internal knowledge that you are loved and not alone and will be provided whatever it is you need to get through..

God does not provide as the world provides; nor how the world tells you you need to be provided for..

You might believe you need money, when what you really need is energy..

You might believe you need energy, when what you really need is money..

You might believe you need rescued, when what you really need is strength..

You might believe you need strength, when what you really need is a safe place to cry your eyes out and collapse for a while.

God knows what YOU really need; and God will provide.   Gods motives are pure; with only your best interest at heart..

God sees the before, the after.. your entire life in context and sees in fact, all of humanity; for all of time; into the eternal..

For people, like myself, and for countless others.. But we are everywhere...!

People who have and do experience Gods love and presence..

It is so ......   so....    what word?   Glorious? Overwhelming in its peacefulness..

Well, it is only natural to wish it and pray it for the whole wide world!

And for those of us who experience God's love and presence..

the lyrics, the passage regarding "better one day in your court, than a thousand elsewhere.."

That then becomes my prayer on this national day of prayer..

That today becomes that one day in his court..  for everyone.

That everyone has that experience.. which connects them deeply and permanently to the meaning

Better one day in your court, than a thousand elsewhere.

In Jesus Name.. Amen!

Thursday, May 07, 2015

What money CAN and CANNOT do.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I have reason to believe my financial situation will improve soon. But I have never let it define or dispirit me.. I have consistently allowed it to inform and educate..   -my children are blessed with the opportunity to see what money can (dads side) and cannot (my side) do..

as a person living below the poverty line for many years now, I tend toward pointing out what money cannot do..   Save lives; save marriages; keep healthy loving relationships alive, buy genuine love or loyalty in the heart of another..  Prevent infidelity.. Long list..

And let us look at the man who just killed a mother and her 14 month old baby..   I do not know his financial status.. But he was driving an expensive car and he somehow afforded bail..

the financial status of anyone involved.. the deceased and/or the bailed temporarily out..  what do we learn about what money CAN and CANNOT Do? 

In Jesus name,  amen!

On the recent death of a mom and her baby.. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

I drove past the area yesterday.. Saw the flowers, the cards, the balloons, the people, the..

LOVE .. pouring out from friends, family, neighbors, complete strangers..  

God IS LOVE.  and is clearly present...    I pray strength for the survivors, the boys the brothers, -everyone within loving distance of the deceased; the suddenly, unexpectedly, tragically, violently, unnecessarily deceased.

-we have the most obvious lesson; the consequences of drunk driving.  I do not know the statistics, but I do know, drunk driving accidents and tragedies have decreased significantly over the past couple decades thank you to the infatigue~able efforts of countless people who have helped raise awareness, toughen and enforce laws..

taxis.. designated drivers..   -huge help.   but we have not enlightened 100% of the population.. 

so.. let this tragic loss serve as a reminder and a wake up call.. to the seriousness; the crucial facts..   the very reason so many people have dedicated their own lives to making sure the message reaches everyone.

DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.     -my own behavior has been positively effected by these efforts; this campaign..

I enjoy wine and beer.. On different occasions.. But when the occasion is in a location outside of my home..

someone else drives us to; someone else picks us up...

I have become highly conscious of the importance of this as a direct result of the efforts of others..   "Thank you!"


the other lesson..  straight to my heart...  and always, when I learn about a sudden tragic death;

-none of us KNOW.  not one of us KNOWS when and how exactly we will die..   

you can eat write, exercise, get a good education, increase or decrease the probability and life expectancy; potential..

But people die everyday at young ages, just walking on the sidewalk; just doing everyday things..

and perfectly healthy, good people die everyday at terribly young ages..  and everyday greedy, ugly, evil people live into their  90's

-and the opposite is also true..  good, healthy people living into their 90's; and evil ugly people die young..

one does not directly correlate with the other...

That is a very important lesson.

Everyday is a gift.   Every breath... 

How long you will be on this planet.. How long you have to spend with loved ones..    -you don't know.    -so spend it wisely.

In Jesus name,  amen! 

Public "Thank You!" To Bishop T.D. Jakes from (me!) sandra, tvgp

"Thank you!".   specifically for your message on 'when God says no.'

One thing that has troubled me for some time now, when reading/watching different Christian leaders is this.. 

false sense of hope that is shared with the masses, which leads people to believe that if they just believe deeply enough; pray correctly etc.   -that this will Influence the life or death of a loved one dying from cancer, for example.

So that.. When the loved one lives; they credit praying correctly; or truly believing

And when the loved one dies.. Anyway.. They are left wondering whether they didn't pray enough, or correctly, or truly believe..

that is a terrible weight and responsibility to place on an already hurting, confused, vulnerable and mere human being.

rather.. what I have learned is that prayer.. And love.. can provide strength..  strength to endure the battle; strength to celebrate victories.. strength to endure pain of loss when it happens.

the distinction for Christians.. Is FAITH in all circumstances.. And TRUST in God..   through and simultaneous to suffering..

so I like another sermon you gave also, when you said,

"If you lose your job; keep the faith...

if you lose your house; keep the faith..

If you have to bury a child; keep the faith.."

-because this at least speaks to the realities of many Christians..

authentic believers... who pray sincerely, etc.


when you understand and believe God is in control.. And believe that ALL things can be used for good for those who believe and are called to Gods purpose..

-then that is what you manifest and see.. 

example.   a parents child dies of cancer.

there is great grief and suffering.  

the parents share what they have learned, start a fundraiser, raise money for research.. and in the future a great deal is learned and applied, many lives are saved as a result..  /forgive me for being so bullet-pointish..

the parents experience a 'peace' that surpasses human understanding..    /I can attest to this peace, I've lived it..

they transcend their own pain and suffering and become of service to others.




a parents child dies of cancer.

there is great pain and suffering.

They fight.  They drink. They try to anesthesitize their own being..

they divorce.   they disconnect from God, if they even had a relationship to begin with..

they become bitter, empty..  and remain that way..


One outcome seems far superior to the other to me... Does it not?


It is my experience and observation that Christianity does not serve as an immunity to suffering.  And I've mentioned before how often the fact that we will suffer is written in the bible..  -it is very clear.

but so is the promise of strength.. the promise of healing.. The promise you are not alone; the promise it can be used for good..

Obviously we want to pray for the health and well being and healing of everyone..

But when loved ones die..    we keep our faith and trust in an all loving God.. Who can purpose the suffering.. Who can help us transcend..

I repeat:   we come to earth with instructions:

what we love to do, instructs us on what we are here to do.

and what suffering we endure,  instructs us on who we are here to help.

In Jesus name,   -amen.

Dear Professor Paul Davies, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

regarding through the wormhole..  yes!  i was most intrigued with your segment of the program.  specifically these theories mentioned:

the introduction to the segment itself:

-What has yet to happen effects what's happening now..

-could the ultimate destiny of the cosmos effect what's possible in the here and now?

And your thought.. That what happens in the future 'reaches back' in time and effects what's happening in the present.


I say,  -you are on to something!  please read my prior post..

I have no doubt the future is question is how far into the future.. So I like the wording above.. 'The ultimate destiny of the cosmos..'

I think my Oprah scheduling a guest analogy is quite similar to you at the anniversary dinner.  -once something is scheduled in the future.. And you arrive at that event in the now, which you scheduled in the past..

All decisions were in service to honoring/keeping what you had scheduled..  so yes, a future event on the calendar does in fact 'reach back' and effect what is happening in the here and now..

let's bring God and the Bible in...   in case you have not been properly introduced

/as many science~types seem to have their heads in different books and social life's in different circles.. But!   Check it out when you get a chance..

there are MANY references to... MANY uses of the word:

Predestined.     -and we are all in agreement about what that means.

The Bible actually supports your theories; imagine that.

And.. common belief/understanding among Christians is: "The victory has already been won"


I think.. The single most important word in your entire segment is:


my understanding of your way of thinking, based on the kids not skipping class analogy in the program..

you eliminate any opportunity for free will in your theory.   Lean toward -determinism.

I think..  free will is the most precious, most valuable gift included within the human masterpiece..

without it.. We are all as you say.. Robots with a specific future going through the motions and fulfilling a specific destiny.

But I believe.. have certainly come to believe  -having existed both in the secular and in the Christian..  and having observed, learned some about other faith systems..

that there exists more than one 'ultimate destiny'..

and there are a myriad of potential PATHWAYS which lead one to a specific destiny within a myriad of potential destinies..

but we can at all times only be on one given pathway.. and then DECISIONS serve as GPS.. and redirect or propel us forward on a given path..

But I believe in free will..  opportunities to change pathways..  opportunities to change ultimate destinies..   let's think of the saying 'I see you headed down the wrong path...'

..decision making is our steering wheel...

but..  how do we make decisions.. And what is all this nonsense about 'following your heart'.   'Listening to your gut'.   Honoring your instincts..

or the internal experience of knowing that you are overriding your heart, your gut, your intuition...

I see within human beings the opportunity to experience and practice choice-making which can either   -to its extreme, destroy or create a beautiful life..

I think a lot on how much, how often, how deeply, lives are transformed by the love of Jesus..   when Jesus serves as an individuals lord and savior..   guide.  -the internal changes are real.

the results are..  phenomenal.   but free will allows for the opportunity.. it is not a mandate.  We are not robots..

I think there is more than one ultimate destiny for each individual.. and that destiny can either be..  Good or.. not so good in both the here.. And the ever after.

when you combine knowledge of the human spirit (soul) with the witnessing of lives which were on one path.. Headed in one direction.. And then conscious decisions are made which redirect..and change the path..  Improve it..

I'm skipping to another common Christian understanding.. God straightens crooked paths..   creates a way where there was no way..

life pathways.. 

and there is an internal knowing when people 'surrender to Gods will' vs. their own..

Gods design..  Vs. Their own..    -amazing things happen! 

I believe we are in fact -deciding.  And some pathways are much more rewarding than others..  Some pathways are of much greater service to humanity than others..   we do have more than one potential destiny..    and we are both flesh and spirit..  And there is a great difference between people who walk in the flesh vs. Walk in the spirit..

and the future for those who walk in the spirit is..  Much lighter.

-more thoughts later, but yes..  More than one potential future is reaching back in time and effecting the here and now.

God has predestined everyone for glory and life ever after..

but not everyone chooses God.

In Jesus name,   amen!

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

thoughts on time travel.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now I'm fresh off.. in the middle of.. Watching a taped recording of through the worm hole with Morgan freeman..

-which, by the ironic way, allows me to watch. Stop. Rewind. And fast forward a program already created and watch it in the

Or pause. Use the rest room.. Grab a bite in the kitchen.. Return and watch some more.

-the point is.. we are already time traveling all the time!  we just don't identify it that way..  But the opposite of time travel, if you

everything/everyone only conscious of; living in the spontaneity of the perpetual now to the exclusion of any past or future moment.

but in viewing taped television I am simultaneously now visiting past experiences    -so they are in the twice past... 


tomorrow I will rewatch the whole thing to capture one great line.. Something like,

How the future   -which already exists..  Is therefore dictating the very decisions you are making write now..   which makes our decision making all jus an illusion..

while I don't buy entirely Into that..  A wonderful analogy came to mind to support it:

let's say Oprah schedules a guest for an interview in the future.

I.e.,  anne lamott for December.  And it is now may.

That IS a form of future time travel.   Since Anne is on the calendar for a given day..

every decision thereafter is based around that forgiven conclusion.

By the time Anne's interview occurs in live time in December; it will in fact be true that this future event dictated itself...  and any decisions/experiences prior to, were in line with... and contributing toward
this moment.  the future very influenced by the past.


it is good to consider the opposite of time travel.. In the opposite of time travel you do not schedule anything in a future date.. In the opposite of time travel you only exist in the now.

in the opposite of time travel there is no past or future.

in the opposite of time travel you have no memories and no hope.

-these 3 categories: past, present, future; they do all exist; ~all the time.

I'm grateful for this program and the inspired opportunity to re-perceive how we currently think of time.

-the same way I know we are spirits inside human containers; is the same way I know the future IS knowable..

-my own personal out of body experience allowed me complete knowledge of a (me!) Separate from my physical body.  That experience is so cemented in my memory experience that I don't even need confirmation from anyone; and I easily ignore nay sayers because I know what I know...

-same, with future being knowable..  My own personal experience..  Having words come out of my mouth "I wonder what its like when a hummingbird dies?".  -and then one or so days after, having a hummingbird come slowly hover around us and then die..

equally cemented in my memory experience.  -the only explanation is that the future was predictable..

And I have had a number of premonitions in dreams..  

so!  either the future is knowable.. Or, ...  What?   my question for a long time now, is not 'is the future knowable?'.   I believe it is.  MY question is..

how FAR into the future?

my other time travel analogy is..  the experience of typing on a slow word processor..

the majority of people who have had their hands on computer have had the experience of typing a word on the keyboard...

And then waiting a second or two before the letter shows up on the screen in front of you..

You did already type it.   Now you just wait to see it..

so.. The time from typing a letter to seeing it appear.. This can be tampered, manipulated significantly to drive the point home.


I remain irritated by any/all of these shows where they show only people/events going in reverse to demonstrate going 'back in time'

for anything/anyone to go back in time.. ALL must go back together..

that is; the planet itself would need to rotate in reverse..  and the fly on the wall.. And the flush of the toilet..

I'm curious how they represent one person going back and forth while everything around him or her remains on Pacific, or eastern or western or mountain time..

They start from the premise that people/events are each entirely separate..

maybe its just another lack of vocabulary problem ...

By time; what do you mean..exactly?


I sometimes consider.. The saying, 'travel through time'.  And wonder if there is any truth..

Our perception is that time is ongoing.. And we are born, live, die within motion also..

but I wonder if time maybe really does stand still; and we move through it?


lastly..a  Revisit on my thoughts regarding how we, humans, perceive time as going by fast or slow..

in order for us to determine a slow car from a car going faster.. We need two cars.. We need something to compare it too..

in our conscious awareness of time; the feeling of an hour going by like 5 minutes; or an hour feeling like a whole day..

to what is it being compared?  If time has its own speed; like light has a speed..

then when our conscious awareness is going the same speed or faster...  or when it is behind...

That's what I think is going on..  And when we 'lose track of time' its because we are traveling at the same speed...


I don't know, I just like to think about it..

Monday, May 04, 2015

thoughts on gender.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am fresh off watching Oprah's interview with a...

woman.  yes.   woman.

-still processing..   so, .. genders do in fact exist.. boy/girl; man; woman..

but this apparently has nothing to do with anatomy.   Penis = boy. Vagina = girl.  Is false.   -according to this interview...

Gender; that is,  being a boy or girl..  has to do with WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE INSIDE; INTERNALLY.  and those internal  ~feelings, instinctually guide you toward what our cultures define as feminine vs. masculine.

Anatomy identifies male or female on the outside; physical container only; not the internal spirit...

I think the entire problem is with our lack of vocabulary.. and lack of knowledge/ understanding of the internal self within the physical body..

But as always, always, always..  It is very crystal clear we each

1. Have an internal spiritual self separate from physical
And more importantly..  A way of knowing..! Interpreting what the truth of that internal self is...   Even if we never tell another soul..

How fascinating are human beings!!

In Jesus name..   Amen!

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Happy Birthday to...(my dad!) -from (me!)

In honor of his birthday, I will share one of his jokes..  -told very recently to me upon learning I visit a blog by a photographer in Finland.

***    see how his mind (all of our minds) work. ****  if I say "hot dog," he has a hot dog poem..   When I said "Finland" it reminded him immediately of this funny little story:

"There was a mountain.

On the top of the mountain there was a house of ill repute.

There was one man at the top of the mountain.
There was one man climbing up the mountain.
There was one man on his way down.

-based on that information  -can you tell me the nationalities of the three men?"

/this is where I just smile and wait for the punchline.

"Well,  the man on top..  Him~a~layan.
  And the man on his way up..   he's a' Russian..
And the man on his way down..

he Finnish.


/and that's the part where I just crack up..  And try to remember it so I can tell my postman friend who speaks the same language..

but I can never remember.

Exactly why I blog.


" Happy Birthday Dad!  You're the Best!  Love you!"


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Dear Brain Initiative Sub-Committees -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-has anyone found the care neuron yet?


also.. as mentioned before.. I tell you:   I have had the experience of hearing a song for the first time, and in my imagination, watch an entirely choreographed dance number, with what appear to be master level dancers. 


in practical real life

if you are a choreographer, which I have been, but at a very amateur level..

but if you are.. You have multiple exposures to a song before you choreograph to it..   and in your choreography, you do 8 or 16 or 24 steps at a time, go back, add on.. Make a change here and there.. Etc. Until you have a whole dance number.  -there are several practices, adjustments, rehearsals..

yet..  In my imagination, I see entire numbers,  -already complete.

How? How? How?

it is my great fantasy that there one day be a way to hook up some kind of technology which allows me to share what I'm getting to see

It is spectacular!    -but I can't seem to duplicate the experience even with exposure to the same song again..   -sometimes its nothing or its a new dance..

It is also very worth noting that I have no way to PROVE to you, that I am seeing what I see..   how could I provide evidence for anything taking place in my imagination?   -I have to count on you believing me..

but whether you believe me or not; it IS true...

so, as you research the brain..   Research in depth our imaginations;  evidence there of; what it means to believe vs. Know vs. Hope.. Vs. Wonder.. 

because that would blow my mind.. To know the origin/source; like, exactly how it is that I get to see these amazing choreographed numbers unfold before me..  that I myself absolutely did NOT choreograph..  how?   And it is my intuitive response..

/oh my God.. Don't forget to research intuition!!

but, it is my intuitive response, that I am the only one seeing this specific choreographed dance..

but maybe.. Maybe there is someone else on the planet somewhere who is seeing the same thing?  How wild would that be? 

And so I think about that today..  if someone heard the same song and saw the same dance with the same dancers I'm seeing in my imagination..   Wild!  

but doesn't it stand to reason.. That in order for me to see it at all.. It had to already exist?  Or am I witnessing a spontaneous manifestation of a dance number perfectly choreographed in its first effort; first unfolding?    -adding to my growing list of curiosities..

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I Stand Corrected. - (me!) sandra, tvgp

i also recently wrote about how, based on my occasional tv viewing of the city council meetings..

/and, yes.. that tells you what an exciting person i am behind closed doors..   

well, that i was definitely left with the impression that unless it was absolutely mandated by law.. -there would be no affordable housing in pleasanton; period.

but!  This is not so...  because look here:

may I present, please, an excerpt from April 24th 2015 issue of The Pleasanton Weekly column, around pleasanton, by editor, jeb bing, which reads:

At the developers request, the council WAIVED the requirement (boy, requirement sure is a relative term here, isn't it)

WAIVED the REQUIREMENT to make at least 15%, or some 52 apartments, available as below-market-rate units. Instead, Carmel Partners paid the city $4.5 million when it took out its building permits so that it could offer (offer is an interesting choice of words here.. so generous in nature...isn't it)

So they could offer all 345 units at upscale rents.


so allow me to stand corrected then,  because EVEN WITH certain laws in place..

Still there is no affordable housing.


for the record, rent is scheduled as follows:

Studio/1 bedroom. $1,900 a month.
2 bedroom: $2,803 a month.
3 bedroom: $3,427 a month.


so, I'm looking for, like, ..   around 8 or 9 roommates to share a 1 bedroom...

Monday, April 27, 2015

Commencement speech for high school grads by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the best commencement speech ever.. goes to Ellen degenerous.

I won't even try to compete only encourage you to watch. Mine won't win any awards.  I'm not interested in winning awards. I'm interested, as God is.. in winning hearts and minds..

my commencement speech goes like this:

I was a juror. I listened to two separate "expert witnesses"  -with equal educations, experience, training give two entirely opposing testimonies.  they each were paid an enormous amount of money.

There are many lessons in just that one paragraph. -name them.

what is the most important one?

-learn to think for yourself.

In that order.

"Congratulations on making it this far!"

celebrate and carry on...

God loves you!

"Cheers! And amen!"

Validation day! for (me!) sandra, tvgp

very recently I wrote about how I disqualified one of Oprah's super soul Sunday guests because when answering the question, 'what happens when we die?'. -he answered, 'nothing.'

so I write away thought, or knew rather, that he is not at the master level.. Perhaps a freshman.. 

Because every spiritual teacher at the master level KNOWS the physical body is just a container; there is a soul or spirit.. Call it, label it what you want, but there is a part that lives on..

I explained that when someone does not know this.. Its not the same as just having a different opinion..  It is lack of knowledge.

Last night watching my taped show of Oprah's super soul Sunday, it was not one long interview with one spiritual teacher, but excerpts from several different interviews..

And to the question, 'what happens when we die'.  -they all communicated a part of us that lives on.

Each used a different vocabulary; said it in their own words.. But the essence of each answer was the same..

and I offer here.. That anyone who devotes time to meditation and/or prayer arrives, eventually, at that same knowledge.  

BIG DREAMS! BIG DREAMS! (Me!) sandra, tvgp

I ALREADY told you.. I do not even know how to dream small.


so, there i was..  spooning with Russell crowe at our 1,400 acre spread down under..

and then I, you know, kissed him some, turned him toward me..

I said,   "baby. look around."

and he looked around my body.  I laughed. I said," no, I mean look around you." And he looked around the room.  I said "no..

i mean, close your gorgeous eyes and look around in your imagination at the world around you.."

and so he closed his eyes.  And I kissed him some more.

And then I said..  "you know I love your work.. you are a genius at what you do.. God gifted you and you are not wasting that gift..

and you know I love comedies..  humor..  and you can do it all.."

and I kissed him some more..   and then I said,

"but when you look around the world..  Honey, baby..  Do you really think the world needs a thriller, comedy about the possible suicide of a fading porn star.."

he smiled. And opened his gorgeous eyes.  

I said,  "-you know I love you but I hope it dives at the box office."

and then..   After I woke him up.

I woke up too.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Exit Interview: 8th Poet Laureate of Pleasanton, CA. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

who came up with the idea.. the genius idea of the exit interview? -a chance to share some truths which for a variety of reasons cannot be shared while you hold a given position, but which are of great value ultimately.. and so when it no longer matters.. that is; what can they do -fire you? you are already leaving..

ah, now you can tell the truth:

my truth is that I never wanted to be poet laureate. -ever.  are you kidding?  I saw how much time and effort and energy..  I don't have that kind of time, energy.. I'm using everything up just to keep food on the table and gas in the car..

It is, may I remind you "a volunteer position!".  -you don't get paid a dime.

I was perfectly content attending other poet laureate's events as an audience member and sometimes a speaker/reader..  I knew how much prep work to plan, host, market, promote.. Etc. Etc. Went into these events..   -no thank you. 

but that helps explain exactly why I did ultimately step up to the plate.  Because when I moved to pleasanton many years ago.. The writer in me looked for writerly things to do..  and so I attended who knows how many workshops, readings, open mics,..  That other people and poets hosted.  I am a direct beneficiary.

to not step up to the plate, in my mind, would have been to be an all take and no give person; which I am most definitely not.

Charlotte Severin called me and encouraged me to apply.  I have very high respect for Charlotte Severin, a great love and respect for the literary arts..  and I knew it was time to give back..

but! I also knew I was in no position to plan, host, market, promote, organize 30 different workshops like Deborah Grossman..

this position, may I remind.. Is volunteer. No pay. AND.. it all takes place in addition to the job you already have..  and on top of family and other life responsibilities..

I prayed on all of this..  before I set out to..  jump through several hoops which are required for this no pay, volunteer position.

Hoop #1.  application.  Hoop #2. 7 person panel Interview.  /we know how much I love to be interviewed, -write.   As much as I love public speaking..  Hoop #3 seems like there was another interview?  Hoop #4: city council meeting, reading, official approval.

K.  Begin:   I did host a couple workshops, and attend some readings, open mics..

Let me skip here to what Julie Finegan recently said to me..

"You did do some out of the box things as poet laureate."

and what I explained to her is what I will explain here.  I did not set out with an ambition of being out of the box..

Rather, I had a very realistic understanding of what I could and could not do based on the rest of my life; what time and energy I could actually devote.. and I knew I could not host lots of workshops..

"What CAN I do?"

Answering this question for myself turns out to have resulted in  two creative, first time projects, for me, that I am 1. Enormously proud of, and 2. Eternally grateful for..

Kissin The Chocolate Blues.. my onstage valentine for Dr Maya Angelou.. and, 8 shots of ink, my documentary which honors the history of the poet laureate program itself, and recognizes past poet laureates..

So!  None of that possible without green lights from the Firehouse Art Center administrators who I answered to, and collaborated with..

I'm extra grateful because it required a certain patience, generosity, diplomatic guidance, trust on their part, in helping me, a rookie/novice..   what was very basic/familiar/obvious to them, was bran new to me

-how many rehearsals?  what do you want on the stage?

I'm embarrassed to tell you.. I hadn't pre-thought of any of that..   Completely listened and made things up as I went along..

I only knew the big picture things.. The primary vision.  -none of the actual details.. man power.. Time.. Cost... Etc.

So "God Bless And Thank You!" to the FAC administration, tech team, AND to the talented, remarkable people who contributed to these two projects: Faith Alpher & Jessica Raeber (KTCB) and..

Casey Boyden, filmmaker, Jane Berry, production/film consultant (8 shots).   

Although I do not get paid as poet laureate, I do have a budget from which I can pay others..  So, the 1st year.. I pretty much exhausted my budget compensating Faith Alpher..    and! By any other standard she would have received much more money for her time, talent.. But she accepted a lower fee for the greater good..

You can't imagine how much that means to me.

and the 2nd year I pretty much exhausted my budget compensating Casey Boyden..   who we all know is going to have his name attached to great films in the future.. So, how blessed and exciting to contribute to his start and resume..  his talents exceed what this basic/interview format required, so I am grateful he scaled back for the greater good..

that means however, that all the talent, time, effort, expertise Jane berry contributed was.. Like mine.. -voluntary.

I am especially grateful, deeply grateful to Jane for all she did, -on top of having a high demand 50hr. Week plus job, a husband, son.. Family responsibilities..

the only reason 8 shots exists.. Is because Jane was on the team and at the meetings..  A true professional.  She created the spreadsheets, she negotiated Casey's fees on his behalf, she articulated my big, vague, artistic visions into a language the administrators understood and could actually green light.

I don't get the impression Jane believes in God.. But I have news for her.. 

God sent her to me..  that is the only viable conclusion I can come up with..   The literal definition of a God send..

"Thank you!". 

I pass the baton soon, my two year term is nearly complete!  I have satisfied my own internal need to give back and contribute. I can look myself in the mirror; sleep well at night..

and I have these two projects I'm so proud of!   I had all my favorite pleasanton poets on the same stage and that same time!  Jim Ott, Deborah Grossman, kirk ridgeway!  -awesome! 

I knew I couldn't take the baton and raise it.. 

In my 20's and 30's.. I would not have accepted the baton UNLESS I could raise it.

But in my late 40's..  I decided to accept the baton not with the intention of raising it; but! To avoid letting it hit the ground.

-applications were not piling up for the position..  each year the number of applicants was shrinking..

I think its because people started to really see how the expectation for this volunteer position was almost impossible to fulfill..

I think.. We need to lower the expectation, increase the gratitude..

and!  perhaps compensate financially the position itself.  

interesting the message it sends:   jump through these hoops; and then do all these jobs..    -for free.

so.. in between work and family for the past two years I have been doing these other projects on my days off.. Which means I haven't really had a true day off in a long while..  

I am really looking forward to having a true day off very soon.

thoughts and gratitude..   

~sandra harrison kay
pleasanton poet laureate 2013-2015.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

When I go.. I go. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

let those who have ears to hear; hear.   PTSD was so life consuming.. as I healed there became opportunities for me to take self-defense classes..   This would make the most sense, yes?  yes.. Especially if you read my prior post..  But!  What I found, was that self-defense classes themselves retriggered PTSD symptoms and the battle would start all over again.  What I learned is that I was better off.. Enjoyed a better day to day quality of life.. Away from.. Without classes that retriggered.   Self defense needs to take place before to prevent..  start with a healthy mind.   -so, it seems the ultimate vulnerability.. I can't defend myself, really..  

Same with owning a gun.. It made things worse..

So, I had to surrender utterly..   the quality of my day to day life was so far superior as I healed from PTSD.. that anything, even if it promised to save my life, ended up so costly in terms of setting me back and re-triggering symptoms..

That I just had to say to myself and Jesus, "when I go; I go."

and for everyday of peace I experience.. I am enormously grateful.  for every symptom-free day..  or low levels..   I am enormously grateful.

"Thank you Jesus!".  Amen.

Thoughts on RAPE by (me!). sandra, tvgp

I feel somehow embarrassed..  over-qualified to speak on the topic; if you will..   -having survived not 1, not 2, but 3 separate rapes by 3 separate predators at 3 separate times in my life.

So allow that knowledge please to validate what Jon Krakauer had to say to my Charlie Rose..

he said, "i was ignorant im ashamed to say, about the seriousness of sexual assault and also how prevalent it is"

-you are not alone, Mr krakauer..  I think the majority of our population is ignorant about how serious and how prevalent.. 

So, "thank you!" for helping bring awareness..

and, as I have very recently been blogging about my experiences with PTSD..   -when I heard you also say,

"..the rate of PTSD in rape victims is HIGHER than the rate of PTSD in soldiers and marines returning from combat in Afghanistan and Iraq.."

-I am grateful to have this shared and validated.   And that is the part of this interview I'd like to specifically address because

..I have in fact given this a great deal of thought..   let me just bullet point:

1. The way I even learned I had PTSD is from watching a war veteran on TV discuss his symptoms and recognized all his symptoms as direct matches with my own..  -even though I had never myself been in a war..

that is,  war, as defined by society and colloquially understood as being in the army, navy, air force, marines..  In combat..

2. it was not until I came across a book about PTSD that I saw my freakish behaviors as symptoms.. and began the Loooooo-

very Loooooong, slow, painful, slow, long, very long, process of healing.

all that to say.. I've have given this some thought.   And I believe,

the reason  /excuse me Jesus, forgive me Jesus..  the cussing Christian is about to slip back again!

the reason rape victims  -when common citizens and not in the military..

the reason non-military rape victims experience PTSD at higher rates and perhaps more severely and for longer periods of time

Is because..

"No one prepared us for the fucking war we are in in the streets!"

-can you hear me?  Say amen..

I think.. At least when you are in the military.. Signed up or drafted..

You have some knowledge and understanding that you are in a war.  They give you a uniform. They send you to boot camp.. They warn you, prepare you, train you..

But who is telling our young women and men..  Who do not sign up for the military.. that whether you sign up or not..

You are in a war.  You are on the front lines.. In combat..

But you don't even know it.

Its the ultimate ambush.   -no prior training, no boot camp, no uniform, ..

There is a war going on in our streets, neighborhoods, on college campuses, in workplaces.. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

-and most people don't even know it.

so.. PTSD and war.. And rape..  These are all evil and horrific no matter what.. But!

It is my experience. That..   Well, when I listen to vets with PTSD..  In addition to being grateful for their noble service..  and having deep compassion for their PTSD..

my mind does also always think...  -at least you had some training.. At least you knew you were in a war...    -that freedom you are fighting for..

its not even on our own streets here in the u.s... its not in California..
its not on college campuses..

predators..enemies..  everywhere.   -the front lines of a different kind.. The ultimate ambush.


I am always cognizant of the fact everything I share about PTSD (and anything really) can be used both for the good; to validate and help others heal

and for evil.. when consumed by evil people with evil intentions who employ strategies based on..

So always I write in Jesus name,  in Jesus name..  My own intentions are to help..  I have no control over the intentions of who reads..

But I must address this also.  And point out I would not have written about this on my own, but only because when watching with my sister, this interview between Jon krakauer and my charlie rose..

When krakauer said, "people think it must be more traumatic being raped by a stranger who breaks in your apartment and threatens you with a gun, -its actually more traumatic, probably, to be raped by someone you trusted completely"

to which my sister said, "I don't you?"

-once again, I am embarrassed.. As I feel so overqualified to speak on the topic having been.. Yes..

Not only raped by an aquaintance I trusted..

But ALSO raped by a stranger with a gun.   -how 'bout that folks..

I can actually compare the two.. From my very own life experiences

I do not need to guess, or project, or say probably; I know.

But first.. To compare this is to compare something like losing your child to a fire, vs. A drowning, vs cancer, vs. Car accident...

it does seem common and innate in humans though to want to determine which is the very worst?  -when the end result is the same: great pain and suffering.

but, yes.  I have the opportunity to compare traumas so let me do so candidly:

for me.. my PTSD was intensified by the stranger rape.  Here's why..   I have been raped 3 times.   In the first, the rapist was found and killed in an unrelated circumstance, but.. He was found and he was dead. So he was no longer a threat.   In the 2nd rape -this rapist was found and successfully prosecuted spending 20 years in prison and then to be deported to his country of origin. -no longer a direct threat.

in the 3rd rape however..  This was a stranger whose face I only saw for maybe 1 second.  He continued kidnapping and raping and was never found or caught by the police.. That meant he could be anyone.. Anywhere.. Anytime..

and that is a very special kind of evil..  a very special kind of hell to live in....

In Jesus name I pray.. for all survivors!  And I thank every human being in the military

And I pray, that one day..  the very freedom you are fighting for everyday..

Will actually exist here in the united states of america.  -peace and freedom here at home.. What we call home.

In Jesus name.   Amen.


Friday, April 24, 2015

"The Heart Seen!.... in his 70's costume.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Dig this!  -groovy red heart shows up in the folds and shadows of his T-shirt worn on "era day".  dress for the 70's.   " far out man!".  -that's all I can say..       great shot cuz'

"Congratulations GSW!!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-as i recently took responsibility for Wisconsin's loss..   and explained in great detail why it was my fault.. and most sincerely apologized;

today I get to take credit for the warriors remarkable! Spectacular! Amazing-come-back-of-a-win.

What happen you see, is that during the entire first half I was at my sons baseball game.. Helping them win.  -and unfortunately, despite  today's technology, 3D printing,  -still we are unable to have a clone and/or be in two places at once in flesh and bone..    /although we can be everywhere in spirit, and image, but let me return to the game..

So, I walk in during the 3rd quarter, my dad has the game on.. I glance at the score..  What?!?   

I apologized immediately.  I said.. "Oh my goodness.. let me sit down and give this game my undivided attention so the warriors will win."

And how exciting!!  last time I had to say I'm sorry.  And this time I get to say..

"You're welcome!".   /least I could do..

"CONGRATULATIONS!   WARRIORS!".  -privilege to witness that level of talent..   determination.. skill... inexhaustible spirit...  -to the last second of the game; never letting up.. 

all day today I will relive different moments and just say 'wow!'

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Get eric kandel on the phone for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-how is this analogous to how humans store memory?

K.. I want to find my self portrait poem somewhere in blog.  I go to the search bar..  If I type in self portrait.. Many posts.  But! If I can think of and type a word which..  One word! which is found only in that poem; exclusive to it..    -search will take me directly there.

Experiments/thoughts from past posts:    go to   the search bar was removed.  You can only search history (synonym for memory) by going to google.. And cross referencing pleasanton patch and name of person, subject or article..

But only for articles that did not get entirely deleted when they changed platforms.. So!   -a go around, detour for history/memories

And!  Search all you want but some history/memories are. -gone.  -based on a date.. Anything prior to (said date) -gone.

I'm very suspicious that our brains/pathways to stored memories is similar or at least analogous to..

I sure would love to talk in person...   

Pain is my editor today. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

Hand & wrist pain prevent me from typing much -I must be concise!

"What criteria does Oprah use to choose her super soul Sunday guests?".  -my sister's excellent question!

-because I have, in my own heart and mind, disqualified a few..

one of the spiritual leaders, when asked what happens after death, said " nothing."

-disqualified!   -this is not the same as not welcoming a different opinion..  its that anyone who has made a certain level of spiritual progress KNOWS the physical body is a container and the spirit or soul.. lives on.   Exactly how, doing what?  -but this is not the end.

So for me.. In this Interview Oprah is not Interviewing a master level spiritual teacher, but perhaps a freshman..

-same. With the one who said no one is broken..

-DISQUALIFIED!   honey, we've got addictions, neuroses, greed, insecurities, misunderstandings, ....    we are broken and need help evolving..

that's why we are even turning to spiritual teachers in the first place!


-so..  I don't know what criteria Oprah uses.. But I have my own..

and might I suggest Joyce Meyer as a master level teacher.  -why hasn't she been on the show?

In Jesus name,   -amen!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The essence of suicide. As seen (and experienced) by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

At the core:

the lie is this:  that what you are feeling/experiencing write now; is what you feel/experience for the rest of your life.  -which in fact, would make your life unbearable.

But it is a LIE!   what you are feeling/experiencing write now IS TEMPORARY!   -lasts longer for some than others.. But IT IS NOT FOREVER.. It IS temporary.

that's why I am fond of the saying.. Suicide is a permanent solution to what is a temporary condition.   <----  I can validate that.

just keep making it to the next breath, next hour, next day...

its worth it!!   In Jesus name,  -amen!

Isaiah 61:7 as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp

to young people contemplating suicide:

I did too.  More than once.

visit my website.  Look at the picture of me with my kids.

I am crazy in love with my children!  not one second of the awesome, extraordinary experience of being a mom would be possible had my attempts been successful

In every moment with my children I thank God.  -my children ARE my double blessing!!

God works through people..  he works through others to help you..  And then -if you allow

He will work through you to help others..

I repeat:  we come to earth with instructions:

-what we love to do; instructs us on what we are here to do.

-what suffering we endure; instructs us on who we are here to help..

I know the suffering which results in contemplation and attempts of

how can I help you?    I am wildly happy and fulfilled as I write this..

/despite severe economic hardship..

when I was stuck in my despair.. I was unable.. Completely unable.. To foresee or hope for.. Or believe in.. A time I would not be in pain.

I know you cannot necessarily believe in it or see it write now..

But it does exist. I am living proof.   -I love this from Martha beck, I believe it was.. Anne Lamont?

-take it a day at a time.   -but sometimes that can just seem way too ambitious.. So just take it by the hour

Or the minute..

Or breath by breath..   it can be done.  There is another side.

My prayer for you:  love to help you find and cross the long bridge..

With love, and in Jesus name,   God bless you!

Thoughts on suffering. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the inspiration for this post. admittedly a repeat.. but worth repeating, is a recent encounter with a young person here in pleasanton who tried to commit suicide.

it is this:

I see a picture of a group of young children in a third world country.

my heart aches for them!  aches.. 

-they have no access to clean drinking water.
/kids in pleasanton have an abundance of clean drinking water.

-some of them literally die from hunger.
/kids in pleasanton have plenty of food; nutritious and otherwise..

-some sleep on concrete or dirt floors
/most kids in pleasanton have shelter and beds...

-there are no schools..
/kids in pleasanton have public education..

-they don't have lots of clothes, entertainment, cell phones, video games, restaurants, downtowns, parks, recreation..

they don't have democracies.. they don't have freedom of religion, ATM's, credit cards, air conditioning, cars, easy transportation, air conditioning, heat, libraries, computers...

such a long incredible list!

and I look at all the material things here.. the conveniences.. the luxuries treated as entitlements..

and I see..

such suffering. Emotional pain. Mental anguish. Insecurities. Dissatisfaction. Isolation. Longing. Hunger for, -not food.

Deep, deep hunger for..

peace of mind. Happiness. Joy..  self esteem..

there is a secular way to view this..  Strength/power of Cultural messages vs. Realities of internal human needs..

but as a Christian.. I tend to see it as the spirit of evil vs. The holy spirit..

and what the spirit of evil is highly successful at accomplishing:

Making people blind to their blessings.. their abundance.. their Intrinsic value as a human being..their masterpiece of a human body with vision, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching,.. the ability to respond to beauty, make friendship connections, contribute mightily to making the world a better place with their unique mix of gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses..

the evil spirit somehow manages to get people to ignore, block-out, look past and over or become utterly blind to every amazing good thing..about themselves, and others, and the amazing landscape around them..

Gets them to block out soooo much love, beauty, blessings..

and hyper-focus on lack. 

from where I stand lack is a big fat lie.  The greatest deception..

and the holy spirit.. makes a full time job of showing, reminding, revealing -the truth!

you are a masterpiece! You matter! You are swimming in blessings every single day! You are enormously loved! Your strengths, gifts, talents can and will contribute to the world to help make it a better place. You are a conqueror! You can.. You can! You are amazing.. This life is a GIFT to be experienced and cherished..

I could go on and on..

And will, as time allows.. 

In Jesus name.. You are loved!  Deeply loved and valued; as is.  -in progress..


Monday, April 20, 2015

Love IS all you need. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

love is the topic again:   we already know the biblical defintion/scriptures.. love is patient, kind, not self~seeking, etc.

and last time I wrote about love as infinite.. before you were here it existed; long after you go.. Love will exist. It does not run out, like a natural resource.. it only lives, grows, expands eternally.. no religion has the monopoly.. it applies to all of humanity..

and today I want to write about that saying.. Love is all you need.

It does not mean.. You don't need food, sleep, family, friends, a job, etc.   it does not mean love is all you need -literally.  It means that love is all you need in order to do anything else..   -that with love..

anything is possible.   /note bible passages:   with God all things are possible.  And, God is love.

"To love and be loved,". I respond to Shakespeare, " eliminates the question."

my hand is in pain or I would type more.. So I will close with two thoughts..

-a person cannot be full of love and hate at the same time. To get rid of hate

All you need is....


...for God so loved the world...


Super soul wild moment for (me!) sandra, tvgp

-watching with my sister.. Amy purdy.. and when she talked about feeling her last heart beat and then leaving her body.. I paused it to tell my sister about what my hand wrote..

-at the last heart beat, the soul departs.   /something close to that I would need to relook..

But a couple things strike me.. I use the word spirit and think the word spirit much more than the word soul..  And.. the word -depart- is not much in my vocabulary either..  -ever?   And... fascinating that there is not an association with. -last breath, or last brain wave, last thought..

it was so clear and specific:  at the last heart beat the soul departs.

-when Amy talks about leaving her body; I can validate that with my own experience..

and when she talks about 'the voice' -that feels similar to her own thought, but is not her own thought..

I can validate that also..    It is very difficult to articulate and describe; but you sure do know it when it happens..

and I'm with her also.. In knowing there is more after we leave our physical containers..

and I just know (believe with my whole heart) we still communicate with living humans but answer to different physical laws..

the more I think on; read about; hear from others..

the idea graduates from mildly plausible to completely obvious.

I'm extremely grateful to have access to these people; their stories; these conversations..    -where else do they exist on TV?   "Thank you Oprah!"

-to your other wonderful question..  why are we here?

I believe we come to earth with instructions:

what we love to do; instructs us on what we are here to do.

what suffering we endure; instructs us on who we are here to help.

Read You Like A Book. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp


read you.

read you like a book.

that is,

i will regard your cover. note the design. the colors. the words. the blurbs. the forward. the dedication.

flip you back and forth a few times.

open you up.  a random location.

lick my finger. close my eyes. land on a predetermined word.

run my finger across and down. 

skip past cliches. the ands. the the's. the this' & that's. the so's and the very's.

treasure hunt for gold.   between the lines.  i linger.

reread. go back. skip ahead.

put you in the context you intended; and the context i project.

continue. skipping and lingering....

until i reach deep inside

to the last word

on the last page.

-confirming what i knew a hundred paragraphs before:

"i love you."

and i'm gonna need some more;

of you.

and your book.  and your story.


Sunday, April 19, 2015

1 out of 10 women say yes. According to (my dad!)

post divorce and pre-2nd-marriage.  My dad describes these as his happiest years..  in his 30's, single for the first time since age 18, -and! during the sexual revolution..

he says, statistically, 1 out of every 10 women would say yes to going home with him..    so that is what he set out to do.. -just keep asking until someone says yes..

his 4th or 5th rejection then, hardly deterred him.  -just meant he was that much closer to a yes..

/this is also how they train sales people..  same philosophy.  -statistically speaking..

anyway..  Yesterday when I was shopping, a handsome and heavily tattooed young man of what... age 25..?   -asked me if he could take me to breakfast.

"Don't think my husband would appreciate that.. But I'm flattered." I told him.   -and I wondered what number I was..  That day, or that week?

-obviously he is one woman closer to his goal.

So you say your an atheist.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

also.. Great segment on CBS Sunday morning.. Seculars coming out of the closet..    /as if God didn't already know..

-the part that intrigues (me!)..   we each have an internal truth we are trying to match  -and when we do, we have the experience of "living authentically"

-the part that fascinates (me!). -we each have a way of knowing/interpreting whether or not we are living authentically (true to ourselves) or not.

our true selves.. are not necessarily "THE TRUTH".. 

but I'm convinced it is the write path..  be true to yourself.   -and if you pay attention..  you will see this turns out to be so important

-that people become willing to give up many things; pay high costs.. pay with their actual lives sometimes..

Because living a false life is so...  Unbearable over time; unbearable.

so whatever it might be.. I'm (really) a secular living a (fake) religious life.  Or,

I'm (really) a Christian living a (fake) academic scientist life. Or,

I'm (really) a homosexual living a (fake) heterosexual life.  Or,

I'm (really) a scientific secular, living a (fake) Christian life..

I'm (really) an artist, living a (fake) businessman life...

-reverse any of the above; and a long, long list could be created..

but the point is.. each person has a (really), and each of us have a way of knowing when we are living a fake or inauthentic life..  even when we can trick or convince the general public/family/friends otherwise..

how the (really) self foundation originates?  is born? Evolves?

The (fake) is much more obvious to me.. Born from family culture, social culture,  -need to be approved, loved, valued, make a living..

and are those people blessed.. Whose (real) self.. Is already a match with what values are accepted/rewarded by their family and social cultures..

and isn't it something to experience and witness when there is not a match.

what great price humans are willing to pay to ultimately live an authentic life..

and!  how great and deep the love.. when people live inauthentically for their entire lives.. because they want a better life for their children.. Or other loved ones..   -to protect another..

I'm wow'd by it all....     Amen!

Visiting your grandma on nana glen. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

speaking of divine..

all this time I've thought.. One day I would live part time in Hawaii, part time in new York, part time in pleasanton..

-after my several year stay in Atlanta helping survivors of human trafficking..

but as of this very morning..  Like, it just suddenly came to (me!)..

crystal clear as Russell crowe's eyes.. /on CBS Sunday morning.

that actually..

Yes..   /I tuned in my heart..  listened very closely..  in prayer..

my grandkids are not going to be visiting me in Hawaii, or new York, or pleasanton...!

they will be visiting their Rockin' grandma at Nana glen!  on 1400 acres of... ooh LA LA...

I smiled toward heaven.. "As long as this is your will God, and not my own..

I guess I'll do it..    Give up my Hawaii, new York, pleasanton dream for..

Australia!".     Hallelujah and amen! 

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Thoughts on Hillary running for president. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

1.  I cannot believe.. still cannot believe that anyone, female or male, actually wants this job. It seems like one of the most high pressure, high stress, intrusive, exhausting, thankless jobs in the world.  when I consider return on investment of ones life, time, energy..      I can't get inside and understand the mind of anyone who would invite this level of...   demand.

2.  I've said this before.. Its not an endorsement, its an opinion.. 

I think the one advantage of hilliary running/winning would be that she and her husband would have an opportunity to APPLY what they learned during his term..

Most everyone has had the experience..  "..if I knew then, what I know now.."

but very few people get to live it out... "I do know now!".  -and have a second go at a given experience...

it seems to me.. that having already had the experience; knowing what they are up against.. what actually is required, demanded, knowing more what to expect.. and how to handle..

based on real life practical experience..

well, I'm still blown away they would sign up to do this again..

and I am very aware I am writing. -they/them..  not -her.  -because they appear to me a team..

Postcard from the (financial) edge. -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

(Me!):  "oh! My God.. these stamps are beautiful!   and (run fingers over flower) ..they're embossed!  .. oh I love these.. I love these..  I'll take one book.."

USPS employee:  "your card was declined..."

(Me!):  oh my..  okay,..  well, I'll just take 12 then...   12 please.

USPS employee:    -shakes head no.

(Me!):   "three then..  three individual stamps.. these are beautiful...

thank you!   -have a blessed day!"

Friday, April 17, 2015

You Shall Know (me!) By Name(s)... sandra, tvgp

Dear Dear David Placek,  I woke with the list of names I've come up with playing in my mind again... there are more than I first realized..

SHEsaysWITHaSMILE (blog). (website).

Kissin' the Chocolate Blues. (Theater).

8 Shots of Ink. (documentary).

The Heart Seen (photography collection)

Diapers to Diapers. (exhibit).

Mover & Shakers (dance class).

Must Love Blogs. (Workshop).

Facebook~Guestbook (social media).

Beautiful Fish (poetry book).

Eat, Write & Exercise (CNF book).

Tully's Corner (feature column).

How They Met (feature column).

Mag Time Frames (art & craft).

Tri Valley Gypsy Poet (aka).

...then to consider the titles of each poem; titles to speeches/talks; essays; workshops; posts; photographs..

I'm thinkin' I might want to add that to my business card..

literary, mixed media & naming artist...

who knew?!     look forward to hearing from you soon,


-Sandra.  <------------   /my mom chose that one; but who came up with that name originally?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Take Away. -for (me!) sandra, tvgp

Coworker friend: "I saw tony Robbins too.. I loved him."

(Me!):  "the thing that stands out for me is how..   how my car was the only clunker in the parking lot..  there was nothing but expensive luxury cars..."

coworker friend:  "so, you realized these people know what they're doing.. "

(Me!):  "..that's so funny.. because that's not my take away at all.. I met people who could afford the tickets, drove expensive luxury cars.. and some who already had tickets to see him at a future event in Hawaii..   -my take away, - was like..  people! if you can afford to see him, afford those cars, and afford to go to Hawaii..

like,  -what do you even need this guy for?"

coworker friend:  "what I really learned that helped me, is how your brain will listen to what your body does.. so if you smile.. your brain will automatically respond and you'll feel happier..."

(Me!):   "if that works for you.. if you got results.. I would never argue with you.. do what gets results.  But that falls apart for me because I know many people who just wear a phony smile.. learn to wear a phony smile..  they don't become happier..  just phony."

and here, my coworker just kind of repeated "phony smile.  yeah I do hear what you're saying.."


it is my experience, observation.. that happiness, peace, contentment, joy..  etc.

-those are inside jobs.  Inside work, when it is successful..  shows naturally on the outside.

not an outside job, that naturally gets reflected on the inside.

I can summon up countless people I've met, encountered along the way who look beautiful, and smile big in public..

but behind the scenes.. in truth.. they are miserable.

-that's my personal experience..  but if you get positive results starting from the outside.. and come to learn it is having a positive impact on you inside..

I would never argue.  I'm after results.  I like actual results.  -find a path that works for you..

but find a path.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

PTSD -path to healing. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I had the very recent experience of meeting a handsome young man who is.. Write now, in 2015, battling PTSD.  Our conversation was very brief.. I did not memorize/retain the specifics.. which branch of service, -marines?  how many tours/specifically where he is returning from.. 3 in Iraq? 1 in Afghanistan?   -those details did not stick.. what did stick, is that he is currently experiencing PTSD.  and the rest I will have to reask..  Jim Ott introduced us.  He is one of his students at Las Positas Jr. College.  -and Jim Ott had interviewed me many years ago for a newspaper article, and so knows, at least a portion, of the battle I had with PTSD.

I am intimately acquainted with this horrific disorder.

-even though I have a variety of other things/projects/responsibilities/events to plan for, etc.

I find that since meeting Francisco.. all of my brain real estate, so to speak, is consumed with working this out:

what do I have to say  -exactly-  about healing from PTSD?  my battle taking place in the 1980's...   90's...    vs. What they know now in 2015..

is what I learned even applicable now?  mine went

1. Undiagnosed.
2. Untreated.

Before PTSD was even a familiar term..

quite frankly, I did not know what the hell was wrong with me.

in our all too brief conversation, what I did share with Francisco is that..

How I even found out I had.. PTSD.. was that I happened across a documentary, on PBS, I believe, about a war veteran.. (Vietnam?), who was describing his symptoms..

I was like, "that's what I do!". " I'm like that!"  "Oh my God.. I know exactly what you are talking about!"

and I listened VERY CLOSELY to every word of that interview..

I believe it marks the first time I ever heard that term: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

what amount of time passed I'm not sure, but.. next I remember being inside a book store..  down the spine of a blue book I saw those very words in white font: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

I pulled it from the shelf and started randomly reading a sentence here, flip page, a paragraph there..

and I mean I literally.. -literally!-  fell to the ground crying


"A match!!... a direct match!...".   and that marks the day I went from viewing myself as a complete freak to viewing myself as someone with SYMPTOMS of a thing that actually had a DIAGNOSIS.   and it was the first time my -behaviors- started to make sense.. took on a larger context..

So, the first thing I want Francisco to know is this:

PTSD is a type of living hell.   I can validate that.

it would be awesome if it didn't exist at all for sure,   -but that would also mean traumatic experiences themselves didn't exist, and as optimistic as I am; I'm not seeing that any time in the near future..

so, what I do want you to know, is that, it being 2015

1. PTSD is more familiar and therefore diagnosed more immediately.   -that's a great thing all by itself, because how can you heal from something when you don't even know what it is?

2. " they have medicine!!".   -I'm not currently in the loop or knowledgeable about what medicine, but just learning this makes me want to say "take it!!".   anything that helps... " do it!"

3.  the accumulative knowledge about PTSD  -should!-  help you heal, in a shorter amount of time, than those who went before..

and what I KNOW for SURE:   healing IS possible.  The hell you experience now.. is not for the rest of your life.  the hell you are experiencing now

"Its temporary!...  hang in there!!"

and before I close this post for today I just want to say that the number one!   #1!   -most important thing to do.. in front of every other thing you must do in order to heal:

SLEEP.   -without sleep, without a good nights rest; none of the other things you can do to heal are effective..   And SLEEPING well is one of the hardest things to do if you have PTSD..

So!   -whatever it takes..  medicine.  A huge meal.   tough exercise to wear you out.  A long hot bath..  Some combination of all of those..

Do it!   it is my profound experience that without good sleep.. Healing cannot take place; period.   -start there..

More later..   

"Thank you!" Francisco for your noble service!   everyday you are a step closer toward healing..

One day.. you will look back on this time..  and celebrate that you made it through..

Blessings!   ~sandra.   PTSD survivor.

P.s. I will come back here to discuss shows I've seen that to my personal experience.  -tell you to do the exact opposite of what you should do to heal..

in order to understand this.. We need Eric kandel..  You need to understand the. -life saving!- distinction between

Sensitization and habitualization...   /forgive my spelling..


ill just keep returning here as windows of time present themselves. -write what's on my mind; organize it later


SYMPTOM:  one of my symptoms:  -certain experiences are locked in my brain forever; others have faded.. but one of the stand outs is when the power went out in my neighborhood.

I mean to tell you.. quicker than you can blink.. I was in fetal position on the floor. -terrified.  -alone.  paralyzed by fear.

I could see the phone..  and how long it took I can't remember, but eventually I got to the phone and called my mom..

the power outage itself.. was caused by a car crashing into a poll somewhere in the area; but it would be some time before I learned this.

all I knew at the time, -and at the time, I lived alone

/may I stop to recommend that when you have PTSD, you should not live alone.  but there is also this strange.. perhaps another symptom.. which makes you always want to be alone.

anyway.. I was alone, it was night, and so, when the power did go out.. unlike if it had happened during the day.. my place went from lamp-lit to pitch black.   and as suddenly.. I hit the floor.

similar experiences have happened in recent years and I am happy to say.. I respond now like a normal person.  -but.. I sure will never forget that..

and it helps me graduate from a vague understanding to a deep knowing..when I hear about others..

I had a vet tell me that during one of their celebratory lunches.. in a room filled with military personnel.. that when they did a gun salute and blank fire.. one of the guests.. at the sound of the gun.. took off in terror running out of the building to save her life.. and had to be chased down by a couple others..

I don't vaguely understand that in a text book way; I utterly know that experience.



-traumatic experiences cannot be erased from memory; but can, and should be diluted.

my healing progressed at a much more rapid speed when I started to realize the truth above; when I set out with great intention to dilute..

repetition of thought is another symptom of PTSD.. it is my experience .. well, if I were to provide an analogy from a lay person perspective..

let's pack some damp sand in a box, level and several inches thick.

take a toothpick and draw in the sand a line which represents a specific thought.  repeat. Draw a line over that line, over and over again to represent the repetition of that thought.  The line area becomes deeper and deeper and deeper.

Now, draw a line in a new area to represent the breakthrough of a different thought. A new thought.  stop.

pour some water on the sand.. where does it naturally go?  -to the deepest line..  skimming the others.. A tiny bit everywhere else..

but it is my experience that repetitive thoughts attract themselves.. default in the brain to the most common, deep path..  the deeper that area is, as a result of the repetition; the more likely incoming  thoughts will automatically go there; -the most popular, deepest, most common, familiar path...

but.. go back to the level, damp sand.  draw lots of lines (pathways);  Draw them this way, and that way, several here, several there, repeat and make deep lines here, shallow lines there.. Etc.

pour water.  -where does it go?   -much more spread out, -yes!

no longer defaulting, or gravitating to that one deep line (path).

-so, I set out, to create, with great intention, new pathways in my brain.  So many new and different experiences; consciously -that it would slowly become impossible for my thoughts to keep repeating themselves..

I set out consciously to make sure these new experiences, which become new pathways in the brain..

were of a positive nature.  things I enjoyed...

that would be my healing homework assignment for current PTSD patients:

get away, and avoid at all cost, the retelling, remembering, repeating of your traumatic experience and go do and see things that bring you joy, peace, laughter..

this is not the same as repressing, or denying..or stuffing down..

It is proactively healing!

-after! after! after!   -after!   -you have created a plethora of new pathways.. 

then..  slowly, selectively.. revisit traumatic experiences to process them in a healthy way..

to try and process too early is highly counterproductive. In my opinion and experience it intensifies and prolongs your suffering.


the younger you are when a traumatic experience takes place.. the deeper the line in the sand.. because you have fewer pathways to begin with.. fewer lines to begin with..  

no matter the age though..  create new paths; new lines; make them pleasurable.  dilute! Dilute! dilute!


SYMPTOM:  when the police pulled a sketch drawing on paper from their briefcase..  I responded to the picture as if it was the actual predator.  -there is no need to be terrified of a piece of paper; or picture on a paper..  but the traumatized brain loses its ability to distinguish..  it is responding to the memory triggered; not the actual object itself.


when? I don't know.. but I once saw a program where the way they were treating PTSD in war veterans.. was to hook them up to a virtual reality screen in a helmet.. and in a safe environment.. play war scenes for the vet to view.. and meanwhile they were taking measurements of heart rate, etc.

I was up out of my seat, yelling at the people I saw on TV..

"What the fuck are you doing?!?".  " you will kill him!   you just set him back twelve years!?"

-because, to my personal experience.. Nothing could be more counterproductive.

and so, it was to my GREAT SURPRISE, that said vet reported that this technique did in fact help him heal.

I still.. write now..even with that (one) testimony (mascot?).   -highly recommend you do not sign up for that program..

in fact, even now, I think..   I wonder how many vets were not helped that we did not have access to on the TV show.  I doubt very seriously its 100% success rate..

and I am so opposed, that I think..  -if you did this.. and some of the vets got worse..  if it sent them to the depths of depression.. And months later  -or years.. they committed suicide.

-that was not suicide; that was murder.   Unintentional maybe.. But that was homicide.

-I try and imagine

If some scientists doctor types were like..

"OK.. Put this helmet on..   you are in a safe place.."

and then I watched as a violent gunman predator attacked and raped..

My God.  I can't think of anything more stupid.. I really can't.  -when you consider an already traumatized brain...

honest to God..

-let's give poison to the cancer patient..

- tell the man on the bridge there's nothing to live for..

-let's hand deliver an overdose to the clinically depressed..


my suspicion is that the mascot on the TV show..

he most likely didn't have a genuine form of PTSD to begin with..

if he did, -that would kill him.

-there is also such thing as a healthy, normal response to trauma.  No normal person goes happy go lucky skipping into the next day and adventure of life;

-there are consequences and there is processing to do mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

I would say..  if you even let someone put a virtual reality helmet on you to reenact violence, trauma in a safe environment..

the willingness alone proves that you do not have PTSD to begin with.   Someone with PTSD would be like..

Stay the fuck away from me with that thing..

So if you are willing.. that would suggest to me.. You are merely having a natural, normal, healthy response to violence and trauma..

it can be overcome via desensitization techniques.

If however you have PTSD..

for you.. We need an entirely different plan.

/where is Eric kandel when I need him!?!



SYMPTOM:   i remember being paralyzed by fear.  that is not an analogy; it is a fact. I do not mean kinda like, I do not mean similar to.. I mean actually and completely paralyzed -by fear.   I was not paralyzed by a physical injury to my spinal cord or from a stroke. I was however just as paralyzed..unable to move even my pinky finger.. I was literally frozen in a position on the couch; in a sitting up position but could not move.  I remember thinking to myself.. Your hands are not broken. Your legs are not broken.  -move something!  make something move! Wiggle a fucking finger.. Something! Shift.  Do something!  All your body parts work!

but I could not -for the life of me..   move.  

I eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.  When it was daylight again. I could move.

Monday, April 13, 2015

To Kathy Goode... yes, its (me!)

I received your comment which asked if I was sandy harrison from southgate elementary...  and if so, to email you..

only, guess what.. you forgot to leave your email..

will be wonderful to hear from you! I can quickly, easily pull up your sweet elementary school girl face on the silver screen in my memory...      blessings!   my contact Info:

SAVE THE DATE: The BIG Draw, Sat. May 9th, Downtown Pleasanton

I will be selling my mixed media art.. yes..    and also have contributed a haiku to Jill Vellinger to help raise funds for art in schools.  I love this program she spearheads!

Take A Seat.

A few select poets contribute haikus or short poems or stanzas within longer poems..

those poems are provided to local artists who creatively paint chairs.. and include the poem..

and then the chairs are auctioned to help raise awareness and funds for art programs in schools..  a win/win/win if I've ever seen one!

my contribution for 2015:

She Smiles and He Dares.
In~between the broken hearts
God's grout sparkles gold.

-cant wait to see what the artist does..   Of course its pretty obvious I'm trying to inspire a mosaic here...

but I will have this same haiku available on my mosaic wine bottle decor..   cards, etc.

hope to see you there!

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Of Math & Men. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I was thinkin', wonderin'..  in my 49+ years so far here on earth.. I wonder how many men I have encountered? If you add in person, with jobs, school, where I live.. TV, movies, commercials, books..

it is a quantitative and actual number but who would keep track; certainly not (me!).

what I do keep an unscientific, an unactual track of.. Is, of those men mentioned above..  how many I like, vs love vs respect..

and when it comes to men i respect

I'm pretty sure

that number is around...

(going back.. Going back... going back... 2001.. 1995...  1984... 1976.. 1969...)


KNOW (me!) BY NAME(S)... by (me!) sandra, tvgp..

Dear Dear David Placek,    I was watching CBS Sunday Morning just now, and think I heard..

yes.. I think I heard.. (Stop. Rewind. Playback.)

"You charge $100,000.00 to come up with brand NAMES?!?"

I certainly could use $100,000.00 ...   because at last glance I think I was sitting at about..   -.35    In my bank account. (There is no typo..  ). and zero in savings.   Now.. check this out: I saw my lucky number in this same segment.  /see prior post.  And! so, I had the knowledge some big money is headed my way..  but from who?   -no idea..

until!  until I rewatched the show..  and re-listened to them interview YOU..  Couldn't quite make out what they said your name was..

David placid? David classic?  so I researched by the name and city of your company..and... "Bingo!".    -bingo.. that's a great name isn't it..

anyway.. I clicked on careers.. perused the criteria/qualifications..

and.. Well, you might accidentally pass me over or ignore me all together based on your criteria, so allow (me!) to instead ...

drop a few names... /name drop..   a few of the names I've come up with.. On my very own! over the past very many years:


my website:    -great play on words don't you think?  -combines many things, many aspects in just a few catchy syllables: I am a writer.. I am  a Christian; highly spiritual, I am a very proud, very blessed mom..       occasionally people will mispronounce.. But that is the rare exception, not the rule.. Most times I receive compliments..  " great name!".  "Oh that's good.. That's fun.". " I really like that."

my Blog:    -its a little long, I admit that..  But it is very fitting!   more than a few people comment on how I am always smiling..  and a lot of what I write is serious, but I like to tackle serious subjects in a playful way.. Tongue n cheek, so to speak..   having endured my fair share of traumas.. im grateful for the ability to still smile.. Smile big.. Smile authentically...    Of course I am female.. So that's the SHE part of the name.. And girls and Womens issues are very important to (me!) And I sometimes make effort to speak on behalf of females in general..   So that's how I came up with that name.. And I do receive a variety of compliments on that name too..

I'm very proud of the name I came up with for the first piece I ever wrote for theater..  Check this out:

Kissin' the Chocolate Blues.

this was a stage play I wrote and co-starred in to say "thank you!" To my favorite poet, speaker, author, entertainer.. Dr Maya Angelou.. I performed it in February.(black history month). As an onstage valentine (think chocolate, romance. Hugs and kisses) .. and the content speaks to how people sing the blues.. That is, rising above the blues by the very singing of it..     I'm very proud of that name.. And also received many compliments..

just very recently.. I named the documentary I co-created for the city of pleasanton:

8 shots of ink.   -very proud of that name..   here I combined my position as the 8th poet laureate of pleasanton.. With -shots-  which has the double meaning of drink shots.. Fun! and medicinal shots.. Healing!  with the INK common to writers.. and tattoos..    I've also received many compliments on that name..

in august of 2015 I will celebrate 10 years of blogging!  And so I have also all this experience giving titles to essays, blog posts, poems, feature articles, etc. Etc.   Thousands!!

I named the class I taught at the pleasanton poetry, prose and art festival..  Also, fun play on words:  Must Love Blogs..    -received many compliments on that name..

My resume for coming up with names is pretty long.. and based on feedback: pretty cool, pretty catchy, and pretty funny..

the thing is..  while I have received lots and lots of compliments, what I have never received is

a dime.

for many years.. Based on my instincts and experience, passion, gifts and talent.. well, I always thought I would one day..

Some day!

make my living as a writer or artist.  My business card reads:

literary & mixed media artist.

but now!  based on seeing my lucky number on money! and on the special MONEY edition of CBS Sunday Morning

in which they interviewed YOU..  and which sent my mind on a "I named that!" Memory tour..

now I realize that..  I'm destined to make my living the way you do!  a namer.


Sandra Harrison Kay..

you shall know (me!) by my name(s).

Like.. tvgp for instance.. That stands for: Tri-Valley gypsy poet..

-for very obvious reasons...  and  I get a lot of compliments on that too.. but what I really need to get..  Is..


look forward to hearing from (you!)

Blessings!   xo$xo$xo$

"Im gonna be rich!!" .. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

Dad:  "is there anything you don't think is a sign?!"

(Me!):  "I'm tellin' ya.. That's a sign!  Look! Its my lucky number on the SPECIAL MONEY EDITION of CBS SUNDAY MORNING!  ..on the money itself!   I'm going to be able to pay you back all the money I owe you... I'm sure of it..!"

Dad: "sure honey.. whatever you say..  but you can't borrow anymore until you pay what you owe.. so let's hope that is a sign.."

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Favorite plant... for (me!) sandra, tvgp

Thursday, April 09, 2015

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Get Your Poetry Fix Tonight! /she says with a smile..

you know you need one...  we all do. 

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Me & MY Charlie Rose... look! shouts (me!) sandra, tvgp

my fault Wisconsin lost last night, -please forgive me.   -what happen was I temporarily forgot duke is charlie roses' team..

-which is why they won.  -and I accidentally cursed Wisconsin when I went with the opposition.    Strange how this works.. But,

had I aligned with my Charlie rose  -any team could win, but most likely duke.

when I went against charlie... accidentally I promise!   -I doomed the team by being out of alignment with My charlie.

you must understand.. natural talent, hard work, practice, the will to win, great coaching, determination,...

none of those things actually factor in when it comes to championship games.  Its all about us; the fans...

we not only influence; but determine the outcome...

sometimes by our level of commitment and enthusiasm.  but usually by the motivations and Intentions underlying our purchases at the snack bar and the temperature of beverages.. and how much cheese is on the nachos of the person three seats down..

especially by what number person you are when youre standing in line at the bathroom!  -did you know if the number person you are in line for the bathroom matches the number on the jersey of the next player to shoot a free throw.. 

"No net!".  -he'll score every time.    true story.

so, my apologies to Wisconsin ..  And " congratulations to duke!"

I'm going to virtually toast my Charlie Rose "cheers!"

/what do you say about us picking up where we left off in the picture here...

where it looks like you are just about to kiss me something serious!


/... my rick never even reads my blog.. can't even make him jealous.. I'll have to get a poster...

signs & wonders -as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

we can know there are natural laws here on earth; gravity for example.

and we know.. those laws change as you exceed the atmosphere; going outward -and those laws change at the quantum level; shrinking down.. so to speak

we know the human body is just a container and..  at the last heart beat the soul departs..

-so I,  -well this is where I believe -fully and completely-  that there is just a new set of laws for the spirit; in the after life..

signs and wonders here on earth are a direct result of those after life laws..

-yes.. you can still communicate with loved ones; with humans..

but not by way of talking, writing, holding hands etc.  -those laws apply when there is a physical body..

spirit body; new laws.. new forms of communication...

energy; signs; wonders;  -6th sense..   Object memory triggers...
quiet and listening..

watch and listen...   watch and listen...

~conversations and communication..  continue.. 

I know its true.

thoughts on companionship. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

yes.  having a companion, a life partner, is far superior to being single.

but being single is far, far, superior to having a companion you cannot trust.

Monday, April 06, 2015

"Go Giants!!!" -from (me!) sandra, tvgp...

The Heart Seen!... in the net.. NCAA championship...

The Heart Seen.. kinda.. In my beer!

My $ is on Wisconsin... 38/33 as I blog this... 

Public "Thank You!" to (radbert chin o.d!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

...kindness!!...    details to follow.. 

The Heart Seen.. at Ken Mercer Sports Park..

colloquially known as the Pleasanton Sports Park.. recently renamed in honor of...

Healing has a sweet spot. As seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

we have so many different tools for measuring so many different things..  the distance, the length, the time, the width, the weight..

but what tool -what stick, what measurement device for quantifying the emotional distance from a painful traumatic experience?


-to laugh now at Holocaust jokes..
-to laugh now at sept 11th 2001 jokes..

I don't remember on my own, but am pretty confident I journaled it: the first time I authentically laughed at a rape joke.  and now I can respond that way pretty regularly..

but I would not recommend any stand-up comedians take their skits to the Tri valley haven, -let's say..

this transformation humans are capable of: from raw, sensitive, angry, traumatized to

seasoned, impervious, happy, healthy..

to laugh at some point at the same thing that previously undid us..

it seems to me the best Indicator.. the best tool.. Measuring device for determining health and healing.

that's fascinating all by itself.  But even more so..  The nuances!

-can't laugh at all vs.
Courtesy laugh vs.
Laughter as mask vs.
Numb, vs. Apathetic, vs. Drug or alcohol Induced laughter..

and then..  authentic laughter.  -which stands quite alone.

and we are designed with an ability to know and Interpret which one we are experiencing at any given time..

I only want the take away to be:  that it IS possible

to authentically laugh one day

at the most horrific, traumatizing and evil experiences Satan can muster.

that it is true: love conquers all

because love.. gets the last laugh.

The Roast of Justin Bieber -as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Off the charts HILARIOUS! I've seen it 3 times now.. alone; with my nephew; with my daughter..      the craft! write/say the lowest, cruelist.. 

the spirit!   -to say essentially. -hit me with your best shot.. I can take it;  I've learned to laugh at myself..

-the healing!  .. to see a victim of the 911 attacks empowered by humor..  to see Martha laugh, make jokes of her jail time.. Kevin laugh along with the short man jokes.. Shaq laugh along with the huge man jokes.. etc. Etc.

-the love!  -everyone dishing it out equally...

-the laughter!   entire stage and entire venue filled up and spilling over with genuine nonstop laughter..

may qualify as one of the best roasts I've ever seen...

... Kevin hart among my new favorite comedians...   I've seen big little man.. And laugh at my pain.. And .. Dropping out the name of the other.. but..

I've said it on more than one occasion to my kids:

You need God and a sense of humor...

Random thoughts on love.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

there is the familiar; .. it is patient, kind, casts out all fear, not self~seeking, etc.    but my mind is not there this morning.

my mind is here:  eternal love; infinite love.  as in.. it existed before you were born, and will exist long after you depart.

no one has the monopoly.  no one person or big corporation OWNS it. it is free. Can be experienced by everyone on the planet.. And! does not come with a fixed amount or expiration date.  Its not like, -you have 3 barrels of love which you must use by this date or it.. spoils.  what Dr Maya Angelou says of creativity is true of love:

you can't run out; the more you use; the more you have.

it is entirely separate from religion or politics; has no elitism attached.. it is not exclusive to people with a certain education, or set amount of money. it is everywhere; available to everyone; -free.

and .. in order to create something..  anything..  ~with love:

Love has to exist first.   I wonder what day and time and place and under what exact circumstance

love was born.   ?    .. because love could not be born.. without love existing first... Without love already existing...

infinite love is hard for the human brain to comprehend.  -without beginning; and without end.   just kind of always here, so to speak.

God is love.   -and he loved the world so much...

in Jesus name,  -amen.

Sunday, April 05, 2015

The Heart Seen... in a bite of emilys birthday cake! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Friday, April 03, 2015

"That's a sign!". Believes (me!) sandra, tvgp

my dad likes to tease me... "you think everything is a sign..."

but you know what... "I do!".  and now check out where I landed during my bible reading this very morning.

how can I possibly ignore such a thing..   in Jesus name.. Amen!

Thursday, April 02, 2015

and the attacks begin.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

I've made no secret of my lack of enthusiasm for public speaking.  /see effort to employ counterterrorism by way of euphemism.

I am currently employing the technique and exercise of stopping any negative thoughts in their tracks and overriding them with this:

I am calm. I am comfortable.  -and it is true that I'm thinking a lot about ray orrock.. like he's trying to remind me to just have fun..

Fun ?!

anyway.. our newest team member at the store mentioned "-so, your event is next week"

I said, "I am calm. I am comfortable.".  -like a robot.

-her understanding and compassion seemed immediate; and I know her Intent was to comfort me..

" this is what you do.." she said, in a kind and reassuring voice.

but you know what... This is NOT what I do.  "Its NOT! its NOT! Its NOT!"

what I do is WRITE. and make ART.  <-------THAT is what I do.

what I am meant to do.  

in Jesus name,  -amen.


Inarticulate~able by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I share this experience best I can without claiming it is fact; but knowing it is not fiction.

this morning, following my regular meditations, readings..

I picked up my journal a second time and my hand wrote:

at the last heart beat, the soul departs.

now.. that part is not hard to explain.. the next part is:

because I asked silently..   at? not with..   ?  

.. with the last heart beat...  but no,   at the last heart beat.

and then I asked..  soul?   shouldn't it be spirit..?

but no,  -soul.

if it were (me!)..  I would want to write:

with the last heart beat the spirit takes flight..   -or something like that..

but its as if I'm being told..  No,

Keep it exactly as it appears:

at the last heart beat the soul departs.


like, -honestly..  who am I having this internal conversation with?


but it seems to be answering a question I asked and pondered a long time ago..

having had an out of body experience myself, I have the advantage of knowing, not guessing.. that our physical bodies are just containers..

but I have witnessed the attack of Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, and similar attacks on the body and mind.. where the person seems to disappear.. /for lack of vocabulary..

and I wondered if the spirit left.. Well, at what point?  did the spirit leave before actual death?

and for (me!) I use the word spirit.. 

so,  -this whole experience is of great Interest to (me!).

in Jesus name.  -amen.

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Laughter for Breakfast -by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I wanted to do the touristy thing.. get a picture of (me!) and my kids in front of the Alcatraz sign.  Had my phone camera in hand and looked for the first passerby I could find to take the shot.

I go, "would you mind taking a picture?"

and he goes, "not at all.".  And then went and posed with my children.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Heart Seen.. On Alcatraz, #13, cell block A

originally seen by (carla Graci!)..  and fitting.. #13... part of Ai Weiwei's audio installation..  speech by Dr Martin Luther King Jr..   A time to break silence...

@ Large: Ai Weiwei on Alcatraz, as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I will write more when a time window opens.. Until then.. "Wow!". -never have I witnessed such an absolute perfect marriage between art, objects, shapes, message, venue, space, color, style, access, display.. etc. Etc.  -everything.  everything!    -masterpiece.   by my definition: created with love by a master level artist and cannot be improved upon; perfection. ..more later...

The Heart Seen.. By (carla graci!) In Alcatraz prison..

earlier this month my beautiful mom friend went with her husband and son on the tour of alcatraz.. and sent me this heart seen photograph from cell block A.. and provided not only wonderful testimony about the tour but! the @ large ai weiwei on Alcatraz exhibit..

It was among my greatest pleasures to visit Alcatraz with my daughter and son yesterday.. and treasure hunt for the heart (she had) seen.. 

I am still in overwhelm by the experience.. the audio tour, the exhibit, the planets that aligned that allowed us to go...  but really look forward to writing and blogging our experience when time allows..   

"Thank you Jesus!".  Amen.


Public "Thank You!" to my (mom!) from all of us...

-when we manage to all get together it is usually a holiday or someones birthday.. but every now and then we all manage to get together; just because...   and there's pretty consistently at least one or two scheduling conflicts..   so "thank you!" here to everyone for making this family time a priority.. and to you mom for a great time! Love you! Xoxo

Super Soul Sunday with (Oprah!) & (Cynthia Bond!)

as seen by (me!), Sandra, tvgp:

"Direct Hit!".  " Yes! Exactly..  That's write!  Yes! Amen!   Exactly, exactly, exactly..   "


I do not know whether or not I will read her novel, Ruby, but I do know SHE KNOWS of what she speaks..  and that was an extraordinary interview.

"Congratulations!" Cynthia Bond!  And "THANK YOU!" for all the people you are helping; and all the people you are waking up...

Oprah..  I am a devoted super~souler. I love & thank you too!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Common Denominators for ALL spiritual leaders. As seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

1. For ALL spiritual leaders/teachers no matter which faith/belief system:   Quiet time.   Solitude.   -across the board; across all of time and space, across the globe..  No one makes spiritual progress without quiet and solitude; period. No exceptions.

2. Nature.  walks in, talks in, quiet time in.. Pictures of.. etc.  No one makes spiritual progress without spending time in nature.  To my knowledge, there are no exceptions here either..

So,  -to my way of thinking.. based on reading, study, observation, listening and personal experience:

Chronic busy~ness; chronic noise; chronic company; and chronic dwelling in buildings..

Are all counterproductive to spiritual progress.

And to expedite spiritual progress: be quiet; be still; be alone in nature...

And every spiritual leader... without exception, has learned to observe and influence their thoughts.  -has mastered their thoughts, their ego, their moods..

to my knowledge, -there is no other way..


Super Soul Sunday! with (me!) and (oprah!)

Oprah: "what is the difference between spirituality and religion?"

(Me!):  "Yes, yes..

I love your questions Oprah..  I agree with your guest who said spirituality is what unites and religion is what divides.  -how elegant and accurate she is!

Spirituality to (me!) is exactly those things which are true for ALL human beings.. and for which no religion can claim ownership or monopoly..  love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control, for example..

religion.. is a set of specific laws, rules, guidelines, requirements, practices, criteria, etc. Established and enforced by a governing body of a given belief system which sets them apart from others..

Spiritual laws.. that is to say, exactly what makes something a spiritual LAW.. is that it is applicable to all of humanity.

Religious Law is the mandate of only percentages of human beings based on whatever populations are willing to adhere to... meet man-made criteria..  or agree with human interpretations of religious doctrine; written works..


I am a Christian.. I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit..

I have read many books about the lives of saints.. Seen many interviews.. I pray to Holy Mother Mary.. I read the Bible..

I often do the gesture of the sign of the cross.. I sometimes watch Catholic television..

but I will use a very specific word here:  " allowed"

-because I attend a presbyterian church but have no attachment to what the rules are specific to presbyterianism..  I attend with a non-denominational heart..

I do not feel, although I love many of the teachings, that I am "allowed" to be catholic because:

1. I support gay marriage.
2. I believe in the write of birth control, contraceptives
3. I am pro-choice and believe in the write for a woman to choose whether or not she keeps or terminates a pregnancy.
4. I do not consider masturbation a sin.
5. I believe woman should also be in leadership positions within the church hierarchy.
6. I do not think it is in any way healthy for males to pledge chastity..  for male human beings to be told masturbation is a sin AND never have intercourse either?!   Poor priests..  - to utterly eliminate such a basic human need and create guilt and sin around it.. In my humble opinion is to literally create neuroses in otherwise very normal and healthy human beings.    I put sex in the category of sleep, and food, and rest, and water, and work and exercise.. A fundamental and very basic human need..

the absence of it does nothing to help the oppressed, the poor, the needy..  the widows, the children..    

It is silliness to (me!); utterly counterproductive.

don't get (me!) wrong.. I am sickened by recreational sex..(have received my forgiveness.. /I say with a smile) .  I believe sex should be sacred..   I am not a fan of current cultural trends/practices promoting casual sex.. The exploiting; marketing; capitalising; using; manipulating, etc.

but I do believe sex is a natural and fundamental need of adults which contributes significantly to our overall health and well being..

in Jesus name..  (Sign of cross).  ~amen.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

"That must be a sign!" -as seen by (me!).. writeousmom

K, -short version:   doctor said in regard to my daughter, "looks like we have a future president"

I jumped write to imagining... ~yes... first female president of the united states of america!   -because as I've mentioned, I do not even know how to dream small..

but then as she started into her tween and teen years..  this wicked, fast very improvisational sense of humor..

see letter to Jon Stewart..

Then!  ..I was very recently taking pictures on my phone of pictures that already exist; pictures of pictures..  and I propped this picture of my daughter on a chair, snapped a picture..

the reflection is from the TV...  doesn't it look all... ~presidential.

but! It is a scene from a skit being performed during SNL's 40th anniversary special!

-so!  Now you know..  Our first female president of the united states of life saving humor...

Friday, March 27, 2015

Upcoming posts when time allows:

1.  do you make people dance around your moods; because your moods dance around your circumstances?

2. The over emphasis of living in the NOW.. Ignoring past and future.   Rather.. ~living in the now WITH lessons learned from the past AND hope for the future...

God Bless Santana. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

the first truck driver gave up.  left.  never came back.   and the only thing that surprised me about that.. is that it was the first time it had ever happened.  Because when I look at the trucks.. some huge, long 53' beds.. and the very narrow size of the driveway they need to enter plus the way they need to angle themselves between two buildings.. add traffic, and cars parked here and there..

well, every time I do see a truck driver negotiate all those obstacles and pull in backwards without taking out a couple pedestrians and half a building or a street lamp.. I'm like.. "Thank you Jesus!"

-honestly it always feels like a small miracle.  Very special gifting.. Driving, backing up..those huge trucks.   And still another miracle to see how we end up getting a hundred boxes to fit in a warehouse designed for 50..  But that will lead me away from today's story.

Today's story is about a very heavily tattooed and handsome young man named Santana.   I shook his hand, "are you named after the musician?".  He just smiled, explained that no, Santana is his last name.. and then he proceeded to ask me where he was supposed to park his truck in order to drop off the 3 pallets of toys we had coming in..

exactly because the last driver gave up, I avoided just pointing and telling, and instead walked him over to the narrow driveway itself.. left no room for guessing..   told him I was amazed each time I witnessed a truck backing in.. ".. But they do do it..  I just helped unload a 53' here Monday morning.."

and then I walked back to the store.. And watched Santana return to  his huge truck temporarily parked on main street; also not exactly designed for trucks of this size..    and then watched a little while longer as he tried to pull back on the street and..   what? turn? U-turn on main street?!? no.. he crossed over to a larger parking lot.. and I could only see the back half of the truck moving forward.. Then stop. Then move backwards. Stop. Forward..  meanwhile a little traffic is building..   I had to get back in the store. So I whispered to myself,  ~dont think we'll be seeing him again either.  -but did the sign of the cross, wished him well

rang up one or two more customers then decided to check out the back door of the store in case a miracle did happen.. And sure enough.. There he was..!   

he somehow made it to St. Marys street and was in the very dangerous process of backing up into the very narrow driveway that leads to our warehouse.. and..  sign of the cross  three more times because it looked like he was going to take out the hair salon and lamp post in one more false move..

"I can't watch..".   -and a customer came asking me to please ring her up...    " Oh Jesus.. help him..".  -and I left.

meanwhile I'm sending the store owner Rick text updates..  He's here but doesn't seem to have the experience the other truck drivers do.. I'm praying.. Im rooting for him!

and Cortney, my coworker friend was on her way back in to help.. and Mark.. another coworker friend.. on the way..

when I finally made it back out to check the status of how much building damage was done to the salon..  and how many women were running around with foils in their hair, and drapes on.. how many stylists running around with scissors in their hands..

I was very relieved to see the building still in tact..  And Santana parked on St. Marys street in a smart and sweet surrender.  He was in the process of lowering the lift gate and would just deliver to the warehouse from there; skip the whole narrow driveway thing.. and add walking distance to the delivery.. But who cares..  All is safe and well..

by this time Cortney had  arrived so I could be with customers.. and shortly after Mark arrived too

"I came down here to rip this guy a new one.. He can't even back up a truck.. he shouldn't even be driving.. !"

"Now, how is that going to help at all?!" I jumped in.."he just doesn't have experience.. how would yelling at him help? That would make it worse..  You could just help him out..  explain.. Or show him.."

And then Mark said something about hopping in the truck and doing it himself..    Because it turns out, he does have the experience.  -but it was never necessary, because it was just 3 pallets and not a big deal really to fork lift them over...

and Santana made a successful delivery; stuck it out.  So, good for you!  -not easy..

And Cortney came to the rescue, and helped, "thank you!"

and Mark stuck around to get the boxes off the pallets and inside the store,  -after already moving two houses worth of stuff earlier in the day, so, "Thank you!"

Rick got his toys delivered, at last!

And Ive been provided with another great opportunity to reiterate my message to the world.  -what the tattoo on my face means to (me!):

"Conquer the world with KINDNESS!"

when someone doesn't know how to do something; lacks experience

-ripping them a new one

demeaning, criticising, yelling..  none of this helps.

Instruction; guidance; help..

there is a popular lesson for writers that goes, "show don't tell."

I feel the same for the public at large with a bit of a twist:

"Show don't yell."

demonstrate; teach; educate..  and there is no substitute for experience itself.

I'm quite aware when these other truck drivers back in so easily and professionally

it is obviously not their first time.   looks like there might be practice and training involved..

and I can't even parallel park my tiny little Saturn hybrid so..

My hat is off to all of you

In Jesus name


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Americas Credibility by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I would love to see America earn credibility again, wouldn't you?

What passes through my imagination sometimes.. Micro/macro..

let's look at micro:   if a person lead a lecture to a large audience.. about healthy families; how to raise your children..  but you learned that the leader had two kids in prison and one a high school drop out... and one who committed suicide..

credibility?  -would you listen to a single word? Have any respect for?

in this same way; macro..  on a larger scale..  America herself..

Can we have the incarceration rates we do..  Drop out rates? Suicides? Unemployment? Poverty levels.. Crime rates..

and expect anyone from other countries to respect us; hear what we have to say?

we need a much better report card..  We need to demonstrate we know what we are doing..  We need some impressive numbers..

otherwise, we are exactly that leader I mentioned at the beginning; who can take us serious? Who would listen?

America needs to re-earn respect and credibility. America needs a much better report card.

In Jesus name, amen.

Jesus & The Placebo Effect. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

placebo; a recent conversation because it is being discussed in class at my daughters school..

a fascination with me because I spend an embarrassing amount of time contemplating the distinction between believing  and knowing..  between truth and fiction; between literal truth and truth~truth..  between what we believe is true; and take as fact.. But is later revealed as false..

it is a little unnerving at first.. If you've ever been told, take this medicine, it will cure such n such..  and then you are later told, -it was not really Medicine.. But youre cured!  ~because you thought.. Because you believed..   So, it turns out you never really needed the medicine at all..

it would take more time than I have write now to cover this topic in detail.. Puncture holes in it.. Because there are many opportunities to do so..

but a highly important topic:  -what we each believe..  What science can and cannot prove..

I, for example, can believe my whole heart out.. that when I wake up.. I will no longer have gray hair..

But believing ain't gonna change the color of my hair is it.  Only dye can do that..    -someone had to figure all that out.. What ingredients, chemicals, in what combination, put on for how long.. Etc.

-these people amaze me.   But! To avoid getting off track..

it is true:  sometimes just believing can accomplish what we give medicine the credit for..

And sometimes if all you are counting on is -belief.  Nothing will change, heal..  Medicine is in fact mandated if you want to see a result.

How can we distinguish..  Control groups, write.  Experiments and control groups..

Now.. This brings me directly to Jesus..  to believers..  To believers in Jesus.. In God.. In a holy spirit..

Placebo?  Just believing is getting the result?   but he's like fake medicine? Not real?

.. Control groups... Experiments..  

Do lives really change?   Do people really heal? 

Yes they do.  When they believe. faith and not by sight...  

couple thousand years worth of evidence...  millions of testimonies.. 

Very important for people to take inventory of what they believe; and why they believe it..

And assess the results.  

In Jesus name, amen

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

"Now thats mercy.." as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Topic: romance, mercy, grace and 2nd chances.

Now, -here is my truth:  there is no one I have dated who 'kicked me to the curb'  that I would ever give a second chance to; period.

and yet, I'm being given a second chance by the person I'm dating now... who I, once upon a time..'kicked to the curb'

either my interpretation is wrong.. Or!

this is God showing off again..  Grace and mercy.  Extending to (me!) what I am not willing to extend to others, and do not, therefore even really deserve..

but that's the very definition of grace and mercy; it is not tied to or determined by ~deservedness.   it can't be earned..or bought..

only recognized, and received with love and gratitude.

So, like.. "Thank You Jesus!" do I not mess this up...    please help. Amen.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

"8 SHOTS OF INK!" at the (firehouse art center!) Wed. Apr. 8th, 2015

The Heart Seen! .. In my brownie crumbs...made by (Chris lampson!)

-remember the heart seen in the most delicious red velvet cake also made by Chris Lampson..  Well, -now he went and handmade from scratch these incredible amazing brownies with cream cheese.  I've been having a -small- piece /she says with a smile..  each morning with my coffee.. warmed up in the microwave just as he suggested.   when I looked down at the paper towel I used..  The heart seen in the crumbs.  -too cute.  I took the picture write away then licked my fingertip and collected the crumbs as my last bite.  You don't even let the crumbs go when it tastes this good..  Know what I mean..  "Thank you Chris!". 

The Heart Seen!.. in (John Mellencamp's!) ear...

-picture does not do justice.. See TV program: speakeasy. John mellencamp with jann wenner.

"oh no! not another awesome conversation show!" for (me!) sandra, tvgp

no secret charlie rose is my favorite.. conversation vs. interview and.. uninterrupted!  I sometimes watch tavis smiley; love oprahs new super soul sunday interview/conversations; master class..used to watch iconoclasts.. Inside the actors studio.. but whenever I'm channel surfing and it looks like a genuine conversation and an interesting person.. "I'm in!"

I'm the first to admit I watch too much TV already, but!

irresistible to (me!), I'm now hooked on: speakeasy.  -check this out:

Geddy Lee & Michael Chabon.
Nile Rodgers & Valerie Simpson.
Roger Waters & Bill Weir

and just finished watching John Mellencamp & Jann Wenner...

-these are fantastic conversations!   watch.

and if I were to update my self~portrait poem today.. I would definitely include.. "I am mellencamp..."

Now, as I watching.. every time john mellencamp turned his head a certain way..  "The Heart Seen!... in his ear!".  -which seems especially fitting for a musician..   I don't think my phone camera captured it well, but I'm going to post it anyway..   but if you get a chance to see the interview..  pretty cool.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Most Important thing he said (dan harris!) as heard by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

close your text books and turn on charlie rose..

See interview with Dan Harris, author of...  /book cover close-up please..

10% happier.   How I tamed the voice in my head. Reduced stress without losing my edge.  And found self-help that actually works. A true story.


Now, ignore the impulsive reaction to gag at successful prep who has a drug induced panic attack on national TV and then profits from writing a book about it..   No audience gained ever goes wasted..huh..

It is a cultural slash capitalistic formula.. Seen over, over, over..  Usually to my disgust,  But I force myself to listen to a fellow human being anyway..

don't you just hate that..  When there's someone you don't necessarily want to feel compassion for.. But then as you listen.. You do anyway..

That was my experience listening to this dan Harris sharing his story with my Charlie rose..

I'm not going recap the entire conversation; watch it yourself.  I'm cutting to what resonated with (me!)..

Upshot: covered war in iraq as a journalist..  Perhaps did not cope as well as he hoped..  Self-medicated upon returning home via cocaine and ecstasy..  had a panic attack during a morning news show he was anchoring.. good morning america..   And quit in the middle of his on-air performance..


Now,  cut to later in conversation:  his boss, peter Jennings (RIP) told him to go cover religion, faith and spirituality.  /cut, skip, jump..

" I don't think I had had a serious conversation with a person of faith in my adult life until I got this assignment."

-worth noting just how successful and far in life.. Education, career, one can get ...   without ever having had a serious conversation about. -faith.    I'm very curious, and suspect, about higher education if it doesn't include some basic training in world religions...   -that frightens me.

but that's not even my point.. My point!    -is how he visits different synagogues, churches, temples, etc.. And eventually bumps into:

Meditation.    This! Turns out to be the key to his new found

10% increase in happiness.   You really must hear this conversation.. The way he describes encountering

-for the first time-  and as an adult..  -the voice in his head.  How he  learned to pay attention to his own thinking.. And train his mind to override default thoughts of negativity and proactively return his mind to peace ..and positive thoughts..

THIS is something we should be teaching everyone from elementary school on..   meditation.  Paying attention to your thoughts. Noting what they are by default.. Learning to override and control your own thoughts.   -crucial.

meditation is neutral.. Its not religion; its basic health.  brush your teeth; and then mental hygiene: meditate.   Exercise your mind muscles..   10 times more important than physical-body exercise in my opinion..

and yet, people can go their entire lives without reaching this, relatively speaking, low level of awareness and it is so key to a healthy, happy life..

-so!  Fascinating for me to learn, this otherwise successful and mature professional journalist.. Reporting on world events..and war and whatnot..

had no idea, until in his 30's,  and until after his panic attack..

that he can actually observe, assess and control his own thoughts.   -awareness;..  A late bloomer to becoming conscious of his own thoughts and learning to direct and Influence them vs. Accept and react to the default settings...

Of interest for sure..!  

What I would love to share with dan Harris is this:

there are still deeper levels of consciousness; conscious awareness..  you are only getting warmed up my friend..

pay attention.. continue meditating...

Ask; seek; knock.  

truth will answer the door.

Be still.

you are only half way there...     I wish you many blessings! continued success...

in Jesus name,   -amen.

"I walked over hot coals with tony robbins!" (Me!) sandra, tvgp

True story. and I'm sure I've already written about it, so won't go in to detail. But the memory was triggered because he appeared at the round oak table with my charlie rose recently..

/charlie rose.. Who I got to meet in person and kiss on the neck.. 

Anyway..  here's the big stand out lesson in a couple bullet points:

1. I would have never been able to afford the tickets to see him and walk over hot coals on my own.  The tickets were gifted to me by someone else who suddenly could not go..

2.  MY REASON for wanting to conquer my fears was to be able to make more money..  I was swimming in debt..   I thought the entire reason anyone would go see tony robbins was to learn his secrets for financial success..   Once you have that,  -what else could you possibly need?

3.  I will never forget pulling into the parking lot for the event.  I swear to you.. My car was the only junker.  The parking lot was full of Mercedes, and expensive luxury cars.. Everywhere, new, clean, beautiful expensive cars..

it dawned on me, like.. Duh.  Only these people can afford tickets to his events!

But..  If they can afford these beautiful cars.. And afford tickets to his events

Why do they even need to see him?

that's when I really fully realized, as I had suspected all along..

maybe money didn't solve every problem after all...

then, the next set of tickets to see tony Robbins was for.. A lot.. Because his event was going to be in Hawaii..

he does teach us all a lesson...that's for sure. 


but I've found that when it comes to books and teachers..

The bible and joyce meyer have staying power in my heart, mind and soul and spirit..

but I did do it!   Walked over hot coals with my bare feet...

Woo hoo.

Hallelujah & amen!

"Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-from my four leaf clover treasure hunt with my niece last luck & blessings! 

Public "Thank You!" to (city of pleasanton!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I was thinking again recently.. of how much writing has poured out of me since the invention of the blogosphere..  and how.. if you were to eliminate that..  -had it never existed; nor would thousands of my stories..    -platform first.  a safe place...   the space to create must exist first...   YouTube is another awesome example..  how much exists now that otherwise would never..  -birthing centers for creative expression; self expression;  expression in general..

that lead me to think about how many creative adventures I've had since I moved to pleasanton in.. around 1995 or so..

this is not in order; but as it comes to mind:

-creative writing workshops I taught through the city of pleasanton parks and recreation programs; at the pleasanton library; at the pleasanton poetry, prose and art festival; at the firehouse art center..

-movers & shakers:  a creative dance class for children  I co-created and taught with Kate barton at Pam's dance studio..

-good neighbors holiday boutiques, I co-founded with Virginia Lai, Patti Benson and Nancy Eddinger which rotated in the vintage hills neighborhood every Christmas season for approx. 8 years...

reflections chair -for vintage hills elementary school art show and competition, 4 or 5 years in a row..

the publication of my book(s): eat, write & exercise, -beautiful fish.. anthologies, etc.   -readings, open mics, etc.

TV30 IN A WORD & Conversations with robin fahr:  guest appearances on local TV to discuss literature; to discuss, share, the innovation of my Mag Time Frames..

Art for recess!   -supervising creativity time at vintage hills for kids who wanted to be creative instead of climb bars and or play four square during recess  /my room was packed!  I feel compelled to point out...

Diapers to diapers exhibit in collaboration with Monica dawn.. Fundraiser for Tri valley haven..  Photography & poetry exhibit celebrating the entire circle of life for females, with truth, humor,

Vagina monologues..   performed at bank head theatre in Livermore, but all rehearsals in pleasanton..   /I have a different upcoming list to thank the city of Livermore; also..a creativity birthing center..

kissing the chocolate blues.. My first theatre piece, performed at the firehouse art center.. In collaboration with faith Alpher, Jessica reaber..  FAC administration...

poet laureate..  with its own sublist of events, readings, etc.  Including the above mentioned.. And!

8 shots of ink.   -my first documentary in collaboration with Jane berry, Casey Boyden.. FAC administration..

The Heart Seen exhibit at Ricks Picks..   The Mothers Day crafts.. The wine bottle craft class... the Ricky & Picky photography...

The Momma palooza event in collaboration with Debra knox..

The local artist work I was able to get on display at Amelias..

Articles & Feature columns I've written for the Pleasanton Patch..

My invention of Facebook~Guestbook at Ruby Hill.

and I'm sure there are many I'm leaving out..  But my point, is that over the past 20 years I've lived (6 different places) in Pleasanton..

I think my creative output provides its own testimony

-same way, the amount of writing I've done since the invention of the blogosphere provides its own testimony.

-it starts with a place; a place you feel safe and welcome to create experiment within..


Monday, March 16, 2015

Best First Baseman of all time! (JaaaaAAAAaaack Kay!)

Playing for the San Francisco Giants!    /he has in the past informed me, maybe the Oakland A's..   but in my visions I never see him wearing green and yellow..   I see him....

in black, orange and white.   and can even hear the sports announcer write now!

"Did you see that?!?  3rd OUT! for KC... And  I think Jack Kay  just set another record for the high jump..   "

-because oh!  this is where he shines.. 1st base..  I mean.. who stands a chance?! Of getting on 1st when Jack is there?

No one! That's who..  

I've said it before, I'll say it again..   He is amazing!  As ready for the accurate power throw as he is for the accidental over throw..

too high.. no worries; he jumps like a NBA champion..

off to the side.. No worries; he stretches like a yoga master..  left, write, center, up, down, straight on.. No matter

He's got speed, he's got instincts, he's got determination, he's got experience, and!

He's got love for the game...

Wanna know where else he shines..    

"That's his 3rd steal!  #43..  Loves to taunt..  that one..."


because..  he'll stomp his feet, clap his hands, speed step to the side..    Antagonize the pitcher, distract his opponents, 

-whatever needs done..   Always going for the steal

-always within flight of the base..

offensively:  well,

"Highest stats for crossing home plate..".  -because, if he hits his way to 1st base, or gets walked..   Once he's on base..  chances are very high he'll be crossing home plate..

no hit or miss by his teammates ever gets wasted!  If he can go..

-he's gone..

..2nd base... 3rd...    " and he's crossing home AGAIN!!"


I just never tire of watching him do his thing.. So exciting!  He not only has his head in the game at all times..

He has his heart, mind, spirit, soul...body...  


And!  When I tell you here, he is always willing to step up to the plate; I mean it both ways..

Last game, I was all temporarily engaged in a conversation with another parent, and then..  When I glanced back on the field..

?, where did my son go?...

Took me a couple seconds to find him, because..

He was on the pitchers mound!   Now,..   this is a position for which he has not received any concentrated training; and for which he has not logged in any countable hours of practice..

But.. they asked.. they needed him. And he stepped up to the plate.

-makes me so proud!

-and you know (me!) By now..  I realize the great life lessons..

there is a place we each shine; a place, a position..   just write for each of us..

But each of us will also be required to just do the best we can in an area outside of our expertise, and training.. 

When you get put, or end up, in positions outside of your skill set..

that's all you are required to do:  your best.

the trick is to not let that make you feel like a failure in any way..  not to let that give you any sense you are not enough, because you can't shine in every single position..

Shine bright where you do shine!   With humility..
and do your best everywhere else..  with humility..

So much.. so much.. I learn every year from watching baseball..

my favorite lesson:  the speed at which you are required to shake off an error and move into the next moment with a fresh, powerful, optimistic perspective.. error to awesome in .02 seconds!

Really.  This sport demands it.  Strike out; the 3rd out, when the bases were loaded...

you have to let that go; immediately!   Run with energy and confidence back out on the field in whatever your defense position is..  fresh start. 

miss an important catch?  -you let that go; immediately!  -ready to get the next one..

-there is absolutely no time -whatsoever-  for beating yourself up, or dwelling, or rehashing..   or self punishment of any kind.

Mess up; move on..;immediately!   its great spiritual training.

-ever into the next moment of winning possibilities..


I can't close without revisiting two of my favorite; make that three of my favorite baseball related memories:

-throwing socks rolled up into make shift baseballs around the living room to help my son build his instincts.   This is definitely one of those areas where you can see God turn my weakness into a strength

-because.  Well, I can't throw to save my own life.  I'm a little better now with practice.. But I never had any idea when I threw those sock-balls what direction they'd be going you see..

-so,  -neither could my son.   -he never knew if he'd have to be running left or diving write..  

But I would fast pitch those socks in the air.. And he would figure it out so quick.. Make the catch!  Sometimes rolling, sometimes stretching, sometimes standing still..   Boom!

so, I'm going to take some credit here for building his instincts.

/only briefly mentioning I have no experience.. never played sports, etc.   And only briefly mentioning his father has coached him every year since T-ball..

To share my next favorite memory, I must first turn myself in.  I must share that I was at the time, battling..  Battling a lot of internal, personal demons..  

and during this time, I mean.. I could not, COULD NOT get myself to complete domestic responsibilities.  trying to motivate myself to even do one load of laundry..  Well, it was like requiring myself to conquer half dome.  I couldn't do it.  Just couldn't..

But!  ..for some reason.. even though I could look directly at a growing mountain of dirty laundry and ignore it..

I did always feel inspired.. I always found the energy to wash jacks baseball uniforms.

I see it with sentiment, compassion and humor now; several years later..

But if I can paint the picture.. That's what you would see:

mountains of dirty laundry over there, and there..

but on the bed:  Jacks baseball uniform. Sparkling clean. Laid out flat on the bed spread: the white pants; the shirt; the sliders; his cap, his cup, belt..   socks...

-it was sometimes the only thing I accomplished on a given day that made me smile.

So, the sock-ball throwing and the clean uniform; two of my favorite memories..

gosh, there's four really.. Not three.   -the catch! At max baer park!

Skip forward... And.. Well,   -I had been telling jack  -mommy coaching

-for which I have no experience, no training, and virtually no credibility

My experience is all just from watching him play several years in a row..  Observing..

So I told him, "hit on the 1st pitch!  -you leverage the element of surprise!".  -and he has a great eye, my son..  And he never hits the 1st pitch.. He uses it to assess..

but to humor me at one of his games..  He swung at the first pitch and GOT A DOUBLE!   -landed himself at second plate!

-has since served as a lighthearted joke between his father and I..

-his father who has actually coached year after year.. Put in who knows how many hours, practicing, warm-ups, clinics..

" and then you want to credit your mom?! with that hit?!"


Anyway..  I'm repeating myself.. But I do fully credit my son with making me fall in love with baseball.  -not just the glorious joy of watching him play and evolve since T-ball,

But the game itself.   -last year with my sister, we,

-without the influence of any men, or kids, or sportsfan friends..

-we watched and were completely engaged in the world series.  Too exciting!  and then.. I mean my goodness, to watch the giants come back from a 10-zero loss..   Claim ultimate victory!

Life lessons of the sweetest kind...


When I get to talkin' to customers and find out they're baseball fans..

"My son is going to be playing 1st base for the S.F. Giants" I say with a smile..

-usually they take me serious.. And congratulate me..,   then I feel a little guilty, so go like,

"Yep.. In about 10 years or so... ".  -then they get it and smile back.

" I know how to dream," I tell them.  

-because that's where I shine.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Gorgeous, Sexy, red head i wrote about! (Candace harding!)

source: on the cover of the Independent newspaper Thurs. March 12, 2015.

excitement/memory trigger:  ".. former Otis Spunkmeyer DC3 pilot.."

reaction:  OMG!  that's her..  The GORGEOUS, SEXY red head I wrote about... 

type:  Otis.   - in the search bar of my blog here..

I cannot even admit the amount of time I spent wondering what it would be like to be her,   -the PILOT!  Vs. The hostess...

Anyway.. my awesome neighbors here (type Harley in search bar). -have a connection to the Livermore airport.. So I'm going to print out my Otis spunkmeyer memory blog post and see if john can't somehow get it to Candace...  -would love to say hi...

Thursday, March 12, 2015

From a place of greater calm. -by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am very serious and focused regarding my personal, currently one-woman effort, to entirely eliminate the words 'morbid obesity' from the vocabulary used by both medical insurance companies and the entire healthcare world.  

-had I just fired off a copy of my impulsive reaction which I posted yesterday; that kind of high emotion, cussing, rant, rave can,  -and should, be easily and quickly dismissed. 

I will, within the next week compose a letter which demonstrates some level of maturity; professionalism; forethought, etc.   -and spend some time crafting a letter which even the President of the United States of America could,  -and should, take seriously.

My goal: eliminate 'morbid obesity' as a diagnoses.  Replace those words with an updated vocabulary which can accurately describe weight.   /perhaps we could just note height and weight; period.  Without any words/labels.. I have not figured this part out yet..

My reason:  To use the term 'morbid obesity' in 2015, to describe a child or adults weight, is..

my analogy would be.. Is to try and use the word gay to mean happy.

As we all know, the word gay, no longer means happy.  How and when, I can't be sure, and will not research.. But gay in our current time = homosexual; period.  -whether the dictionary says so or not.  Any prior definition has been usurped..  The connotative, of homosexual  -so vast, ubiquitous, and immediately associated in the mind and consciousness for the word gay, has in fact become; literally evolved into the current denotative

I will skip here diving deeper into the fact that gay seems to = male homosexual.. and we use lesbian for the female..  It is not my point.

My point! is that using morbid obesity clinically is like trying to use gay to mean happy..  It DOESNT WORK.  The definition has long been usurped by ...  Something...  Awful!  In the minds, and consciousness of the public at large..  The way 'morbid' is used on the street, on TV, in literature, in everyday conversation..the colloquial..

'Morbid' = gruesome.  Awful.. Terrible.. Hideous in some way..

so! To use it as a diagnoses at all!  Is morbid in and of itself..  When I think of a child being told by a doctor they are 'morbid..

I almost lose my mind.  Morbid?!? .. when I consider the child is not only told this.. But walks out the door with an official document which puts it in writing..  YOU ARE MORBID...

Oh! impulse is to wake these doctors up with an alarm that doesn't beep but.. punch.  Know what I mean..   WTF..

K.. Now,   -same with the word obese.  How can i avoid the pun..

We have big issues here!

perhaps medically, clinically we have a harmless definition..  25lbs over the weight as dictated on a chart created by a..

A bunch of f'king IDIOTS!   -/you see I have much work to do taming my tongue.. Controlling my outbursts..  This is just a draft..just a draft..

I will put the entire letter through the holy filter before i actually send it out...     Just a draft..

Where was I?  Yes,  

Obese on the streets, colloquially, in TV, literature..etc.  OBESE means, like,   way~way~way overweight; huge!  Out of control..

So!  let us please ignore the clinical/medical/insurance definition.. As we can clearly see  from my example of gay..

The definition..  Oh! I have another pun I cannot avoid..

The definition that carries all the weight; that matters; that is in the minds, consciousness, -that is the immediate association people make when they hear the word OBESE..

this definition = way~way~out of control huge.

So..  dear doctor..  I am sure..  Very sure you are only some combination of desensitized and ignorant vs.

Consciously evil and deliberately ill-intentioned.

But you did, whether you knew it or not..

You did just take a precious, perfectly healthy, gorgeous 9 year old CHILD..

And implanted a horrific self-image which can potentially result in an variety of neuroses from an unnecessary attack on self-confidence, to eating disorder, to unnecessary preoccupation with body image, calorie counting, etc.

While you went on to potentially devastate your next child/victim unknowingly, the child and family you just dropped the ',morbid obesity' bomb on.. Went home in tears..  Struggling on every level, psychologically, emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually -with how to address and process being told by a medical professional they are Gross and out of control huge!

if you thought for a moment that you could say and write 'morbidly obese' about a 9 year old child and just have said child bounce back, and suddenly in a perfectly healthy way.. Adopt the culturally skewed and perverted eating & exercise program that would result in steady healthy weight loss

-that is a sign that you got all the way through medical school without learning a single actual thing about human beings.

Dr Maya Angelou said, "when you know better, -you do better."


when you say or write ' morbidly obese' the image associated in the minds of the general public is that of something or someone

Gruesome and out of Control huge..

I am quite sure that is not what you mean and not at all what you would say to any child regardless of weight.  "you are gross.. And huge!"

Morbid obese.  These vocabulary words need to be removed; annihilated! from the vernacular. -yesterday.

I have my work cut out, don't I..   It has been in use for several hundred years I'm sure..  In every medical text book, journal..

In the ICVDM  -manuals..  Insurance documents..  Etc. Etc.

I will do what is within my ability to do factoring in all the rest of my life responsibilities.. But I will not ignore or brush this one aside.. Or leave it to someone else.  This one calls me loud and clear..

In Jesus name..  Amen.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

911 EMERGENCY: HELP TAME MY TONGUE. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

HOT BUTTON! HOT BUTTON!   unless I think on this a couple days.. It will be nothing but emotional vomit on the page. -and the stakes are too high. It needs to be communicated in a mature, poised, educated, powerful way in order to actually effect change and not just appear as a random individual venting which are easy to ignore.

-and here I've been so proud of myself for all the effort I've put in + Gods grace taming my tongue..  internally I smile and refer to myself sometimes as 'Sandra, the cussing Christian..'.  

Im repeating here i know, but do you ever hear F-bombs out of Joyce Meyer? Bishop T.D Jakes? On the Hour of Power or EWTN?  Never. 

but cover your eyes, and your ears if you read out loud because..

may I first remind everyone it is 2015!!!  

there are so many things I was just certain were done away with 20 years ago, then suddenly I find out the same stupid shit is STILL taking place

-this one kills me though; just kills me!

a doctor giving a 9 year old child, who maybe (great emphasis on MAYBE)  10 lbs heavy the diagnoses of:

"Morbid obesity."

my initial reaction is so filled with rage and f-bombs I can't even type it here.

So, I guess I have to type it here instead:

WHAT THE FUCK?!      /forgive me Jesus.  sign of cross.

/I'm revealing processing to you. Making it transparent.

after the initial impulsive emotional reaction...  Eventually, a more mature approach..   But can't get to that one without letting the first one pass by.

mature people filter. Keep the impulsive one internalized. share the thought-out version..

I know the birth of and current use of the term, morbid obesity, is used out of

fucking ignorance.     /forgive me Jesus.  Sign of cross.

and not with any intention of psychologically wounding young children or with the intention of creating neuroses, or with the intention of creating a preoccupation with body image, weight, -giving birth to eating disorders which prior to said diagnoses were nonexistent..

I am just absolutely sure these doctors have their fucking hearts in the write place when they tell parents their perfectly normal child is morbidly obese...

it is used quite casually, quite clinically..   by utterly desensitized, clueless doctors..  if I remember back correctly.. in strictly medical terms in means 25lbs overweight or more; but I have not researched this..    -and the standard by which this chart is used!  Hideous. As if all human beings had same bone structure, body type, etc.   Where underweight is considered normal weight and a couple pounds over is called morbid obesity.

I'm coming to you from the streets; colloquial..  to educate you and as politely as I am currently capable of being

ask you

To STOP using this diagnosis YESTERDAY!   STOP! STOP! STOP!

ask any person on the street to point at a picture or draw a picture of someone who is "morbidly obese."

-even just the word morbid.   -to describe a human being; a 9 year old child?!   I cannot even believe it...    the association with the word morbid is...  terrible/awful!

and obese?!    colloquially speaking..  this means.. like,  super~huge.   most people envision someone over the 500lb mark..

that is the ASSOCIATION.   -so when you tell a child they are




-my God.  entire families are devastated.  leave in tears..  Unnecessary Pre-occupations begin..   self esteem is attacked.  confidence is punctured. Self image plummets.

and how much of any of those do children have to begin with.

There is a huge discrepancy here and now.. As there has been for a good long time between the

medically, casually, clinically dropped term morbid obesity; its denotative definition

Vs. the colloquial, connotative, definition and accompanied visual image.

we cannot ignore this.   People are being quite unnecessarily devastated.

-I will spend only a minute to acknowledge.. Yes, we are living in times of junk-food heaven and video games..  less nutrition and less physical activity.. I will not deny an increase in diabetes, and weight..

however.. it also trends; healthcare practices.. and hyper awareness; overkill in testing, misdiagnoses, leaping to judgements..    -this happens too.

it is a beautiful and wonderful thing when we nip bad health habits in the bud; catch early warning signs and make improvements..

and it is a hideous and ugly thing when take perfectly normal healthy children, families and create neuroses; eating disorders; attack esteem and self image by using terms like 'morbid obesity'

when a simple, 'couple pounds heavier than we'd like to see you'

would do.


so, I will clean this up... Polish.. Edit.. Etc.  and then make copies to send to every possible medical professional from the white house to the local URGENT care.. 

Im still pissed off...  Just Frickin outraged..   Tell a perfectly healthy child they are morbid..   and obese..

...has to be ignorance..  Just has to...  

Monday, March 09, 2015

The Heart Seen.. a little closer..

The Heart Seen.. on (highway 88!) by (me! and my rick!)

-between lockford and waterloo on return from Tahoe.  NEW FAV! seen only for a short stretch and specific distance.. then as you move closer and pass by its just three palm trees again.. 

Saturday, March 07, 2015

the most important thing SHE said (johanna ray vollhardt!)

I'm almost too excited to write. Let me breathe in; breathe out.


how to organize?

show: my charlie rose! Of course..
series: brain series.   With my favorite neuroscientist Eric kandel!
topic: aggression

Of course I have a deep and very personal interest in this area having been the victim of..  do I really need to repeat this crazy long list?!

abusive, aggressive alcoholics
bully's on school campus
Serial Rapists
     /forgive my language here Jesus, but

so many just kind of asshole~jerk types in the everyday...

low level aggression to extreme life threatening gun to the head aggression, so yes, you better believe I wanna know what the hell is going on with people?!?  My God..

what have we learned? What have we learned?

Of GREAT IMPORTANCE to (me!) personally..  well, and the words..

-the words as SHE spoke them; the very way SHE said them..

in spirit.. I walked up to the TV screen and kissed her.

"Thank you! Johanna Ray Vollhardt!!".   -it is exactly what I have been trying to say FOR YEARS!!   only..

you say it much better, and provide a wonderful explanation.

of what do I speak?   

There is absolutely NO NEW NEWS at first:

Essentially we are told, that victims of trauma and violence respond in one of two ways:

1. altruistically. -that is, having suffered and knowing how awful, they work to prevent others from having to endure the same.. Also defined as " pro-social."

2. Perpetuating more violence -seeking revenge, repeating the cycle, making sure others experience and know the pain they've suffered by inflicting it on others.   AKA: antisocial.

-we all already know that..  

but see here why I love my charlie rose:  /paraphrase:

"Do we know anything about why someone chooses the altruistic response vs. violent response?"

-this is really where I wish trumpets would blow and a man in a royal costume of some sort would bring a scroll which the entire world population would read together!

Johanna Ray Vollhardt is on the throne; as SHE should be, and summons all of us to read along.  Ready?

" of the mechanisms I've been studying is the idea that if you recognize your trauma, and victimization AS SIMILAR to what others have experienced, or are experiencing, or will experience

-that sense of SIMILARITY WITH OTHER GROUPS victimization,

which I call, " INCLUSIVE VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS" can (I would replace the word can with does!)  -can contribute to the more pro-social path.

Whereas when people think their situation is unique or distinct;/that no one else has suffered in this way, as a group, or as an individual

-that makes violent or destructive response MORE LIKELY"


please re-read the above twelve times. Highlight. Process..

ACT on the knowledge that has been gained.


what I (me!)... What I have been saying for years!!

STOP telling stories, histories, of oppression, slavery in ISOLATION from one another

DO NOT tell about the black slaves in isolation from the holocaust and the Jews in isolation from the Chinese, the Irish, the Indians..etc, etc, etc!!  Women, gays.. 

It is 2015! For Gods sake.. We have patterns! Look from a greater distance

No matter the group.. The pattern is the same.  Oppression, slavery, evil, violence

-followed by uprisings, a long fight for freedom, human rights..

-followed by victory!  

I KNOW this is the WRITE THING TO DO..  but I have never articulated the WHY..

The WHY.. Was just articulated for (me!) By Johanna Ray Vollhardt:

-I've known it!   -here's the upshot:

-when people are told about their suffering in isolation from the suffering of other individuals or groups, this seems to result in  -anti-social behavior; revenge; perpetuating the cycle of violence.

-when people are told about their (individual or group) suffering ALONG WITH the suffering of others from many walks of life. -this results more often in pro-social behaviors; compassion, efforts to prevent and break and terminate trauma and violence from happening to others.

My God.. We need to ACT on this information; this knowledge.  -the potential impact to reduce suffering and violence is incalculable.

what I wouldn't give to be able to immediately change school curriculums and end any/all classes which teach about slavery of one group in isolation from others.

for this I pray.   Amen!

Friday, March 06, 2015

LAUGHTER for BREAKFAST from (my nephew!)

-he had to pick this book up off the front seat of my car before he could sit down

he goes, "auntie sandy   -when i first looked at the cover

i thought they ran out of room."

The most important thing SHE said: (diana nyad!)

she teaches a lot of very highly valuable lessons..  but one of the most important things SHE said

i must paraphrase:

"mind over matter is the luxury of a healthy brain."

-amen! & amen! sister..


and.. when i have time, i should like to review & research the charlie rose interview with a few men around the table.. veterans.. one who spoke of being both physically and mentally traumatized

i must paraphrase here also:

"trauma to the mind..  was far worse".    /and here it is valuable to know just how severely he was traumatized physically so you can take in the gravity of what he is explaining..

it remains one of the unaccomplished (unaccomplishable?) purposes of my life:

what is the closest i have come?

quadriplegia is to the physical body
PTSD is to the mind;

only even worse than that.


and I'm not going to just turn to a different page or chapter here; but to an entirely different book:

I'm also struggling to communicate this:

fabric is to skin
photos are to eyes.

-because quite literally..  it seems i don't just see photographs but feel them

when i say feel.. I don't mean emotionally.  I mean like texture..  Smooth or bumpy, silky or sticky

like that.

-thoroughly enjoying my weekly visits to the Finland photographer:

like a quilter (quiltor?) does a fabric store.

The Nature of my Walks photos by (me!) Sandra, tvgp


Thursday, March 05, 2015

ROCKSTAR WRITER as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i think i have a poem by the same name; or very close.  written after my fingers touched a keyboard that seemed immediately custom made for my hands.. the greatest fit ever..  smooth beyond belief. and within that poem i also change the words a little and reference elton johns, pinball wizard song.

I'd give anything if i could attach a device to my brain which would allow me to share with you the music video that plays in my mind when i  hear that song.   i believe such a technology will one day exist because for 1.  the visuals that play in my mind are so vivid and clear and 2. its the exact direction everything is heading; access inside the brains and minds..

like anything and everything else; it will also be used for both good and evil.  and like everything else, it will primarily be used for good; just never exclusively.   <----- permanent condition of this world I'm afraid.

anyway.. allow me here to imagine it, and imagine it used for the good:  what a cool music video plays in my mind!

please play pinball wizard song in the background. it triggers the video; the images.  they never appear without music; nor to any other song.

forgive the ego; i am the star of this particular video.  it starts when i am very young. you see me as a child learning to write on that very large lined tan paper, with red hyphen size lines and thick blue lines which are there to guide children in learning the size of capital letter vs. lower case and to write straight across the page vs. how writing tends to tilt on a blank page.

and so, there i am..  learning to hand-write; awkward at first; gradually improving as all children do.

and you see me writing for school, -but also, more importantly, writing at home; in my own notebook for my own pleasure

-because i can.

and then it speeds through my elementary, middle school, and high school years..  always writing..  school, home..  home, school,  -helping others with their writing assignments..

and the tools change, exactly as they have changed during the course of my life:

pencil to lined paper.
pen to blank paper.
manual typewriter.
electric typewriter.
PC keyboard.
laptop (keyboard attached)
back to detached keyboard; plastic
glass keyboard (i-pad)
to phone..
the tiny glass keyboard you can only two thumb type on.

but i see myself.. no matter where.. school, home, college, work..  writing, writing, writing..

filling shelves worth of journals.. then a big fire where I toss them all in..

new journals..

then articles for the newspapers..  marketing brochures, emails, resumes, poems, short stories... 

during certain parts of the song; especially the opening..

i see myself typing write-handed, left-handed, on a table, behind my back, writing with one hand while the other hand does some other task.  playing the computer keyboard the way the great entertainers play the piano.. standing up, sitting down, hitting keys with my feet, spinning around.. backwards, sideways..    then i strum the keyboard like a guitar..i am a rockstar..and do the big circle gesture with my arm i think peter frampton is famous for..

"...that deaf, dumb and blind girl...

SHE sure plays a mean keyboard...

how do you think SHE does it?   i don't know.  -what makes her so good?

SHE ain't got no distractions, can't hear no buzz or bells.."

/during that part.. i  see myself typing up a storm with my young kids all active around me but i  am oblivious..

"..always gets a replay, -never tilts at all..."


it's like a really cool music video if i  do say so myself.

and me being (me!)..   i can't help but be fascinated with our ability. -that is, the ability within all of us

to have this amazing movie screen in our imaginations entirely separate from the practical outside world; private if we choose

-or manifest into actual movies, music videos, if we want and can..

-this particular song triggers what I've just described

-more and very often, i see entire large dance teams in amazingly choreographed numbers to any given song i might be listening to..


in the real world, you have to first actually choreograph a number.. then practice, then perform

in my imagination all of the prep work has already been done. i just get to see awesome! amazing! fantastic performances by what appear to be the worlds greatest dancers..

of course! i wish you could see them too!

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

"Follow" photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-its been a while since i've posed ricky & picky for a photo.. i am crazy in love with this candle holder though..  so wanted a picture.. but all pictures i take here are more fun with..  

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

updated headshot ..of the current (me!) sandra, tvgp

" thanks dad!!".  /and kind photographer person...

oh my goodness! is that (me!) sandra, tvgp?

well, yes. but several years and hairstyles ago...   to JCPenney I go..

How I Lost 10 LBS in ONE DAY by (me!) sandra, tvgp

wish you could have seen their expressions.. I go, "wanna know how I lost 10 lbs in one day?"

they looked at me as if I was about to whisper a stock tip that would send them into early retirement.

I go, "I stopped carrying a purse."

/where are the drum rolls when you need them...

anyway..  as you know, its true. I no longer lug a bunch of stuff around with me everywhere I go.   (See post titled: I Wanna Be Like A Man)

and I've been wondering what else I might learn from male creatures..

what I learned most recently is that I do already have the male shopping gene.   MSG.

how do I know?   if I've never actually been tested?   -fair question, fair question.

  -but its the same way I know I'm part Irish (i love beer + poetry) and part Italian (my hands go everywhere when I talk or dance..)

I'm a very observant person.   -that's all you really need.  -skip the blood tests, -look for patterns:

I.e.,    there was just the other day a husband and wife shopping for a new couch.

husband:  looks great, let's load it in the truck and go.
wife: let's think about it, measure it, bring a sample fabric home, check some other stores..

and I just don't struggle with shopping decisions the way I see other females do; nor do I take much pleasure in the looking around..

do I like it; yes. Is it within my budget; yes.  -done.  Let's go..

so there you have it.  I am quite obviously a part Irish, part Italian

Guy.  -who happens to bleed once a month or so, and cry easily.


Monday, March 02, 2015

Fantasy Brain Subcommittee Ball by (me!) sandra, tvgp

So, my understanding of fantasy football teams is that you get to pick your favorite players from any variety of actual teams and create an imaginary team of your very own..  

it will not surprise (me!) at all if the very idea and name are the brainchild of a

male.     -because well, it involves football and fantasies and

it triggers this memory of my brother when he was younger:

because i think i remember him creating a 'fantasy' girlfriend..

-that's where,  instead of the girlfriend you actually have, you invent the girlfriend you wish you had

something like this:

my fantasy (my = my brother at about age.. 16)

/I will just make up some names, k

my fantasy is,

mary's body
stephanie's face
elizabeth's personality
ruth's sense of humor
catherine's voice
christy's legs
tonya's butt
claire's hair..

etc., etc.  -you get the picture.   -there is a natural instinct in all of us

/quite pronounced during adolescence

to, well,   -make things perfect.    and people; make people perfect.

oh, girls do it too, you know..

Michaels athleticism
Tony's voice
Joel's wallet
Noah's eyes
Russell's crowe
robin's humor
jack's confidence..

anyway..   It all got me to thinkin' about "my fantasy brain initiative subcommittee panel"

like,  -if I could create the team I wanted from the various fields..

obviously the current team is not winning the way they should; nor are they meeting my every need by being exclusively what I want and need and desire from head to toe, -everyday, all the time

what's a woman who actually cares about someone other than herself to do?

I take the lead from men!  current team not....   enough?

imagine a new one!

very well,

i mean, I sent the current team out months ago with the very clearly communicated objective of locating the 'i-care' neuron.


it was just after I saw a man blow his cigarette smoke in an elderly woman's face and refer to her as a bitch..    without caring at all!

and in the same day encountered a truly kind and respectful young teen avoiding a social scene because he was concerned about his acne.   -he cared what people would think   -of his appearance.

the first guy I mentioned.. he didn't care about how he behaved..
he didn't care about respecting the senior woman.. he didn't care if his smoke was intrusive or unpleasant to anyone else..

and then the teen..   -so, juxtapose those for me in your imagination:

guy A:  cares about nothing and no one other than himself.
guy B: cares about his appearance even though his character and behavior are good.

-where is that care neuron?

but I am off track, aren't I.   back to my fantasy brain initiative subcommittee ball team:

there should be at least:

one neuroscientist.
one anesthesiologist.
one psychiatrist.
one pharmacist.
one comedian.
one artist.
one spiritualist from every faith.
one adult. One child.
one introvert.
One extrovert.
one relatively healthy person
One near death.
one woman. one man.
one actor
one master chess player.
one social butterfly.
and only one! politician.
one utterly and completely random person from the streets.

I really believe it is only with an interdisciplinary team that the puzzle can be put together.   -a little knowledge and insight from them over there; a little experience and wisdom from them write here...


I see now, why this fantasy football team making is so much fun!

-because suddenly I feel like I just might have a chance to win!


Dear Beloved A.I teams.. its (me!) again, -sandra, tvgp

i am purusing the minds i by hofstadter & dennet.  whenever i read or watch anything about how hard scientists are working to create robots that are like humans..

well, all it ever does for me is increase my wow and awe factor for what masterpieces human beings actually are!

what seems to happen for a percentage of A.I. specialists and enthusiasts however, is that they start believing they actually can create a human being.

now, i just want remind you that your goal should always remain to create robots and artificial intelligence which serves and helps humanity; period.

drones, for example..  the potential! to retrieve lifesaving information without the risk of losing a human pilot!



if you went and created a drone with a pilot robot so sophisticated it was indistinguishable from a human..

now you have a drone and pilot robot trying to figure out how to create something that will prevent its death too;   -write.


I didn't word that write. Let me try again.

one of the reasons, in war, for example, robots can be helpful

is because if we can use robots instead of human beings; we can spare human lives.

but if you create a robot that is ...human.   all that initial robot work was for what?!   you would run write back into the initial problem.


FOUND! a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i see God
in the roll of green hills
in the shape of all clouds
in the space of our every sky

i hear God
in the honk of each geese
in the good of all greetings
in every answer and every why?

i touch God
in the bare of my feet
in the cheek of my kiss
in the pen of my very write hand.

i drink God
in the hot of my coffee
in the fresh of my juice
in every rain drop that on my tongue lands

i eat God
in the tender of my meat
in the peel of my potato
in the full spoon of every dessert

i smell God
in the eden of my garden
in the clean of old clothes
in the stains of every blue collared shirt

i experience God
in the mind of my peace
in the free of my will
in the broken of every heart beating

i know God
in the now of my being
in the before of all men
and in the after of this life so fleeting.

The Nature of My Walks.. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp


Sunday, March 01, 2015

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (on broadway!)

-saw it on CBS Sunday Morning TODAY!   -one of my favorite, favorite fiction books of all time!  and my most beloved Christopher..
Oh! What I wouldn't give to see this..

/plus!  Missing.. A big VOID from my personally inscribed autographed books collection:   mark haddon.

but I remember reading they created a mechanized device to mimic his signature because no human being can really sign that many books..

how selfish is it of me to still want one anyway?  Not the machine!

for this I pray..  Amen.

wait!  forgot an important part!

in Jesus Name!   amen.

Is she sorry she asked? (Me!) sandra, tvgp..

..poor Anne.. she was probably just trying to make some friendly brief conversation..  "What's your favorite song?"

I think now, I was supposed to just say one song title and then ask her what her favorite song is?   -write.    but my brain STILL has not turned off this question..

"Well..  my current favorite country song is better life by keith urban.. and my favorite current Christian song.. Is DO SOMETHING by Matthew west.. That oughta be our national anthem.. My favorite   love song write now is probably ed sheerans 'thinking out loud' song.. And the sexiest song ever written.. that would have to be crash by Dave Matthews.. Followed by crush.. Also by Dave Matthews.. My favorite classic rock.. That would probably be dream weaver, maybe..  Favorite alternative.. Riptide by Vance joy..   Then there Marc broussard for blues..     To dance to?  Oh my God.. that's a long list..   Marmalade?  Some Michael Jackson or Jackson 5..  I like it fun and motown funky...   what woman sings that ooo LA LA song I never hear anymore but love..   favorite musical music.. Rent..    Classical...  Opera...     best performance I've ever witnessed on TV.. Beth hart, I'd rather be blind...  

I need help shutting off my brain from this question...

Best way is to hand it over. " how bout you? What's your favorite song?"

it is impossible to answer a question like this without realizing you are leaving thousands of songs out that you know you love...

..."amazing by one Eskimo!". What genre is that?..

Thursday, February 26, 2015

"Roya!" in downtown livermore.. raves (me!) sandra, tvgp

i just finished typing a passionate review on trip advisor, i think it was.. but then you have to -sign up- in order to publish..

you know i already vowed never to create another username and password for as long as i live..

so, let me just make my point here:

"Spectacular! Delicious! Magnificent!"

my date let (me!) choose where to eat, so "Roya!" was my top choice...

i had visited there last month for the first time.. lunch. sat outside on a gorgeous day.. salmon, shrimp kabob with brown sauce, red wine..   however they prepared that salmon.. best ever! texture, flavor..  and that sauce drizzled over..   heaven.

tonight we sat inside.. got to take in the art, photography, mosaics, decor..   plus the meal was delicious again and the service most hospitable and gracious..    he had the chicken kabob, i had to order an encore of that salmon..   -damn.. its just so good..

pardon me..   but darn does not capture..

anyway..  little something i learned while inquiring about the pbotography

of course i was curious who took the photographs..  maybe someone who owned or worked at the restaurant..  but no, -turns out they were just purchased..

but the one of the village.. tucked in the mountains.. the view!

and it was explained to me.. the poor people live at the top, the rich on the bottom.

-you know i've written about that here..  how it is the exact and polar opposite..  the best views go to the rich..   period.   and i think, if im remembering correctly..  i pointed out that..

well,  any rich people with great views here.. if you mentioned that maybe some low income properties should also be made available..

a low income person as a neighbor of someone with a great view from their mansion..

well, they'd have their attorneys paying another layer of attorneys to stop even the suggestion from floating around in public places.

i do not know this, as a fact.  ive not actually interviewed any rich people on the subject

what i have done is watch several exciting episodes of city council meetings, and what i do know from watching those..

if it weren't absolutely required and mandated by law that we include low income housing in our city

-we would have no low income housing at all; period again.

but it is the law.. and so we have some...  but not next door to rich people with mansions and great views..

the great views for low income people will come only from 'high-density' properties.  /my very favorite euphemism for apartments.

anyway.. i must interrupt with an inconvenient truth:

even if you are living out of your car here in pleasanton..

its still amazing living, -relatively speaking.

back to the photograph at Roya's..

the reason the poor people in the villages live at the top with the great views..  and the rich people live at the bottom..

is because "there is NO WATER!".   so, people at the top have to hike back and forth, hunting, gathering, and carrying...

did i not just blog about how i am swimming in blessings everyday even though i don't have two dimes to rub together...


so there you have it.  a different kind of restaurant review by (me!) sandra, tvgp.

A Case for Poetry. -to (alexandra petri!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i'm about to be serious here.  i can be entertaining.. and im responding directly to your highly entertaining article, "is poetry dead?"    -but i am quite serious when i say

"God determines the life or death of poetry; not people."

what happens. -what seems to happen, is that people get very confused in capitalist societies..

confused by monetary systems; confused by supply and demand; confused by popularity; social media; public opinion..

and they tend to think that one dictates the life or death of the other.

it does not.

it might in fact dictate whether poetry is published or not; how well it is or is not distributed and shared; whether or not it is publicly
glorified or mocked..

but poets..   people who are born with an instinct to write poetry

-it is a certain   -small-   /relatively speaking,

percentage of the human population which does not answer to and is not dictated by, capitalism; supply and demand; popularity, monetization, celebrity endorsement, praise or criticism.. fads or trends, Etc.

-because i live inside all of these man-made systems mentioned  above..  I too, at one, and for a long time


it was my responsibility somehow to popularize the genre

and so I smiled Inside, as a panelist who helped select my city's two current teen poet laureates

as I listened to candidate after candidate explain how they intended to make poetry ...  more accessible.. more popular.. 

I may have even made the same claim during my Interviews to become the current poet laureate..

sometimes it is heartfelt; sometimes you just know what they need and want to hear..

in any case..  Poetry is far from dead; but any desire I once had  to popularize it certainly is.

-sour grapes?   I would argue not.

I would rather lean in the direction of recognizing that  -as we are only a small percentage of the human population..

us poets,

it makes us even more valuable!  More blessed! More lucky..

novelists..  Dime a dozen, as the saying goes..
fiction writers, journalists, academia, trade...

reach out your hand at any writers conference and touch the shoulder of the person next to you..

But poets!    -a select and small breed if you will..

Perhaps not even attending such conferences..

Because THE INSTINCT to write poetry..

it does not require a conference,
A permission slip,
applause, validation..

it only requires the human host to listen and honor..

and I think it is worth repeating here

the birth of a poem happened first.  that is, someone spoke and ,wrote in a certain way, distinct from other forms,  AND THEN! It got a label, a name:

Poem. poetry. Poet.

further..  Patterns happened FIRST!  and then were labeled and categorized; not the other way around.

it is worth contemplating the ORIGINS of poetry. 

today..we give the structure/form first,  -and then ask students to squeeze their words inside a given format..

that is why I make a distinction between what I call

Organic poetry vs. Imposed.

organic..  = No one asked you to write one, it is not for a class, or grade, it may or may not ever be shared publicly..   But it has been written by someone who honored the Instinct; the rare and beautiful Instinct.

Imposed of course =  you've been asked..  By a teacher, a friend,  it is a responsibility, an obligation..  And you might enjoy the responsibility, the obligation, the results..  But imposed poetry does not exist without an external request of some sort..

organic poetry exists no matter what.  answers to an internal instinct..   

You   -random reader-  may never have exposure to it..

I'm quite convinced the worlds greatest poems are not available on the Internet, or at your local bookstore..

and yet,  -I know they exist.   and in our capitalist society we make quite a big deal of whether things are popular and monetizable.. 

and we equate value with..

But oh!  The rare, wonderful, exquisite sensation of feeling a poem coming on...    -when no one asked!!

the rare, wonderful and exquisite sensation of honoring that feeling..

and speaking..

Or writing the words down...   organizing and playing with.. or, oh! when they come out perfect  and require no play or editing at all!


only a small percentage of humans who are first gifted with the  instinct and then who dare to honor it..

only they get to know and experience this...  

this...      this...!

and same, by the way, for people who never write but only read and find themselves RESPONDING to poetry.

grab 12 people and show them all the same poem.

if you RESPOND...  that too! is a rare, wonderful, exquisite internal sensation; a gift.

a gift in and of itself which also does not require prior permission or applause or validation; experience that independent of...


contemplate the origins of poetry. look at the history. Check the graphs and stats..   while it fluctuates some, trending up and down..

there has always been
And will always be

poets and poetry.  Has no one else already noticed how God does not conform humans to capitalism?   he is so stubborn isn't he.

I mean, do you think if starting today, write now,  -there was never a poem published again,

that nor would there be a poet born?   God does not play by those rules..

  It is my belief, that poets have always been and will always be,

a small percentage of the human population.

and when we look at the shelves in any given library

and there are hundreds of rows of other types of writing

and only a few shelves of poetry.

it has more to do with..

Well, the best analogy might be..

perfect diamonds at a jewelry bazaar.

we are not dead. we are rare, and therefore;

highly valuable.

..for the Washington Post... by (me!) sandra, tvgp

/i repeat..

i have a glitch in my brain which prevents me from writing anything that is not true.   -can you imagine such an infliction?!

what i learned over time, though, is that it doesn't seem to matter whether it is true~true; or literally true.   -what a relief!!

so, shortly in advance of an interview i was dreading, i did this exercise:   (see picture)

-because i just knew! the question was coming.

"Yes!" i said with a smile.  "several times, in fact."


today's memory triggered via this route:

i had taped BookTV 2014 Miami Book Fair.  i watched with great delight, Richard blanco's presentation ..

i googled blanco..   poked around..    /innuendo is impossible to avoid..

i somehow landed on "is poetry dead?" by a very entertaining columnist named Alexandra. /dria? petri who writes...

...who -actually, really, truly writes

for the Washington Post.


read her. SHE is funny.

"Can poetry still change anything?!"

"Yes! it can!  Ms. Petri...".  I say with a smile,  " it changed my son's D into a C-

-just by attending family poetry night at his middle school."

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Spiritual Lesson # (fill in the blank) by (me!) sandra, tvgp


compare yourself to no one.  do your own, unique, individual, personal best.

and isn't that fascinating..  how we each have a magical, miraculous, mysterious way of


when we are in fact, doing our very best.

we know when we are; and when we are not...


can anyone ask you to exceed doing your very best?

let that stand then as your lesson.

Do not forget to factor in your whole day.

your very best, first thing in the morning, might be very different from your very best at 11pm...

Your very best when you are healthy, is quite different from your very best when you are I'll.

your very best, after receiving great news, might look very different from your very best after being hit with traumatic news..

but guess what

You do have a very best you can do and be in all circumstances

and even more important than that

~you have a way of knowing.


Swimming in Blessings... (Me!) sandra, tvgp

and probably (you!) too.

my topic is shortcut prayers to Jesus.  it is a huge blessing in and of itself having a shortcut prayer communication; feeling heard and understood without having to itemize details

we certainly enjoy the experience with close friends and family.  with just a look, we know..  a whole series of things the other person is thinking, feeling, -has been through..   what they might need, want..

we do not even ask for or require the details..  to explain the look of exhaustion, for example..     we can fill in the blanks:

rough morning
horrific traffic
conflict at work
bills in waiting

on, and on...

so certainly if we can enjoy this shortcut communication system with fellow humans it is easy to know an even more advanced version can be enjoyed with our God.

and thank God for that, -because if I took the time to itemize all my blessings?!    I would never leave the prayer position to get to work..

but I think them sometimes as I ready myself for a given day..

roll out of my bed. (Which I didn't have to invent; just purchase..)
Onto carpet (which I didn't have to make or invent...)
walk downstairs in a home (I didnt have to invent.. already existed.. inside a community somebody else developed..)
make coffee (but didnt have to pick beans.. figure out how.. inside an -automatic!- machine, somebody else created
-drink orange juice without needing a tree and to pick the fruit and squeeze it myself.. Pour it in a glass I didn't have to make.. Already existed..   /this goes on and on..  Toaster; refrigerator; electricity; washer/dryer; the clothes I wear; the car I drive; the business I work at; the gas station I visit; the grocery store; the doctors office; the TV... 

And! even when "i" create something..  it is on a canvas someone else manufactured; with paints, paper, scissors, glues, etc that someone else manufactured..

i mean, my entire daily highly convenient life is thank you to an incalculable number of other people, ideas, inventions, businesses, products, systems already in place

this phone I'm blogging on write now..   do you see how many blessings!?! the music on the radio inside my car I listen to with great joy..    -that's my whole part in it!  just listen and enjoy!  I didn't have to write the lyrics, make the music, create an instrument, make a radio system..

I go like,  -push of a finger-   amazing music at my fingertips.  I'm just blown away sometimes..

the paved roads, traffic signals, schools...   last nights very exciting basketball game!   -what was my part?  Pay for a ticket; Sit and enjoy...

there is my own body (mind, spirit, heart...); the books I read..

I have both my parents, my siblings, my children.. immediate family members, all here, alive, doing well; all loving, kind and true..

but if I really, truly, took the time to consciously recognize and itemize and detail every blessing..  well, I hope you can see that it would take...

forever.   so, I have a shortcut prayer to Jesus.  I say,

"Thank you for the blessings I swim in everyday"

he knows.   and I have shortcuts for praying for people who need healing..  Because, I mean really.   -talk about forever..

I have so many shortcut prayers for huge things, that I almost need another shortcut prayer to capture all my shortcut prayers..

and in fact I do.   It goes like this:

"Jesus. Amen."

by the way..  there is a popular saying people use to describe financial poverty.  It applies to (me!)

"i do not have two dimes i can rub together..."

/write now.

but i am in fact, swimming in blessings.  -it is not make-believe; it is true.

"Thank you Jesus!".  -amen.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Oh No! Here SHE goes again... (Me!) sandra, tvgp

Side note:  Anne brought it back to my attention yesterday that I didnt have a purse.   Do you know I stopped even thinking about it..  I just don't bring a purse with me anywhere anymore...

-there was a couple tough days..  and then.. I acclimated.   now it seems as natural to be without one as it once was (and for many decades) to always have one.

that transition took place pretty quick i'd say.   i love traveling light..

what else might we learn from..  those male creatures...

"Thank you! Dad, Chris..". from (me!) sandra, tvgp

and! for the new lamp i will eventually purchase...    /true story here that the current lamp.. its pull string broke.   "-no problem though," i told my dad, "if you just reach up inside and under the lamp shade you can just twist the bulb thing to turn it off or on..."

and do you know i never even, on my own, considered for even 3 seconds, that i should replace the lamp and get a new one..

i mean, it still works... -write.

with love & gratitude..   xoxo

"Thank You Anne!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Monday, February 23, 2015

Shakespeare of the 21st century? -are you kidding (me!) sandra, tvgp

Let me revisit my personal acquaintance with Shakespeare:

1.  Never have enjoyed reading Shakespeare...  have tried on more than one occasion.. Especially! after learning the profound effect his writings had on my sheroe: Dr Maya Angelou..

still. -no pleasure..

But! Can and do watch  -with intense interest and great joy!-   people who talk passionately ABOUT Shakespeare..

and in any given month of the year I can talk with people who

1. find Shakespeare boring.
2. find Shakespeare amazing.

-so, all that said and acknowledged

everyone is a shakespeare; aren't they.   I've yet to meet any artist beloved by the entire population..

and why, how, when, how deeply, how long any given person does or does not respond to a story, or film, or music or any art of any kind..     -who is turned on; who is turned off:

is as much a mystery as curiosity itself.

EVOLUTION of a SCIENTIST by (me!) sandra, tvgp

ape:  everything is matter.
human:  everything does matter.

I'm sure I'm not the first to say it; so let it serve as validation then; having reached the same conclusion independent of...

Sunday, February 22, 2015

treasure! hand designed by (molly!) for (me!) -writeousmom..

"Thank you!" Love...  /birthday gift per my daughters request to a co-worker friend for something green and with a heart..    i love it!   Xoxo

The Theory of Everything.. to (me!) sandra, tvgp

my God.. I loved this movie.


and I repeat what is worth repeating:

dear beloved scientist friends,

it is ridiculous to try and reduce God into a simplified mathetical equation


to entirely leave God out of ANY equation is an error of even greater arrogance.

so sincerely,   and with love,    ~sandra, tvgp.

Treasure! To (me!) sandra, tvgp

topping the charts of my way cool list..  -this journal's cover is a painting by Carla Graci ... which resulted from classes she took from Nancy Eddinger!   ..and then to have it personalized with WriteousMom...   "Thank you!".    I love it!  -I'm keeping my daily affirmation prayers in there..

my imagination today when I looked at my own handwriting..

well, I thought of someone.. A graphologist projecting in his analysis:  ".. you can see on this day she was struggling with.. (Variable here)

-when in actuality.. Yesterday I was sitting at a table.. And today I balanced the journal on my legs..

".. That by the way.." /I say with a smile..  "Effects ones penmanship also..."

Very special jewelry to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

...sparkly blue earrings handmade by NATALIE..  Her designs are available for sale at the Berry Patch in Downtown Pleasanton...   "Beautiful!".   Xoxo

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Public "Thank you!" To my co-worker friends from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I repeat what is worth repeating:   -I hit the lottery when it comes to coworkers!   I was reminded last night at a potluck dinner, slash, apples to apples game night hosted by Tatiana..   

what a diverse group we are in race, religion, age, life experience, etc.  But what harmony we work together and socialize in..

I feel very lucky; very blessed!   ..for the magnificent meal! Which included my first encounter with Venezuelan ...

/let the white girl practice...

"Rrrrrr.  A!   puz".      <------  something like that. 

made from scratch and stuffed with.. Delicious chicken and/or pork.. Handmade green sauce.. Handmade cheese sauce.. Avacado..    what else did I put in there?   -not sure.. But I loved and devoured..

As I did Anne's masterpiece chicken.. (Name?) Dish.. Which may I add was delivered in beautiful pottery she herself created!

and there were salads, and fancy beverages, pina colodas..  and an edible fruit bouquet..  (God Bless Julia!)

partially in honor of Megan.. who is ... Well, I refuse to acknowledge, so I just say..  Will be working less hours with us..

and then there is Partricia..    Mark my words here: future real estate mogul..   

and.. There was the void from two absences..  Unable to attend..but!  Exactly why we will schedule another

the more the merrier!

and .. Anyone who knows me even a little knows that the kitchen is not my area of expertise; or even mutual acquaintance..

so I am grateful here that everyone was a good sport about my  "hand crafted and made from scratch chocolate raspberry cake..

which I personally picked out

and purchased

from a rare, local speciality gourmet bakery aisle




You are the best!  Each one of you!  " thank you!".  Let's do it again soon...

Thoughts on lent.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-such a variety of things by a variety of people are 'fasted' during lent:   some giving up chocolate, some soda, some alcohol, some red meats, some social media, some technology..

but more important  -much more important than the what.. is the why.   -the goal; Intention; motivation, purpose..

is it to,  A. Increase your recognition of your own blessings; things you might otherwise take for granted; via sacrifice?  B. demonstrate a commitment to God; your faith via sacrifice?  C. increase your spirit of generosity via giving to others what you otherwise keep for yourself? D. Use 'fasting' as a type of prayer.. looking for deeper connection?

It gets blurred sometimes.. The distinction between New Years Resolutions and fasting for lent; I hear many overlapping goals toward self improvement

But I have come to favor this definition of fasting most of all:

Isaiah 58: 6- 14.  True Fasting: loose the chains of injustice...

In Jesus name,  -amen.

Friday, February 20, 2015

mixed media in progress.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Mixed media in progress.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Interpreting our internal experiences. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-there has to be something very specific, biologically, going on inside each of us that allows..well

1.  that causes certain feelings..
2.  only identifiable by some kind of matching mechanism within our biology
3. And then this ability to experience and interpret and identify KNOW.


I have a saying I use very frequently when I invite friends and family.. To church, for example

I say, "you are always invited; never obligated."

-and I mean it, when I say it.   (How do I know I mean it?)

-more importantly..  When a person feels obligated to do something vs. feeling genuinely enthusiastic..

what is going on inside the body/the mind that allows the person to identify/understand the distinction?

-we must have some type of very specific..  Like, lock/unlock combinations..that take place inside us

7, 3, 6, 2 = obligated
9, 3, 10, 5 = sincere desire

-how else could we possibly know? what we feel...

so.. I just land at being very, highly, curious about.. If we could see feelings via fmri, the way we see bones via xrays..

what do they look like?

potluck...handmade from scratch /just not by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

JOYCE MEYER & DOUG HOFSTADTER on ICONOCLAST just for (me!) sandra, tvgp

-that's my dream! when I had the channel available to me, I loved watching sundance TV's program called ICONOCLASTS.

if you visit their website they give a much fancier description, but the upshot from my point of view:

-is that they put two icons (from film or science or politics or art.. Etc) that might otherwise never meet

two people you couldn't imagine would really be hanging out with each other if not for this very setting..

and then they introduce them to each other

and we get to witness and eavesdrop in on their initial introduction and conversation

-Dave chappell and Dr Maya Angelou among my favorite iconoclast episodes.

so..  This brings me to my newest dream:

"Joyce Meyer & Doug Hofstadter!".    -awesome!

(Me!) & several friends Enjoying grey goose and cranberry cocktails while we watch it on the silver screen at the vine in Livermore.. /in couches, loveseats.. 

-how fascinating would this encounter be?!

Joyce Meyer creates some of the greatest analogies ever when it comes to teaching and explaining about life with God..  How to enjoy everyday life.. The spiritual walk..  How Jesus saves and prunes us..

And Doug Hofstadter has researched and studied and taught about the human brain being  " analogy making machine!"

-it is! 

I would love for these two to meet... 

/in Jesus name..   I say with a smile.     Amen.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Heart Seen.. In the hallway.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

- little scuffed up, as they all are after getting walked on over and over again, eh...

The Heart Seen... in the bird bath by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

this song i dedicate to my husband...from (me!) sandra, tvgp

The Heart Seen.. In the best red velvet cake of all time!

"Thank you!" Chris Lampson!  everyone we share this cake with agrees .. It is THE BEST tasting red velvet cake EVER!  you have quite a gift...    "Here.. this is what anointed taste like.."

Saturday, February 14, 2015

"Public Thank You's to Family & Friends!" from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Thank you!" for spoiling me and making me feel so special!  what a day! the gifts.. breakfast in downtown Livermore, sexy devil chocolatinis in downtown pleasanton ("thank you debra & ken!") pizza party, drinking and dancing until we could dance no more ("thank you Keeshie & Chris!)...     -whose turn is next?...   

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

.. this is a fun one to me because it looks like an explanation point with a heart..  spotted at ricks picks in Danville, -working with Patricia..      "Happy Valentines!".   Xoxo

Friday, February 13, 2015

"HaPpY BiRtHdAY!"..... to (me!) sandra, tvgp

..friday the 13th... 2015

Thursday, February 12, 2015

On The Eve Of My XLIXth Birthday. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am the same age as the Superbowl.. So every year in promotional materials, t-shirts and mass media in general I get to see my age in giant roman numerals.  I love it!



my parents, like many; but not all,  -they had a wish that when I grew up I would be "happy and healthy."

let's start there, because "I AM!".   and so are my own children.. happy & healthy; thriving in life..   if that was all; it would be more than enough.. but that is not all:


every morning I handwrite the same thing, but I'm going to add in some details for the sake of this birthday blog:

I am in the Best Shape of my ENTIRE life!


-yes. that's write.  I remember well the day someone all judgemental in tone said to me, "you're not one of those people who live pay check to pay check are you?"

I said, "pay check to pay check?!..   are you kidding me?  I ASPIRE to live pay check to pay check!   -write now I live cash advance to cash advance."

And I no longer live cash advance to cash advance..   Now,  I have no income I can currently brag about for sure.. But I have made tremendous progress in this area and if I take debt-to-income ratio into account.. I really am in the best financial shape of my entire life!  -and what I know for sure Oprah.. Is that the habits you adopt with a little are the same habits you will have with a lot; so I am very conscientious.  


"I can do 49 push-ups!".   -somewhere I got the idea that I would like to be able to do my age in push-ups. Where the idea came from, I don't know. I didn't have it at 30, 35, 40 or 45..  but I did at 48 1/2..

When I started I could do ZERO.  -zero push-ups.  But I've been training and practicing every day for several months now on my own.. And we are talkin' real push-ups, not on my knees.. " I can do 49!".    I recently did this in front of my family and had it recorded. My form gets a little sloppy before I reach 49, so I will work on this.. And add 1 more so that next year... "50 push-ups in a row! In great form!"


I am in the best shape of my entire life!  -very free; peaceful; content in all circumstances.  all I have to do to appreciate my mental health today is spend 3 seconds remembering the long tour in hell with PTSD.  -I am literally free of every symptom! 


-again, -best shape of my entire life.. Free to experience the full spectrum of human emotion; appropriate emotion for given experience. I laugh when things are funny; cry when they're sad.. Experience and manage  frustration, anger..  Love, bliss, joy!  

PTSD locks you in fear.  DEPRESSION locks you in hopelessness;despair.    I am intimately acquainted with both.  But "I am more than a conqueror!" In both areas. I am free! And I recognize and honor my emotions; manage my emotions; they do not control me.

I repeat often..  The opposite of depression is not happiness.  It is being able to experience the full range of emotions.  I am mostly happy; occasionally sad.. and many things between.. alive! And emotionally responsive to my day to day encounters and experiences..


-best spiritual shape of my entire life!  in prayer I graduated from 'only in life or death situations' to..   well, I function in life now with Jesus as my everyday, every moment, invisible best friend. -perpetual dialogue.  And I came to define success for myself as the manifestation of the fruits of the spirit: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, -self control.  I am pleased with my spiritual practices; my walk with Jesus...

it has proven out in my life experientially: God first.. Everything else falls into place.   things I do on a very regular basis: prayer, meditation, bible reading, church, church TV, spiritually themed programs...


best shape of my entire life!  -I have a healthy variety of creative outlets:  this blog, my Ricky picky photograph collection, the heart seen photograph collection, my mixed media art, poetry, documentary I've been working on, merchandising, accessorizing and preparing now for two upcoming art shows..


Best shape of my entire life!  I have a small circle of the best friends anyone could ask for!  A best friend in my sister..some friendships that go back 25 years or more..  Some 10-15 years..  And new friends added in just the past 5..    Life experience, prayer, wisdom has allowed me to 'weed out' people where needed and invest, nurture, grow friendships with a select few..    I have a nice blend of my own quiet time; solitude which I treasure.. And outings..  Dancing, theater, walks, readings.. Etc.  -healthy social life.


how blessed am I?   .. he's giving me a second chance! -after I 'kicked him to the curb' (his words not mine) some 25 years ago...  and I've been on a 100 mile Harley ride..  To the golf range..  dinner, lunch and coffee dates..  the occasional rendezvous..   I get to hold hands, kiss,..   have a valentine!   -someone to bake cookies for.. watch sports with..   entertain with my unique blend of intelligent awkwardness..  plus.. come on! he's Italian! a retired police officer!
has golden brown eyes, and ... 


I stay intellectually stimulated by reading, watching my Charlie rose.. A steady diet of books and programs which expose me to great thinkers, spiritual leaders, challenges the world faces..

so!  It is true: I am in the best shape of my entire life!

"Thank You Jesus!"


I also always handwrite:   please allow me to be a positive influence in someone's life this day.

-I very consciously choose the words 'positive influence' -because .. Well even when I mess up; make mistakes..  If I own up to my mistakes; apologize when it is appropriate...  That is being a positive influence.  It does not mean being perfect.


I also handwrite:   every thing and everyone within God's will for my life comes easily and naturally to (me!).


Thank you Jesus for placing me in the write place, at the write time, doing the write things, for the write people, and most importantly

the write reasons.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Embarrassing moment #97853 -for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

In a group text which required me to confirm my attendance and food contribution to an upcoming potluck dinner with coworkers:

Yes! I am banging someone dark and chocolate.


OMG how embarrassing..   I am BRINGING someTHING dark and chocolate.

Monday, February 09, 2015

How do you behave when you dont get your way? (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

Today I want to thank Joyce Meyer for bringing this question to my attention; making me conscious of..  my own behavior when I don't get my way; and an observer of others as they encounter the same..

how do you behave when you don't get your way?

I think the most important thing is to first just be aware in the actual moment when you are in a situation where you are up against not getting your way

because if you can be aware..  you can take a breath and not respond impulsively; in an immediate reaction kind of way

...unless your impulse and immediate reaction is loving, kind and patient

But in my experience and observations this does not come up first or naturally; it requires consciousness and training..

so you first become aware; then you take a breath; then you pray for wisdom

and if you approach with love, kindness and respect.. 


and sometimes the result of having a respectful approach opens a door that was otherwise shut; -sometimes it still doesn't open that door..

when respect STILL doesnt open the door.. how do you behave?

I like the saying "do not cut what you can untie."

-because sometimes people, unaware and untrained, people who are impulsive; reactionary

bully their way through..  use physical intimidation; anger; threats etc. when they don't get theit way..

terminate relationships unnecessarily

"My way now or nothing...  My way write now or else!"

without much or any consideration for why they are not getting their way..

and what I've observed is that sometimes that is literally the only tool people have in their tool box

the bully tool.  intimidation/threats..

here's something I know for sure Oprah:

for everyone:

there WILL be many occasions in life you won't get your way.
-sometimes they are justifiable
-sometimes they are not

-there are times you should be persistent (with love and respect)
-and there are times you should accept that you are not going to get your way; but you can/should remain respectful

-for Christians this is a spiritual test..

and another thing Im grateful Joyce Meyer teaches is that

You never fail. But You get to take the test over and over and over; until you pass..

"Thank you Jesus! Thank you Joyce!".   Amen.

Sunday, February 08, 2015

"What is my definition of God?" (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Oprah.. I love this question too!".  I've written many times,  accumulating my definition. Let me see if I can bullet point.

God IS love.   Love IS God.

-one in the same.   God is omnipresent; as love is omnipresent.

as I wrote about recently..  You cannot open a map and point to love; you cannot talk to love on the phone; or put a picture of love in your wallet.  You can put an icon of; but not love itself; only a representation..  Love IS.   (Same as 'I AM).   Love is everywhere without beginning or end. Omnipresent and eternal.

we KNOW whether or not we are loved via an internal interpretation; of a 'feeling'.  /for lack of vocabulary.

I believe we are made from love, with love and our purpose is to  love and be loved.   Nothing
and no one
would exist without love;
could exist without love;
should exist without love.

my greatest insight into understanding the omnipresence of God; of love,  came during a prayerful walk

I was invited to describe my own 'I AM's

So,  I am Sandra, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am a mom, I am an aunt... I am creative, I am an employee...  (Long list)

and God said, "I AM.

I am God. I am Love
I am you. I am that tree.  I am the air you breathe. I am space. I am time (infinite list).

so, the same way love just.. Is.   And we experience love through people; it is an interpretation of an internal experience we both give and receive through relationships with others..

But we KNOW it..  That is, I KNOW who I love..  I KNOW when I feel loved by another..   It is a KNOWING. (Vs. Guess, belief)

The ability to recognize, interpret, KNOW,  -experience LOVE

The omnipresent Life giving; life validating, life affirming, and healing power of LOVE.  <------------   that then is my definition of God.

God is spirit; not flesh or material.. As love and peace and joy are spirits; not things.  Experiences; intangible.

this leads to Jesus..  but even if we  -for the sake of inclusion-   remove Jesus and Christianity and remain secular

Everyone KNOWS about LOVE;   -write.

There IS such a thing as LOVE.
There IS such a thing as TRUTH.

so,   -there IS such a thing as True Love.


Happy valentines and amen!

The Heart Seen.. by (me!) -writeousmom..

-in the last of the mustard squirts; making salame, pepperjack on toast for my kids.   -many cute little hearts to be found in salame all the time. -cute one here too...

The Heart Seen... photo by (tatiana!)

   -in the Styrofoam while unpacking candles...   I just love these little ones..  high charm factor...

Saturday, February 07, 2015

Spiritual School with (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Yes.. Oprah.. I love the question: what is spirit?

there is a prerequisite to understanding spirit.   -first! You must understand the distinction between knowing and believing.    -this leads also to understanding there is such thing as truth.. But

Let me move on as if these concepts are already understood:

SPIRIT IS an intelligent energy which KNOWS and REVEALS what you BELIEVE about yourself and others.

keep in mind.. What you believe may or may not be true.

Friday, February 06, 2015

gravity. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Inspired by my weekly visit to


when i was taught
the earth was round
when as a child i could not see

i held 10 photos upside down
-stared at water, -stared at trees

how? does water cling to earth?
while trees reach for the sky?

how? do mountains peak
but rivers flow?

upside down my wonders rise.

the earth is round? and.. always spinning?
why don't the oceans spill?

as a child i wondered this;
i marvel at it still.

Thursday, February 05, 2015

Mixed media by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"My favorite dish".  -complete.

Super soul sundays (dr. Maya angelou!) As seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Of course I have to release and honor a few tears..  But!  It is one of the best!! Super soul sunday interviews and I've only just seen part I. Part II is not until this sunday..    Almost everything is a revisit for me I've been listening to; reading; watching her for so long..

But worth mentioning is this:   everyone she remembers, acknowledges, mentions when she talks about who she thought of when she received her freedom medal from President Barack Obama.

I will come back with actual.. For now, from memory:  she mentions African Americans, Chinese, Irish, Indians, Jews,. Long list!

AS THERE ACTUALLY IS A LONG and DIVERSE LIST of people ALL AROUND THE WORLD from the begining and to this current day! who have and are suffering oppression, injustice, violence, slavery, exploitation, etc

This brings me to the movie SELMA.  the movie  my 17year old daughter said moved straight to the top of her favorite movies of all time list..

but which I wouldn't have bothered to see at all if she hadnt wanted to.  Here's why:

I'm nearly 50 years old. I've seen/read/been exposed to versions of this same story over and over and over..

seen by mature minds it increases compassion.
Seen by immature minds it instigates and increases  anger, violence, hatred, and vengeful behavior on innocent people today for wrongs committed by long time ago others.

It continues to be my opinion and belief that as it is -2015!-

NO story of oppression/slavery/injustice, etc

NOT ONE! Not of blacks or Jews or women or gays or Indians or Egyptians..  Not ONE should be told in isolation from the others

We have a very clear pattern in human history

Neon flashing bright lights:  Holocausts, genocides, slavery..apartheid

ALL begin with evil; violence, oppression.  But the evil and violence and oppression do not prevail; freedom wins! Peace wins!

In every situation this is already true.  -what is the pattern?

Can it be expedited?  Can we recognize the evil more quickly? Respond more efficiently?   We surely know our goal:

World wide peace. Respect for all human beings.

Dr Maya Angelou clearly arrived at this same realization/conclusion..

I am not the only one (race) who has suffered..    She acknowledges the pattern..

One more reason to love and admire her...    


Super Soul Sundays (jack kornfield!) as seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp


-yes; a pretty fully evolved human being. I am a fan of his teachings.

Of special interest to me.. His father, "a brilliant biophysicist who had an explosive temper and was prone to streaks of violence.".  -it is also shared, that he beat his wife; jack kornfields mom.

In my almost 50 years here.. I am left unable to count the number of people who I've either personally encountered; heard about or read about..

That are -by external standards, 'highly successful'.   -and yet by internal standards; severely lacking. terribly unhealthy; unevolved; unhappy..

External standards = academic degrees; wealth; status; title; influence; power; authority; expertise

Internal standards = manifestation of, practice of: love, peace, joy patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control

Or by kornfields Buddhist influenced description: compassion born through meditation and mindfulness; enlightenment; peace..

"However you get there:  towards love, peace, patience, self control..

Just get there."   -that's what I say with a smile.

I must also type out his response to why he became a monk:

"I became a monk partly because I read these cool books about zen masters and I said, 'I wonder if there still are any?'. -and partly because I had so much suffering in my family and nothing in my education taught me about my emotional life

Or my values

How do I live?   <------ that wasn't part of the curriculum

Now it is.   

I graduated from ivy league education, Dartmouth college; but it was only 1/2 of an education.

I learned science, history, philosophy

But nobody taught me how to deal with my fear or my anger

Nobody taught me how to [deal with] emotional stuff -which is what plays out in our lives."


Amen kornfield!   Amen to that!

-exactly why I believe in SPIRITUAL SCHOOL!    -we can't have religious school because..  Too much separation/interpretation, dogma, doctrine, rules...   Which one would we send everyone to?

But spiritual things!  Like love, peace, joy, compassion, self-governance..     No one religion or faith system (or lack of) has the monopoly..  They belong to all of humanity

INNER LIFE 101..   Introducing you to your... Self...

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Merchandising/photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-if I were to describe my style as a literary, mixed media and/or merchandising artist; in two words:

EcLecTic  hArMoNy.    

/and so, the perfect title for an upcoming column I'll be writing..

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

TREE MAJESTIC feb. 2015 photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-darn it.. never made the one picture a month thing happen..   -one picture every once in a while then...   Love this tree! Sat. May 9th, 2015

Mixed media in progress by (me!) Sandra, tvgp...  

Monday, February 02, 2015

Mixed media in progress.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp beautiful to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-that was a very exciting Superbowl to witness!   We had no loyalties or attachments to either team prior to the game, my sister and I..  We just picked the patriots arbitrarily so we could concentrate our cheering effort; coaching from the couch.. ..   -this makes it much more fun..   "Congratulations! Patriots!"...   That clutch play belongs in the history books!   

Friday, January 30, 2015

Thoughts i keep to myself. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

Thoughts I keep to myself..  And later share here.  In the name of manners... In the name manners..   -because I keep time and place as factors..     It is not always the write time, the write place, or even the write person..

I just smiled.

My customer on this occasion was a scientist.  -how my conversations with people start, and where they travel in concentrated amounts of time is a beautiful mystery to me..

But in a short time I learn 1. She is a scientist. (You know my love for scientists!) 2.  Someone close to her is dying; in the final stages of their life...    

I always ask, "are you a woman of faith?"

Scientist says (I dont make these things up...   These are things I Really hear people say...)

Scientist says to (me!):   "I know too much to believe in God."


sometimes the best possible response is just to repeat back exactly what you just heard.. So they can hopefully hear themselves..

So I said back, "You Know Too Much To Believe In God."

and I just smiled.    -that was it.    I refrained you see from telling her how her head was morphing into a grasshopper's head in my imagination as she stood before me..

I refrained from sarcastically saying.. "Really now.. You.  A mere human being..  Here as a brief mist..   You.   You know too much..

You know why human beings exist? Galaxies? Why we are the size we are relative to the unknown universe?  Why now? Relative to time and space? .. You know why we suffer? Love? Forgive? Get stuck? Evolve?   

I could go on..   But..  Maybe God will allow our paths to cross again..

I find myself very intrigued by people who know so much it prevents them from believing in



recommended reading: Isaiah 40.    -amen.

Super Soul Sundays with (oprah!) & (guests) as seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am a fan.

I watch the super soul Sunday Interviews; master class episodes, etc.   I am perpetually on the look out for fully evolved human beings; survivors; thrivers; humanitarians..  I am fascinated by how people live, and internally explain to themselves; or at least wrestle with the big questions life presents..   I'm grateful to people who share their experiences/thoughts with the public..

Which allows me to learn.. Discern..  Grow...

My (self imposed, hobby.. Creating a master thesis for what characteristics make up a fully evolved human being.).

Has me listening with great energy; my attention undivided, to the true life stories of people succeeding in life; ever aware everything is an interpretation..  Everyone is in process..

My favorite Interview to date is with Diana nyad.  Two parts.  The only one I will invest time to rewatch multiple times..  

My criteria for being a 'fully evolved human being' is   -my opinion.  Based on my own life experiences and observations..

A short list/brief idea looks like:

Fully evolved human being IS a humanitarian.
-has no addictions; free from hate while seeking justice;
-filled with love, passion,
-is superior or inferior to no one; understands/appreciates the unique value, gifts, talents, strengths, weaknesses, of each human being is in fact unique for good reason; higher purpose..
-has mastered their ego and moods..

The list is much longer, but..  That Diana nyad..  I regard her as pretty well evolved human being...

I repeat here,  although I am a Christian myself..  Being a Christian is not part of my criteria..  Being a humanitarian IS.   Diana nyad is self described as an atheist.  

It remains my greatest concern; technology out evolving human beings.   -not that robots will take over..  Not that way..

But rather, we invest enormous amounts of time, money, resources, etc. Into evolving technological machines

While such large populations of humans remain stuck.  -in self loathing; hate; deceitful cultural lies; Insecurities; unexplored potential; selfishness; greed; unnecessary addictions..  Another long list..

I'm inspired to bring this all up again having watched the Interview with panache Desai..

I will return when time allows to respond to this Interview

Specifically to his Interpretation that "we are not broken.. We don't need fixing"




I cannot respond to panache in the secular (or, actually I could, but am choosing here not to) -I speak through the lens of a Christian here

Dear panache.. To the extent you spread love.. Speak of love.. Walk in love.. Remind people they are born from; made with; and belong to love..    I thank you.

To the extent you remind people they are magnificent..  Thank you.

It is when you said, "we are not broken.. We don't fixed".  And " being available to every experience, emotion, -not stuffing them..".  /I paraphrase..

It is to those ideas I must respond:

First.. Let me give my interpretation of broken as it applies to human beings (not objects..although great analogy)

Broken = living outside of optimal mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, (etc.) health.  -as It applies to individuals, families,cultures, systems..


Where we have human trafficking:   broken.
Where we have high (any) rate of suicides:  broken.
Where we have exploitation of children: broken; women; broken..   Anyone who is participating in exploiting another:  -broken.

Anyone with an addiction of Any kind (food, sex, money, status, attention, power, drugs):  broken.

Where there is high incarceration rates:  -broken.

Where there is violence, crime, abuse, bullying, blackmail, gangs, poverty, hunger:  broken, broken, broken, broken, broken, broken, broken, broken...

and in desperate need of fixing.

Here is where my experience, observations as a Christian fill me with enormous amounts of hope and joy and faith..

If we use the analogy of an object.. A broken vase, for example

Let's say we have a beautiful vase in perfect condition.  And then it falls and breaks.

Someone repairs it with glue.   It can be said, it is repaired; but it has not, in fact, -cannot- be repaired to the point that it is exactly as it was before it was broken.

but it is my experience and observation that when broken people (as mentioned above.. With addictions, etc)  give their lives over to God..

Not only does God repair, restore..  But people can become even more beautiful; even STRONGER! -than if they were ever whole and never fell or were never broken...

I love when I hear Joyce Meyer say, "there is no pit too deep that God can't reach in and save you.."

I'm living testimony.

It appears to me.. The saying is true: we were made to be broken.

We have to be able to recognize this truth; when we are living broken lives; or contributing to broken systems..  In order to surrender to the love that can and will repair us.. To an even greater level of health and well being.

I cannot close without mentioning where I believe your words are entirely accurate though panache, when you say "you are not broken; you do not need repaired.."

-because I live in a culture which convinces young girls, teens, women, females in general.. That they are nothing unless..

They weigh a certain weight.
Look a certain way.
Own a certain this or that..

When I hear about cosmetic surgeries.. Eating disorders.. Preoccupations, insecurities..self loathing..

These ARE the people that most need exposure to what you say:

You are not broken.. You are living in a broken culture with broken values and responding to lies.   You are a beautiful masterpiece of a human being; as is..

But YOU!  You who constantly comment about physical appearance.. Who see a sensitive and insecure person.. And exploit consciously.  -making them to feel less than and unworthy unless..

Woe be to you...  You are the very broken one.  I pray you let God get a tight hold of you...

In Jesus name,   -amen.


Wait.. not quite done.  I need also to respond panache to what you said about 'not stuffing' and 'being available to every experience'

Specifically.. Anger.

As a person who has been on the receiving/absorbing end of other peoples anger..

The anger of an abusive alcoholic..
The anger of a rapist..
The anger of bullies..
The anger of jealous people..
The anger of people just unhappy and dissatisfied with their lot in life..
The anger of people under self-imposed stress..
The anger of people under unexpected, life imposed stress..

The anger of a large number and long line of people who have not learned how to recognze,handle, manage, process, understand and tame their emotions or anger..

To know from experience and observation the incalculable quantity and intensity and frequency of anger which gets directed toward and absorbed by innocent bystanders..

I would caution here that we don't all just 'be available to every experience and emotion'

Unless you mean that we are available to recognizing; and then evaluating.. And then considering the consequences of, potential impact on..  Etc.  Of releasing our impulsive reactions..

There are thought processes and considerations that should take place before we DECIDE whether or not to honor and release emotions..

There are distinctions to be made between an unhealthy counter productive stuffing of emotion vs. A healthy and conscious decision to wait; tame; reword; revisit..

In regard to emotions:  never hold back.  Or,  always hold back.  Neither one of those should apply across the board in anyone's life..


Recognize.Think. consider. Decide.

Otherwise, how can we separate ourselves from animals?

I believe In the distinction of flesh and spirit.   And people who let every impulse of emotion out with considering the consequence and impact on others are living in the flesh..

People who evaluate, consider..    Live in the spirit.

What is the saying?  "Let your conscience be your guide."

-first you must realize you have one... -write.

This leads to long essays on the definition of and origins of human conscience...

But! I have church and the Superbowl!  Nachos and cold beer!

"Cheers!".  In Jesus name....   Amen.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Livin' like a man.. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

DAY 5; no purse.


(Me!):  " I think this is like, the 5th day I've been without my purse.  -but, like,  -where do you guys keep everything?  Where do you keep your aspirin? Your chocolate? Gum?"

Jason:   -he pulls a wallet out from his back pocket.   "If it don't fit in here.. I don't need it.".       And then he mentioned convenient stores.

Something about this.. Only as needed vs. Always on the in case appeals to me..

He wore a baseball cap; Jason.   -went on to explain how at the end of the day when he gets home,  he flips his baseball cap upside down on a table, places his wallet; keys, phone inside. Everything in one place.  Picks them up in the morning, puts them in his pocket; puts his baseball cap back on..    Heads back out in the cold, cruel world..

"I can do this!"

I'll tell you what sealed the deal.  I went to an evening meeting at the local school; hundreds of parents were there..

I looked around the room..  Everywhere there were big purses. Some women kept them the whole time over their shoulders, some women set them on the floor next to them.. Some women tucked them under the table where they were seated..

But here's the thing.  Not one woman actually  -needed- her purse.

Not in this instance, not for this meeting. It was just a show up and listen kind of deal..   Then go home.

What I realized is that all of these women.. They carried their purses from their homes, kept them in their car, lugged them from their cars into the building, set them on the floor or wherever,

Never once used or needed them..

Then lugged them back to their cars.. Transported them home.. And carried them in their house.

-when we need them, use them; that's one thing..

But how often they get lugged around out of habit alone..

Or an entire purse because you need your license?

I am determined to unbreak this habit; interrupt the pattern..

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Unearth. A poem by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-its not when I think of the place;
Or purchase a ticket to get there..

It's along the way..  Too specific to say

- your strategy to unearth and lay bare

emotions and memories that are no longer there.

A manipulated excavation

Will always come up dry

But tip my hat; I do for you

For giving it a try.

"I wanna be like a man!". (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

First I thought it; then I declared it out loud, "I wanna be like a man!"

-specifically, I wanted to stop lugging my bowling bag of a purse around everywhere I go; and just keep a tri-fold wallet in my back pocket.

The trouble started write there.  -because in yet another act of pop culture rebellion I had re-done my back pockets so that..  Well I had no back pockets on my jeans; just a slice of lace in the shape of a pocket where the pocket used to be..

I'll spare you the details, and stop here only long enough to say.. It started seeming a little pathetic to me.. how the pockets on jeans started becoming status symbols; like, instead of the pocket being directly embroidered with a $ sign and the exact gross amount spent on said pair of jeans.. the design on the pocket screamed it for you

I had to make a change.   -couple that with my disgust at how..

Well,  -let's just say I've learned along the way subtle ways to direct people's attention   -away from this.. And toward that.   -so, if I see pop culture dictating all the attention..    -there.

I redirect it here.   God himself inclined me this way.

Anyway...  I got on another one of my personal rebellion rampages

"Like.. How did we  (we, meaning females)

" like.. How did we..   How and when exactly did we get suckered into carrying 20 to 30 pound purses everywhere we go when all men have ever needed is a wallet?!"

-this consumed me for a while..   The cost of purses; having the write one, the write size,  -the responsibility..  -the weight...  

50 extra pounds every day; All the time...  Everywhere we go...

-men live such care free frickin' lives!  -no make-up; no hair; no handbags... No shaving everywhere...   No painting their nails.. No menstrual cycle... No earrings...  Toe rings...  Bracelets...  No bras..

If I think about it too long I won't talk to one of those male creatures for months so I stopped myself: "Jesus.".       /that's all I say.   Its a short cut just between the two of us..  Or.. Four of us if you include God and the holy spirit..

Or back to two when you realize the three are one..

Well anyway..   Can't beat 'em, join 'em,  eh...

So I thought it to myself first; then I declared it out loud,  " I wanna be like a man!"

and the very next day.. True to my word..   /which is nothing like a man...

I decided I would leave my purse at home.

That's write.   -if men can go 365 with nothing but a wallet in their back pocket..  I see no reason I should lug 50 pounds of crap around everywhere I go.   -another culturally driven.. Capitalism motivated, pop-culture bad habit great big subvertly misogynistic TRAP!   -and I've been victim to it for too long!

and so, convinced Ive never really ever needed a purse in the first place; I left it at home.

I skipped to my car  -swinging both arms and hands freely i must add, and headed for the library before my shift at work.

Yes.. !..  My special order arrived.   -only when the lady at the desk requested my library card..  

Well. No big deal really, write.   I just didn't have a wallet yet.  But! When I do get my very own man-like Tri fold wallet, I thought to myself,  I will be sure and put my library card in it.

I skipped back to my car swinging both my arms and hands freely..  Just for fun, I said to myself in a pretend panic..  'Oh my God.. did you forget your purse in the library?'.  "NO!". with child like giggles I said, " I don't have one!"

I like this life ... Living like a man.

On my way to work, at a stop sign, a passerby smiled at me. But when I returned his smile, my lips hurt a little.  Chapped.  -so I reached for my ChapStick..

'Oh. Its in my purse...    That I don't have.'

Ah, well.. No big deal really. I licked my own lips and kept write on smiling.

When I got to work..  Only natural I should reach over and grab my purse before I got out of the car.. -been doing' it for over 40 years after all..

But there was no purse to grab.  No big thing to lug in with me.

How light on their feet men live!          -bastards.

And so I skipped in for my shift.   -but first!  -I had to use the restroom.

While in the restroom I discovered a great surprise.   As in

"Surprise!". -you need a tampon.

And so I went to get a tampon out of my purse, only.. 

Frickin' men. And their Frickin' wallets...

No big deal though.  I just stuck a half roll of toilet paper in my pants and..

Well,  - this did make it difficult to skip..  

My coworker welcomed me with warmth as usual and then asked about a text she'd sent..

" yes.. Let me grab my ...   Phone.  Which. Is. In. My. Purse. I. Do. not.have."

Men.  Where do they keep their phones? In their wallets?

Smiling at every customer with dry chapped lips which were only barely bleeding really, I waddled on.

After about an hour or so, I had cause to refill the register tape and when I reached inside the box for the refill... 

My heart stopped.    "My purse!?!". ...  Its always write there!  -write there!  Next to the tape..     Where did it go?   Did I leave it at the library?  Oh my God! I left it at the library..

and I was just about to explain to my coworker how I was going to need to leave write now!  And race to the library and check the lost and found..   When I realized..

-Men.  Frickin' men and their frickin' wallets.

Anyway..  Then I needed a piece of chocolate to calm me down and celebrate the fact that I hadn't lost my purse or had it stolen..

But my chocolate was at home in the bottom of my purse that I didn't need.

By this time I had chapped bleeding lips, a roll of toilet paper in my pants, I was not calm, in no mood to celebrate, and my mouth was dry..

So I went to get a piece of gum..

Which is of course write next to my chocolate at the bottom of my purse that i don't need.

'Easy fix!'. I thought to my carefree man self..  I'll just have some water..

And! Since I don't have my purse which i also use to carry water and food..  I'll just go next door and buy s...

Except my money was in my purse too.

Fine.  I'll fast.
get a head start on lent.  No big deal.

When my lunch break came, I thought fasting would be pretty easy because I could just read instead

-where do men carry their books?

Fine again; I don't have to eat or read. - I'll meditate! 

   But the lack of food, water, ChapStick, gum, tampon, phone and reading material gave me a terrible headache

So I went to reach for some aspirin....

Where do men keep their aspirin?

I was trying so hard to be stoic about the whole thing.. Fighting back the tears and smiling through cracked lips, that my nose started to run..

Where do men keep their Kleenex?

And then..  Just when my no-lunch break was over and I got back  to work feeling all triumphant and man like..

A pokey thing I rang up at the register pierced my thumb and it started bleeding.    -why not, huh..   "Jesus."

Where do men keep their Band-Aids?

Not one to give up easily and certainly not one willing to surrender to the unnecessary, cultural practices that enslave women and keep them weighted down under the capitalistic conspiracy commonly referred to as -fashion

I simply and very matter of factly wiped my nose on my sleeve.

No big deal.    

I made it through the whole day.

I do not need a purse.   Or a wallet!   Or a man!

All I really need

All I really need are my car keys..

"Oh my God!   -where did I put my car keys?   -they're usually in my purse...

there; much better... By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Meet my new travel partner (james michener!)

I was chit chatting with some customers who shared with (me!) That they were visiting from Israel..  "I hope to visit there one day," I said.. And it simultaneously hit me how that might never happen so I followed by saying, ".. But if I never do get to visit.. Is there one book .. What one book do you think I should read that would tell me best about Israel..  I know better than to count on travel brochures or magazines..  "

and they  -they being a married couple, perhaps in their late 60's, early 70's,  -they both agreed on "The Source" by James Michener.

I wrote it down. That was before Christmas I think.. But I finally made it to the library..  Got only started reading about this author and his loooooong list of published work..   Only just started in The Source..   When you know what happened, -write.

"He has a memoir!?"

and so I admit to abandoning The Source for..

Well THE source..    Source of the source; -please forgive but who could resist..

And this memoir is...  

Speaking directly to (me!)....     Very hard not marking up the pages; might have to purchase this one..  

and very grateful for the LINK program.. But honestly.. They slapped the sticker write over his face...   How rude.  I will remedy this... 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Worth Repeating. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp


-well, one of my favorite things about being my age:

Now I know the song and dance before the curtain even opens and I decide whether or not I want a ticket to the show.

-spare me the song and dance; I already know


Save me a seat please.. In the front row.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Speaking of interpretations.. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. Yes. That is how, as humans, we identify -love.-

-It is a personal interpretation of an internal experience.

-fascinating; the mechanisms within our human bodies that allow us to interpret the experiences: I am loved; in love; out of love, etc.

But we sure do know it don't we.. When we are in love.. Not loved or love others..

Authentic love vs. False love.   Strong love vs. Fading love..

Loved deeply vs. Not at all...

-I speak for myself only here: my own interpretation of my personal internal experiences:    -this is my TRUTH.

/truth is also an interpretation of an internal experience but I won't venture that road in this post..

For (me!) When it comes to love; my internal experience of it:

For my parents; my grandparents; my siblings; my children; relatives (nieces, nephews, cousins, etc) and a countable number of friends..  -my love is utter; complete; unconditional; fixed; permanent..   Add synonyms at will.

And it is still true for me today that romantic love  -it has a toggle switch

That is.. A friend confided his spouse had been unfaithful, and said, 'but I still love her..'

I am fascinated

I think when I was younger I could better share/understand, but as an adult..  That toggle switch:

Loyal/faithful; on.
Unfaithful/betrayed; off.     -that quick; that easy.

and I'm going to close here by saying...   Good thing God doesn't operate the same way, huh..

In Jesus name, -amen.

Allow (me!).. Sandra, tvgp.. to explain..

Here. Open this: it is a map of the world.

Here. Take this. It is a thumb tack.   /intentionally poke student so student feels a little pain and sees a tiny bit of blood.

Now.. Please locate love and place the thumb tack there so I know when you've found it.   Pin pointe it exactly.  I will wait with great patience.

God is love.

and that is what people mean when they say 'God is in you.'

Or.. 'I am God.'.  -which at first sounds impossible or delusional or arrogant..

But if you first realize they are one in the same; God. & Love. And then realize the only way you experience love is as an interpretation of an internal experience..

Then in fact its true isn't it.  If God is love and love is inside you...

So there you have it.

Now.. Can you call love on the phone and talk to love directly as if were a manifest human entity? No.  Can you make an appointment with love; invite love over for dinner; keep a picture of love in your wallet?

No.  You can keep icons which represent love.. But not love itself because love itself is a spirit; not a tangible thing.

Now.. Because love is a spirit and you cannot talk to it on the phone or make an appointment to see it..

Does that mean love does not exist?

I repeat. God IS love; they are one in the same.   -so for the atheist who says or thinks.. 'There is no God..'.  -because they cannot see or touch this


I ask..  Is what you are saying then.. Is that you do not believe in...  Love?

To the agnostic..    Do you not know one way or the other? Maybe there is... Maybe not. I make no official claim..

About love?

To people of all faiths..  To the people of the world

Do you believe in...   Love?

Believe? Know? Wonder? Hope?

In Jesus name..   ~amen.

Conversation with a legally married man by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Him: "why do you call him husband, -say that you have a husband, when in fact you aren't married?"

(Me!): ".. Because I am married to him in my heart.  -where it actually matters the most."

Him:   "well.. I am not married in my heart to my wife but I am legally married."

(Me!):    "see..  (I glance here at his ring; wedding band).   -the contracts and the jewelry mean nothing actually do they.."


and when I read certain passages in the bible I understand them the same way.. Jesus; he wants our hearts.

-he couldn't care less about sacrifices; church attendance; fasting.. Public prayer, Christian jewelry.. Etc.

None of the external things matter at all.  Does he have your heart?

He certainly has mine.

He cares nothing for riches if it is without.. -heart; love..

I understand this fully because of my exposure to wealth discrepancies..   The husband who can provide the house, the car, the vacations.. But not his heart..   -some women accept this; some kind of trade off..

Ive never had interest in this trade off; one without the other..

I want his heart, the way Jesus wants my heart; the way I give mine

-to whom does your heart belong?  -not your signed contract..  Your heart; -to whom does it belong? 

Monday, January 19, 2015

Wine cork holder decor embellished with moss by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Mixed media.. Complete. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Pleasure to meet you (sue evans!)

...  I've seen her photography in many places, on many walls over the years but had never met her in person..   what a treat..   -blessings!

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Heart Seen.. On a walk with (my daughter!)

The Heart Seen.... by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

... write outside the front door...  

Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Imitation Game a review by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Category: historical fiction.
Rating: perfect.

-and there's just no explaining how I still haven't recovered from the text/bullet point/mere sentences ending of unbroken..

-and yet had no longing for more.. No problem whatsoever with that exact same technique employed for the ending of the imitation game.

? Can't justify my own experience... 

Maybe because there was so much more life story to share for Zamperini while Turing terminated his own physical/earthly life very early..

and maybe because when I saw unbroken it was in a traditional (although recently upgraded) theatre

and when I saw the imitation game it was at the vine, in a cushy love seat with great tasting popcorn and a delicious cold beer...

But on the whole..   I am fulfilled; deeply gratified.  -great movie!

Friday, January 16, 2015

Thoughts on sexy by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

There's only one thing sexier than witnessing a man who truly knows what he's doing

and that

is a man who is still trying to figure it out.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

"Got Spanked" introducing my new friend (obed espinoza!)

K..  So here's the deal.. I was in Livermore..  Or rather I was headed there on 580.. and write about where you can see Dick's sporting goods store and BJ's restaurant from the freeway, ~i  suddenly found myself with a fierce craving:

Casper's was too far in the opposite direction so I took the N. Livermore exit..  Found a parking spot and called my husband

"Where's the best place to get a hot dog around here?"

-and so I walked toward panama red and just around the corner there it was:   "with outside seating!"

If I was a plant.. My plastic tag would clearly explain that I need lots of direct sunlight, an abundance of fresh air, a little chocolate everyday and at least once a month -a great hot dog!

so I was hunting the menu for something big and spicy..

while I waited for my husband to arrive.. and got lost in thought about the proper romantic and biblical etiquette required for my current situation:

like.. would it be okay for me to have already swallowed a great big spicy dawg when he walks in? and then just keep him company while he eats his?   -or do I have to Frickin be polite and wait so we can eat together?  and I hadn't quite figured out what to do when my new friend walks in.. Obed.

Now, there is a great neuroscience type lesson in here about who notices what, when and where.. because my mind was fixated on the menu and etiquette.. and I never even noticed the sign hanging from the ceiling which contained the magical word that grabbed obed's immediate attention and  transformed the entire energy of the room from ordinary to...   "You're going to do WHAT?!"

and that word was this:   CHALLENGE

-something about this word.. which I did not even notice.. called out to Obed

and inspired him to...

"What?!".   -says Michael..   my other new friend I made while I was simultaneously scanning the menu and silently arguing with Jesus about the importance of patience as one of the fruits of the spirit..
-how necessary?

anyway.. Michael starts repeating out loud what Obed has stepped up to the counter and agreed to:

" you're going to take the challenge?  You're going to eat what? ... I'm sticking around to see this!"

and that got me intrigued..   and so I announced I was a blogger, that I'd take some pictures, -write about it..

Michael called his daughter and told her to come down to spanky's with the video camera..

my husband finally walks in..     /I heard God whisper to me..  "you're welcome".  -because all the excitement prevented me from inhaling lunch before he arrived...

anyway..   Obed signs the agreement.. I sign as his witness..  Michaels daughter arrives with the husband is there.. the owner arrived to prepare the 

INSANELY HOT!!! ATOMIC CHILI DOG..    and we're all outside watching the owner, also named Mike if I remember correctly, go over the rules.. " no napkins.. No drinks.. Eat within 15 minutes...". 

-and it gets explained that hundreds have tried and failed...

-and obed gets warned like 3 different times how hot it is but only smiles with great confidence..

He explains he is from mexico.. And has already had exposure to the hottest spices and chilli peppers..

And then he digs in.. 

And we watch..   And we cheer from the sidelines..

And we watch...   as his face starts to flush..  and water starts to leak from his eyes..   

And we are not sure whether to cheer him on...   Cheer him on to what?   vomit?

and he slows down a little..  and moisture is leaking also from his nose..

He is literally turning red before our eyes..

"Did you soak this in liquid hot sauce?" He asks the owner..

and then he taps out..

We all applaud at the effort..  "You gave it a go!" I congratulated him..  and Michael and his daughter promised to email the video before they left..

Obed excused himself to the bathroom for an extended amount of time

I finished my way delicious Cajun spicy dawg..

My husband finished his.. /forgot what he ordered..

And we sat visiting with the owner under the beautiful, warm, California sunshine for a good stretch of time before we all went our separate ways again to take care of our separate responsibilities..

-but that was just plain, unplanned, wonderful, exciting, spontaneous fun..

pleasure to meet all of you!  

 Livermore, California.

Home to delicious hot dogs, unexpected adventure and "outside seating!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

"Congratulations!! OHIO STATE college football CHAMPIONS!"

..and "thank you!" for bringing my mom and her husband such uncontainable happiness!   -bragging writes...   and humorous taunting privileges toward all opponents and anyone/everyone who doubted they could do it...

A toast!..... "To the buckeyes!".   -very exciting game...

/my mom had on her OHIO hoodie, actual buckeyes in her pockets and a bag of them to shake for every great play and every touchdown..

I wore my "42" jacket..

So..  Somehow this makes us feel that we contributed to your win you see..    "42 - 20!". 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Public "Thank You!" To (gary winter!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

... he is my long time artist friend.. and came into ricks picks not too long ago to share about this exciting and historically significant creative opportunity he had in front of him..    he not only showed me some of the nails he'd be working with.. but "gave me one!".  -i know a good luck charm when i see it!  " thank you artist friend!"

He is featured this week in the pleasanton weekly..

"Congratulations!! Gary Winter!".     -that's awesome!

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

In memory of Ray Orrock from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

if my books were still not in boxes I would look up the exact story and get the numbers write..  But without knowing the exact number what I can remember on my own, is that he has a precious, fun story about how his speedometer was just shy of hitting some magical number..   And so he piled his kids in the car and they drove around the block however many times they needed to so they could witness the change together..

Why is it so fun?  -I think it has to do with seeing something momentarily all the same which is otherwise not the same and perpetually changing..

In any case.. I was not logistically in a place to pick up my kids and bring them with me.. Although I certainly would have if I could have..

But I did exit the freeway and take the extra long way home so I'd be in a safe place to pull over and take a picture..

-makes me feel very lucky

That I knew ray orrock

That he too, knew how to make magic out of the mundane.

Blessings to you!   

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Mixed media in progress by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-very blessed to be collaborating with Laura Capilla of Laura Lee Interior Designs

She is an outrageously talented interior designer with an incredible gift for what i describe as "the major stuff" selection of furniture; fabrics; frames; drapes; paint, flooring/carpet/light fixtures,.the layout; overall look and feel, etc.  an exhaustive list actually..

my part of the collaboration is accessories & aesthetics..  table tops, book shelves, mantles, counters, nooks and crannies, so to speak...  my passion, my joy!   and in addition to finding just the write decor piece for just the write space..    i take great pleasure in embellishing decor pieces to enhance an overall look/feel; pull colors/styles from Laura's designs/selections -which i highly respect and admire, and complement her work..

the inspiration for this piece includes: needing a larger size visual anchor for beautiful dining area furniture. -which is one of the first places your eyes land as you walk in..  Pulling colors from 2 pieces of cherished ceramics; family heirlooms which this piece will sit near..  to bring the spirit of love, warmth, life into the room.. to offer a one-of-a-kind decor art which cannot be seen as duplicated in any other home; special... progress...

embellished butterfly by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

my goals:

1. avoid being too feminine.
2. pull colors from background.
3. honor style in background (easiest because it is MY style already).
4. avoid overdoing (biggest challenge! -restraint)
5. leave original edges & some areas exposed; as it was; untouched.

and i did meet my own self-imposed goals, so returning it to Michael with a satisfied feeling and hope that he is pleased.

Public "Thank You!" to (michael james!)

...who brought this wall art in with a request that something creative be done to the butterfly because it just seem too plain...

oh! i love these opportunities!   "yes & thank you..."

Monday, January 05, 2015

"Am I a feminist?". (Me!?) Sandra, tvgp

Answer:   "No.   -because that would imply that I believe women should be, or are already, equal to men

when anyone who has read WILD by Cheryl Strayed can clearly see that we are in fact  ~superior."

"It's A New Year!". for (me!) & (you!)

...make a new friend, listen to a new song, see a new movie, pray a new prayer, serve God in a new way, try a new food, jump into a new activity, create a new healthy habit, read a new book, think a new thought, dream a new dream... Be the best new you!  Xoxo

Saturday, January 03, 2015

Dear Angelina Jolie.. From (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Customer: "you saw unbroken.. What did you think? Had you read the book?"

(Me!):  "hadn't read the book.. Movie was phenomenal and I left severely disappointed"

/which requires some brief explanation doesn't it:

"Congratulations Angelina!" On your directorial debut.. 

First.. On your choice of material; your selection of Louis Zamperini as the remarkable human being to introduce to a global audience through the medium of film      -as the book by Laura Hillenbrand, unbroken, was on the NYT best seller list for 4 years..  We can know that his life story, as captured and retold by Laura, is widely known, appreciated, celebrated, longed for, and worthy of being shared in as many different artistic platforms as exist; perhaps even inspiring new ones..

And prior to seeing the movie I was describing it as a grand slam based on the publicity:  we've got the author of unbroken who herself had/has severe health and life struggles still managing to produce great literary works the likes of seabisquit and unbroken; we've got a genuine hero in Louis Zamperini; and then you Angelina; battling your health issues simultaneous with wife/mother/ career.. And taking on this HUGE EPIC movie as your INITIATION into directing

So we've got the bases loaded so to speak, and the movie itself up to bat:

And everything  -  costumes; make-up; cinematography; cast; musical score; narration; editing..  Every decision you made seem to me "out of the park!".   Grand slam..  Amazing...


Until.. Toward the end.   -when I started to see..

Text?  Sentences and bullet points?!? A paragraph?!? or two to capture the entire aftermath and second half of his epic and inspiring and amazing, complicated and beautiful, most meaningful life?!

I'm still not over it.

Someone told me the book does the same; gives all the time/attention to the 2 years he was a prisoner; to the suffering

And then bullet points the aftermath; PTSD; healing process; journey from internal hell to forgiveness and peace and glory..

And for (me!), and I suspect I speak for many others

It is the aftermath and that journey that can most serve humanity on the whole.  So,  i would like you both to know, you and laura..

That if you did.. If you could..  If you could capture the aftermath and the second half of Louis Zamperini's life with as much master-level talent as you did the 2 years he was a prisoner

I would and could easily spend my last dollars on the book..

And would pay whatever the cost, and sit for more than 3 hours giving my last dollar and undivided attention to that part of his life.

Not everyone will be a prisoner of war.

But everyone does suffer; everyone will be broken in one form or another; have at least the opportunity to heal; at least the opportunity to learn how to forgive and move forward..

Turn a mess into a message; a test into a testimony

When I look around and see so many human beings stuck

I think the most important thing we can teach and share and celebrate is not the spirit unbroken

But the very messy process by which the human spirit heals.

Friday, January 02, 2015

"Happy". Photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Fun & Colorful by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Anne requested something fun and colorful for the end cap; formerly occupied by baggallini, a clock and misc. decor

-it was certainly fun to put these colors together..  

  -woke ricky & picky from their hibernation inside my purse for a new year cameo..

The Heart Seen.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-now, as you can see, my socks here do have man-made intentional heart shapes in the design on the fabric, so of course they would not normally qualify..  But the purple heart here..  Not intentional at all!  -just happened that way when I took them off and tossed them on the floor.   Very high cool factor when it happens this way.

The Heart Seen! By (keeshie!)

-what's funny.. Is that one of the last heart seen contributions from my sister was also from a blood stain; the way it dripped on a white cloth.  This one shines write through her band-aid.  Happened last night after a wine glass fell from an overcrowded cupboard..   Signs of healing; fresh healing.

The Heart Seen.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. this is the view I had while getting my hair washed by Lacey @ fusion 3 salon.. On the ceiling -flowy drapes..  And if you look at the bottom edge, lower left corner... An upside down heart shape.  It is more pronounced when seen directly with the eyes.. And most pronounced from this view only. When I experimented with flipping and cropping.. The shape disappears.  From only one angle and only a specific distance...  

livermore wine country literary harvest 2006 livermore wine country literary harvest 2008 the social cause diet 4th street studio's saturday salon literary harvest mag time frames